Q&As

My parents are divorced and my brother (12m) and I (16f) split time between mom and dad. Our dad remarried after the divorce 9 years ago. His wife has a daughter 10f who lives with them full time now but her dad was around for a little while when they first got together and he left after my dad's wife won custody officially. He doesn't pay anything for his kid and my dad and his wife are the ones covering everything for her.

My dad and his wife haven't been doing so good with money for a couple of years and this year has been the worst yet for them. My mom is doing better than ever though and she's really been stable with money. So my brother and I have a much better life than our stepsister. We get to do extra curricular's and we get nicer stuff in general. This got so much more obvious lately because my brother got to do two field trips and I got to do an international trip with my school last year.

My stepsister had a field trip come up a couple of weeks ago but my dad and his wife couldn't afford to pay for it. They asked my mom to pay and she said no. They asked my brother to ask my mom and he didn't. So dad asked me to ask mom. He told me how much his stepdaughter wanted to go but the school didn't have a fund to cover for families who couldn't afford it. He told me he knows it's not mom's job but they were desperate and just wanted her to have a nice time and she knows my brother and I never miss out and he didn't want her to feel less important.

I didn't ask. My dad got super pissed when the field trip came and neither my brother or I asked mom. And my stepsister didn't get to go which super pissed him off.

AITA?

so it turns out he’s got deep-seated resentment for me lol.

he resents me for:

earning more money than him

being further in my career than he is

not losing my job during covid like he did

having parents who love and support me

not being a submissive woman (lol)

having a present and loving father

not combining our finances thus making him feel small

so when i last came here, i said i’d asked him to come home and discuss our future with baby, preferably in the presence of a neutral party. he left me on read for a few days though i could see he was spying on us through the ring door bell and baby’s monitor. i disconnected them both and he finally responded 🫠

he came home very irate and rejected my offer to have a neutral facilitator for the conversation. i asked how we're supposed to move forward and the rant above came out in a full mask off moment. any hope i had that you guys were wrong about him died that day.

he again rejected the offer to hyphenate baby’s surname. apparently i’m ‘disrespectful’ and ‘insolent’ for refusing to ‘do what’s right’ and give baby their ‘rightful’ surname. i told him i won’t go through the administrative nightmare of having a different surname to my child, and lots of data shows a double barrelled surname is social currency that has positive connotations. nope - he wouldn’t budge. i told him neither would i - baby either has both our surnames or mine alone.

he asked if this was a hill i wanted this relationship to end on, if i was prepared to throw half a decade down the drain over my ‘silly little feminism’. i told him i wasn’t sure there was anything left to fight for. we broke up. thankfully, our - in his name - lease expires end of may. i called my dad and he came to help me back up baby.

i messaged him to suggest we still need couple’s counselling: we need to learn to be co-parents and they can help us establish a healthy way of doing that. he again said no to that so

my mum wanted to take me and baby on a baby moon holiday after this stressful period but he would grant permission for me to take baby abroad :)))))))

it’s going to be a long road ahead. i’ve instructed a lawyer to help us set up a formal agreement to avoid this in the future. he’s not responding to correspondance from the lawyer so that’s fun. he’s sulking - used to do this a lot when things didn’t go his way. i hope he’ll soon realise i no longer have time for his bs and i won’t be toyed with because i called his bluff and ended the relationship

to end on a bright note, the house i wanted us to buy a couple of years ago - which he talked me out of until he was back on his feet again despite us being able to afford it on my salary alone - is back on the market! i took it as fate: it’s time to move on from this man! it’s a beautiful Victorian terrace near good schools, good transport links, a small garden and close to my parents. it’d be the perfect home for baby and i. i put in an offer in - wish me luck!

Throwaway,

I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.

When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.

I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.

I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.

When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.

Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.

I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.

26F. I've been with my husband since we were 14 and we just had a baby 10 months ago. I have always gotten along with my MIL. She's a very sweet woman who would literally take the shirt off her back to make sure I am okay. I love this woman tremendously. But for whatever reason, every single time she has come over to see the baby, my daughter screams bloody murder the entire time she's here. She doesn't do this with anyone else. But literally the second my MIL walks through the door and my daughter sees her, she is in my ear screaming, hyperventilating and inconsolable. It's literally been like this since she was born (my MIL first visited when she was a 4 days old and it was the same thing then). We have never been super cautious about having people over to see our daughter but like I said, she's not like that with anyone else. Like, some people she doesn't want touching her but she never cries. My MIL is just the polar opposite. She has been able to successfully hold her once without her screaming but it was when she was holding her faced away from her and my husband was entertaining her to keep her distracted. My MIL comes over once a week and honestly, I've just started completely dreading her coming here at all because I'm not kidding, my daughter screams the entire time and sometimes my MIL doesn't leave for a couple of hours. It's not fun for anyone involved.

Well, she came here yesterday and my husband is starting to get irritated by the fact that our daughter refuses to warm up to his mother because she's been a huge part of our lives. So he suggested that she start coming here more often than she already does now to basically attempt to force the bond. I personally know it doesn't work like that. I mean, if the bond was going to happen right now, it would have already. She simply does not like my MIL. I thought maybe it was the perfume my MIL wore so she stopped wearing perfume but that did nothing. I told her to not wear her jewelry to see if that helped but again, that did nothing. I've even had her put her hair up, thinking maybe my daughter was getting overwhelmed with not being able to see her face completely and that actually made it worse. I've told her to stop baby talking her (because she has a very high pitched baby talk voice) but her normal voice didn't calm the baby down either. And honestly, I'm exhausted and fed up with trying. I don't think we SHOULD try. I think we need to let it go and let it form naturally. She will warm up to her eventually, in her own time. But my husband is basically just not okay with it, all because my mom came here to see us for the first time last month (she lives in UK and traveling is hard to US for her) and our daughter immediately loved her and didn't want her to set her down. So my husband felt slighted about it, and as I said he wants his mom to come here more.

Well, usually I don't mind when my MIL stops by but she came by unannounced this morning at 8:30am and I mean, I had just woken up with the baby (she had a long night, teething, so I'm talking like 3hrs of sleep). She comes in and says that my husband told her to come over and hang out FOR THE DAY. She said she cleared her entire schedule to be here. I just kind of shook my head and said "I really don't want to deal with the baby screaming all day long. I wish you guys had run this by me. You know I love having you here but this whole 'lets force a bond' bullshit is dragging me mentally. You guys should have asked me." She looked hurt and said "it's okay sweetie, I can go" and she left a few minutes later. But now my husband is mad at me, insisting that this "would have worked". AITA?

Throwaway. English is not my main language, apologies for the mistakes.

I (31F) was traveling today with my 19 months old son on a plane on a 3 hour flight. My son, being under two, has to sit on my lap. I also had a big backpack with all the necessities that I keep on the floor and easily accessible. It can get crowded fast, but it's just how it is when you travel alone with a young child.

I got assigned a random seat (12C) at checkup, and ended up being in a row with no other empty seat. Although I appreciate it when there is an empty seat next to me as it greatly improves our flight experience, It's not an expectation I have and I never ask for it at check up.

Once the boarding was completed but before take off, a flight attendant came to me and offered to move us 3 row up (9C) because there were two seats availables, and that they usually try to accommodate people with young infants. I was delighted and accepted right away. The flight attendant helped me move my things and explained the situation to the other passenger on row 9.

The passenger did not appreciated it at all, she started complaining to the flight attendant that she was planning to sleep on the flight, and that it would be impossible now. That she specifically chose this seat while checking online because the row was empty and it's gonna be a nightmare now.

The flight attendant simply explained that both my seats (old and new) are Standard, that the women only paid for her own seat and that their policy is trying to accommodate young parents if possible.

The woman then told me that I should be ashamed to impose all this noise on people that are just trying to enjoy their flight. Especially since it wasn't even my seat and I didn't even pay for it.

Honestly, I'm really not good with confrontation, I usually end up either crying or apologizing so I just ignored her all the way, as if she didn't speak at all. That got her even more angry but she finally stopped complaining after a while.

My son ended up crying only once, I got some stinky eye and some other rude comments but all in all, the flight was way more comfortable for us this way, so I don't really regret switching seats. But I do wonder if I'm the AH, it's true that I didn't pay for that seat, and that it wasn't my originally assigned seat.

AITA here?

EDIT : Spelling

EDIT 2 to address some recurring themes :

• The bag can fit under the seat, it was there during take off and landing. It was on the floor the rest of the time for easy access.

• My son was on my lap the whole flight (as per the Flight Attendant demand), the extra seat was just extra space to feel less crowded and not bump elbows.

• I'm overweight yes, but not extremely so, I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight yet.

• I'm from Europe, my son HAS to be in my lap, the flight attendant insisted on it when she offered me to switch seats. We aren't allowed to bring car seats with us, they go with luggage.

• I can't afford to buy an extra seat just to have more space, as my son isn't allowed to sit there yet.

I wanted to add flair, but I don’t even know what category this falls under.

My sister and her family spent all day playing and enjoying the weather lakeside. No altercations or weird interactions with anyone else. Picturesque day. On the way home, they were pulled over by one squad car — which was joined by two more. Guns were drawn on them, the police told my BIL to place his keys on the roof of the car, and made them both stick their hands out the car windows.

Through the loudspeaker they then forced both parents to exit the vehicle, while the children inside sobbed hysterically. The parents were directed to walk backwards with their hands up or hands on their heads, then they were apprehended and handcuffed. When both parents, shaking, kept asking what was going on and what all this was about, they were finally told matter of factly that the car was stolen.

My BIL was incredulous and asked them what they mean, his license and registration were in the vehicle and all the paperwork and VIN match. The car is his and has been his for quite some time, not a recent purchase or anything to that effect.

Eventually the police ran the information again and talked amongst themselves, and basically said, “Huh, that’s weird, it came up as stolen.” They were then let go without any further explanation or apology, my sister and her children absolutely shaking from the experience.

The only thing we can think is that they mis-ran one of the digits or something. But none of this sounds appropriate or excusable. Is there anything my sister can pursue legally?

I work in an intense, unfulfilling job six days a week. My wife has not had a paying job since we got engaged 16 years ago. 7 years ago, I quit my "change the world" job, which paid little, but conferred distinction and a sense of doing what is right -- for a mercenary, awful job I hate, but which pays 10 times as much.

My wife enthusiastically supported, indeed urged, my job change to the higher paying but awful job. For a while I held it all in, but over time, particularly recently, I've told her clearly that this job is leading me to an early grave. It is awful the people and crap I deal with every day. It is immensely stressful and not rewarding in the least. But of course, as the pay rolled in, our standard of living increased, and the amount we spend each month is eye-watering.

Last night, at a cocktail party with my friends, my wife got drunk, and on the way home, tearfully told me that I "just don't understand her," and that what she "truly needs to feel fulfilled is a horse." We know many people with horses. After a few questions, where she kept replying that this horse or that "wasn't good enough for her," our discussion devolved into shouting.

I view this as a pretty simple thing. I want to go back to a job I like some day. I'd like to reduce our spending so I don't need to work until I'm 80. My son wants to visit Madagascar. My point is that people's wants, practical (not working until I'm 80 in an awful job) or impractical (visiting Madagascar) are often placed aside.

Also FYI - I don't have any hobbies. So it's not like I'm spending money on cars or something and then telling her that she can't.

I should add that we live in the suburbs of a big city. We do not have a backyard where a horse can graze. We would need to first buy a special breed of horse she demands for tens of thousands of dollars, pay for feed, veterinary, stable, insurance, etc. We're talking HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars. Another stone in my backpack. Basically guaranteeing that I will never be able to do anything else.

I view this as her saying, in so many terms: Well *I* want to be fulfilled; but I don't give a shit about your stress and fulfillment.

Am I the asshole for not rushing to buy her a horse?

I (33M) and my wife (37F) of 6 years , Sally recently have problem . I'm SAHD with 3 kids (6M, 5F, 2M) , they really take away all of my time.
My wife on the hand is a breadwinner with a well paid and Remotely job.

My wife came from a large family so she always wanted a huge family for herself. It was delayed because she actually wanted to has a good career to support herself and her ideas family. We met and she actually told about wanted a big family and at that time I didn't mind about that. We has our first son a year after married and my daughter the next year . Then the pandemic came and I lost my job , we agreed to postpone. My wife managed to get promoted and handled all of the bills and mortgage . We communicate again and decided that I will stay home and take care the kids and the house.

We have the youngest in late 2022 and now she feels that her body is fine to another pregnancy. I'm starting to feel exhausted to take care of all things. So I did ask her to wait until the kid bit older and she disagree and explained that she is running out of time . Apparently she won't give birth when she reaches her 40 cause the pregnancy risk is higher.

So I explained to her about my situation and views. She convinced that she would ask her sister to help me out and spend more time with our children. I reminded that her sisters has their own life and cannot always help me. We have argument and she end up calling me a jerk for not keep up with my words.

Now , she stills push me to have another child and won't stop even when I Confront her. I feel a little guilty here and wonder if I should just accept another child , she already near 40 those. So aita ?

I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.

Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature.

I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds. Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.

My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one. I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.

Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business. She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her.

Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out.

My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an asshole to look through the texts and then leave?

My husband and I just had a baby 2 months ago and honestly, him and I have been fighting nonstop since. It's because he is a "yes man" and it's starting to become intolerable. We live beside ALL of his friends and they ask him to go out every single weekend and he basically can't tell them "no" without feeling some type of way about it. His alternative to fixing the issue is to move in with his mother, who is fixing to buy a giant home over an hour away. I refuse to do this. Not only do I not want to live with anyone at all but there's already issues I'm not okay with. But irregardless, he went and looked at the house with her yesterday and came back home and brought it up yet again.

Here's my issues... For one, she expects us to come up with the down payment for her loan. It's $10,400. I have the money. My husband has suggested that we use my savings to put toward the loan (he works full time but 80% of his money goes toward our bills). I refuse to give up my financial cushion for anyone. Our name wouldn't be on the loan or the deed to the house but she has told us that the house would be ours when she passes (I DO believe her, she's a lot of things but a liar isn't one of them so I know the house would 100% be ours). She expects us to pay half of all the bills, which is $800 more than we pay here and that's not including electric or water or pretty much anything else that goes wrong. For two, she expects me to go back to work immediately upon her purchasing the home and put our daughter in to daycare. My husband and I have already made it clear that our daughter will not be going to daycare but she keeps pushing the issue. Every time we see her now, she is bringing up the house and dropping comments about her being able to get me a job with her. She knows we have said no. She says that "won't work" unless I intend on picking up all house work. This means I would be in charge of cleaning up after 4 adults (her boyfriend, my husband, myself and her) and her unruly, untrained dog. Nope. Which leads to point 3, I refuse to live with her BF or her dog. And then the big one, she doesn't respect boundaries. She is not a malicious person but she's very... Nonchalant? She thinks that a lot of things don't matter because they wouldn't matter to her. As in she's come in to my room several times (when visiting us) while I'm sleeping and woken me and the baby up. When my daughter was 5 days old she showed up announced with her 3 young grandchildren so they could see the baby and one of those kids parents were at home sick with the flu, so she knowingly exposed my daughter because "well, she isn't sick, just her parents are".

Anyways, I just don't want to live with her. I don't want to live with anyone and be under someone else's thumb. I love my MIL. She truly is a great person (outside of the boundaries issue) but I can't do it and won't do it. My husband keeps trying to convince me to just "try it out" because he desperately wants to get out of here. He knows he has an issue with saying no to his buddies but instead of trying to say no, he wants to run because he thinks it'll make us stop fighting. I told him I'm absolutely not moving out of here unless we move alone. He's so upset about this that he is panicking. He feels like staying here is basically sealing his fate to be a "loser" (all his buddies are 30-40yo nobodies who do nothing but drink and blow money on dumb "fun" shit while their wives are at home taking care of everything and he doesn't want to end up like that but still refuses to say "no"). He says I should be willing to do this for him. AITA?

My boyfriend Adam (24M) is celebrating his 25th birthday next weekend with his boys, this weekend we already celebrated together and now he wants to hangout with his friends. At first i didn't have any problems with it until i found out they were planning on going to the stripclub.

When he first told me i said i don't want him going because we're together and i consider it cheating, he claims that nothing will happen and he won't get a lap dance. but im not stupid to think his friends won't buy him one and find some stripper to celebrate. Even if he doesn't get a lap dance i still don't want him going because it's full of naked women.

We've been fighting over this for a few days now and im not sure what to do. I want him to have fun but i think this is too far for someone in a relationship.

I don't understand why this happens, but even when I try to take a selfie alone, I feel strange. I don't even consider taking a selfie if there are other people around. What thoughts and feelings do people experience when they take selfies?

Last night, I went over to my boyfriend's house. I was a little late just because I had to take a few attempts at finding a shirt and jeans that fit me right. When I was telling him this story I joked about it, I could see he wasn't amused and he tells me that me having to go what he called scavenger hunting for fitting clothes is a sign I'm getting fat.

I told him he needed to watch how he spoke to me. He just kept going, said that even the shirt and jeans that I had chosen to wear were snug-ish. When he saw I was angry, he pay his hands on my shoulders and tells me he loves me, but that he is not going to spend the summer watching me gain weight.

I told him he was just overreacting to a harmless joke. He told me I wasn't worried about my weight enough. I warned him and told him he was on thin ice. I've dated this guy for four years, since we were high school freshman, and now we're seniors, and never has he called me dumb, which is what he did after I told him he was on thin ice.

AITAH?