(Throwaway account, because I mostly use reddit for work-related topics).

Me (37M) and my wife (35F) have been married for 14 years. We met when we were both in college, she studied literature, I studied engineering and was getting into tech. We were dating for two years when she got pregnant and we decided to get married and start a family. We decided together that I would work and she would be a SAHM because it would be difficult for her to find a well-paying job with her major, and I was already starting to earn quite well. I've also always had a fairly conservative approach to family life and I was happy to be a sole provider. She always wanted to be a mom and was looking forward to being a SAHM.

Right now our children are 14 and 12 years old, I have a good job and my wife stays home taking care of the house. This arrangement has always suited her, but recently she has begun to mention that she feels a bit lonely and lacks friends, especially now that the children are older and she has more time to herself. Indeed, our social life mostly consisted of meetings with my work colleagues and their wives whom my wife can hardly call "friends." That's why I was happy at first when my wife ran into her best friend from college, let’s call her Anna. According to my wife they got along so well as if they didn’t have an almost 14-year old break in contact (when my wife got pregnant she drifted apart from her college friends). They started meeting for coffee quite often. When my wife returned from these meetings she was overjoyed and excited and told me a lot about Anna. It was then that I began to worry.

During the time my wife had no contact with her, Anna got her PhD in literature, started teaching at the university, and became the editor of one of the most important cultural magazines in our country. Her husband is an award-winning writer, apparently very well recognized (it's hard for me to say anything about this, as I have no idea about literature). They earn well, do not have and do not want children, and basically lead a carefree lifestyle completely different from ours: they have lots of friends from their literary-academic circle, consider these friends "family" and go several times a week to various author meetings, galas, gallery openings, and god knows what else. From what I've gathered, they are also much more progressive and liberal than I am, for example, they divide all their chores and bills 50/50 and they have a mixed-gender group of friends - Anna is friends with men and her husband with women, which I always considered inappropriate in a serious relationship.

My wife invited Anna and her husband for dinner because she really wanted me to meet them - she hoped we would both start going to all these cultural events with them. They were very polite and respectful, and didn't comment in any way on the differences in our lifestyles, but dinner was nevertheless quite tiresome for me, as I didn't have any common topics with them. My wife knows that I don't share her passion for literature (just as she doesn't share my interest in technology), but this has never been an issue in our marriage - we traveled together, went on bike trips, went to our favorite restaurants and movies, etc. I didn't understand why she suddenly wants this to change.

Anna started taking my wife to some of the literary events organized by her magazine and also invited her to write a couple of reviews for a column she is running (she apparently sees great potential in my wife and appreciates her insight) - which my wife accepted with great joy. I was torn: on the one hand, I was happy that my wife didn't feel alone and that she had something to do when the kids are at school or with their friends. On the other hand, I was afraid that I was losing my wife - that she would turn into someone else under Anna's influence. I was also afraid that other men will hit on her at the events Anna invites her to (even though my wife repeats that all of Anna's friends know that she is married and a mother, they never cross any boundaries and always speak of her family with respect).

I finally told my wife that I was uncomfortable with her friendship with Anna, that I was afraid this relationship would change her for the worse and that she would no longer care about our marriage and children. I said that I can’t forbid her to do antyhing, but that I would feel much better if she didn't go to all these events with Anna and if she didn't accept an offer to write reviews for her magazine. My wife said that the friendship with Anna is very important to her, that she had been feeling depressed lately spending most of the day at home all alone, and that contact with people with whom she can talk about things she’s passionate about has made her feel significantly better. I promised to her that I will work less and that I will spend more time with her. I also repeated that I cannot forbid her to see Anna and her friends but that this friendship really makes me uncomfortable. She was sad but understood me and said that she will stop spending time with Anna.

Yesterday, I talked to my older brother (whose advice I always appreciate) about this situation. He said that me and my wife married really young and that it’s understandable that she might feel like she’s missing out on things outside family life. He also said that the only way to make sure that my wife is with me because she really loves me and not because she’s just stuck with me and has no other options, is to give her freedom to spend time with other people, even though it makes me uncomfortable. It really made me think and question my own behavior. I really don’t want to be a person who limits my wife’s freedom, but I also don’t want to be tempting fate in order to see if she really loves me. It would break my heart to lose her and maybe deep inside I feel like she would leave me if she had any other options, so I don’t want her to have these options. I feel like shit. AITAH?