Q&As

Ive 38F been married to my husband Rob 52M for 4 years now.  My husband's late wife died 1 year before we met and we dated for 2 years before marriage. He has 2 kids 28-Madison and 26-Brett. Note I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad's wife. I didnt play a part in raising them so Im ok with that. Its always been a tense between us, Ive tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on so I try not to force anything. 

Madison recently got engaged and we are excited about it. Everyone was over recently and she asked about a wedding budget from us and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k. She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this so she was upset and kept asking for more. Rob however is still working hard on building his savings back up. Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working. Eventually he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him.

Rob went to run an errand and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if Im going to give any in addition to what her dad is giving. I told her were a marital unit and thats what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute. She then said "I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give". I knew she didnt like me but this is the most flat out rude thing she ever said. I kinda lost it and said "excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?" 

Truth of the matter is I make more than her father by a large margin, I have no debt, and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we've been married. The 10k were giving her, is available because Ive been able to subsidize her father's living expenses the last few years. I made it clear that not only am I not a golddigger, Im literally wealthier than my "older husband". She called me stuck up after this and stormed out. Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget. I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldnt have shared his financial details with his kids.

My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years (we are 30-32). Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian.

Some relevant information:

• Andres and I originally come from the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics.

• We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long straight black hair, etc. If you didn't know better, you might assume we are siblings.

• I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra. He proposed two years ago.

• I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding.

• My property is like a finca and has 10 rooms. Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost, with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip their beds when they leave.

The issue:

Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive. She wouldn't answer my texts, and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres. They sat us down (my husband included) and said she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres' biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind.

I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was being absolutely stupid.

Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres. I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy.

The evening ended poorly. I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father. We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father.

Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being. She kept saying her worries were justified and made a comment about "women from your country being more likely to do that."

In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. She started crying, but I made her leave.

Her mom and she have been texting me, saying they can't find a new venue. I still said no.

Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.

Am I the asshole? Should I have let her use the venue at the usual price, or was what I did okay?

Edit: Andres was not chill about this. He seemed exasperated. He was quite upset and basically just agreed to this, so she would drop it. I didn't include it because I did not see the relevance for the conflict between me and her

Update: they are no longer together. Sandra just wrote me an email apologizing and, for some reason paypaled me 25,67€. Anyway. Thank you for weighing in

I(32F) am a single mother of two kids (6M and 5m F). I am a single mother by choice (my kids are donor conceived).

I am lucky enough to have a good job (French teacher in a private school), and a paid off house (parents’ life insurance and inheritance).

Before I had either of my kids, I made sure to have a year’s living expenses saved, then I would take a sabbatical to recover from birth, as well as bond with my kids. While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for some extra income.

My friend (34F), just had a baby 2 months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off during COVID.

It was great to be pregnant at the same time, as well as having a friend with a newborn. But it has turned sour.

She has been saying how jealous she is of me being able to take off a whole year from work, how she would have loved to not worry about losing their home, how she doesn’t even have a couple hundred dollars in her savings account, let alone a whole year’s worth of living expenses….

I usually ignore it, or brush it off, because I kind of can understand the stress she is under.

Well, starting about 10 days ago, she started hinting at not being able to afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off. Then she started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying -truthfully- that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid left me no free time actually.

Then last night she came out with it, and asked if I could “do her a favor” and watch her kid while she’s at work. I was firm, but polite, when I said that I couldn’t, that I am not capable of watching two kids under 6 months.

She started almost begging me, saying she can’t afford daycare, and if she is not back at work, she will lose her job, and they will end up homeless. I again brought up her husband, and she said that he was not good with kids, and isn’t capable of taking care of her kid.

I kept saying no, she kept pushing, until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man.

Now she blocked me, I am feeling very guilty about what I said, and feeling like an AH.

I(43M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 15 years now. We have 3 kids (9F, 6F and 2M).

My wife and I are kinky, we are mainly into bondage and some mild impact play (relevant).

Since we had kids, we had to cut back on our “play time”. Maintaining a vanilla sex life is already challenging with 3 kids, let alone carving the kid of alone time needed to safely engage in BDSM.

About a month ago, we asked my sister (48F) to take the kids for a weekend so we can have some alone time. She agreed to take pick them up from our house Friday evening, and drop them off Sunday night.

Saturday evening, while we were engaging in some bondage and impact play, my sister starts blowing my phone. By the time I was able to answer (I had to take care of my wife’s safety first), my sister is knocking our door down.

We were frantic, and didn’t do a good enough job at hiding the rope marks on my wife’s wrists. My sister says that her daughter is in the hospital (just a simple sprain while playing soccer)and she needs to go. And, we didn’t notice, but she clocked my wife’s “bruises”.

The next day, she arranges some alone time with my wife, and tells her if I’m abusing her, then she will support her to report me and leave me. My wife was embarrassed, but she explained the whole thing to my sister. Then she told me what happened.

I talked with my sister, and also explained the situation, even if it was very mortifying. She seemed to accept our explanation.

Fast forward two weeks, and we get the cops and a CPS agent at our front door. Apparently there was an anonymous complaint that I was physically abusing my wife and kids.

I was treated like a criminal, the kids were questioned separately, as was my wife. I didn’t even think about my sister, but my wife did. She took everyone to our bedroom, showed them our toys, and even offered to show them some homemade movies if it was going to convince them. Thankfully they believed her and then left.

My wife again called my sister, who admitted to calling the cops multiple times, but when they did nothing, she called CPS and hoped that they will investigate.

My wife again showed her our toys, went into explicit details I never wanted anyone to know about our intimate life, and finally my sister was convinced. She said that she was sorry, but she was only doing what she thought what was right.

But I was deeply hurt that she thought that I was capable of doing what she accused me of, that she could have cost me my kids, my freedom and my job. So I told her that I am not ready to forgive her.

She says that I am the AH, that it was a logical conclusion, and that I should be happy that she is willing to go this far to protect my wife and kids. So AITA?

My son and DIL have been married for around 7 years at this point. They have two kids. All of my children are out of the home and living their lives. My husband and I are still working and will probably retire in 10-15 years. Around 70.

My DIL and I got along much better before the kids came into the picture. They live 30 minutes away and she is always trying to drop them off. I thought my son was in on this but no. I sat them down and he had no idea this was happening. I showed the many texts asking for me to babysit and he was under the impression that I have only babysat twice this month not 16 times. Apparently she has been dropping them off with me to hangout with people and my son wa sunder the impression she was taking them with her

I started to communicate in a group chat with them so everyone was on the same page. I only respond to her in the group chat and if she starts to spam me with texts about it I throw a screenshot in the group chat and have my son deal with it.

We have talked and it comes down with her wanting her kids to have the same relationship she had with her grandparents. In short I explained that I am still working and I will not have that relationship. That I can’t have the kids every other day just like she had growing up. We agreed to every two week to have a grandma day.

All good for about a year, my son is now traveling for work and she is at it again. The time difference makes it hard to have him shut it down when I happens

I was home for about an hour when she showed up at my home. She wanted me to babysit when she went shopping. I had enough at this point

I told her for fucks sake I have my own life, that I will not be the cookie cutter grandma she wants and if she tries to leave the kids with me from now on without my agreement that I will call the police for abandonment.

She called me a jerk and stormed off. My son called trying to smooth it over and saying I may have gone to far.

Edit: for everyone going on about how he couldn't know, doesn't he talk to his kids

The kids were 4 months and 1 3/4 years old when she kept dropping them off. They weren't really talking, the oldest sure could move but not a big talker

It really hit off when she was pregnant and got even worse when the second one was born

Posting anon on throwaway to save my identity. I'm seriously losing my fucking mind guys and I'm so sorry if I'm all over the place. I'm panicking and I don't know what to do. 19F.

I JUST gave birth 2 weeks ago to my daughter. My babies dad and his family (mom especially) have been super controlling of my interactions with my baby since I gave birth. If I try putting her in a cute outfit, they pitch a giant fit about it and dress her in something else. If I go to change her diaper, my babies dad pushes me out of the way and says he's doing it. I went to brush her hair with her soft brush after her first bath yesterday (that HE insisted on doing and wouldn't let me) and he flipped out. Said "This is my daughter. I'm doing it". They won't even let me breastfeed because they said I would be making it so she doesn't bond with her dad. I was living with his family (per their culture, it's normal). But yesterday morning they had taken my daughter downstairs and when I walked in to the living room 10 minutes later, he and his mom were changing my daughters diaper and he goes "look at you, you so sexy". She literally had her fucking diaper off. I snuck out of the room and called the cops. I'm terrified of these people and feeling very vulnerable. Idk. So I snuck out and called the cops. Gave the run down, gave the address and told them I had to get off the phone and go back in the room. So I go in and now his mom is saying "sexy girl" talking to my daughter. She did have her diaper back on at this point.

Anyways, the cops show up and I take my daughter and go sit by the cops car. I give the statements. They ask if there's anywhere I can go, so I had my mom come grab us. The entire time that the cops were there, my ex and his mom are screaming at me that my baby is a native baby, I will get what's coming to me, they will win in court and I will never see my kid again because I'm "unstable", tried telling the cops I need to be admitted to the hospital for mental health and I wasn't safe around the baby. When the cop asked him why he was calling my daughter sexy when he was changing her diaper, he blamed it on their culture and said that "you people" (white folk) are the ones who make it weird and that we were the gross ones for thinking he meant it sexual. I'm now at my mom's. He doesn't know where she lives so that's one plus. The cops basically told me they would investigate it but it likely won't go very far, so I will have to make a case in court. Am I losing my mind? Is this really a culture thing?? Am I the asshole for calling the cops over this??

(He's Puerto Rican and Native American)

We had a bachelorette at Vegas last weekend and hit up a steakhouse and drinks at the club. The shows we visited were all on our own cards and so was the steakhouse but my friend put her card down for buying drinks and appetizers at the club. I don’t drink, I haven’t drank since college (I’m 32 now) and all my friends know this.

I had a custom mocktail which cost $20-25 and a sparkling water. We agreed beforehand to split the bill but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks. The other girls did order 2 champagne bottles along with cocktails.

Then we got back home and I got a Venmo request for $470 which I was shocked by. I called my friend to ask what the breakdown was and they said it was split. I said it was quite a bit as I remembered we ordered 4 appetizers that were $30-40 each so my share of that shouldn’t be that high. She got annoyed and told me we agreed to split the bill and I said I did but only for the appetizer. She said she didn’t take photos of the bill and now has no idea what anyone ordered so I should agree to pay my share. I said I didn’t drink so the only thing that’s my share is the mocktail. She said everyone was pretty wasted so it was hard to determine who drank what and since I didn’t keep track I should just pay for it. By my calculations I owe about $60-70 but since I didn’t keep the receipts she is insisting I pay the whole $470.

I’m very unhappy with the situation and told another friend about this. She acknowledged I owe way less than what I’m being told to pay but said out of the girls I clearly had the best job and 2 of the friends were living with their parents and working nearing min wage I should just pay and call it even. I’m feeling like I got fleeced because my flights and hotels weren’t even as expensive as this one night out.

Edit: thanks for your advice. I got the bill and I owe $81 including tip. The bill is $470 split 5 ways but the 2 bottles are over $500 each which is insane. We didn’t agree to split the bride’s share but I texted the bride to let her know I’ve covered my share of her portion. I sent $240 to the girl and sent her the receipt that I got to prove that I paid my portion and 1/4 of the bride’s. She hasn’t responded so I hope that is that.

I will start with the list:

1. She WILL be getting rid of her dog.

2. Her and her BF are not to reprimand my children at all and they will be expected to come tell me or my husband if my children are doing something wrong.

3. There will be a list of people whom are not allowed at the house. (Their family and their friends)

4. Me, my husband and my children WILL be treated with respect at all times and I will not be treated like a child.

5. My husband and I will absolutely be put on the deed as the main deed holder before we move in.

6. If any of these demands are not held to the highest standard, I will be withdrawing.

Story: my MIL is getting up there in age. Not old (66) but her health isn't the best. She has recently asked us to move in with her because she can no longer work, has zero retirement fund and can't get around like she used to. She needs help and we are the only ones who can help her. She has until the end of the month to pay off $12k in back taxes before her home goes to foreclosure. My MIL by herself is a kick ass woman. I love her to bits. But she's a people pleaser to the extreme and it has absolutely made her fall in to situations that I will never be okay with putting myself in. Her boyfriend is 66yo "Mason". A felon, due to his continuous drunk driving charges. He just got out of prison last year after 6 years on the inside and he is already right back in to drinking all day, every day. He got drunk one night back 8 months ago and decided to go and adopt a 5yo Rottweiler Mastiff mix and then failed to make any attempt to train the animal. It is now food aggressive, kennel aggressive, toy aggressive and resource guards everything. He is aggressive protective over my MIL. So, the dog would have to go. Under no circumstances will I make an exception on this. My children are small (one crawling) and that animal will not get the opportunity to maul my children. Dog stays, we do not move in, period.

Mason also has an old school style of parenting and on more than one occasion has tried to father my children in angry, outdated parenting style ways. Hence why I said neither he nor my MIL will reprimand/discipline any of my children in any way, shape or form. I stated my name will be put on the deed prior to moving in because it will be me and my husband forking over the money to save their home and frankly, I don't trust Mason to not try and kick us out after we do so. So if we are not put as main deed holder, we will not be moving in and she can lose her home. As for the limit on who is allowed at the house: Mason has a family member who is a convicted pedophile (the girl was 4 years old - he went to prison for 13 years) that he hangs out with often. He seems to think that since the man is in a wheelchair, he is now "harmless". Absolutely not. He is not welcome at the home. As for them treating us with respect under all circumstances and not treating me like a child: there has been several times where Mason and my MIL have tried making decisions for me and my husband or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it. I will give more detailed info if you guys need it but this is the break down anyhow.

I presented them the list of demands yesterday and said either my demands are followed or this arrangement will not happen. Mason and MIL are both saying that the list makes them feel as though they are children/guests of their own home and feel like I've now decided I'm going to control their lives and have asked to make changes. As in, they want to keep the dog and have stated that we will just find a way to keep the dog separate from us (nope). Mason also wants his family member to be allowed here but has stated he will keep them in their portion of the house and away from my kids (nope). They also feel they should be able to reprimand and discipline my children if they are doing something wrong if it is "within reason" (nope. I told them they can speak to the parent and that's final. I said I'm not budging. My SIL seems to think I'm being ridiculous. AITA?

My sister and her family lost their family home in a house fire three weeks ago. It happened in the middle of the night and initially stayed with our parents on night one. But our parents have a 1 bedroom house and space was not optimal for that. So they asked if they could stay with my wife and I and our kids. We said no. We said no for mostly one reason but kinda two.

For about 2.5/3 years now my sister has been so tough on my wife when it comes to what way she/we feed our kids. She focuses on my wife far more than me. But it does come back on me too. We don't keep sugar or junk food from our kids. We don't deprive them of that. We simply keep things balanced. We make veggie pancakes, we make healthier pizzas, we allow snacks like chocolate, ice cream or cake, we offer our kids sauces and not all of them are homemade but some are. My sister is so judgmental about it. She didn't let any of her kids have any kind of junk snack until they reached school and they can only eat something like chocolate at birthday parties and they limit the number of those they can attend in close proximity so they don't get two days of junk food in a week or more than three days of junk food a month. My sister or her husband will also stay at parties, even ones the 10 year old is invited to, to make sure they go for the salad over the pizza if they have the chips and candies.

My sister acts like our kids eating a chocolate treat or a few chips is the end of the world. She was especially horrified to find out we gave our kids fries with tacos one night and that another night we gave chicken bites with potato cakes and not plain chicken once the potato cakes were involved. Veggies were included both times but the idea of two less "clean" foods horrifies her. My SIL (wife's sister) is a pediatric dietician and she loves how we feed our kids. She told my sister that once. And my sister was horrified by my SILs profession.

This has all become such a problem that it has become my sister disrespecting my wife. So we see her far less. I don't like that. We used to be close. But I won't allow her to shit all over my wife over a difference in how we see things. Oh, and she also doesn't like that our kids get bread with soup.

So when my sister asked if they could stay with us I said no. She told me they really wanted to stay with family instead of at some hotel or strange rental and I told her they would all be happier there when she would be so bothered by the food my wife and I feed our kids. But I also wasn't going to let her stay and disrespect my wife in our home.

My sister has been furious with me since then. She told me I took things way too far. I told her she's been going way too far for almost 3 years now.

AITA?

I have had a call from my wife in distress this morning. Neighbour has moved yellow demolition equipment on to our property and ripped out our hedge and demolished our garden shed and was progressing to the garage and house.

I am at the other end of the country for work and am sitting in motorway services taking a leak after driving for 4 hours already before continuing home to confront him.

She called police who said it's a civil issue.

We moved to our detached house 2 years ago. Mortgaged with a major bank.

When we purchased the house, there was planning permission from a neighbour to demolish our house and build an annex to his house.

Our solicitor (now deceased and firm closed) confirmed at the time that it was only an application and the neighbour wanted to buy our house but didn't go through with it. Have called other solicitors but they have yet to call back.

The deeds are definitely in our name.

Neighbour apparently says because he has planning permission, he has the right to do this.

I have called him. There are some language issues but he is insistent that the planning permission gives him permission to do this and doesn't get the concept that planning permission does not convey ownership.

What to do please? Our house is in England.

I’ve seen the term “prodigal son” used in other ways before, but it’s pretty much always “the prodigal son returns”. I’ve tried to Google it before and that has only confused me more honestly.

Edit: Thanks to everyone explaining the phrase. Gotta say I had absolutely no idea I’d be sparking a whole religious debate with the question lol

My great grandma made a baby blanket for me when my mom was pregnant. She did that for all her kids, grandkids and then great-grandkids. I was the youngest until now. Great grandma would make it clear to the parents involved that the baby she made the blankets for should be considered the owners and it shouldn't be something they kept from us. So this is what always happened. I always had mine. My parents did try to take it from me a few times but great grandma stepped in each and every time. I loved mine because she had started experimenting with her knitting and my blanket is more unique than the rest and feels just a little more personal. I treasure it despite being a 17 year old guy. I treasure it more because great grandma died when I was 10 and I miss her like crazy.

So my parents couldn't have more kids for years. They tried for years and even did IVF when I was 7 but didn't have another kid from it. Their focus being so set on that, I always felt like I wasn't good enough. This is something extended family brought to their attention a few times. It was comments like "I just want a baby so bad, I can't imagine my life without a child" from my mom and comments from my dad like "we feel so incomplete without a baby" that would get family members to take notice. Those were some of the kinds of comments that left me feeling as I do. It was never "another baby" it was always "a baby" like I was invisible. They talked about having a baby being their biggest dream. It stung so much to have their life focus around that and they'd get so depressed about not having a baby. Great grandma, before she died, told them to be thankful for "the blessing" (aka me) and how they already had a baby and they were letting me grow up without them. It didn't change anything. And I did basically grow up without my parents. They have no idea who my friends are or what's going on in my life.

This was a surprise pregnancy and my parents are so excited. They did all the early tests to find out they're having a girl and they started shopping and all kinds of stuff for her. But then my mom got sad because great grandma isn't around to knit her a blanket too. So they told me they wanted mine. They didn't ask. They told me. And when I said no they grew angry. They said she deserves to have a blanket from great grandma and their baby needs one. I asked what I was and they said "an almost grown man". I left the blanket with my best friend because I was afraid my parents would search the house to find it. They were so pissed and they started doing the guilt trips saying my baby sister deserves better and how can I look at myself in the mirror knowing I don't want to share this with her. They told me it's like I don't even want her to exist or I hate her for something and she's not even born yet.

AITA?

I, a single, twenty year old female gave birth to a baby girl about two months ago, and at the same time adopted a second baby girl who was born about three days before. The daughter that I had in my uterus, I will call Rose. The daughter that I didn't carry I will call lily.

I got pregnant with rose about the same time that my best friend who I'll call Anna got pregnant with Lily. While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, anna was not. Anna felt that she wasn't in a good place emotionally, financially, or any other way to have a child. She told me she was considering getting an abortion, but that she wished her child could have a good life somewhere else, instead of "just being thrown away" but anytime she pictured putting her child up for adoption she remembers all of the story's of abusive adoptive parents. She said that she felt helpless because there didn't seem to be any good answers, that's when we came up with a hesitant plan.

We decided that if after Lily's birth, anna still didn't feel like she could raise her i would adopt Lily and raise the girls as twins. Anna didn't want Lily to know she was adopted, but I hated the idea of lying to a daughter of mine. We decided that once lily was old enough to understand I would explain that she was adopted. if at that point anna felt ready we would tell Lily that Anna was her bio mom, and if not then we would say that her mother wasn't ready for her to know who she was. This way lily could live her life, Anna didn't need to be worried about Lily because she could check on her at any time, and Anna would be able to continue working on getting her life in order.

I chose not to have any of my family in the room during the birth because I wasn't comfortable with them seeing me like that, and Anna was fighting with her family at the time. So anna and i were the only ones in the room for each other during the births. After lily was born Anna still wanted me to adopt Lily, and also said that she did want to be in her life more than she originally thought. we decided that she would be the god mother of both girls and I would be their mother. when it was time for us to go home, I organized a get together for my family to meet both of my daughters and we went forward with the adoption.

As soon as my grandmother met my babies she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were. She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant, I told her that, no I dont because they are both my daughters. she got mad about that and asked me which one was "my real daughter" and my parents backed her up saying that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted. I got mad and asked them why it mattered, both babies are my children, I'm breast feeding both of them, I named both of them, and I was there through the entire pregnancy for both of them, even if I only carried one of them myself.

This lead to a fight with my family insisting that I tell them which daughter is which, and me insisting that my grandmother apologized for implying that one of them wasn't my real daughter. My parents told me that I am being dramatic, pointlessly stubborn, ridiculous, and that they just wanted to know when dealing with the girls which one was their granddaughter. I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them.

After they left I sent out a text saying that I will tell them which one is adopted when I explain to her that she is adopted, but adopted or not they are both my children. I also reiterated that until I get an apology, and they agree to view my daughters equally they will not see the girls and I will not be talking to them. I received a massive amount of text ranging from them demanding that I let them see the kids and telling me how I was cruel and selfish to deprived my daughters of their love, to pleading with me to just tell them which girl is which and let them see my daughters.

After a few weeks of this i said enough. The stress of trying to take care of two babies, adopt Lily, and deal with my family was to much. So I sent out another text telling them that I was serious when I said I won't tell them which daughter is adopted. I then told them that I cant take their constant text anymore, and anyone that text me something that doesn't start with an apology is getting blocked.

Most of my family realized i wouldn't back down and stopped texting. I did have to block my brother, who sent me two paragraphs about why I should just give our parents and grandparents what they want, because it isn't worth the fight. I also had to block my mom, who texted my to tell me that no one was going to help me take care of the children until I told them them the truth about which is my real daughter. Anna agrees with me that they shouldn't care which one is adopt and says she wishes that my family didn't even know that one girl was adopted.

Well yesterday both babies were crying, lily needed a diaper change and rose was hungry and I realized that my mom was right. I can't be in both places at once and I can't take care of them by myself. Luckily Anna was there and she was able to take care of them both and get them settled, because I broke down sobbing and was completely useless. Now I'm starting to wonder if I am a bad mother for not leting my daughters see their family, and if I have chosen the wrong hill to die on.

P.s Anna was able to cheer me up, we cuddled together, and with the babies on the sofa, eating ice cream and chocolate most of the night. she is also the one who convinced me to write this post because she is obsessed with reddit.

Update.

Thank you all so much for the support! I was shocked when I saw how many people had commented because I honestly expected to find maybe three or four. I tried to read through the comments quickly and I want to answer a few things that I saw multiple people say.

1 everyone know that Anna was pregnant and that one of them is her bio kid. Anna and I do look pretty similar on a basic level. Both have similar colors of brown hair, dark brown eyes, and are both white. I am a little darker than anna, she is fair skinned and I always look like I have a tan. we also both got pregnant by a white guy. To me at least it isn't obvious which girl is who's bio kid.

2 Anna had been dating Lily bio dad for maybe half a year, but when he heard that Anna was pregnant he told her that he didn't want anything to do with a child. I got pregnant because I went to a party and was an idiot. I have contacted roses father, but he told me to give him time to think so I have been waiting for him to come around.

3 I have not legally adopted Lily yet. Anna and I have agreed that lily is my child and Lily is staying at my house, but Anna is still currently her legal guardian. Right know we are trying to figure out where Lily's father went.

4 I think I saw several people saying that I don't know how much work two babies will be. I definitely did not know what I was signing up for. Me and Anna thought we knew it would be hard but this is not what I was expecting. Anna has been an absolute angel! She is probably the only reason I am still sane right now. After we realized our false expectations Anna comes over almost daily (except for the two days before I had a mini break down) and has fallen asleep at my house a few times while caring for the kids.

another friend of our who I'll call James has also been stoping by, he doesn't help with the girls because in his own words "I don't know what to do with a baby" but james makes food, and cleans up the house a bit. I am eternal grateful to both James and Anna because I would be lost without them

5 a lot of you have point out that telling Lily when she is old is a bad idea, and I agree with you. That was my idea I didn't really think about how that could affect her find out when she was older. I'm going to talk to Anna about this because I dont want to cause my daughter any issues down the line.

My father in law has breakfast every Saturday morning at a restaurant. He gets there at 6 am when they open and usually stays until 8:30 or so. His kids and grandchildren drop in and out, most do not stay the whole time and they either pay their own checks on the way out or leave him cash to cover their bill and he pays before he leaves.

Last Saturday I went late and crossed him leaving. My wife and daughters waited for me. I ordered and they chatted while I ate. They headed home while I went to the counter to pay the check.

It was $171!

I immediately asked for an itemized receipt and after a bit of hesitation the waitress provided it. I took one l look and knew I had been stuck with my sister in laws check too. The waitress confirmed that she had been there early and didn’t pay before leaving. The waitress assumed someone else would pay it as they sometimes do. I requested that she separate the checks. My family of 4 was $60. Sister in laws’ family of 3 was $111.

The manager came over to discuss the situation and said I could pay, sister-in-law could come within 30 minutes and pay or he would call the police.

I called sister-in-law and she said she was out of town and asked me to pay it and she’d pay me ‘later’. I told her she could Venmo or cash app me right away and I’d pay it.

She asked the total and I told her. She then asked what her share was and I told her that was her total as we had separate checks. She didn’t understand how breakfast for 3 could be $111. I read the ticket. Coffee, orange juice, milk and coke for everyone = 4 x $3 each x 3 people = $36. Double cheeseburger with fries $15, side of hash browns $3, add grilled onions and mushrooms $2 add extra cheese $2 add bacon $3 = $25. All meat omelet meal $12 add a side of bacon $3 add stack of pancakes $5 = $20. French toast $10 add blueberries $1 add strawberries$1 add side of bacon $3 add grits $3 add cheese $2 = $20 = 101 + tax $10 = $111.

She said she didn’t understand how it added up to so much. I told her that was how her family always ordered so I didn’t understand how she didn’t understand how all the extra things add up, but I wasn’t willing to spend my whole Saturday dealing with it. She could send me money right away to pay her check or I was leaving without paying it.

She sent me the exact amount, no tip. I paid, tipped the waitress and left.

I told my wife and she said that her sister never leaves enough to cover her bill.

Sister-in-law called my father in law and complained that her day was ruined. They were planning to go to the opening weekend of the water park and buy season passes but couldn’t afford it after paying for breakfast. He thinks I’m a jerk for putting her on the spot knowing the probably couldn’t afford $100+ for breakfast. He says he forgot she had been there and thinks I should have just paid and asked for the money later and says he would have paid me if she didn’t.

So Aitah for asking a 30-something year old woman to pay for her own ‘forgotten’ breakfast check and insisting that she paid me right away because she has a history of not repaying debts?

I (36M) have 2 kids (16F & 14M) from a previous marriage. My ex (34F) and I share custody but because she lives in a better school district she primarily has them during the school year and I get extended time with them during the summer. For the past 4-5 years I have taken the kids on a fun summer road trip. The three of us plan a destination and pick things we want to see on the way there and back. It's been a great bonding experience for us and a lot of fun. Last year I let each kid bring one friend along on the trip and am doing the same thing this year. We are planning on leaving for the trip next weekend.

My son is an outgoing, gregarious kid who is involved in multiple sports and has a long list of close friends. My daughter, on the other hand, is very much an introvert and only has a few friends that I know of. The friend she brought with last year is definitely her closest friend. She was planning on bringing the same girl with on our trip this year.

Unfortunately, my daughter's friend had a fall a couple weeks ago while riding her bike and broke her leg & collarbone. Obviously, she would be very uncomfortable sitting in a car for long periods and there are stops on our trip where she would be unable to participate in the activities we want to do. There are also a couple places we planned on camping that I just don't think will work for her. My daughter says her friend still wants to come with and her parents are OK with it but I don't think it's a good idea.

I suggested to my daughter that she invite a different friend but she says she doesn't have anyone else she wants to ask. I might have messed up but I went behind her back and talked with her friend's parents about it. I expressed my concerns about their daughter coming on the trip and I guess the two girls did not give them a complete rundown of the activities we have planned. After our conversation, they agreed that it would probably be best if their daughter stayed home.

As you can imagine, my daughter did not take this news well. She is very angry with me and thinks I sabotaged her friend coming with on purpose. She has been begging me to cancel/change some of our plans so that her friend can still come with. I told her that both me and her friend's parents agree that her friend coming with isn't a good idea, so this isn't just my decision.

She is saying she won't come on the trip at all if her friend can't come. I do feel bad about the whole thing, but at this point I don't think there's much else I could do to make this work. I mean, yes, I could alter plans to make things easier for her friend, but with how limited her mobility is going to be that probably wouldn't be much fun for everyone else.

My ex thinks I should do whatever it takes to get my daughter back on board so that she isn't excluded. But that just isn't realistic. I'm also worried that this will be the last year this sort of trip happens because summers get busy for teenagers.

Usually I would not mind it and do people a favor but, last 2 times they were 15 and 20 minutes late respectively to the parking lot compared to the time we agreed upon.

I said " I'm not doing this anymore ". They got emotionally triggered and said nothing the entire way back.

Am I petty or is putting my foot down like this? Should I have given them a warning?

It seems a little too good to be true for me. If I suddenly found a $1,000,000 and legally got it into a bank and earn 5% interest, I make $4000ish every month. Is it as simple as that?