In this obituary writing guide, you’ll learn how to achieve the two important things you’re trying to accomplish when you write an obituary.
The first thing is to deliver the news — to officially announce someone’s passing and share their funeral arrangements. The second is to honor their memory by preserving the most meaningful details of their life story. Often, grief at the loss of a loved one makes writing their obituary an emotional experience. “Sometimes it’s hard to get started,” says Legacy.com’s news editor, Linnea Crowther. “You know so much about this person, but you’re not sure what words to use.”
For those who need help getting some words written quickly, Legacy has created ObitWriter, a free, interactive assistant that takes the writing burden off your shoulders. The app asks some basic questions about your loved one, then gives you a complete draft of a well-written tribute. It’s simple to use, can generate a ready-to-read obituary in just minutes, and even allows you to publish directly to Legacy’s many partner newspapers once you’re ready.
If you prefer to write the obituary entirely from scratch, the traditional way, here’s a guide to how it’s done, including tips from some top obituary professionals and links to well-written examples you can look at.
7 Steps for How to Write an Obituary
Make sure to include the following:
1. Announce their death. Use full names (nick name and maiden names), city they resided in and age.
2. Share their life story. Make sure to capture what moments defined them
3. List family members. Living and close predeceased relatives
4. Include funeral or memorial service information. Help people find the funeral services and events with the right dates and times.
5. Add charity information. So people know where to donate if you don't want other memorial gifts like flowers
6. Select a photo. Choose your favorite pictures from when they were kids, to school and other important milestones like life achievements or marriage.
7. Share the obituary online and in your local newspaper. Share the obituary online, through text and in your local paper so everyone that cared knows and can celebrate their life.
What Makes a Great Obituary?
“It’s counterintuitive,” New York Times obituary writer Margalit Fox says in the 2017 documentary film Obit, “but obits have next to nothing to do with death, and in fact absolutely everything to do with a life.”
Think of an obituary as a tribute to your loved one. It need not be dry or formal. “Some of the most beautiful obituaries,” Crowther says, “are ones that don’t follow a standard formula.”
Pioneering American obituary journalist Alden Whitman once explained that a good obituary “has all the characteristics of a well-focused snapshot, the fuller the length the better. It does not disclose everything yet it conveys a vivid and accurate impression. If the snapshot is clear, the viewer gets a quick fix on the subject.”
There are six basic parts to a good obituary: the announcement of your loved one’s death; a summary of their life story; a list of their closest family members; information about any funeral and/or memorial services; a mention of any charities they supported; and a photo.
Here’s how to handle each:
Announce the death.
This is, at its most basic, a simple summary of some key facts about their life. Include your loved one’s full name (first, middle, and last names, maiden name, nickname, and suffixes like Jr. or Sr.), where they lived, age, date and place of death, and how they died.
“You can present this information in a straightforward, factual way, or more uniquely,” Crowther notes. “And there are many ways to say that someone has died. ‘Departed,’ ‘passed away,’ ‘went to be with her Lord,’ and ‘entered eternal rest’ are some of the most common. Choose whichever expression you prefer.”
This is the portion of the obituary where you have the greatest room to be creative, and where you’ll have an opportunity to spotlight the best of your loved one. This is where an obituary can be elevated from something ordinary to something people will never forget.
First, you will want to cover the basics: Date and place of birth, and marriage; their hometown; schools they attended and degrees they earned; their occupation and/or military service; membership in organizations or places of worship; and other such details.
Here, you can also describe their hobbies or special interests, the things they loved to do, special accomplishments, general highlights of their life, noteworthy experiences they had, and more. The best obituaries will paint a good picture of who your loved one was.
In his book “The Last Word,” longtime New York Times editor Marvin Siegel describes the obituaries he found most memorable as a reader: “I responded largely to storytelling that was lively, that stimulated or moved me or made me smile. I particularly enjoyed reading about the remarkable life of someone I had never encountered before and feeling that with his or her passing, the world had become a duller place. I also rooted for people who sustained hardships and came out all right in the end.”
To make the obituary stand out, consider starting with a memorable story about the deceased that helps illustrate the kind of person they were. Maybe you have a story about them helping someone during a time of need, or a humorous anecdote that showcases their sense of humor. Whatever you choose, remember that the goal is to bring back fond memories and to showcase what made them special.
Next, discuss where they grew up and how it shaped their life. Follow that with a little about what got them excited. Perhaps they had a hobby they were passionate about, an accomplishment that made them proud, or they were a big fan of a sports team or music act. “What did they talk about the most? Faith, music, work, charity, family life? Share whatever it is that they’d be eager to tell someone about,” Crowther says.
Finally, be sure to mention the people they loved the most – spouse, children, or even a beloved pet – and why they were important to the deceased. Finish up with some words about what you’ll remember most about them.
However, note that there is no pressure to be thorough or entertaining. “It’s okay for the obit to be short and to the point with just a few lines about the remarkable impressions the departed one has left on the world,” notes Nicole Spector of NBC News.
3. List family members.
A list of close family members is a common aspect of most obituaries. This will usually include the deceased’s spouse or partner, their parents, children, siblings, and grandchildren. They can be listed by name or grouped together, such as “five grandchildren.” Though these lists are typically focused on immediate family, you are free to include anyone who was important to the deceased.
“Consider the people most important to your loved one — nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, cousins, a fiancé, closest friends,” Crowther says. “Even if they were not blood relatives, you may wish to include these loved ones in the obituary. Nowadays, obituaries commonly include devoted caregivers, life-long friends, and even pets.”
4. Include funeral or memorial service information.
This section should be straightforward and informative, allowing readers to easily understand what they need to know. This will include the location of the visitation, funeral, burial, and/or memorial service, and any relevant dates and times. Be sure to include the name of the funeral home, and if the services are private, indicate this.
If you plan to have a personalized memorial service, in this section, you may consider asking loved ones to provide photos and mementos for display. Anne Murphy, a lifecycle celebrant in Saint Paul, Minnesota, told the AARP that you should “make it a reflection of the person you are honoring … You should have a really good idea of how they lived and how they impacted our lives by the end of the service.”
5. Add charity information.
Obituaries often request donations to a specific charity, though this section is optional. If your loved one had charities or organizations that were important to them, this is the place to list them. Some mourners may wish to make a donation in the name of the deceased. Or, in some cases, a family may wish to support an organization.
For example, a charity related to the illness or disease that took your loved one’s life. It is also not uncommon to have a private fundraiser to help defray the cost of the funeral.
Whether it’s for charity, a memorial fund at their alma mater, or a fund to help cover funeral expenses, be sure to include the name, address, and/or website of the organization in question so people can easily make donations.
If the family prefers charitable donations or monetary contributions rather than flowers, include a phrase such as “In lieu of flowers,” followed by “please consider a donation to the American Heart Association,” “contributions suggested to the family,” or “the family is requesting financial assistance for the services.”
6. Select a photo.
Not all obituaries contain a photo, though including one can help evoke fond memories of the deceased. When choosing a photo for an obituary, use a portrait or close-up that clearly shows their face.
Whether it’s a recent photo or one from their youth is entirely at your discretion. Belinda McLeod of the end-of-life planning group Cake says, “Most people choose not to use a picture taken during the person’s final illness but may select the most recent photo of the person looking happy and healthy. Other families may choose photos of the deceased from his or her earlier years. They may pick an attractive photo taken during the prime of his or her life, even if the image was 40 or 50 years old.”
If the obituary will be published in a local newspaper – and there are some good reasons to publish an obituary in the local newspaper – be sure to check on their requirements as far as size and format, and how to submit the photos, because requirements may vary from paper to paper.
Crowther notes that if you are working with a funeral home, “they’ll be able to assist, if you wish, with formatting the photo and obituary and submitting to newspapers.”
Also, if you’re having a hard time selecting just one photo, keep in mind that you likely will be able to add more photos and even video on the online version of the obituary.
Conclusion - Place an Obituary Online and Share
Writing an obituary that honors your loved one and all that made them special can seem daunting, but with the approach outlined above, you can ensure they receive the recognition they deserve.
And remember, if you’d like to streamline the process, or if you’re ready to go ahead and publish your obituary, simply use Legacy’s ObitWriter tool. In just a few minutes, you can produce an obit that would make your loved one proud and have the ability to place it in any newspaper in our network.
If you still need some time feel free to read through our helpful articles covering our favorite obituary examples.
Obituary of the Month
Here at Legacy, we encounter some of the world’s most touching, colorful, and memorable obituaries.
This past month, we were moved to read the obituary of Ann Lee Davis of Shawnee, Oklahoma, whose family wrote a beautiful account of her long and fulfilling life as a mother, grandmother, businesswoman, and community volunteer. Ann’s obituary, full of young romance, dedicated patriotism, and colorful personal slogans, also included this amazing, honest revelation:
Perhaps her proudest achievement happened in 1986. The pending birth of her first grandchild spurred her to take action about something she’d kept hidden for a long time. Very few people knew that Ann was illiterate. She wanted to be able to read to her grandchildren, so she took classes through a literacy program. Her success and determination caused her to go public with her story, when asked. At that time, 25 percent of adults in Pottawatomie County were illiterate. The program hoped Ann’s story would encourage more adults to learn to read. The publicity surprised many people who had known her a long time. How could someone be successful in business and act in community theatre without the ability to read? Ann would smile and say, “I had a memory like an elephant.”
You can read Mrs. Davis’s full obituary on Legacy.com. If you are looking for even more inspiration, use our favorite obituary template to get started.
