I live in a little neighborhood, a lot of kids and grandmas. The community is pretty nice besides one person. A new women moved in by the hill in the fall. She is right next to the park where people hang out.

The problem is she is mental about her property. She has a very big area and there is no line from the park to where her property is. If your ball goes over she will come out a tell you to get off her property.

The kids school bus stop is right there and like 40 kids get on in the morning. They all don’t fit on the sidewalk and will stand in the grass. She put a sprinklers and soaked all the kids before school. They were not messing things up.

In the winter she yelled at a group of kids having a snowball fight and they went over the line. It has happened so many time and it has happened when people were still technically in the park.

I wish she would just put up a fence since it would actually show where it begins. So basically no one in the neighborhood is fond of her. The kids don’t like her, the parents don’t, and even the old lady’s find her to be destroying the peace.

We are suppose it have a block party in about two weeks and I organize it. This year I got a petition to not include her. I also moved it so it would be on the other side of the park so no one would be anywhere near her property.

I sent out invites to all the homes besides hers. She came up to me and asked why she didn’t get an invite. I told her because the neighborhood find her to be a jerk.

She called me a jerk and I am morally conflicted

This comes out of the neighbors pockets, no how or city funding

I have been taking my 9yo stepdaughter to dance classes for four years. I drive her every week. My husband (her dad) and I pay for every single fee associated with her dance school.

This year, her end-of-year recital lands on her mother’s custodial time. Her mom has committed to taking her to the show.

I volunteered to be the backstage parent (managing the class backstage when they’re not performing, helping with hair and makeup, etc). I did this for the last two recitals and my stepdaughter loves having me there to hang out and support her.

The dance school reached out yesterday to tell me that my stepdaughter‘s mother asked them to remove me as backstage parent and put her in. They agreed to do it without discussing it with me first because she basically told them it was her custodial right. (To be clear, nothing in their court order says anything that would prevent me from being able to be around her even though she’s not in dad’s custody.)

Mom and I have a history of high conflict. I believe she is trying to remove me because she doesn’t want me spending any extra quality time with her daughter. She simply hates me and my husband. (If you are wondering, I have nothing to do with why she and my husband never worked out).

I could bow out and accept this because I’m not the biological parent, but it breaks my heart because I love being there and dance is “my thing” with my stepdaughter.

WIBTA if I reminded the school who their paying customer is and ask them to go back on the decision and advocate for me? I want to fight back and give them all the context so they can understand why I have the right to be there. But I also don’t want more conflict with mom, who would be upset if the school has my back. (If you are wondering, I don’t think she would go to the lengths of not taking her to the recital over this, because she has to know that would be devastating to her daughter who’s worked hard to prepare for her performance.)

I’m not sure what the best way for all of this to play out would be.

Thank you so much for your judgments! I’m all ears!

Update:

I called the dance school, but not to have them change their decision. I gave them all the context. (I should’ve clarified in my OP that she lied to them and implied I wasn’t legally allowed to be there on her time which is not true). The owner of the school says he feels completely manipulated by her mom. He apologized. He offered to make it right and said he and his wife (co-owner) were comfortable with reaching out to mom and telling her that I am the backstage mom. They also said it would never happen again.

I told them that I really appreciated that they are owning up to how it went down. But I told them that I would rather take the high road and leave it at that. I told them not to reach out to mom. Let her have it. I also apologized to them for having to deal with drama that should’ve been handled by our family privately.

The only thing that matters to me is that my stepdaughter has a wonderful experience. I could’ve “won” this, but if that would’ve created even an inkling of stress for my SD on her big day, it wouldn’t be worth it.

My plan is to tell my SD “hey I know I said I’d be backstage this year but great news, your mom wants to do it! You guys will have so much fun together. I’m glad she will be there for you.” Then I’ll be in the audience with a bouquet of flowers and a huge smile on my face.

Thanks to everyone here, even the assholes lol