Stories & Confessions

Today was my nephew’s 13th birthday, and was the day I finally got back at my SIL for her antics.

SIL has had a habit of swapping name tags on the gifts with her cheap, last-minute finds, since the gifts were opened when the extended guests had left.

She had been successful with a gift I sent over when I was out of town and couldn’t attend my nephew’s birthday a few years ago, and thought she might try to pull her usual trick. So, I got my neighbour in on this, gave him a box with bright yellow wrapping, and asked him to brag about how he got lucky in finding this super rare Star Wars Lego set while SIL stood near, knowing the gifts will be opened later, when he’d had left.

As expected, SIL decided to generously “help set up" the gifts and the decorations. I caught her eyeing the box with the yellow wrapping, and before long, she "accidentally" knocked over a few, quickly swapping the tags.

After the party, nephew eagerly tore into the presents. The look on SIL face made me wish we had some reality tv cameras set up for this, when nephew opened the box with the bright yellow wrapping with her name on it, out came a fee packs of cigarettes and a box of contraceptives, with a post-it note reading: “HB! You’re a man now!”.

SIL was speechless, and so were the rest of the family. She tried to play it off as a “prank”, and that she wanted nephew to be prepared for adulthood. She was red as a ripe tomato the rest of the night.

My parents are divorced and my brother (12m) and I (16f) split time between mom and dad. Our dad remarried after the divorce 9 years ago. His wife has a daughter 10f who lives with them full time now but her dad was around for a little while when they first got together and he left after my dad's wife won custody officially. He doesn't pay anything for his kid and my dad and his wife are the ones covering everything for her.

My dad and his wife haven't been doing so good with money for a couple of years and this year has been the worst yet for them. My mom is doing better than ever though and she's really been stable with money. So my brother and I have a much better life than our stepsister. We get to do extra curricular's and we get nicer stuff in general. This got so much more obvious lately because my brother got to do two field trips and I got to do an international trip with my school last year.

My stepsister had a field trip come up a couple of weeks ago but my dad and his wife couldn't afford to pay for it. They asked my mom to pay and she said no. They asked my brother to ask my mom and he didn't. So dad asked me to ask mom. He told me how much his stepdaughter wanted to go but the school didn't have a fund to cover for families who couldn't afford it. He told me he knows it's not mom's job but they were desperate and just wanted her to have a nice time and she knows my brother and I never miss out and he didn't want her to feel less important.

I didn't ask. My dad got super pissed when the field trip came and neither my brother or I asked mom. And my stepsister didn't get to go which super pissed him off.

AITA?

Traumatize Them Back thought you all would like my story:

In the late ‘70s I went to girl scout camp. It was great!!! But one night they served boiled spinach, and as fate would have it I’d been playing with pond moss that very afternoon. Add to this I’d tried spinach once at a friend’s house and I threw up. (Mom despised spinach, so it hadn’t crossed my plate any other time).

At dinner that night our vegetable was boiled spinach. I told the counselors “I can’t eat this, I’ll throw up.”

“If you don’t take at least 3 brownie bites you can’t have dessert.”

“What is dessert” I queried?

“Ice cream sandwiches” answered the counselors.

Damn. Game on.

“Okay, I want that. I’m going to take a bite and puke… should I aim for the railing?”. It was semi-outdoors.

The counselors had stopped caring. “Uh-huh. Sounds good.”

I took the bite, swallowed it and promptly puked over the railing. Suddenly, they are all action and rushed me to the one stall bathroom… that was occupied.

I puked in the sink until the vile green shit was out of my system.

As I wiped my mouth with the paper towel I said “So, do I need to take my other 2 bites?”

Several counselors asked me shortly thereafter “If you knew you were going to throw up, why did you eat it?”

“I love ice cream sandwiches,” I answered.

My sweet mother raised hell upon my return from camp that summer, and the forced “three bite” rule went away at Camp Winacka for many, many years.

My wife and I have a 2 year old and a 6 week old. We agreed that after the birth of our second, I would get a vasectomy since birth control bothers her. Three days ago, I got the procedure done.

Doctor told me to rest for 3 days without being on my feet and doing any strenuous activities. My wife asked me to do some favors for her which required me to go up and down the stairs while carrying the newborn. I obliged but I'd wince in pain with every step. She compared her child birth pain to mine and told me that I would never be in that much pain. I told her that she's correct but I can't help but feel invalidated at the same time.

I also suffer from lower back pain and being in the positions I've been in has flared it up, but she hasn't helped me much when I'm clearly in pain. She, again, compared her pain from child birth to mine this morning and chuckled.

She's not a mean spirited person. I'm so tired of hearing it and I feel like she should show more empathy towards my situation. I will likely talk to my therapist about this. Question I have is, am I being too sensitive and/or selfish?

so it turns out he’s got deep-seated resentment for me lol.

he resents me for:

earning more money than him

being further in my career than he is

not losing my job during covid like he did

having parents who love and support me

not being a submissive woman (lol)

having a present and loving father

not combining our finances thus making him feel small

so when i last came here, i said i’d asked him to come home and discuss our future with baby, preferably in the presence of a neutral party. he left me on read for a few days though i could see he was spying on us through the ring door bell and baby’s monitor. i disconnected them both and he finally responded 🫠

he came home very irate and rejected my offer to have a neutral facilitator for the conversation. i asked how we're supposed to move forward and the rant above came out in a full mask off moment. any hope i had that you guys were wrong about him died that day.

he again rejected the offer to hyphenate baby’s surname. apparently i’m ‘disrespectful’ and ‘insolent’ for refusing to ‘do what’s right’ and give baby their ‘rightful’ surname. i told him i won’t go through the administrative nightmare of having a different surname to my child, and lots of data shows a double barrelled surname is social currency that has positive connotations. nope - he wouldn’t budge. i told him neither would i - baby either has both our surnames or mine alone.

he asked if this was a hill i wanted this relationship to end on, if i was prepared to throw half a decade down the drain over my ‘silly little feminism’. i told him i wasn’t sure there was anything left to fight for. we broke up. thankfully, our - in his name - lease expires end of may. i called my dad and he came to help me back up baby.

i messaged him to suggest we still need couple’s counselling: we need to learn to be co-parents and they can help us establish a healthy way of doing that. he again said no to that so

my mum wanted to take me and baby on a baby moon holiday after this stressful period but he would grant permission for me to take baby abroad :)))))))

it’s going to be a long road ahead. i’ve instructed a lawyer to help us set up a formal agreement to avoid this in the future. he’s not responding to correspondance from the lawyer so that’s fun. he’s sulking - used to do this a lot when things didn’t go his way. i hope he’ll soon realise i no longer have time for his bs and i won’t be toyed with because i called his bluff and ended the relationship

to end on a bright note, the house i wanted us to buy a couple of years ago - which he talked me out of until he was back on his feet again despite us being able to afford it on my salary alone - is back on the market! i took it as fate: it’s time to move on from this man! it’s a beautiful Victorian terrace near good schools, good transport links, a small garden and close to my parents. it’d be the perfect home for baby and i. i put in an offer in - wish me luck!

Throwaway,

I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.

When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.

I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.

I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.

When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.

Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.

I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.

26F. I've been with my husband since we were 14 and we just had a baby 10 months ago. I have always gotten along with my MIL. She's a very sweet woman who would literally take the shirt off her back to make sure I am okay. I love this woman tremendously. But for whatever reason, every single time she has come over to see the baby, my daughter screams bloody murder the entire time she's here. She doesn't do this with anyone else. But literally the second my MIL walks through the door and my daughter sees her, she is in my ear screaming, hyperventilating and inconsolable. It's literally been like this since she was born (my MIL first visited when she was a 4 days old and it was the same thing then). We have never been super cautious about having people over to see our daughter but like I said, she's not like that with anyone else. Like, some people she doesn't want touching her but she never cries. My MIL is just the polar opposite. She has been able to successfully hold her once without her screaming but it was when she was holding her faced away from her and my husband was entertaining her to keep her distracted. My MIL comes over once a week and honestly, I've just started completely dreading her coming here at all because I'm not kidding, my daughter screams the entire time and sometimes my MIL doesn't leave for a couple of hours. It's not fun for anyone involved.

Well, she came here yesterday and my husband is starting to get irritated by the fact that our daughter refuses to warm up to his mother because she's been a huge part of our lives. So he suggested that she start coming here more often than she already does now to basically attempt to force the bond. I personally know it doesn't work like that. I mean, if the bond was going to happen right now, it would have already. She simply does not like my MIL. I thought maybe it was the perfume my MIL wore so she stopped wearing perfume but that did nothing. I told her to not wear her jewelry to see if that helped but again, that did nothing. I've even had her put her hair up, thinking maybe my daughter was getting overwhelmed with not being able to see her face completely and that actually made it worse. I've told her to stop baby talking her (because she has a very high pitched baby talk voice) but her normal voice didn't calm the baby down either. And honestly, I'm exhausted and fed up with trying. I don't think we SHOULD try. I think we need to let it go and let it form naturally. She will warm up to her eventually, in her own time. But my husband is basically just not okay with it, all because my mom came here to see us for the first time last month (she lives in UK and traveling is hard to US for her) and our daughter immediately loved her and didn't want her to set her down. So my husband felt slighted about it, and as I said he wants his mom to come here more.

Well, usually I don't mind when my MIL stops by but she came by unannounced this morning at 8:30am and I mean, I had just woken up with the baby (she had a long night, teething, so I'm talking like 3hrs of sleep). She comes in and says that my husband told her to come over and hang out FOR THE DAY. She said she cleared her entire schedule to be here. I just kind of shook my head and said "I really don't want to deal with the baby screaming all day long. I wish you guys had run this by me. You know I love having you here but this whole 'lets force a bond' bullshit is dragging me mentally. You guys should have asked me." She looked hurt and said "it's okay sweetie, I can go" and she left a few minutes later. But now my husband is mad at me, insisting that this "would have worked". AITA?

Throwaway. English is not my main language, apologies for the mistakes.

I (31F) was traveling today with my 19 months old son on a plane on a 3 hour flight. My son, being under two, has to sit on my lap. I also had a big backpack with all the necessities that I keep on the floor and easily accessible. It can get crowded fast, but it's just how it is when you travel alone with a young child.

I got assigned a random seat (12C) at checkup, and ended up being in a row with no other empty seat. Although I appreciate it when there is an empty seat next to me as it greatly improves our flight experience, It's not an expectation I have and I never ask for it at check up.

Once the boarding was completed but before take off, a flight attendant came to me and offered to move us 3 row up (9C) because there were two seats availables, and that they usually try to accommodate people with young infants. I was delighted and accepted right away. The flight attendant helped me move my things and explained the situation to the other passenger on row 9.

The passenger did not appreciated it at all, she started complaining to the flight attendant that she was planning to sleep on the flight, and that it would be impossible now. That she specifically chose this seat while checking online because the row was empty and it's gonna be a nightmare now.

The flight attendant simply explained that both my seats (old and new) are Standard, that the women only paid for her own seat and that their policy is trying to accommodate young parents if possible.

The woman then told me that I should be ashamed to impose all this noise on people that are just trying to enjoy their flight. Especially since it wasn't even my seat and I didn't even pay for it.

Honestly, I'm really not good with confrontation, I usually end up either crying or apologizing so I just ignored her all the way, as if she didn't speak at all. That got her even more angry but she finally stopped complaining after a while.

My son ended up crying only once, I got some stinky eye and some other rude comments but all in all, the flight was way more comfortable for us this way, so I don't really regret switching seats. But I do wonder if I'm the AH, it's true that I didn't pay for that seat, and that it wasn't my originally assigned seat.

AITA here?

EDIT : Spelling

EDIT 2 to address some recurring themes :

• The bag can fit under the seat, it was there during take off and landing. It was on the floor the rest of the time for easy access.

• My son was on my lap the whole flight (as per the Flight Attendant demand), the extra seat was just extra space to feel less crowded and not bump elbows.

• I'm overweight yes, but not extremely so, I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight yet.

• I'm from Europe, my son HAS to be in my lap, the flight attendant insisted on it when she offered me to switch seats. We aren't allowed to bring car seats with us, they go with luggage.

• I can't afford to buy an extra seat just to have more space, as my son isn't allowed to sit there yet.

I work in an intense, unfulfilling job six days a week. My wife has not had a paying job since we got engaged 16 years ago. 7 years ago, I quit my "change the world" job, which paid little, but conferred distinction and a sense of doing what is right -- for a mercenary, awful job I hate, but which pays 10 times as much.

My wife enthusiastically supported, indeed urged, my job change to the higher paying but awful job. For a while I held it all in, but over time, particularly recently, I've told her clearly that this job is leading me to an early grave. It is awful the people and crap I deal with every day. It is immensely stressful and not rewarding in the least. But of course, as the pay rolled in, our standard of living increased, and the amount we spend each month is eye-watering.

Last night, at a cocktail party with my friends, my wife got drunk, and on the way home, tearfully told me that I "just don't understand her," and that what she "truly needs to feel fulfilled is a horse." We know many people with horses. After a few questions, where she kept replying that this horse or that "wasn't good enough for her," our discussion devolved into shouting.

I view this as a pretty simple thing. I want to go back to a job I like some day. I'd like to reduce our spending so I don't need to work until I'm 80. My son wants to visit Madagascar. My point is that people's wants, practical (not working until I'm 80 in an awful job) or impractical (visiting Madagascar) are often placed aside.

Also FYI - I don't have any hobbies. So it's not like I'm spending money on cars or something and then telling her that she can't.

I should add that we live in the suburbs of a big city. We do not have a backyard where a horse can graze. We would need to first buy a special breed of horse she demands for tens of thousands of dollars, pay for feed, veterinary, stable, insurance, etc. We're talking HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars. Another stone in my backpack. Basically guaranteeing that I will never be able to do anything else.

I view this as her saying, in so many terms: Well *I* want to be fulfilled; but I don't give a shit about your stress and fulfillment.

Am I the asshole for not rushing to buy her a horse?

My boyfriend Adam (24M) is celebrating his 25th birthday next weekend with his boys, this weekend we already celebrated together and now he wants to hangout with his friends. At first i didn't have any problems with it until i found out they were planning on going to the stripclub.

When he first told me i said i don't want him going because we're together and i consider it cheating, he claims that nothing will happen and he won't get a lap dance. but im not stupid to think his friends won't buy him one and find some stripper to celebrate. Even if he doesn't get a lap dance i still don't want him going because it's full of naked women.

We've been fighting over this for a few days now and im not sure what to do. I want him to have fun but i think this is too far for someone in a relationship.

We all know the house wins... and even if they don't 12% of the time, they will the other 88% of times. Why is sport betting such an advertised thing? The ads are basically a predatory trap towards broke 21yr olds.....

I (33M) and my wife (37F) of 6 years , Sally recently have problem . I'm SAHD with 3 kids (6M, 5F, 2M) , they really take away all of my time.
My wife on the hand is a breadwinner with a well paid and Remotely job.

My wife came from a large family so she always wanted a huge family for herself. It was delayed because she actually wanted to has a good career to support herself and her ideas family. We met and she actually told about wanted a big family and at that time I didn't mind about that. We has our first son a year after married and my daughter the next year . Then the pandemic came and I lost my job , we agreed to postpone. My wife managed to get promoted and handled all of the bills and mortgage . We communicate again and decided that I will stay home and take care the kids and the house.

We have the youngest in late 2022 and now she feels that her body is fine to another pregnancy. I'm starting to feel exhausted to take care of all things. So I did ask her to wait until the kid bit older and she disagree and explained that she is running out of time . Apparently she won't give birth when she reaches her 40 cause the pregnancy risk is higher.

So I explained to her about my situation and views. She convinced that she would ask her sister to help me out and spend more time with our children. I reminded that her sisters has their own life and cannot always help me. We have argument and she end up calling me a jerk for not keep up with my words.

Now , she stills push me to have another child and won't stop even when I Confront her. I feel a little guilty here and wonder if I should just accept another child , she already near 40 those. So aita ?

Title says it mostly. I accidentally walked in on my dad going down on my mom. This just happened like 15 minutes ago

I was playing Fallout 4 for several hours, and I had no clue where my parents were. Keep in mind, that I also have a hearing deficit and I was not wearing my hearing aids at the time. On top of that, it is currently very late where I live so I figured my parents were in bed or something.

After playing Fallout 4 for several hours, I go into the hallway and I see a small amount of light coming from the game room. I thought that maybe someone left the TV on and I went to turn it off. I open the door and lo and behold...

My father's head is in between my mom's legs, like 6 feet away from me. I just shut the door and ran downstairs and outside. I became a little concerned about what would happen next.

My father came outside, and I asked: "How are ya?" And he said: "Fine, but next time knock."

I explained that not only had I been unaware of where they were, but it was also late and I thought maybe they were in bed. I also mentioned that I was not wearing my hearing aids and could not hear behind the door very well. I also added on top of all of that I saw a light coming from the game room and thought that maybe someone left the TV on and intended to turn it off. I also apologized and said that I just made an honest mistake.

My father said everything was fine and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He just said that Fridays and Saturdays are the only two days that he has time to spend with my Mom, so I should be more... vigilant about opening a door on those days.

TLDR: I walked in on my parents having sex. My father asked that next time I knock, but he acknowledged that I made a genuine error.

EDIT: Holy F-Word 6k upvotes! I want to thank the people who have given me positive reinforcement so far.

I (18M) have been arguing with my parents for a while now because they wanted to charge me rent as soon as I graduated. I didn't really like this because I'm trying to save money for a car before I go to college. They told me that it was stupid to save money for a car because Freshman can't use them on campus. That's true, but I'd still like to have a car for other purposes. My tuition is covered, so there's no reason to really save for anything else.

They told me that they want to prepare me for the "real world" and that I need to learn that it's a privilege to be able to live with them as not many kids have that. I told them that I understand that but I just don't see why me wanting to save money is a bad thing.

They said that they expected me to start paying as it was set in stone but I never agreed to that. They said it was their house and their rules and that they were only trying to help me out in the long run. I told them that they could help me out now by allowing me to save money but they refused. They said that I could save money and pay rent at the same time but I feel as if it would hinder me more. My parents want to charge me $550 and that's half of my pay check.

I told them that but my dad told me that I was acting entitled and that legally they don't have to let me live with them anymore since I'm an adult. Hearing him say that made me realize that it was time for me to go. My friend (21M) has been offering me to stay with him for a while now and I felt that now it was time to take him up on the offer. While my parents were at work I packed my things and my friend picked me up. I sent them a text letting them know I was gone and that was that. They weren't happy and started calling me demanding to know where I was. I told them that I wouldn't do that but I'll come and visit them when I get the chance.

I still call them frequently and send them goodnight texts but they're still upset because they don't know where I'm at. They've gotten other family members to basically tell them how disappointed they are in me and I don't understand. My parents don't even like my friend as it is and them knowing I'm living with his is just gonna cause more problems. I don't see what I did wrong.

I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.

Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature.

I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds. Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.

My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one. I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.

Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business. She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her.

Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out.

My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an asshole to look through the texts and then leave?

My husband and I just had a baby 2 months ago and honestly, him and I have been fighting nonstop since. It's because he is a "yes man" and it's starting to become intolerable. We live beside ALL of his friends and they ask him to go out every single weekend and he basically can't tell them "no" without feeling some type of way about it. His alternative to fixing the issue is to move in with his mother, who is fixing to buy a giant home over an hour away. I refuse to do this. Not only do I not want to live with anyone at all but there's already issues I'm not okay with. But irregardless, he went and looked at the house with her yesterday and came back home and brought it up yet again.

Here's my issues... For one, she expects us to come up with the down payment for her loan. It's $10,400. I have the money. My husband has suggested that we use my savings to put toward the loan (he works full time but 80% of his money goes toward our bills). I refuse to give up my financial cushion for anyone. Our name wouldn't be on the loan or the deed to the house but she has told us that the house would be ours when she passes (I DO believe her, she's a lot of things but a liar isn't one of them so I know the house would 100% be ours). She expects us to pay half of all the bills, which is $800 more than we pay here and that's not including electric or water or pretty much anything else that goes wrong. For two, she expects me to go back to work immediately upon her purchasing the home and put our daughter in to daycare. My husband and I have already made it clear that our daughter will not be going to daycare but she keeps pushing the issue. Every time we see her now, she is bringing up the house and dropping comments about her being able to get me a job with her. She knows we have said no. She says that "won't work" unless I intend on picking up all house work. This means I would be in charge of cleaning up after 4 adults (her boyfriend, my husband, myself and her) and her unruly, untrained dog. Nope. Which leads to point 3, I refuse to live with her BF or her dog. And then the big one, she doesn't respect boundaries. She is not a malicious person but she's very... Nonchalant? She thinks that a lot of things don't matter because they wouldn't matter to her. As in she's come in to my room several times (when visiting us) while I'm sleeping and woken me and the baby up. When my daughter was 5 days old she showed up announced with her 3 young grandchildren so they could see the baby and one of those kids parents were at home sick with the flu, so she knowingly exposed my daughter because "well, she isn't sick, just her parents are".

Anyways, I just don't want to live with her. I don't want to live with anyone and be under someone else's thumb. I love my MIL. She truly is a great person (outside of the boundaries issue) but I can't do it and won't do it. My husband keeps trying to convince me to just "try it out" because he desperately wants to get out of here. He knows he has an issue with saying no to his buddies but instead of trying to say no, he wants to run because he thinks it'll make us stop fighting. I told him I'm absolutely not moving out of here unless we move alone. He's so upset about this that he is panicking. He feels like staying here is basically sealing his fate to be a "loser" (all his buddies are 30-40yo nobodies who do nothing but drink and blow money on dumb "fun" shit while their wives are at home taking care of everything and he doesn't want to end up like that but still refuses to say "no"). He says I should be willing to do this for him. AITA?

Just wanted to share cause i can't sleep rn

There is this girl i got interested in recently.

Usually i wouldn't had been sure if someone liked me back but with her felt mutual, still i was being a bit insecure. We've been talking a lot and i told her she could come over kinda jokingly. The thing is, i wasn't really expecting her to come by, yet she did, to my surprise.

We finished the show she recommended me and i made her some food cause she hadn't eaten.

When it was time for her to go, i told her i would call an Uber, and while we waited for someone to take it, we played a bit. I was making as if i was gonna bite her (best way to show affection obviously) and i ended up on top of her, i got a bit nervous and tried to play it off as if i was gonna bite her neck/shoulder and she kept pushing my head back but keeping it really close to her face, after a few seconds repeating the same we stopped for a second our faces really close together and i decided this was pretty obviously mutual and finally got closer and kissed her, i went back a seconds and seeing her face decided to go again and we ended up making out for like 10 min straight until the uber came by.

We were kinda awkward as we were saying goodbye, but it seemed we both enjoyed ourselves, and we might be a thing now. Feeling pretty good about myself right now, ngl.

Edit: There goddammit, i made f ing corrections now leave me alone. Damn grammar police, Jesus.

Last night, I went over to my boyfriend's house. I was a little late just because I had to take a few attempts at finding a shirt and jeans that fit me right. When I was telling him this story I joked about it, I could see he wasn't amused and he tells me that me having to go what he called scavenger hunting for fitting clothes is a sign I'm getting fat.

I told him he needed to watch how he spoke to me. He just kept going, said that even the shirt and jeans that I had chosen to wear were snug-ish. When he saw I was angry, he pay his hands on my shoulders and tells me he loves me, but that he is not going to spend the summer watching me gain weight.

I told him he was just overreacting to a harmless joke. He told me I wasn't worried about my weight enough. I warned him and told him he was on thin ice. I've dated this guy for four years, since we were high school freshman, and now we're seniors, and never has he called me dumb, which is what he did after I told him he was on thin ice.

AITAH?

Me (34F) and my husband (37M) live in a house with our 3 kids. We also live with my husband's mom who caretakes for my husband's friends daughter (3F) Her mom said that she had a traning for 2 weeks in april and its been more than that amount. She texted me that for her new job she needed his mom to take care of her daughter and we agreed for the 2 week time period and we agreed that for 2 weeks she could drop her daughter off at our house. My daughter (12F) is also very annoyed because she keeps getting bothered by her and asks for her skincare and stuff. Also my brother came (35M) and he is renovating the room where he will be staying for two months and her daughter has asthma so she will get very sick if she stays for any longer. We are starting to go more places for the summer and my husbands mom wants to go too but she can't because she has to watch her daughter. Me and my husband finally made the decision to give her two weeks to find somewhere else, and she got mad and then just blocked me and its making me feel like ITAH and her daughter is so sweet so we felt bad making this decision.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in and her user account

Inconclusive no updates in 1.5 years

2 updates - Long

- 1st June 2022

- 2nd June 2022

- 16th October 2022

Changed B to Belle (daughter) and F to Frank (Dad)

AITA for refusing to go to my daughter graduation ceremony

I (40sF) have a daughter (18F) who I’ll call Belle. When she was younger, her father (broke up before she was born) was very involved in her life and she was admittedly a “dad’s girl” but this all changed when she turned 8 and he got married. He barely called and just abandoned her for his new family. This was obviously hard on her and she rebelled a lot. But she went to therapy and seemed good. Belle has not seen him since she was 12 and he speaks to her maybe 3 times a year maximum. When he calls, she believes he is now back in her life for good then he ghosts her for the remainder of the year. This being said ,Belle and I have a great relationship, we do everything together. She even refers to me as her best friend so I’d say we have a good relationship.

Recently was her graduation and I was excited. But then she came to me a week before and told me she is going to invite her dad and his son. And cos her dad doesn’t want to see me, I can’t come. Belle told me that was the only way he was gonna go. I angrily told her, I felt betrayed and wont forgive her for this. She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too. Things got heated and we argued.

The night before her graduation, I pleaded with her but she ignored me when I spoke. And only said “I’m sorry but I’m not changing my mind. I left and cried until my sister offered to take me out during the graduation to take my mind of it and I agreed.

I woke up the next morning to my daughter bawling her eyes out. I looked at the time and realised the ceremony starts in 5 minutes. I asked Belle why she hasn’t left yet. Belle then tells me her father ditched her and isn’t answering anymore. I hug her and tell her to make the most of her graduation. She looked shocked and asks if I’m not going to the ceremony now her father isn’t anymore .

And how it’ll be embarrassing to be the only one there without parents. I told I’m sorry that I already had plans. She then screamed and called me a bad mom. I apologise once again and got ready to meet my sister. I chose not to go because I felt betrayed and wanted to teach her actions have consequences, even if it broke me that i didn’t go. Since Belle returned she hasn’t spoken a word to me. And she looks depressed and like she’s been crying for ages. I’m starting to regret not going.

My sister says I did the right thing, but one of the moms at my daughter school said she was depressed at graduation and now I feel bad that I ruined what was suppose to be a day to remember because I wanted to teach my daughter a lesson. So aita?

Comments

Mad_Cowboy_64

NTA. You gave her an important lesson about maintaining relationships with the people who are there for you and not blowing them off for the next new thing that comes along.

Agitated_Cheek4890

I fully agree. Daughter treated her horrendously. Daughter might now go NC but she would be an AH to do so given how she's treated her mother. ETA: thank you for the award

Awkward-Wasabi-9262

And OP stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. The more you apologize, the more your daughter believes that her was right in her actions. At best you can say "look, I understand you're hurt and I'm sorry you're upset but this is a consequence of your actions."

Update - 1 day later

I don’t think I’m a bad mom for this one thing. And I accept the judgements and read everything. To answer your question: Belle does go therapy. This isn’t the first time Belle has ditched me for her dad, she been doing it for 10 years. This is the first time I have said no to her after he father abandoned her. I have asked her therapist, if Belle is being manipulated. and she said no based on Belle and her father’s messages, and my daughter is just grasping onto a reality that isn’t there

Update: I went to my daughter and apologised for not going to her graduation. I also explained that it is not a nice feeling to be left out and I feel under appreciated. Also, that is fine to want her father there for her, but I should too. Belle told me that she’s sorry things ended this way and that she loves me(hugged me)and wants things to go back to normal. And that she acted like a bitch. I told her nevertheless I should have been there and if I could do this all over again, I would’ve gone. ( honestly I said this as I thought she now knew her dad can’t be trusted- and I felt for her).

Then I asked her if she regret uninviting me in the first place and unsurprisingly she said no. This hurt me but I figured it was because I didn’t go so it was understandable. But no, she continued saying that it was probably best I didn’t go because she would’ve been more miserable as she would have preferred her dad to be there anyway. Then I got pissed( I didn’t show it). I told her my feeling were hurt, especially since I’ve been there for her.

And she said that she’s always going to want her dad there for her big moments. I asked, even at the expense of me and knowing he most likely won’t show. And she replied “ I mean if I have to make sacrifices, I’m going to, to have my dad there. I repeated the question as she seemed to be swerving it but she just shrugged and went on her phone. I told her not to expect everyone to apologise and turn a blind eye when she doesn’t value them in the real world. And i also said, knowing how she feels, don’t expect another apology from me and this is the last time I’m doing this. She looked tear eyes but I left.

I don’t know how other parents do this. I know her father is going to keep abandoning her and honestly I’m at my limit. And If I didn’t know whether I was wrong or not before, I definitely know I was right in not going. I know I’m going to get a lot of backlash saying this but I’m bitter and angry. I understand wanting her dad there but I should be on the same level of importance as him. I’m still going to be there for her when he inevitable ditches her again but if this behaviour carries on to her next graduation or wedding day. I can’t say I’ll be that apologetic to her. I should’ve just listened to NTA.

Comments

Alibeee64

Can I ask why her dad didn’t want you at the ceremony? It sounds like you don’t have an issue with him, but he obviously has one with you. Perhaps your daughter needs to work to understand this, as he seems very vindictive. If she doesn’t learn to set boundaries with him, what is going to happen when he makes similar demands at other important life events like college graduation, or her wedding? Is she going to expect you to keep letting her run over you emotionally in order to accommodate her dad’s crazy demands, especially when he keeps letting her down. And is she going to spend her life chasing after men who emotionally distance themselves from her because her relationship with her father has taught her to do this?

OOP: Honestly we broke up on good terms. I haven’t spoken to him in years though. And when I have seen their messages, it’s always small talk and nothing about me. So I don’t where this came from.

Her father always believed in leaving the past in the past. Even when were together, he was always a firm believer of that. So even though we had amicable breakup, he also didn’t see the need in being in contact with me. I just didn’t think he would have applied that to Belle when he got his new family. Also, I’ve heard a lot of rumours from friends as to why he does this to Belle, but then again they haven’t been confirmed by her father. So I can’t speak to that. She did want me there at her ceremony, she spoke it non stop to me until her father said what he said. And yes there’s messages of him telling B he won’t be comfortable with seeing me after so long. I genuinely don’t why he would say that.

Update - 4 months later

I’m sure no one asked for this update but here goes.

I’m going to refer to Belle's father as Frank.

For the past few months I’ve done a lot of reflection. Although, I can’t say I regret not going to B’s graduation ceremony, I do wish I handled the situation more like an adult. Growing up, I was taught never to ask questions I don’t want the answer to and that is exactly what I did with my daughter. I shouldn’t have asked if she regretted uninviting me because truthfully I didn’t want to hear the answer. And for that, i think I acted childish.

To clear up some misconception: I don’t speak to Belle’s father simply because he refuses to be cooperative. Also, when I said Belle referred to me as her “best friend”. This doesn’t mean I treat her like my equal. I do parent her, she did get grounded and got her phone taken away when she misbehaved at school etc( which is rarely). I think she calls me that because she feels comfortable to talk to me about everything.

Now to the update: There was an incident after, where Belle wanted her dad’s help her move into her college apartment before term started but he refused because he “had work”. She begged for weeks. The whole 3 hour ride to her college was her crying hysterically. My sister consoled her but if I’m being honest I was pissed. Pissed at my daughter as she refuses to go therapy anymore, but seriously pissed at my ex.

It took me ages after graduation but I finally got in contact with F’s aunt. I explained the situation and that I need to get into contact with him as he’s either ignoring or not getting my messages. He ended up sending me a very long letter. In a small nutshell, it said that my daughter has been stalking and threatening him and his family and he’s been trying to have a healthy relationship with her but she keeps being aggressive so he had to distance himself.

He acknowledges he hasn’t been the best father but he tried for the past few years and Belle is too aggressive so he had to put the safety of his family first. As for the graduation, he wrote that he definitely refused to go. And only said it was probably for the best as I probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable with him there. He said not to contact him again and that we’ve done enough damage.

He added photocopies of messages between him and Belle, where she “says” deeply troubling things, like physical threats. Personally, I thought everything he said was BS and misconstrued. I spoke to Belle and told her of her father’s accusations. She broke down in tears hysterically and admitted that she hasn’t been the nicest to Frank’s wife and child (understandably) but she never threatened and stalked them. I was trying to calm her down. I told her I believe her and suggested therapy. Then she turned on me, blaming me for the breakdown between her and her father relationship.

She swore at me and broke stuff. She told me to stop trying to villainize her father, when I’m the problem. She called me a burden and cancer and said I should’ve stayed out of her business. I was called a bad mother and told I should burn in hell. To be clear, she was never violent towards me. She packed her stuff and left, presumably back to college. Me or my family haven’t heard from her since. I called and called but only got one message from a random number telling me to leave her alone. I told her I’m always here when’s she’s ready to talk.

It’s been 2+ months since I spoke to her. I’ll never admit this to anyone but honestly I feel relieved. My self esteem plummeted and I felt dead for the longest time because of this situation. I’m going therapy and feel the tiniest bit better. I finally went on a date yesterday for the first time in a decade, without getting guilted. In hindsight, mine and B’s relationship were no where near perfect. I don’t know what more I could’ve done but I wished I did more. She’s my child and she was a victim of an overall shit situation.

Sorry for the long update.

Comments

maybemaybo

I'm guessing with the graduation he likely said something like "and your mom probably wouldn't be comfortable seeing me.." in an attempt to let her down politely.

And that probably led her to go "well if I uninvite my mum, problem solved!" refusing to actually see the truth, that he won't come because it doesn't fit in with their fantasy.

I would honestly reach out to F's family member and say "pass on that he should use these threats to try and get a restraining order" because now she's cut you off, who knows how much more desperate she is to get to him.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This was 20+ years ago with a dumbass boyfriend

I was in a relationship with a know it all, for far too long. He was anal retentive about how the dishwasher needed to be this way and not that way, his way was the best, yada yada yada. It was exhausting listening to him go on and on about the damn dishwasher and how my way "looked like a T-rex had loaded it "

Finally I had a enough. I took a package of Oreos and crushed some crumbs in the clean dishes of the dishwasher on the rack(when he wasn't looking) and showed him his way wasn't working anymore. Cups, saucers, plates, utensils were covered In a fine film of what looked like "dirt" I kept doing this for days and he kept having to rewash the dishes in the sink, completely flabbergasted as to why the dishes weren't spectacularly clean . He stopped gloating about his "dishwashing skills" after a while ...I have no regrets

Me (28F) wedding is scheduled for September 15th, a date that holds special significance for my fiancé (30M) and me because it's our anniversary. We've been planning this day for over a year, and everything is set in motion — venue, vendors, invitations sent, the whole nine yards.

Enter my sister (32F), who recently booked a non-refundable, two-week vacation to Italy with her boyfriend, leaving on September 10th. She claims she forgot my wedding date when booking the trip. Now, she’s demanding I move my wedding date so she can attend. She insists it’s unfair for me to expect her to cancel a trip she’s been looking forward to for months.

I suggested she could join us virtually, but she scoffed at the idea, saying it’s not the same. Our parents are pressuring me to accommodate her, arguing that family comes first and that it’s just a date. They’ve even gone as far as to say they might not attend if she can't be there, hoping that will push me to change my mind.

However, changing the date would mean losing our deposits and re-planning everything, which would be both stressful and expensive. My fiancé and I are firm about keeping our original date, but now my family is accusing me of being inflexible and selfish.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to change my wedding date for my sister’s vacation?

I'm from Oklahoma City, and I occasionally hear online and in real life that "Oklahoma is so boring I could never live there". I never understood why people say that, because I think there is plenty of things to do over here. We have tourist attractions, bars, nightclubs and fancy and exotic restaurants. I like it here. Frankly, I don't see why places like New York or Los Angeles are seen as "special".

To anyone who still disagrees, what is something can you do on a regular basis in New York that you can't do in Oklahoma City?

Hello, everyone. It's only been a couple of days since my last post. Since then, I have taken the advice most of you have given me and I talked to my mom about how I don't want to keep being forced by her to visit Eric (my sperm donor, as most of you referred to him as).

Long story short, I'm not 100% sure she won't continue to send me over to Eric's house, but she did wind up sending him long texts, chewing him out for not treating me right and telling him to step up and pay his child support. He didn't answer her though, so I followed some other advice and wrote him a long text myself that detailed how I felt about his treatment of me the last few years.

The thing is, as soon as I sent that text, he called me to yell at me and called me spoiled and overdramatic. He said it's my fault we don't have a relationship since I never visit or talk to him anymore, and because I mentioned the unpaid child support, he said that I was only reaching out to him for money.

I nearly cried during that phone call and wound up just hanging up on him. He sent some angry texts to my mother as well. But later that day, he left a voicemail on my phone saying, "Money is kind of tight for me right now. I'm completely broke. You know I love you, right?" The thing is that I know that's a lie because I'm always seeing my younger step-sister make Tik-Tok videos showing off the Sephora and other expensive crap he buys her all the time.

I think I'm done trying. And some of you suggested asking my stepdad for help. I wish I could, but when I asked my mom again if he could adopt me, she said something that absolutely crushed me. Apparently, my stepdad himself said he doesn't feel like he should adopt me. My stepdad is a very kind and sympathetic man, but he's also extremely unconfrontational and thinks it would be like a slap in the face to Eric if he adopted me.

Also, because I noticed some confusion about this in the comments on my last update, the reason my parents divorced was because he cheated, but it wasn't with his current wife. My parents split up when I was still basically an infant, and Eric lived in Canada where he jumped from girlfriend to girlfriend there before he moved down here and continued to jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. When I was 12, he met and knocked up his wife, Alejandra, and married her without telling me till a month after their courthouse wedding.

Also, some of you asked how old I am. I am fifteen. It feels ridiculous that I have this stress on me at my age, and I can't really talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my stepdad because he's always working and I'm only ever with him when my mom is there too, and I don't like talking to her because she always tells me that I'm too young to really feel how I feel.

The last time I tried to discuss my mental health with my mom, I asked her if I could start going to therapy and she said that therapists are dumb and that I can just talk to her or pray to God if anything is wrong. I'm not super religious, and talking to her about anything serious makes me deeply uncomfortable. It's not that I don't love her, since she is my mom after all, but she's pretty intense and intimidating.

My dad has not reached out to me again since his voicemail. Frankly, I don't want to even thing about him for a long while now If he suddenly realizes how badly he's screwed up with me and apologizes, then maybe I'll try to rebuild our relationship.

As for my stepdad, he may not want to adopt me, but he still calls me his daughter (never just his step-daughter) and I truly feel loved by him. I love his parents like they're my own grandparents, and his whole family is so warm and loving. I might make another update if anything else happens, but for now I'm just going to focus on school and my books. Maybe now that I understand that Eric really doesn't care that much about me anymore, I can finally focus on finishing my third book.

I dedicated my first book to him, and I honestly don't regret it. I dedicated that book to the dad he used to be. It's not like he'll ever read that book since he doesn't think it's smart that I want to be a writer, but I don't care. I'm done.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and told me I wasn't the jerk. I feel so much better with those reassurances. Thank you.

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter—let’s call her Anna—and we’re currently on a family vacation in Hawaii with my parents and my in-laws (7 people total). We are staying at my father’s timeshare, which he periodically invites us to. The two pairs of grandparents adore Anna and seem to get along with each other. Anna is undergoing potty-training right now, and as with all potty-training, there are occasional accidents.

We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people. Right before dinner, Anna had an accident on the pullout sofa, which necessitated a call to housekeeping to swap out sheets and cushions. My dad wasn’t happy.

When all 7 of us sat down shortly afterward for dinner, my dad sat down and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Anna is out of control, isn’t she.” Bear in mind Anna was sitting right across from him at the table. I let it slide and continued eating, and my wife said something to try to brush it off. Then, my dad suggested that we put Anna back in diapers and that she not be allowed on the bed or the couch. I responded by saying that I didn’t want to do that and that potty-training is a process that has highs and lows. My dad then remarked that it would be problematic if she had an accident on the carpet because it’d be hard to clean up. In my mind, I thought to myself, “So you don’t want her on the bed, couch, or carpet—where is she supposed to hang out the whole time, the bathroom??” At that point, I was frustrated and said something to the extent of, “If Anna’s accidents are too big of a problem, we can always find another place to stay at.”

That’s when my dad blew up. He accused me of threatening him and of being disrespectful. It seemed that he took my suggestion as a threat of leaving, and he made very clear that he felt offended. He also said that I needed to “be careful with what I say and show respect to your parents.” I responded by repeatedly telling him that I didn’t threaten him nor intend for him to be threatened. He responded that “it doesn’t matter what your intent was, because I feel threatened.” At this point I was really upset, so I said something I probably shouldn’t have, remarking that he was “too easily threatened.”

My dad then demanded that I apologize to him. I didn’t feel that I had to, but I half-heartedly apologized because I wanted the argument to end and because it was making things super uncomfortable for my in-laws who were also sitting at the table and eating dinner through all of this. Later that evening my dad pulled me aside again and lectured me further about the argument.

It seemed that the whole blowup happened in response to my remark that we could stay elsewhere if my dad couldn’t tolerate Anna’s potty training accidents. AITA for saying that?