Both my husband and I work full time. I work Real Estate and he works at a shipyard. We both collectively work around 50-60hr weeks. We have 4 kids. 13yo twins, 12yo, and 8mo. My husband has every weekend off. I do not.

I implicated a chore system from the time my kids were little. But ever since I had the baby and since the kids are older, ALL of them have slacked off tremendously (including husband). I pick our baby up from daycare around 5pm and when I get home, I usually find my husband on the couch on his phone and the kids in their rooms playing video games/watching make up tutorials. The house is generally a mess and honestly, the only issue I have is the dishes. I couldn't give fuck all about anything else (because the rest of the house generally isn't dirty-dirty, just cluttered). But I have expressed several times that I am tired of having to wash all the dishes in order to cook and have lashed out in some not so nice ways (shut off the Internet entirely and took the chord with me to work so no one could use the wifi/watch tv, canceled family trips, groundation, got in to big arguments with my husband). Things will change for a week to a month and then switch right back to them refusing to help. I'm honestly so tired of it that I don't even have the energy to speak up anymore.

As I said, my husband has weekends off so he and the kids were home yesterday while I worked. Before I took off for the day I told them "you guys chores had better be completed by the time I get home". They said "yes ma'am" and I leave. I text husband around 4:30p asking what they all wanted for dinner because I had to stop off at the grocery store. I pick up what he said they all wanted and walk in to my home, to find that not a single dish had been washed and there was at least 10 more dishes in the sink from when I left that morning. I also noted that only a load of laundry had been washed and was still sitting in the washer and was never switched to the dryer. Husband was on his ass on the couch watching YouTube. Kids off playing video games. Baby in her walker. So, I put the groceries on the table, packed a bag for the baby and told my husband "have at it, I'm going to Applebee's" and left. Maybe 20 minutes later he calls and says "I washed the dishes, sorry. I was super tired today." I told him that's zero excuse at all. There's 3 older kids who have chores and he couldn't even step up and tell his kids to complete anything either. It's pure laziness at this point. He said "I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to work on it. Can you just come home, I don't know how to make this dish" (it's a pretty difficult dish but google is free). I told him no, I'm sitting at Applebee's and will be enjoying my steak and shrimp with the baby in peace and that him and the older kids can fend for themselves because apology or not, I'm not letting him off the hook here. He had me on speaker phone, so him and all the kids laid right in to me, asking me to please grab them something from Applebee's (it's all of our favorite restaurant). I said absolutely not and hung up the phone. When I returned home the groceries had been put away and apparently they had grilled cheese and cereal for dinner. My husband and kids are still pissed at me. I told them this is how it will be every single time they don't do chores from now on. AITA?

Growing up anything that went wrong in my house was my fault. I wasn't a good student and I smoked a lot of weed.

My brother was perfect. He got good marks and he went to university.

I went to trade school and learned how to weld. My parents started demanding rent. I paid. It wasn't much. Then I found out they were giving it to my brother for spending money.

So I left. I could afford a small apartment on my own or a larger one with friends. Simple choice. I was willing to trade money for freedom.

After I left they noticed stuff had been stolen. They blamed me. Spoiler alert it wasn't me.

Hey so my perfect brother went to jail. Turns out no matter how smart you are the SEC is smarter.

My parents asked me for help with his legal bills. I politely declined. They ended up helping him so much that they had to remortgage their paid off house. Which they are now having trouble paying back. Interest rates have gone much higher than when they did this.

They called to ask me for help. I asked them if they ever figured out who really stole from them? They declined to answer. We both know the answer. My mom said she was sorry she accused me but still wouldn't admit it was him.

I kind of feel bad because I could help them. I probably have enough put away to just pay off the house. But that means I helped my brother. And seriously fuck that guy.

My wife and I have been married for apx 3 years. We had both previously been married before, to other people...my first marriage was 21 years, her's was about 9.

We got married after dating for about a year. She had a 16 yo son with her. I had a daughter of about the same age that split time with myself and her mother.

Anyhow, my new wife and her son moved in and she asks if he can have a dog. I had 2 small dogs with me at the time that I had owned for several years. I assumed he would get a smaller breed dog, considering we had a small house with a small yard and 2 small dogs...Boy, was I in for a surprise.

He goes out and gets a dog that, as a 3 week old, already towers over my 2 dogs. The dog is nothing but hell. He chews up anything and everything he can get his mouth on. I had a sound system with klipsh speakers and he destroys them. He ate a chunk out of my coffee table, chewed up my $700 rug...it just never ended.

I was very upset by all of this and even more upset when I caught her son setting his phone up to record me when he left the house...to make sure I wasn't mean to his hell hound. He would also take it upon hisself to review all footage on my outdoor security system...my wife never said shit to him about any of it. I finally had enough and told them that the dog is no longer allowed in the house.

He gets pissed, moves out and has rarely spoken to me since. He shows up to the house to visit his mom, but makes sure to bring the dogs (he went out and got another dog of the same breed as well) and tells his mom he won't come inside because his dogs aren't allowed inside. Granted, I did make the concession that, while he was over, the dogs could stay in the backyard...not good enough, apparently, as he refuses to do that.

Now, after years of arguing about this, it has driven me insane and i yelled at my wife...now, that is framed as the reason for our difficulties.

She is getting ready to move out as I type this.

Wtf.

I inherited a home years ago from my mother. It was overall outdated but in good condition. It is five hours away from where I live. My daughter (26) and her husband fell on hard times and I allowed her to move in about 2 years ago for free. It is near the city they work at.I paid for everything and was letting them use it to get back on their feet.

I informed them they can make changes to the home just not to take out walls or any huge stuff. The last time I was at the home, was about year ago and it just looked like they painted.

The house is causing issues for my finances now and I have had multiple people reach out to me to sell. I also want to sell it since I am tired of seeing the home, it just reminds me of my mom and that she is gone. So being a landlords isn’t good for my mental health.

So I decided to sell, I informed my daughter that they have 6 months to find a new place. This started an argument, she apparently put in a lot of upgrades such as redoing the stairs, kitchen and are in the middle of the bathroom. That I are screwing them over and that now the house is worth more.

She called me a jerk for this and I reminded them I gave them two years of free housing

I am on the fence and want more opinions

The revenge I took on my grade nine English teacher was so petty that I hesitate to write about it.  But Mrs. Bristle (for that is the name I will give her) was cruel to me every chance she got, and she made my first year in high school a misery.  So when a file with her name on it arrived at my office, my first thought was not that I would beat her (for I was certain that I would) but rather, of the revenge I would take along the way.

I was pushing forty when Mrs. Bristle’s file hit my desk, some estate litigation where a mother’s last will and testament left my clients next to nothing, and gave their sister, Mrs. Bristle, pretty well the entire estate.  When I saw the defendant’s name it looked familiar, and after a bit of Googling, I confirmed what I suspected:  the defendant, Mrs. Bristle, was my former grade nine English teacher.

I remembered Mrs. Bristle very well.  She was supposed to be teaching us the wonders of English literature, but what she really taught us were her rules, by which she meant her arbitrary whims, expressed in vague language, backed up by petty punishments for non-compliance. There was an art to getting along with Mrs. Bristle, and while most of the other kids learned it easily enough, somehow I did not.  I have trouble learning unwritten rules, and in Mrs. Bristle’s class where unwritten and constantly changing rules were the order of the day, I didn’t stand a chance.  Mrs. Bristle admonished me almost daily for ‘not paying attention’.  I did detentions, re-wrote assignments, and made visits to the principal’s office, all because I apparently wasn’t listening, wasn’t doing what I was told. 

Many was the time when Mrs. Bristle took me to task for missing some obvious but unstated part of an assignment.  One time I handed  in a sonnet, and received an “F” because the rhyming pattern was Petrarchan, not Shakespearean.   But she would be nice to me, Mrs. Bristle would always say when she tossed my work back at me.  She would give me another chance to hand the assignment in with the arbitrary changes she required, in the end giving me a good mark, but then heavily downgraded for being late.

Mrs. Bristle's case worked its way through the early stages, and every time I exchanged an email with her (for she was a self-rep, no need for counsel, she claimed) I thought about the unpleasant time I’d spent in her class.  I had a rough time in high school, and I always resent anything that makes me dwell on it. 

After a few months, the case was ready for the next stage.  It was time to examine Mrs. Bristle, to find out why she thought her mother wanted to disinherit most of the family and enrich Mrs. Bristle alone.  I showed up at the court reporter’s office early as usual, to get set up.

“What’s that shit eating grin on your face?” Adam asked. He was a lawyer colleague, about my vintage, and we were sitting in the lounge for lawyers only,  the room that most court reporter’s offices have, a place for the lawyers to hang out and shoot the shit, no clients allowed.  

“I’m going to examine my grade nine English teacher today,” I said, “and it's going to be fun.”   I explained how she’d hated me back in the day, and had done her best to make my life hell.

“What’s the case about?” Adam said.  Adam had been around the block, same as me, and it took only a few words for me to summarize everything that mattered in the file.  “Estate fight, one sibling against four, undue influence, holograph will cutting out most of the siblings, competing with an older will, a formal one, where the shares are equal.” 

Adam nodded appreciatively.  “Nice fees, if the estate’s got the cash.”

“It does,” I said.  We chatted for a bit, and then sat there in silence as we each did the last bit of prep for the cases we had that day, making notes, reading documents and drinking coffee.  My alarm dinged just before ten, and I made my way to the examination room, and Mrs. Bristle, the teacher who’d greatly disliked the grade nine version of Calledinthe90s.  I was curious to see if she would like the older version any better.

* * * 

The examination started, and Mrs. Bristle and I sparred for a while, me tossing vague questions her way, and criticizing her when she did not understand.  I kept her on the defensive for close to three hours, until it was getting on to one p.m.

“Aren’t you in a conflict or something?” she said to me just before the lunch break,  when she’d finally made the connection, and understood that the lawyer asking her questions was a former student.

“No conflict,” I said, dismissing her concerns with a wave of my hand.  “During the lunch break, there’s something I need you to do.”

“I don’t want to answer questions during lunch.  I need a break.”  The examination had been rough on Mrs. Bristle.  She was not used to being asked questions, to being held to account, to being constantly challenged, and even having her grammar corrected now and again.

“You’ll get your lunch break. But while you’re eating a sandwich or whatever, keep this copy of the holograph will next to you.” The will on which Mrs. Bristle’s case relied was a holograph will, meaning that Mrs. Bristle’s mother had written the will entirely in hand from start to finish. The mother, or more likely, Mrs. Bristle herself, had downloaded a holograph will form from the web, and had completed it in accordance with the website’s instructions.  Holograph wills are special.  You can do a holograph will without a witness, without a lawyer, without anything at all, so long as you did it right.  But if you got anything wrong, if you messed up in any way, it was invalid.

“You want me to read the will again over lunch?” Mrs. Bristle said.

“No.  Instead, I want you to make a handwritten copy of it.”

“You want me to write it out?  Whatever for?”

“There’s an allegation that the will wasn’t written by your mother, and that you wrote it up instead.”  An allegation that I’d made up myself, that morning, while I was sitting in the lawyer's lounge, drinking coffee and munching on a muffin. My clients had not challenged the will’s handwriting; it was obviously their mother’s, totally different from Mrs. Bristle’s own writing. But I had decided otherwise.

Mrs. Bristle was appropriately outraged at being unjustly accused of forgery.  Said she could prove it wasn’t her handwriting, could absolutely prove it.

“Then let’s settle the forgery issue once and for all,” I said, “write out the will in your own hand, so that our document experts can examine it, compare it with the original, and make a determination.”

“I don’t need the entire lunch break for that,” Mrs. Bristle said, “and I’d rather eat lunch at the restaurant downstairs.”  The will was barely a page long, at most three hundred words, that being all it took for the mother to allegedly disinherit most of her children, and inexplicably leave everything to Mrs. Bristle.  The mother had written up the will herself, but she’d been ninety at the time, while living in Mrs. Bristle’s house, and very much under her influence.  

“I’ve retained five different experts,” I said, “and each of them will need copies.”

“Five experts?  Why so many experts?”

“Each expert needs ten samples, for comparison purposes.  It’s going to take you a while, Mrs. Bristle.  I suggest you get started.”  I overrode her protests and once she started to write, I left her in the room, and went to the lawyer’s lounge to eat their small sandwiches and drink more of the excellent coffee.  After a while I stopped by the examination room to look in on Mrs. Bristle.  I wanted to check in on her progress.

Mrs. Bristle asked for more time, complained of writer’s cramp, and asked me again if it was really necessary for her to write out the holograph will fifty times in her own hand, and I assured her that there was nothing for it, that it was absolutely necessary.  I returned to the lounge to check my emails, leaving her hard at the homework I’d given her.

After a while my colleague, Adam, popped into the lounge.  He asked me how it was going, the examination with the teacher, the teacher who had treated me so badly.

“I’m making her write lines.”  Adam laughed, and laughed harder when I explained that I wasn’t kidding, that I really was making Mrs. Bristle write lines, and how I was doing it.  His laughter attracted attention, and a few other lawyers asked what was up.  “He’s making his teacher witness write lines,” Adam said, and the lawyer’s lounge hooted with laughter when I told everyone what was up.  

It was one of the pettiest things I’ve ever done to anyone, making my grade nine teacher write lines.  But the writing lines thing was just a warmup.  The real revenge had yet to come.  I returned to the examination room after a while, to check up on Mrs. Bristle, see how she was doing.

“This is taking forever,” she said, “and I really don’t get why you need it.”  She had writer’s cramp, and was shaking her hand to get the kinks out.  I picked up the stack of holograph wills she’d created, and flipped through it.  She was nowhere near finished.

“On second thought,” I said, “maybe it isn’t necessary. I think you’re right.  I don’t need any handwriting samples from you.”

“Why not?” she said.

“The will is invalid,” I explained, adding that because her mother had used a pre-printed form off the web, the law would not recognize the will.  “A holograph will has to be entirely in the testator's handwriting,” I explained, “every single word entirely in handwriting from start to finish.  This will doesn’t qualify, because your mother used a standard form, a form printed off the web, with instructions and boxes and questions and so on, and when you do that,  then the will is no longer a holograph will. It’s a regular will, and regular wills need to be properly witnessed.  This one isn’t witnessed, and that means it’s not a will.  It’s just a piece of paper.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you only figured that out now? What kind of lawyer are you, anyways?”

“What kind of lawyer am I?  I’m a lawyer who makes a witness skip lunch, and sit in a small room all alone, and write lines.  Sound familiar, Mrs. Bristle?”  She said nothing, and just stared at me.  I closed the door on her, leaving her alone once more, and left for the Middle Temple Tavern where the lawyers all hung out. It was time to hoist a Guinness and enjoy my petty triumph.

I had to write this after seeing a post from someone showing the drive-thru 7 cars deep prior to opening at a Chick-fil-A.

I have eaten at Chick-fil-A a handful of times and have never had a meal that was memorable in any way, shape, or form. I see people showing lines with multiple attendants taking orders via tablet, wearing fucking a barricade from the elements as multiple cars pile up so far it becomes a road hazard. I do not get it at all. This food IS NOT FUCKING SPECIAL. Any local place can make you a chicken sandwich. Their sauces are available at the fucking supermarket now, so what is the damn point?

Every time I pass by a chick-fil-A it is packed or has a line at the drive-thru when multiple options nearby that are better are barely populated. If it was dirt cheap maybe I could understand, but the prices are on par with any other place to get food.

I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS! What is so special about this mediocre chain?

My dad and my stepmother got married when I was 9 and I'm 17 now. They have 3 kids together. My mom died when I was 8 but my parents were already divorced and I think my dad was already dating my stepmother at that point. Either that or he/they rushed the relationship because they assumed I would need a new mom because mine died. It was a crazy af time.

My dad and stepmother decided we needed therapy together because she was struggling and wanted to communicate some stuff to the two of us that she had not before. In therapy she started off talking about how she feels like she's second best or a consolation prize with me. She feels like I see her as less than a parent, less than a mother, and it hurts. She talked about marrying my dad expecting we would be so close and how she believed a newly motherless child would need someone else to fill in. But that the whole time we've known each other she feels like I do nothing but compare her to mom or dismiss her in favor of mom and leave her in second place a lot. She said she wanted to be more important to me than that. She wanted to mom in my eyes. She didn't want to feel like I would gladly toss her aside if my mom came back. I'll say now, in therapy she was called out for that. She was told it was cruel to toss that in my face when I'm old enough to be aware my mom is never coming back.

She spoke for several sessions about feeling second best/like the consolation prize and like I don't care for her at all. She brought up how I never hug her or how I correct anyone who mistakes her for my mom. Another thing was the fact I have never said I love you to her, she noticed that and she said many times she waited and waited for me to say it but it never came. She talked about how every mention of my mom hurts her down to her core because she can hear how much I love my mom. She admitted to hating my mom, to wanting to wave a magic wand and have me forget her so she's not coming in second to her always. There were lots more things said too.

I was asked to address what she said for several sessions. But I knew it might come across as cruel if I did. So I refused to engage. But my dad kept pressing me on the issue and the counselor was trying to reassure me that I would not be penalized for speaking up. After a lot of pressing and then my stepmother got involved and told me to speak because we needed to work through this and she needed me to acknowledge her feelings and work on us coming together, I was honest. I said she was never second best or a consolation prize because she was never in the running. I never saw her as mom, I never considered her to be a possible new or second mom. I never ever looked at her in that way or wanted her to be that for me. And that she was always competing against my dead mom for nothing.

My dad and stepmother were so angry after I said all this. Two weeks later and it was mentioned in therapy but they're still furious with me.

AITA?

My little sister (28f) is recently engaged. I (30 f) got married about 6 years ago (I’ve since divorced and am engaged again). Our mom died 5 years ago, shortly after my wedding.

At my wedding, the photographer took a photo of my mom fastening a necklace around my neck. My little sister has told multiple people that when she gets married, she plans to hire someone with graphic design skills to remove me from that photo and photoshop herself in my place. So far, I’ve said nothing, but I am increasingly feeling like I want to put my foot down about her plans with that photo.

Very shortly after our mom died, all my sisters (including my two older married sisters) expressed that they wanted our mom’s engagement ring. As my little sister didn’t get to have our mom at her wedding and the rest of us did, I urged my dad to hang on to our mom’s engagement ring for our little sister for when she eventually were to get engaged. Ultimately, I was successful in advocating for her to inherit our mom’s ring. She decided to reset the ring so the only part of it that remains is the central diamond—it is a completely different design now.

We both want to use our mom’s wedding dress in our upcoming weddings, but she plans to alter it beyond recognition as it was a long-sleeve, A-line dress and she wants a strapless, mermaid-style dress. She played the “I’m the only one who didn’t get to have mom at her wedding” card, and I do feel for her, so I dropped my ask for the dress.

But I feel inclined to draw the line at removing me from my own photo with my mom. Yes, I did get to have my mom at a wedding. But that marriage turned out to be abusive and devastating and the fact is that I won’t have her at my wedding to the person I’ll actually be spending the rest of my life with. If someone is going to be photo shopping someone out of that picture, I feel it should be me photoshopping my 24 year old self out for my 31 year old self. She also has tons of photos with our mom she could use for this purpose instead, as well as photos of our mom solo that no one would need to be removed from.

Obviously I can’t force her to not do as she pleases with my photo, but WIBTA if I tell her I’m not ok with that and that she doesn’t have my permission or blessing to remove me from my wedding photo with my mom?

I have 3 kids from my previous relationship (10-13) and I have a 10mo with my husband. I work from home managing my own business and pay half the bills. I also homeschool my 3 older kids because their school shut down a few months back after the roof collapsed during our last big snow storm. I do all the cooking and at least 80% of chores (the kids do the rest). The only "chore" my husband has is garbage, laundry once a week and grocery shopping every other week.

Since roughly December my husband has been incredibly depressed but won't manage it in a healthy way, despite me urging him to get help. He's just been isolating and defensive. He works from 8a to 4p. Gets home around 4:30, eats dinner and hangs out with the kids for maybe a half hour. He then goes to the garage or his truck to "decompress". He comes back inside around 8p to help me get the kids in bed. He then either jumps on his computer or watches YouTube on his phone until he goes to sleep. Pretty much every single weekend since March he has been going out with his buddies as well. So, typically, the only day he's actually "home" is Sunday and usually, either his buddies ask him for help with their vehicles or he runs his errands (going to the dump, fixing his vehicle, helping his mom, etc). So, realistically, my kids and I only have his attention for at most an hour a day, if that, even on his days off. Him and I have, unfortunately, gotten in to at least 3 fights since December because of his lack of attentiveness and his constant excuse of "I worked all day/week and need time to myself". It's truly just the lack of empathy that drives me insane, because I have zero breaks, ever, but he still feels like he should be entitled to more and more breaks as the days go on. So, we have fought about it. I will bring it up calmly and he will get defensive and blow up and pull the repetitive "I worked all fucking day" talk. The last big fight we had (a couple weeks back) I told him I was leaving. I started packing. He begged me to stay and said he would try to be better and suggested we rent a boat (for this past weekend) so we could all reconnect and have a nice family weekend. I ultimately forgave him because he showed a lot of effort after that. When he would get home from work, he was present. He didn't go out during the weekend with his buddies as he had been. We went on a few walks together, just us and the kids. Collectively we were still only getting to hang out with him for maybe 1.5hrs but he was inside and more present, either way. I thought things were looking up.

Well, he paid the down payment (half cost) of the boat 2 weeks ago when we discussed it and I was due to pay the other half upon picking the boat up this past Friday. However, he told me on Thursday night that he decided that he didn't want my older children to go. He asked me if I would have my mom watch my older children so it could just be me, him and the baby on the boat. I asked him why and he said "because I need a break from the kids". So I was pissed and snapped back "oh, you mean you need a break from your step kids. Your kid is fine but let's push my kids away because you need a break from them." He said I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I don't think I did. The kids knew about the trip and were excited. If I dropped my older kids off with my mother and still brought the baby out because my husband decided he needed a break from them, they would be extremely hurt. He kept saying "we can bring them next time" but I told him no thanks and said I wouldn't be paying the other half of the boat cost. He can either pay it and bring out his buddies or he can forfeit the money he put in to it already, as it was nonrefundable. I didn't end up paying and he lost $450. He is still pissed at me, stating that I made a mound out of a mole hill but I don't think I did. He is hardly near my kids ever so him "needing a break" from them and not his kid is absolutely fucking wild to me. AITA?

ETA: he was NOT like this before he got depressed. My older children's father passed away during deployment when I was pregnant with my 10yo. I got together with my husband when my 10yo was 1 and he was always a kick ass father figure. He refused to do anything without me and the kids. Calls my kids his children. When he got depressed around Christmas time, everything changed. He will get better for a week or two and then go right back in to the cycle. I have tried urging him to get help and he will be receptive momentarily and then switch back. He first stated that it was because he was terrified of being a shit father (his dad was abusive). Now the only excuse he uses is "I worked all day/week" and that he needs time to himself. He still to this day talks to his father (at least twice a week). He was not abused by his dad. His trauma is watching his mom and brother be abused.

Hi everyone. We are on our way to the airport and on our way to Barcelona. We will be going to be in Europe for a month. The visit to the monks at Westvleteren will be the last part of our trip. Two reasons. I don't want to lug beer bottles all over Spain, France, Belgium and Holland. Also I am putting it off for as long as I can.

For those of you that asked my son's name is Ryan. He was an amazing kid. I don't know if he got his love of the microscopic world from me. I did teach him how to make his own sourdough starter and I will be keeping his alive to make loaves and waffles with. His ashes are in our yard, on Mount Tremblant, on the shores of the St. Lawrence and I will be taking some to Belgium. My grandfathers have many friends buried there and I think they would approve.

I thank everyone that offered to buy me a beer. And while I appreciate the offer I'm pretty sure my liver, and my wife, would not have been happy with me. I will be with the monks on the week of June 23rd. If you would like to join me in a toast with your favorite drink of choice I would love that more. I love knowing that people all around the world know about my son and he would love knowing he was toasted in such a manner.

I spoke with my wife, my ex wife, her husband, and his son. I invited them to join us, at my expense, for the last week of my trip. My wife's stepson was friends with my son. I didn't know how close until we spoke. They are gaming buddies. They spoke almost every day playing online. He gave me a picture of my son I did not have. It is a picture of the two of them age about 14/15 at my ex wife's wedding to his father. My son looked great in his suit. I cried. He did too. We had a very awkward but heartfelt man hug. Then we laughed. They will be coming to say goodbye with us.

After talking to my accountant and my lawyer I was told that I could not have transferred him the value of the RESP. I have decided, after talking to my wife, that we are going to give him enough money to cover one year of tuition. Even after my trip we will have money left over. I'm trying to do some good with it. I also said that he could call us any time he needed since he will be attending school close to us. So funny he got accepted here and my son was accepted there.

I want to thank everyone who shared their condolences with me. I want to especially thank everyone that helped me plan my visit to Belgium. I know we won't see each other but you were invaluable.

I don't think I will have much to say after this. Maybe I will post an update after the trip.

Im married with a 4 and a 6 year old. I have a sister who is 24. She graduated from college and got a decent first job but got laid off about a year ago and has been living with my parents since. I think she may have had some service industry jobs here and there but generally hasnt worked much in the last year. My wife and I have good jobs but try to be relatively frugal because kids are expensive.

My wife and I are planning a trip to Disney with my SIL (wife's sister) and her husband, and their 5 year old. My wife and her sister are very close and her husband and I are decently good friends these days.

My sister heard about this trip and is really clammoring to go with us. We never went to Disney growing up and she said she's wanted to go forever and really wants to go with us and the kids. She however would not be able to pay her way for the flight/ticket/ and all that. We'd expect to sponsor her it would all in all cost us about 1k. My wife and I talked about it and decided it would be worth it to us if she would help babysit some of the nights so we could have some just adult time. So we offered her this, thinking it was generous but a win win for all of us.

Long story short she felt otherwise and said were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny not family. I think this is kinda ridiculous as she's not my kid so in my mind there's not reason to pay for her just because if she's not doing anything to be helpful. Would like some feedback from neutral parties if Im asking too much.

I have 2 kids (F3, M1). I am also a pharmacist and I like to spend my free time learning to play basketball, learn to play the violin and learn new languages so you see I'm pretty busy at day.

My in laws have been so supportive. My MIL is an angel. She told me that it makes her very happy to see me improve myself and she volunteered to babysit for us. She babysits whenever we ask and never asks for money because according to her she doesn't want to get paid for spending time with her grandkids.

The problem is that my BIL's wife (I'm not sure what it's called in english so I will call her SIL) who is a SAHM thinks she is entitled to the same thing. Don't get me wrong my MIL babysits for her too but she will do it occasionally not every day.

She only has one 4yo son and she doesn't work and she is not interested in learning anything yet she thinks MIL should babysit for her everyday so that she can "relax".

Yesterday she snapped at MIL and told her she either has to babysit for both of us or for none of us. I told her that taking care of her kid is her job and she shouldn't expect others to do it for her.

She called me an asshole and said it's none of my business.

I (30f) have been dating "Matt" (33m) for about a year. Matt has a kid "Alex" from his first relationship, the kid is under 2yo. Every now and then I used to look after Alex when Matt was at work (we don't live together but they stay at mine every now and then)

We decided to go on holiday for 10 days at the start of May and due to some family drama Alex had to go with us. The flights were over 8 hours long and I have booked the tickets for all of us. During the flight and the holiday I have spent nearly all my time was spent looking after Alex while Matt had the time of his life. Some things came to my attention (he was still seeing his ex) which resulted in us breaking up at the end of our stay.

On the flight back we were all sitting together and a flight attendant approached us and asked my ex if he wanted an upgrade to the business class. Before he could say anything I have mentioned it was me who bought the tickets and used my own account to pay for them, so an upgrade should go to me, the flight attendant was trying to argue at first as she assumed Alex was my child, but I told her that's not the case and ended up having an upgrade so I can relax after spending all this time looking after Alex.

After the flight Matt, a few other passengers who assumed I am the mum as well as some family members and friends called me an asshole for not giving the upgrade to Matt, even after I have mentioned the flight attendant didn't say anything about Alex being allowed to join Matt.

My father was married to this woman for 20 years. They lived together in the house I grew up in, a house that my father built before I was born. For tax reasons the house was in my name since I was 15, and he kept the "use" of the house, don't know the term in English, but long story short, now that he is dead the house belongs to me.

It's been 3 months now and today I asked his wife if and when she's planning to leave. Her children live in another town about two hours away. She basically said that she has no intention of leaving, ever, and that she would like to stay there for ever or at least if she meets someone new.

I explained to her that, first the house is mine and I pay taxes for it and second that currently I'm renting a house and it's not like I don't care about money at all and I could let her stay there for ever.

She proposed to pay me rent. But.... 1, she is a horder and the house is almost completely covered with shit she keeps making , she's also painted every inch of the house including windows. 2, she's not that stable mind wise 3, the house is attached to my brother's house and his family and kids are playing in the yard that belongs to my house because it was their grandfather's house until recently. The kids don't consider her as a grandma , and also she has to let us in because we don't have keys t the house.

4, She is not independent in any way and untill today I had to make sure to pay her bills, help her with the pension, bureaucracy etc. 5, she doesn't know how to use a smartphone, the internet or how to maintain the house and the yard.

For reference she is 58. I'm 42. I called her daughter (30) and she told me Why do you even bother with her? I don't care if she wants to live closer to me, but under no circumstances I will change anything in my life for her, it's all her fault.

I told her I'm there for her because she doesn't have anyone else, but I'm not going to help her indefinitely.

Then her daughter called her today to ask if she's planning to move closer. The mother replied no, the house is mine and I'm not leaving. (As she is inherited it)

The mother called me to give me shit that I made her daughter worried for her and that she not going anywhere.

I'm very well aware of all the "bad" legal things I can do, but I'm trying to find a middle ground now. She's not a bad person, she's sick and depressed.

Hi. It’s me again. I posted nearly a year ago about my “disgusting” scalp. Most comments were super helpful & positive. Others… called me a gross human being.

Anyhow, as it turns out, many of you were correct. I have psoriasis. I wasn’t washing my hair/scalp wrong like I had thought. (I thought you had to scrape it basically.. like many other commenters had me believe.) but I am not an unhygienic person. Quite the opposite.

After posting that, I started to develop dry patches behind one of my ears, and around my eyebrows. No amount of washing, or lotion, makes them go away. So yeah. Turns out I wasn’t washing myself incorrectly. I just have psoriasis… I guess even this update is basically another “TIFU” by thinking I was not washing myself correctly; when I just had a skin condition.

Thanks to everyone who gave tips for dealing with psoriasis! And I’m glad my post called light to an issue that is more common than people think!

TL;DR: My real fuck up was not that I was washing myself incorrectly. I have psoriasis.

Edit: original post -

Hey Reddit,

I'm in a tough spot and could really use some outside perspective on this situation. So, my cousin Emma and I have never been particularly close, but we've always been civil. When she got engaged in December 2022, I sent her a thoughtful present, which she thanked me for repeatedly. Fast forward to February, and Emma invited me to her wedding in April 2024. Living abroad and starting a new job, I made it clear that I needed advance notice to attend, and thankfully, I managed to make it.

Emma asked me to be part of her wedding entry, and despite our not being very close, I agreed, hoping it would help us build a better relationship. However, just a week before the wedding, I found out she'd been talking negatively about me and my career as a project manager. It stung, but I didn't want to cause drama before her big day, so I kept quiet.

During the wedding weekend, I helped Emma get dressed for her Hindu ceremony, and her mom told me to leave the jewelry as she would handle it later. So, I only packed away the bangles. The entry went smoothly, and I attended the reception without any complaints. However, after the wedding, I chose not to leave a gift, intending to address the hurtful comments privately after the festivities.

Days later, Emma asked me about the missing jewelry, and I told her I hadn't touched it beyond what her mom instructed. Later that day, I saw Emma posting on Facebook about missing jewelry and implying that someone in the family might have taken it. I felt uneasy, especially since her mom and I were the only family members helping her get dressed.

Then things escalated when her sister made comments on the post saying, "we didn't like her anyway". Her mom reached out to me, asking about the bangles, which made me feel like they were singling me out. Even my grandmother called, further cementing that they may have discussed me as a suspect.

Finally, another cousin messaged me saying the jewelry was found boxed up in a car. But Emma refuses to retract her accusations online because she's embarrassed. Feeling betrayed, I chose to cut Emma and her mom out of my life. I deleted them from my socials and blocked their numbers.

Now, my grandma is upset, saying I was unfair for not explaining myself. So, Reddit, am I the jerk for cutting them off without explanation? Should I have handled the situation differently?

Thanks for your insights.

Scene: Greyhound bus ride from Seattle to Spokane.

What happened: Half way through we stopped for a scheduled meal stop. People getting off left their jackets, books, etc. where they sat. When I reboarded I found a fat schlub sitting in my seat. He has removed by items and placed them somewhere else. This was totally unnecessary as there were plenty of other empty seats. He would not budge.

The revenge: He was avidly reading a paperback book. We made a rest stop further down the line. When he got off I went to his seat and removed the last 30 pages from the book and placed it back down.

I was hesitant about posting on Reddit at first but I decided to give as many details as possible and put myself out there to get outside insight and to make sure if I'm to blame for what happened to my SIL. Up until my post got a few comments I was still sure it was somehow my fault but I'm glad I posted about it here🙏🏻

Most of you suggested I stay with my brother in law. I couldn't bring myself to ask him for help (if I can stay with them until I sort everything out). Last night he asked me if it's okay to talk about it now. I told him some things because I couldn't lay it all out. I told him that it wasn't the first time and nothing was new to me that night except for the slap. I asked him if he can help me find a safe way out because I'm scared to go back and need help looking up for resources. Both him and his wife assured me that my kids and I are more than welcome to stay with them until I get back on my feet. They made it clear that they're willing to help us in any way possible. BIL said I have the right to decide what to do about it that he could even drive me to report my husband if that's what I want but just don't get him involved. I get it. I thanked them for everything and promised them to try and find a job asap.

He also mentioned that my MIL offered to pay 3 months' rent and childcare if I’m planning to leave but he thinks it’s better for me to stay with them for now and promised he will make sure my MIL follows through once I find a job because it will be more helpful then since it will be hard taking care of the kids and working.

He told me to never feel like I owe them something because I would've done the same for them (I met my husband through my BIL when I worked with him for 6 month) and that he doesn't want my children to grow up wondering why no one loved them enough to step up and help their mother. Or end up abused or being abusers in the future. His words made wonder If he referred to his own brother as an abuser then why am I still trying to look for ways to justify it or accept the blame.

Although I'm not planning to get the police involved but my BIL's wife is helping me document everything. She took pictures of the marks the moment we made it to their house. She's also helping me get him to admit to everything that happened that night and before. to this moment I have two texts and one recorded call (along with other pictures I took before). I don't know why I ever took them because I never planned on doing anything. She said even if I'm not planning to press charges now I could document everything just in case for later and citing safety would be enough reason for my delay.

As for my family I called my parents this morning and they weren't happy with what I told them. It's nothing I didn't expect. I knew they would not take a divorced daughter with two kids in. My cousin called me later and was so sad to hear about my situation and promised to send me some money to help. I'm not gonna lie. I never asked for help before but when she offered I found myself ready to accept. I really want to make things work for my kids. I don't want to lose them.

By the way both my BIL and his wife on top of letting me stay with them without any financial contribution. They do things. if I cook my BIL or his wife do the dishes (they both work and share the chores) yesterday I only did the laundry and some cleaning around the house and they insisted I do nothing for dinner. While I'm glad to have some time to rest throughout the day. I can't shake the feeling that I should do more since I'm not paying for anything.

I also want to mention that I'm planning to see a lawyer this week to understand my options and start the divorce process. I'm hoping this will help me take the right steps to ensure the safety and well being of my kids. I'm also planning to start looking for a job this week but I need to get my documents first.

I'm beyond thankful for everything my in laws doing for me but I'm still scared and I don't know what I'm even scared of precisely now that I decided I won't go back to him. But yesterday I couldn't close my eyes and get some sleep. Whenever I close them I imagine my kids getting hurt. And if I'm being honest I still feel like at some point I will mess everything up but I hope I don't. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and all the advice you gave me 🙏🏻

Edit: I'm sorry I just realized I've been referring to him as "my husband" instead of "soon to be ex-husband" I'm still adjusting.

I just graduated from college this past weekend, as did my girlfriend. Little backstory, we've only been dating about 6 months, but she's about 12 weeks pregnant. Spare me the lecture about BC because its not perfect I know we were dumb for not doubling up on the method.

Her family is old money rich, Im talking private jets on vacation and everything associated with that. Both her parents are relatively high profile in their community as well. They are very very heavily trying to get us to get married so their grandchild wont be "illegitimate". They took us out for graduation this weekend and made this all very clear. For a little bit, I was receptive to the idea. I mean I never imagined getting married this young, but I also never thought Id have a kid without being married, so I get what they're coming from. I told her dad id be open to it but Id need time. He said great, he'll reach out to the family lawyer and start making arrangements.

I asked why do we need a lawyer, and he brought up the prenup. A prenup had never been discussed prior to this and it makes me a little uneasy. I told my gf it makes me uncomfortable and she is trying to assure me its just standard since they have so much wealth and its just what everyone in their community does. She told me they'd make it fair as can be to me.

But the thing is, I cant hire my own lawyer, and Idk if I trust whoever they hired to "represent me". So i told him that Id marry his daughter if its that important, but Im passing on the prenup. This has not gone well, he accused me of using his daughter for financial gain, and trying to exploit them. He then accused me of purposely knocking her up. I kinda regret it, but I was taken aback so I was honest in telling him she initiated every step in the relationship including telling me not to use a condom (he didnt like this lol). I just dont want to jump into something so lopsided and im willing to give marriage a shot but only if its a normal old fashion marriage. Otherwise, I have no qualms with not being married. I dont really believe in the "illegitimate" label. My ideal would be to continue dating for atleast another year before getting engaged, but they dont want that because of appearances.

AITAH for standing my ground here?

My sister is renting her only home for the month of July on AirBnB and will net ~$26k before taxes. She has a planned vacation for part of the time, but will be 'homeless' for about three weeks. She has asked to come and stay with me and my family (my husband, two teen-aged children and me) for about 1 week. I asked her for $500. She is upset and does not want to pay me. As background, I have a guest room, and we stay with each other frequently for overnight visits at no charge. We both are fortunate and have means, Who is the AH?

A few years back I was making my transition to move back to my home state. I was a school counselor at the time and one of the requirements for your licensure is to have a background check conducted prior to you applying for a license transfer. The easiest place to do this was at a BMV (license bureau).

I drove up on a Friday to see my family who lived in Northeast Ohio in early December. For anyone familiar with the weather, it can be cold and extremely windy from Lake Erie. I also arrived at 7:30 in the morning considering the BMV opens at 8 and people tend to stay in line for a long time.

There were several people in their cars and trucks by the time I arrived at the BMV. However, there was ONLY one woman brave enough to stand in the cold weather (there's snow on the ground) with her young child to wait in line. I decided to wait behind her as I was second in line.

About a minute before the BMV opened, a group of men got out of their trucks, announced to everyone "we got to do this right because we arrived here first in the parking lot" and proceeded to cut in front of the woman and child (and everyone else who had been in the cold). Me being me, I was pretty mad about this and asked the woman if she wanted me to say something. She told me no and I can tell she wanted to keep the peace.

We get into the building and by this time I'm 6th or 7th in line and another guy proceeds to cut in front of me. I exclaimed pretty loudly that I'm going to stand for people cutting in line anymore. The guy who just stood in front of me mentioned he paid money online for a fast pass to get in the front of the line. Once he said that, I said very loudly for the BMV clerks and others in line while point at the guy from the truck, "that's great you paid to cut the line unlike that guy right there who enjoys cutting in front of a woman and child that stood in the cold while you stayed in your warm truck for 30 minutes."

That dude glared at me the rest of the time I was there. Was I doing too much? Maybe. Did I embarrass him badly? You bet and I felt soooooo much better afterwards.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to + their own page

Previous originally posted by

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

[New Update]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine + 1 year UPDATE

Trigger Warnings: possible domestic violence, possible financial abuse, possible divorce

RECAP

- May 19, 2023

I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.

Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.

Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.

A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.

Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?

Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.

Emma and Harper are best friends.

It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.

We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.

Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

Comments

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OOP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OOP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OOP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OOP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OOP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.

- June 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)

So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.

As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.

The short version is:

Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.

Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.

Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.

So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.

The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.

The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).

When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.

Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.

Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.

----NEW UPDATE----

- May 12, 2024 (11 months later)

So it’s been almost a year since my last update but with Mother’s Day upon us I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I’ve gotten.

Jenn and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before Jenn did not make that much money, she worked as a phlebotomist for our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that in the end of August. The bad news is it’s an 18 month program and they only let you work 20hrs a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is one she graduates she will move out then. That should be next May.

The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. Once he found out he was going to have to pay child support he tried every dirty nasty trick he could think of. No idea when that will be finished.

My wife is doing good, she happy she is helping her best friend, but 5 people in a house is a lot more work than 3. Since she works from home the pre and post school work falls on her.

Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don’t do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she is doing has given her some freedom to pursue other interest. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest but Harper and I have done some nice sets together.

Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.

I think I am doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jenn and Harper has relived a lot of stress from my life. That I also don’t have to see Dead Beet has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is I had thought that I was done with the portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jenn either gets her nursing job and/or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much.

For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

It's chicken fingers people. People want to wait in line 20 cars deep for chicken fingers? They don't even have any good sides or anything ..what? Freaking toast ?.. barely anything else on the menu. They have chicken fingers and sandwiches made out of chicken fingers.

Hi everyone, this is an update to my post which you can find here:

I got some really good feedback from my post and it led to my Husband and I staying up most of the night discussing what we wanted to do and a decision was reached. It wasn't an easy one but we have a child to think of now and she has to come first.

We blocked my Mother on every social Media, we changed our phone numbers and we reached out to the family lawyer to get in contact with her to inform her that all visits have been stopped after how she spoke to me in front of my sister. She has to get clean for at least a year with weekly tests if she wants to see my sister again. My Mother can contact our family lawyer if she needs help with the tests but beyond that she gets no help from us unless she wants to go to rehab which we will pay for, directly to the rehab not her.

My Husband, Sister and I have also moved in with my In-Laws for the time being as my Mother knows where we live. We will be looking for a new place and my In-Laws are aware of the situation and that we are cutting all contact for now. Honestly my In-Laws are delighted to have us staying with them, when we arrived the guest room my sister is using for now had an army of Squishmallows on the bed they are her current obsession and my FIL makes sure to bring a new one each time he sees her I always think she must have them all now and each time i'm wrong, how he keeps track of what she has and doesn't have I don't know as he never buys doubles.

We are settling in well, we are even planning a small Holiday with just my Husband, sister and I to get away from the stress we've been under, nowhere abroad as she doesn't have a passport yet but we'll be fixing that soon as we want to take her to Lapland for Christmas.

All in all we're doing alright though I admit I am feeling very conflicted and guilty over this even though I know it's the right choice it just doesn't make it easy.

Thank you all so much for your comments, and advice on the original post.

I (18f) moved out of my mom's house and in with my grandparents 5 months ago, two days after I turned 18. I also changed my last name after the move which is not something I mentioned to either mom or her husband until now. My reason for changing my name is they changed it first. I had my dad's last name but when my mom married her husband when I was 7 they changed mine to go along with theirs. I never wanted to have his name. I told them that. But mom told me it was so important that we all have the same last name. Mostly so her husband would feel like we truly became a family but also so he could claim me more easily and pick me up from school or dance classes or take me someplace and not be questioned on who he was to me.

I will always see it as his trying to claim me. He said it so many times that I was his daughter and I was his kid and stuff of that nature. It got SO annoying and I never wanted to be his kid. I never claimed him back. I have always rejected the idea that he's any kind of parent to me. I hate how territorial he is. I hate how he would lose his temper with people who'd know me as dad's kid or mention I was "Jay's daughter" and claim me as his own instead. I told him and mom how much I hated it and he told me he was feeding me and raising me and loving me and that entitled him to be recognized as my dad.

My dad died when I was 5. So that's why I wanted to still be his kid. He didn't abandon me or walk out. He loved me and he died because of a stupid allergic reaction that left me without the most important guy in my life.

My mom always defended her husband and told me I should show more appreciation for him because he could leave us and would I want that. I said yes a few times and she flipped out so hard. Sometimes I think my mom wanted to send me off the boarding school so I wouldn't ruin her marriage. I know they looked into it. But they would never give me to my paternal family because they still wanted to claim me as "theirs".

All of this led to a shitty relationship and me moving out as soon as I could. Which then led to me changing my last name back and never telling them. But I decided they could see me graduate and find out then. Only they got an email from the school with my full name on it for their tickets and they were furious that I invited them but didn't tell them. They said I was trying to make a fool out of them. My mom's husband told me I would have left them clueless as I publicly disowned them. I told him I was doing that for years and he never accepted it. They told me I was so thoughtless and petty.

AITA?