God P1 was everything and more and it's so sad that people cannot wait until P2 to pass judgement. Colin is meant to be unlike himself, and Penelope brings him HOME!! He is meant to be a rake, because he was told by every man he is close with that that is how a man should be. Feel nothing and be the picture of masculinity and charm.
Every time he is around Pen he is soft and tender, and his false bravado goes out the window. We see this first in episode 1. He sees Pen and is immediately drawn to her. He cannot keep his eyes off her, this is the beginning. When she runs out, he is immediately concerned. The other men literally are like "why are you concerned with her? keep talking to us" and he looks ANNOYED during this and immediately excuses himself. Pen is more important than these men and he cares for Pen, of course he is going to leave and speak to her. When he apologizes, he is sincere and he very much cares about getting back into Pen's good graces. That is incredibly important to him.
We then see this in episode 2 when they are talking about their meet cute. He is so happy to reminisce and that is the beginnings of him begin his normal sweet self, for and because of Penelope. He is trying to be reassuring to her, and he cares about her success in finding a partner and wants her to succeed (for now, this is very short lived lmao). We then see the first hints of Colin becoming Jealous over Pen. This happens when he sees Pen is talking about gossip and Lady Whistledown with the lord, and she is smiling and enjoying herself. Colin's first question is "do you like him?" probably because right now he wants her to be with someone who makes her happy and whom she likes, but also, he is subconsciously scoping out her feelings. Does she perhaps like this man? He doesn't know yet why that makes him a little squirmy and uncomfortable to think about.
When she is outed for getting help, he follows her, and even scolds Eloise for her blabbing. Pen is hurt and he is deeply troubled by this, he doesn't care who sees and he pushes past men and women alike to tail her. He even BRIBES A MAID TO SEE HER AFTER DARK TO MAKE SURE SHE IS ALRIGHT. Before their kiss, Colin has always been a little unhinged. He even kisses her without question, lmao. He didn't even deny or say he didn't want to he just didn't like her speaking about her dying and to see her feel so dejected. I for one LOVED the first kiss scene. I did not see it as Pen begging for a kiss. I saw it as a woman, who is torn down by her family and the society around her wanting to know what a kiss would feel like, because she feels that she will never find a husband. And so far she has been rejected at every turn. She is at her lowest and she is confiding in Colin and being the most honest she can possibly be. She wanted a kiss from him, and she asked, and COLIN not only kissed her once but really went for it lmao! Colin also looked like he was seeing the heavens and stars for the first time after kissing Pen. She said thank you, and really, he should have said thank you to her. That was the last little nudge the boulder needed for him to realize how much he has been missing by not loving her or seeing her as a romantic possibility.
Every piece of the puzzle was there, his care for her, their comfortability and closeness and their common respect and interest. All that was needed was a shred of physical intimacy, which is so valid of Colin. It really didn't even begin at the kiss either, the start was really when she caressed his hand and bandaged him up. This is the scene he literally recalls when she gathers his courage to go and tell her how he feels and make sure that she does not marry Debling. Not their kiss, but a tender moment where she is caring for him and tells him his writing is very good. A hand touch is what really made him get his ass in gear and go and fight for his girl and his love. He didn't just realize his love because of a kiss, it was a combination of every interaction leading up to this season and the kiss.
Episode 3 is where this ABSOLUTELY SHINES!! Colin has basically entirely obsessed with Pen, and I love it. His dream is incredible, and even more incredible is his absolute inability to form a coherent sentence the morning after. He is awkward and is fumbling his words. One of my favourite scenes of the entirety of P1 is when Colin and Pen speak under the tree. They are both awkward. Pen because she is embarrassed to have asked her friend for a kiss, that she assumed was out of pity. You can see she is awkward because of her frustration in herself. She is trying to distance herself from him, because she is embarrassed. Colin on the other hand is awkward, because that was probably the single best moment in his life lmao.
When Pen says their lessons must stop, he is so upset. He's entirely following her lead for this conversation despite his own feelings. He asked her TWICE WHY THEIR LESSONS HAVE TO STOP, He seems a little confused, like what do you mean they have to stop?! And he pauses at the word sensible. It is sensible for their lessons to stop, so why is he SO UPSET ABOUT IT. She then says they need to keep their distance and he is also clearly upset by this too, but he wants Pen to be comfortable and happy. This scene is my roman empire for P1 and I could rewatch it 100 times and still love it. It just is such an unhinged way of showing their confusing feelings and Colin's inability to speak his mind up to this point. He is going with the flow and trying to show indifference and he s failing. When he begins to say, "I hope..." it is so likely that he is about to say, "I hope you find a husband" but that's not actually what he wants so he stops, and instead ends with "I very much wish for your happiness"! He literally cannot even utter the words "I hope you find a husband" lol.
When they are in the tent, he can barely focus on their conversation. All he can do it ask if Pen likes Debling and then stare at her lips. When she says he is not displeasing to gaze upon the way he nods is so annoyed jealousy coded. He's basically feigning interest while thinking "oh great she also thinks he is attractive...." this is the first inkling of him truly losing her.
Finally, episode 4, Colin is nearly back to his normal self. He does not care about his false bravado; he is in love with Pen, and she has chosen to court another man. He is willing to accept this until his mother comes and tells him subtly to go and get his girl lmao. I love this scene because mama Violet always knows, and he really was like you know what my mother is right let’s go, after recalling their study hand touch and her saying nice things about him. Not even their kiss. He has always been in love with her because she is clever and warm and because she has always appreciated him. Basically, everything he said in his apology in EP1 is why he loves her, which is so sweet. He does not care about social manners or what society will think when he literally GOES TO THE DANCE FLOOR AND INTERUPTS!! He then proceeds to pull a Penelope and tell her she cannot marry Debling. This is a direct parallel of when Pen warned Colin of Marina and that she did not love him. Colin is basically just making up reasons though, which I love because honestly Debling, while it may not have been a love match Pen could still have been very happy and there is nothing to say that Debling would not have fallen in love, I mean this is Pen we are talking about.
Then we get the CARRIAGE SCENE!!! This shit was so good, and Colin was 1000% back to his S1 lovely soft self. Their giggling, and when he asked if the carriage driver could just keep on going, I was giggling and kicking my feet. When he caressed her hair and fixed her dress, I was a goner and when he asked her "Are you going to marry me or not" that and his actions and voice and everything felt so much like S1 and S2 Colin, no false bravado. Just him speaking to the girl he loves and wanting to make sure she stays with him, and he does not lose her again.
Colin has had such a progression; I didn't even mind the brothel scenes myself because they were a plot device to show that he was changing. The first time, yeah, he was enjoying himself and the second time around he literally didn't even want to participate and watch. He has just been constantly growing as a character in terms of reverting back to his sweet self. Even scene with other men shows this as well and they were some of my favourites. He disagrees with the men and pushes past them and really begins to distance himself from them. I honestly hope in P2 he gives them a piece of his mind, because his rejection of them has been a bit subtle. I feel like there could be a scene where the men comment negatively on his engagement to Pen and he just sticks up for her, and that would be a good parallel to his comments at the end of S2.
Anyways, just call me Pen because I love Colin! No one could ever make me hate Colin!