Q&As

My husband and I have 3 kids (10mo f, 4m, 10f). We currently have a nanny, Isabelle (22f) 3 days a week.

I have to say, Isabelle is fucking amazing. She drives on field trips, she does homework with the kids, she handles play dates, she's the one adult my 10 year old likes, she's not dependent on screens, does art projects with the kids, she speaks 10 year old, and she's even teaching them how to cook and bake. They made mini quiches a few weeks ago.

My oldest is doing state testing right now and wanted a fun activity with her friends. Isabelle suggested a spa day and my daughter loved it. I set up a day for my 4 year old to go home with his grandparents and let Isabelle turn our living room into a spa. She picked up my daughter, my niece, and 2 friends, brought them to our house, and did their hair and nails while they laid back and did face masks.

I guess my niece was telling her mom how cool Isabelle is because my SIL texted Isabelle offering her a nanny position 4 days a week, matching whatever I pay her but for only 1 kid. Isabelle showed me the text and told me that she will have to think about it because the extra money would be nice. I told her if she promised to stay, next year I'd have her at 5 days a week with a $5 per hour raise. Isabelle turned my SIL down saying she had received a better offer and now she's telling my husband's family that I stole a nanny from her.

They're upset that I outbid my SIL and gave Isabelle extra money and hours just so my SIL wouldn't get her. My husband said it was petty. AITA for offering Isabelle a raise and more hours so she doesn't work for my SIL?

Today my wife gave our 11 year old son some blueberries. My son said that he rather not eat them because he doesn't really like blueberries. My wife replied "but these are really good" so my son hesitantly tried one blueberry and replied "Thx, but I still don't like them and rather not eat the rest". I thought that was the end of it and went to the store to get groceries for diner.

When i came back my son was crying at the table because he was forced to eat the remaining three blueberries. I asked my wife "why is he crying?" and she explained that he had to eat the blueberries because it is healthy. Thinking it was just about eating a piece of fruit i told my son that he didn't have to eat the blueberries but he did have to eat another piece of fruit instead like an apple or three strawberries or something similar. My son immediatly agreed, spat out the blueberries (in the garbage can) and started eating an apple.

This, much to my wives dismay. She said i overruled her authority and that my son will never learn to eat healthy. My reply was that it is not ok to force a child (or any other person) to eat something they don't like (especially after they tasted it). How would she feel if I forced her to eat something she doens't like? Why is it ok for her to not eat certain foods but not for our son? He likes enough vegetables and fruit in order to get a balanced diet so I think we should meet him halfway and not focus on forcing him to eat stuff we know he doesn't like (and he is not really a fussy eater so we have plenty of healthy stuff to choose from).

The situation escalated and at one point my son even said "i'll just eat the blueberries", in an attempt to de-escalate our argument (after which he took three blueberries from the fridge and swallowing them almost whole just to get it over with). Sadly for him, it didn't really work because we were already to far into the argument (although i did thank him afterwards for trying and apoligized for not being able to let it slide).

Am i the asshole because I didn't force my son to eat the blueberries and allowed him to take another piece of fruit he does like?

My ex-wife (34F) and mine’s (34M) divorce was finalized last week. It was a long process, and it lasted a year and a half. Quite simply, I didn’t love my ex wife anymore. I found some flirty texts between her and her co worker, and that was when I lost my love for her.  We have 2 children (14M, 16F), and both love their mom. 

When my divorce was finalized last week, my sister (31F) came over to celebrate, she had baked a lemon cake. My son and I both enjoyed the cake, lemon is my favorite flavor, and that cake was heaven. But my daughter refused to eat the cake, and she said it was insensitive that we were celebrating like this, given how long the divorce process was, and how painful it was for her mom. 

AITAH?

I posted a while ago about serving dog food to the woman my brother in law eventually married. Wendy hasn't changed much since then. She did shut up after she went to a few different taco places and they all told her what proper barbacoa is.

So anyway now whenever we have people over I always prepare a meal specially for her. Usually just plain unseasoned meat (other than salt and pepper, I'm not a monster) plain green salad with ranch on the side, and a plain starch like a baked potato or white rice.

I do not limit her to this food. I just always have it available in case she finds something offensive about the other food I make.

We recently hosted a dinner party that included my wife's brother and his wife. We also had some new friends over. Thea, the wife, asked if my sister in law had allergies since she was eating plain roast chicken breast with the aforementioned sides. She was worried about cross contamination since there was a lot of other food there I guess. Thea is a teacher and is hyper vigilant about food allergies.

This lead to Wendy explaining that I use cuts of meat that she did not grow up eating and that I refuse to tell her what is in the food I make.

This is a fact. I learned my lesson. I make food my friends and family enjoy. If I use an ingredient that may be against a dietary restriction I make it clear. For example if I serve pork I let everyone know. I also will answer any questions about allergens.

My sister in law says that I insist on feeding her the most bland food possible. I pointed at the salsa verde on her food and asked her if it needed more serranos.

The whole story came out and Wendy was embarrassed again. I don't think it was my fault. I have been passive aggressively been making sure she cannot complain about my cooking.

My wife says that maybe it's time to stop making a separate meal for Wendy. I said she is lucky I don't serve her dino nuggets and lunchables.

My post :

Thank you very much for all the private messages and comments. I’m so glad I posted here. So many of you suspected that he has had vasectomy. Well, I decided to have a serious discussion with him about everything last night. He said he has never cheated on me and he never will. I asked him if he had vasectomy and ffs just tell me. He didn’t even deny it. He said yea but you gotta understand I lost my wife when my youngest was an infant. It was such a traumatic time for me. I wanted to make sure I’ll never go through it again. I started crying ! I asked him how could he lie to me all these years? He didn’t even feel bad! He said “well you never asked! You asked now and I told you! Plus what’s the big deal? I have frozen sperm in the clinic and it’s a reversible procedure”. I was floored! You saw me taking pills yet you didn’t mention? He said “well, I thought you are taking pills because you have heavy period”. I couldn’t believe this man still blames me when he was the one lying in my face! I told him how unhappy I am, how burnt out I am and he uses his work hours so he can dump the responsibilities on me and I don’t even feel loved anymore. I gave him his ring back and told him I was done. He was shocked. At first he thought I was kidding then he saw me packing my clothes at 11 pm so he started arguing that I should just wait a little longer so by December he will know about his job. After that we will go to a fertility clinic and “you will have your stupid baby”. Then he started guilt tripping me. Saying stuff like his kids have already been traumatized once how could I be so selfish and leave them. I didn’t even bother answering. I left for my parent’s place. He has been begging and saying he will change , he will be more involved , and asking me to come back (“you are their mom! Come back! We miss you “)🙄. I’m mentally exhausted. I can’t believe I have been so stupid. I’m gonna start finding a place for myself near my work. Thank you

My (38F) daughter (13F) has been playing this game called Roblox since lockdown first started as a way of playing with her friends virtually as well as curing her boredom. She was obsessed with this Roblox game that’s set in a school because she missed her friends so much and it allowed her to stay connected with them. Her interest in video games has developed into an interest into technology - she’s by far at the top of her IT class and has even started learning how to code in order to make her own game.

My sister (34F) and niece (10F) have recently had to move in with us after my sister discovered that her husband was having an affair. They’re staying at my house for the time being while she saves up money for a place of their own.

My niece and daughter usually get along, and they both bond over their interest in Roblox. Last week, my daughter was completely distraught and crying nonstop. She said that she saw her cousin playing on a Roblox game and realised her cousin’s avatar had a lot more items than usual. She decided to join her, only to realise that her account had been hacked and she’d lost nearly every item she had on her favourite Roblox game. She’d lost 800K of the in-game currency and nearly her entire inventory, which she claimed was worth over 5 million of the in-game currency. She had spent the last four years saving up for those items and everything was gone just like that.

My daughter began accusing my niece of hacking her account. My niece denied it at first, but quickly broke under pressure and admitted everything. The previous day, they had been playing the game together when I called them down to dinner. My niece has only been playing for a few months and I suppose she would be considered a ‘noob’. She begged my daughter to give her some of her items, and my daughter refused, saying that she should earn the items by herself. When my daughter came down, my niece decided to stay behind for a minute to transfer all of my daughter’s items into her account.

I tried to mediate the situation, but my sister is refusing to co-operate. She told me that it’s only a game, it’s not like my daughter spent real money on it. I attempted to explain just how much this game means to my daughter, to which my sister said that my daughter should count herself lucky that her biggest problem is a bunch of pixels on a screen. She said my daughter was a teenager now and was too old to be acting this immature over a game. My niece refuses to give my niece her stuff back and says it’s unfair that my daughter gets to have everything she wants both in real life and online. I told my sister and niece that both of them were acting like ungrateful brats considering how I was letting them stay in my home rent free.

Today, I gave her an ultimatum: if my niece doesn’t return everything she hacked from my daughter, they would both have one week to leave. I told her that I refuse to let anyone disrespect my daughter under my roof. AITA?

The ex and I have been divorced for several years. After the divorce, I bought another house and she moved to a nearby city. The schools in my city are among the highest ranked schools in our state and one of the high school is ranked top 20 in the country. The schools in her city is among the lowest ranked with regularly fights and even kids hitting teachers. After a year of the kids going to the schools in her city, we decided our kids should go to school here.

When the ex have custody, she drops them off at my house in the mornings so they can take the bus to school then they stay at my house after school, eat dinner with me, and do their homework until she picks them up around 8.

A couple of years ago she married a guy who has sole custody of a couple of kids around the same ages as mine. His kids go to the schools in her city. The end of school is next week and as she picked up the kids last night, she asked if I’d be willing to let them use my address so that the other kids can join mine. She said that there was a big fight this week at one of their schools and at the beginning of the year, a video of one of the students beating a teacher made the news.

Her idea is that she changes her address to mine and we keep the same schedule with just added kids. I immediately refused since (1) I don’t want the ex to have my address on her license and (2) I don’t want to take care of kids I don’t know for 4 or 5 hours a day. She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education where they are and be less prepared for college than ours.

Am I wrong for not wanting responsibilities for random kids?

I am a 52m recently separated from my ex (49f) of 18 yrs. We share custody (week on, week off) with our 2 children, a 13 yr old daughter and soon-to-be 15 yr old son.

The relationship ended mostly amicably, noone cheated on each other, as far as I know. Just drifted apart, 'friend-zoned'. When we split we agreed that I would stay in our old 4-bdrm family home for a few more years, while our kids were still at high school (we lived right next door to my son’s high school). I would continue to pay down our mortgage (on my own) and also pay for any additional renovations (on my own) that we still have left to complete, since buying the place 4 yrs ago. When the time comes to sell she will get her 50%.

She agreed to move out into her own 3-bdrm rental out by the beach. I am paying her child support, as she only earns about 1/3 of what I do in her part time (30hrs/wk) job. The rest of her income comes from Govt social support. We have a joint bank account where we both put money into to cover the kids general needs.

This week is my son's 15th birthday, he's big into gaming, basketball and fishing. When he moves between our two places he's brings his Xbox with him. I have paid for two computer monitors, one at each property, just so he can do this easily and be happy. He has a home-made basketball hoop (that he helped me build & paint for him when he was a young 10 year old lad) mounted on the outside of my house for him to practice, whenever he stays with me.

My ex emailed me to ask me what I think 'we' should get him for his birthday, i.e. share costs for. She listed two things, firstly a free-standing basketball hoop, and a gaming chair (all up around $1000 total), both to be used only at her place, for his enjoyment there.

I've refused to help her buy these particular options, I'd prefer it if we spent our money on something that he'll enjoy getting the benefits from wherever he may be. Like new clothes, a new device, a new bike, fishing gear etc, or a shared family experience with both of us present. I thought that was reasonable.

My ex-wife thinks I'm being a jerk with this stance, for not agreeing to pay anything for these particular presents, to help furnish her house or his bedroom there. She's suggesting that it's not fair that he can play basketball at my place and not hers, or that he feels more comfortable playing video games at my place, and not hers. She’s now accusing me of starting to play some kind petty 'tit-for-tat' game with her, by ‘not fairly contributing enough towards my son's happiness on his birthday’.

My fear is that I am indeed being unnecessarily picky with this battle, being too selfish, and denying her the right to be able to make her home as happy or as comfortable as mine, for my son to live in.

AITA?

Bought a 2015 Ram 1500 last year from a dealership with 60,000 miles on it. Odometer said the same thing. The truck cost me $30,000 and I'm paying roughly $670 a month. Went to trade it in today at a different dealership. They pulled the carfax and informed me the truck actually has over 200,000 miles on it and it was a fleet truck. The odometer at some point had been tampered with obviously. My question is what do I do first? Or am I stuck with this truck which was now appraised at most $7,000? If more details are needed please let me know but my first instinct was to take legal action.

Bought truck in Ohio and am a WV resident.

I (27F) have a (34M) husband. We got married 6 years ago and we were together for 3 years prior to that. When we first met, he was very fit and quite the gym rat. however, since our wedding he has gained over 225 pounds and is still adding to that number. He is not the man i fell in love with. Every day when i come home from work, the kitchen is trashed. He cant clean up for himself anymore and needs assistance with many daily tasks. It hurts to see how much he has lost himself. And honestly, i’m getting quite tired. i didn’t sign up for this! it’s like i’m working 2 jobs. last week, when i served him divorce papers, he blew up on me. he said how could i do this to him, and accused me of being fat-phobic. since then, his entire side of the family has been harassing me nonstop. theyve been telling everyone i know that i’m a terrible person and it’s really starting to get to me. So, AITAH?

Me (F30) and my sister Lisa (F26) grew up in a modest family. Our parents had very small sum to contribute to college tuition and no money saved up for our weddings . They are still working cause they can't afford to retire.

I went to college on scholarship and hold a pretty good job. I had my wedding last year, it was intimate but very nice (a bit expensive) that me and my husband paid for.

My sister is engaged and wants a nice wedding like mine. Except she never went to college, holds job as assistant in a shop at mall and her fiance is in construction. They can't afford a wedding like mine.

She asked my parents for help but they can't. They are still paying off mortgage on their home. She asked me and I gave 3k as wedding gift yesterday which she may use for the wedding. She called asking when I was gonna send balance amount and when I said this was it, was mad at me telling how it wasn't enough for her dream dress even. How she needed way more to have a nice wedding like mine.

I told her this was the gift I was willing to give her. She said it wasn't fair since I had money. I do, but everything I have is earmarked for my needs. I told her as much. She called me a cheap b**ch and hung up.

My parents called me disappointed I wasn't helping my sister out more since this was all she had in her life. I told them wedding wasn't a necessity and she should hold one that she can afford, not rely on me.

They are mad at me now as well, and apparently thinking of taking another loan on the house to finance her wedding.

AITA?

That’s it, plain and simple. If it’s not yours and you haven’t been given permission, why take it? Specially in a work environment.

Also in several counties and cities, and some parts of Busan and Seoul the fertility rates have reached 0.30 children per woman (And still falling quickly nationwide). How bad and severe this is for SK?

I have 2 wonderful kids, a son, Oscar 15M and a daughter, Holly 17F. My son gets very very bad migraines. He can't eat, can't sleep, can't do anything. Its a stressful time for everyone in our family and when he gets them he usually takes a day or 2 off school (it happens rarely so this is not an issue). He's currently in one of these 'episodes' as my wife and I have taken to calling them, so he is in the guest room resting. Obviosuly, he can't do chores when he's like this so usually me or my wife pick up the slack.

Holly always gets a bit edgy when Oscar has these attacks and generally acts a bit grumpy. I always assumed these were out of concern for her brother so would usually get her some sweets or something to take her mind off it. Today Holly saw me emptying the trash which is usually one of Oscar's chores and did that really prolonged sigh which people do when they want you to ask them whats wrong. I put the trash back and went to talk to her.

Holly is upset because we never do all this for her when she has a headache. I explained, gently, that Oscar doesn't get headaches, he gets migraines, and that when she's as sick as he is we do, do 'all this' but Holly was still upset. This all came on quite quickly so I tried to get her to understand, but she refuses she carried on telling me how Oscar should just get 'off his lazy butt',

I reprimanded her for talking about her brother like that, especially since she knows how hard this is for Oscar and he's hardly having a good time playing video games or something. (edit: as in he's not doing something enjoyable, not that he's not enjoying playing games, he can't play games rn). Holly continued saying it was unfair for us (edit: me and my wife, obviously not Holly) to do all his chores, and he should at least do the garden. We have a big garden, and neither me nor my wife is fit enough to take care of it like we used to and Oscar, being the sporty guy he is took over.

I told her, bluntly that if she cared so much about the garden, she could just do it herself. She got really mad about this and I'll admit I probably shouldn't have suggested it. She started accusing me of favoritism, etc. I told her to go to her room to calm down, because she was shouting loudly and Oscar was resting in the room right next to us. She stormed off. But now I'm wondering if I was too harsh, AITA?

I've been with my husband for 7 years and it honestly kills me to walk away because outside of this issue, he is fantastic. He takes care of me, loves me, makes sure I'm taken care of, etc and I love him more than anything. But this issue has been happening for the past year and it's basically ruined my reputation among everyone.

Last year he started working for a small business and is one of 12 employees. Up until this point, he didn't have many friends. So his social life was heavily stunted and he craved interaction. So when he started working for this company and was immediately included in everything, he soaked it in. He was being invited to dinner, parties, boat trips, fires, etc within the first week of working there. By a month in, he was hanging out with these guys nearly every day after he got off work. He started drinking a lot more because all of these men drink like a fish and he is an individual who cracks under peer pressure and is a follower by nature. He told me several times that he felt like he couldn't say no. It started causing a lot of fights, because I was pregnant when this began and I felt so pushed to the side and forgotten about. He started coming home from 9p-1a (he was off work at 430p). A few times having stayed out until 5 o'clock in the morning. I started shutting down because I was tired of repeating myself and expressing my needs, just to have him do whatever his friends wanted anyways. After I gave birth to our daughter, he got better for awhile. He stopped going out. I think by the time the baby was 3 months old, he had only gone out once. But after that, he fell right back in to old patterns and didn't even tell me when he was leaving anymore. I would think he was home but he had left to go riding four-wheelers with his buddies or to a party down the street. So, a month ago I went psycho. I walked over to the window just as he was taking off on his fourwheeler and watched him pull in to our neighbors yard (a big party spot). I walked down there with the baby and lost my shit on him in front of everyone there and told him I was leaving because he was inconsiderate and neglectful and I was tired of repeating myself. Everyone just sat there staring at me, completely silent. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I shouldn't have gone up there at all but in that moment I just didn't even think about it. Now I regret it. But anyways, he literally looks at me and doesn't say anything. Comes home 30 minutes later and goes to sleep on the floor.

He stopped going out after that. But I started noticing that everyone was treating me like crap. If I spoke to anyone, they would just look at me and walk away or they would avoid me altogether. It became very awkward and I stopped going outside at all and started isolating. Well, I overheard my husband on the phone last night saying "I know man, I wish I could come but Hannah won't let me." Followed by a "I know, it's bullshit." I asked him who he was talking to. He hangs up. I ask to see his phone and he kept asking why but eventually gave it to me. There were tens of texts to his buddies blaming me for him not going out. Saying "Hannah won't let me" or "Hannah said no" or "I can't fucking do anything because lord forbid I get time to myself after busting my ass to keep a roof over her head". He had not asked me one single time if I minded if he went out. So he just told them no and blamed me without even running it by me. This is NOT who my husband was before he got tied in with this group of coworkers. I just start packing up me and my daughter. He was following me around the house, begging, crying, telling me not to leave, apologizing. Before I left I said "I've sat by and dealt with being chose second to a bunch of people who would never choose you first and you still blamed me and made me look like the one in the wrong. Now you can live the life you want without me controlling you." I am at my mother's and have told him not to contact me unless it's about our child. My best friend is telling me I need to work it out because my husband is truly a great guy and I know this isn't him. But I can't trust him anymore. AITA?

When I (40M) was a kid, I was groomed by a cousin 11 years older than me and when I was 13, she got pregnant and had the kid. It fucked me up a lot as you can imagine and she eventually was found out and went to prison for it. The kid was took off her and went the foster care/adoption route and I was not allowed any form of relationship at all with the kid - my parents and social services forbade it. He's now 26 and has had a very troubled life I understand (been in and out of prison) . I have continued to have no relationship or contact with him.

Despite issues in my teens, I turned my life around and I'm now married to my wife (45F) and we have a daughter (6F) together. I have a son (19M) from a previous relationship who I had sole custody of until I met my wife and she has a daughter (25F) from a previous relationship. I'm no stranger to Reddit so I'll answer now yes, I have had therapy and counselling for it all.

We've had a pretty good family unit for a few years but 3 years ago, I had a hard time with my son after he found about what happened to me as a kid and he found out he technically has an older half brother and wanted a relationship with him. Despite how hard it was for me, I agreed and my wife mainly agreed to be the main support for him and be behind it all on the condition a) I have no contact myself and b) our daughter doesn't hear about it and is kept out of it. My reasoning on the latter is that she's too young to find out and I don't want to confuse her at such a young age and also, she's a kid and will talk about it and I don't want anyone to find my business out. My wife agreed and son respected my wishes and to my knowledge, it's all been handled well. The 26M got out of prison a couple of years ago and I understand my son has met him and I thought after a while, my wife stepped away a bit as he's now old enough to have contact on his own. I have never said she would never be told the truth, just that we would tell her when she was older and could understand.

Last week, I noticed my daughter was drawing a picture and I looked at it and I asked her about it. She was a bit sheepish and was acting like she wasn't supposed to so I persisted and she answered me.

It was a picture of her family. It had me, her mum, her, my son, her older sister and her "big big" brother in her words. I asked her about it after more coaxing and she said she sees him with mummy sometimes on their own. I asked her how long it's happened for and she said since she was little but mummy said she's not supposed to talk about it and said to not tell daddy as it'll upset me. I reassured her she's not in trouble and I'm not upset with her and confronted my wife about it later when she got in.

She admitted it was true and I asked her how long it's been going on and she said ever since my son had contact 3 years ago. She took my daughter to see him in prison once at the start because she didn't have childcare one day and when he got out, she's kept taking her to see him since. I asked her who knows and she admitted they all know - her, my son and even my step-daughter knows. I was beyond angry so I packed some things and left the house and have been staying at an air BnB since. She's been trying to call me to talk, so has my son and even my step-daughter has been trying to call me to talk about it. I just can't face them.

I know I need to go home today and I'm in the process of contemplating it but I genuinely feel like I can't stand them all and I'm thinking of asking for a divorce over it. My wife was the one person in life who I trusted, and had my back enough to share it all and I feel like she's done something on par with what my rapist did and betrayed my trust. Despite her keeping on saying how sorry she is, she just keeps on saying she did it for our daughter and felt sorry for the older lad.

WIBTAH?

UPDATE so I'm going to go home and talk to them all. I fucking miss my kids so much and the dog. no idea what will happen.

UPDATE 2 So I got home and me and the wife have had a chat. I've decided I don't want a divorce but we are going to separate for a bit and she's going to stay with my step-daughter for a while. We're going to try couples counselling to see where it takes us.

I see some suggestions about trying individual therapy again. That is a given and I'm definitely going again.

Hello! I'm 24(f) and I live with my parents currently. I'm doing this to save money and they haven't charged me rent until now. I've been basically "paying" rent by doing the chores, mainly cleaning the house, groceries shopping, managing their bills, cooking their meals and taking care of my 5(f) cousin(due to some circumstances my parents are currently her guardians) when I'm off work.

This hasn't left me with that much free time however it's been in fact helping me save money so I've been more than happy with this arrangement.

Recently however my parents have asked me to start paying rent. I asked them if everything was ok and if they're struggling but they told that's not the case and they just feel like I should contribute more since they've been letting me stay with them for free after finishing college. I'm not gonna lie I was a bit bumped but the rent they wanted from me was still a way better deal than anything else i would find somewhere else so I accepted.

A few hours ago however my mom confronted me about how I've been slacking off on my chores after I told her I can't take care of my cousin since I had plans with some friends.

She said they tried to be understanding but this can't keep going on and I asked her what she meant. Since the deal was that me doing chores was going to be how I pay rent, now that I'm actually paying rent I'll stop doing them and I thought that was obvious. She got mad, called me ungrateful and spoiled. I told her she can't expect me to pay rent AND all do all these chores that left me with no free time and that I'd be better off if I just found my own place even if it was going to cost me more at this point.

She got angry once more because I'd rather "give money to some stranger than your own family" and said she can't believe how big of an AH I am and to just wait until my dad hears about it. He's gonna be back in a few hours and honestly I've been thinking about our fight, if you can even call it that, and I'm wondering if I really am entitled for how I feel?

Apologies for any mistakes/errors.

EDIT: thank you everyone for your input. i think the majority of you are right when it comes to the moving out thing. This is probably the only solution regardless of the outcome of our hopefully peaceful family discussion. Thank you for the advice and suggestions :)