There's this boy at my 4 year old daughter's daycare who has been bullying her. Hitting her, pulling her hair and stealing her hair ties/scrunchies/bows/hair clips. He says mean things to her and intentionally seeks her out to bully her at daycare. It's been an ongoing problem.

I've talked to the daycare several times and nothing seems to be changing, I've been looking to switch her to a new daycare for a few weeks now but haven't found anything that meets our needs. (hours/price/location/etc). We decided to switch daycares after another little boy decided to put his hands around my daughter's neck. My boyfriend was a boxer for a few years and we've been teaching her how to throw a punch.

This week I finally got sick of hearing about how this boy bullies her every single day. So I gave her the green light.

I told my daughter the next time this boy puts his hands on her, hits her, pulls her hair, scratches her or hurts her in anyway - that she is to punch him square in the face and to keep punching him over and over until he falls to the floor. I told her she wont be in trouble, her teacher will call me, I'll pick her up and we'll go get ice cream.

I hope I get that call today.

When my girlfriend and I decided to get engaged, we wanted it to be a special moment between us. So, I made it clear to my family, especially my sister, that I didn't want any grand gestures or interruptions during the proposal.

However, during our romantic dinner, just as I was about to pop the question, my sister burst in with a group of friends, cheering and causing a scene. I was furious and felt like my special moment had been ruined.

My sister brushed off my anger, saying she wanted to celebrate with us. But I couldn't shake off the disappointment.

Fast forward to my sister's engagement party, and I couldn't resist the chance to make a statement of my own. During the toast to the happy couple, I announced that my girlfriend and I were expecting our first child.

My sister was livid, accusing me of stealing her thunder on her special day. But I couldn't help but feel vindicated, especially when our family rallied behind us, excitedly discussing our baby news.

While my sister insists I was the asshole for overshadowing her engagement, I can't help but think back to how she disregarded my wishes during my proposal.

I own a managed service provider (MSP) firm which provides cloud computing services to clients. Business is good enough to pay my employees a respectable wage, while offering them a good work-life balance.

I have never had to lay off a single employee yet.

I hired a senior IT technician as a middle manager, let's call him Harry. Harry seems to have gone off the rails about AI. He has started to micromonitor our coworkers to an unacceptable extent, and he has kept on pesturing me to investigate how I could use ChatGPT and other AI technologies to reduce employee costs.

Frankly, this rubbed me the wrong way. Harry does not have a stake in any of his coworkers losing their jobs, and his constant micromonitoring had become an issue.

Plus, I have had a look at ChatGPT and there is simply no way it could replace any of my technical employees. ChatGPT has no agency, nor can it can't deal with clients, nor it can't see the computer screen to troubleshoot jackshit.

However, ChatGPT could easily replace a middle manager, assuming someone else takes on some additional responsibility daily. You see ChatGPT has certain plugins and a Code Interpretor mode (which can do calculations and process spreadsheets as input/output). This can decimate the workload of a middle manager (at-least in our firm), allowing their responsibilities to be absorbed by another senior employee (me in this case).

I kept this in mind and have been shadowing Harry's job for the past few months. A stellar employee retired last week. I approached Harry and told him that I took his suggestions to heart, and have decided to automate his role with AI.

I told him he could accept his redundancy package or be retrained in Azure. He chose to be retrained in Azure.

Unfortunately for Harry, he'll lose the comfy priveleges being a middle manager entails. Fortunately for our coworkers, they will have an impartial AI making decisions. Fortunately for me, I won't have to pay for a redundant role.

I, 25M, am married to my wife, Sasha, 28F. She comes from a pretty wealthy background while I decidedly do not. My dad left before I was born and my mum died when I was 11. I've mostly 'gotten over it', as much as one can, 'get over' something like that. However I'm still sensitive on any so called 'jokes' on that.

I graduated summa cum laude, and went straight into investment banking. I met my wife when I was 23, and fresh into it, but after 3 years I earn pretty well. My wife is a lawyer. Now I love my wife and she loves me (obviously) but her family hatess me. Like from the depths of their souls, hates me. I've been called a gold-digger, a low-life and a few more vague insults on my table-manners.

I went to a 'party' with her the other day, one of those fancy shmancy things where everyone drinks cHaMpAgNe and complains about this that and the other, talking about oh we spent sOoOOo much money on renovations, *gasp*. And I got the usual mild comments from wife's family and close friends on where my wife 'picked' me up from.

Lacy, I don't think, knew about my family history before. We were talking about dads, don't ask me why and I got a question on what my dad did, I said I didn't know, never met the guy. Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went 'oohh, well we all know why you're with her [my wife] then don't we?'

I acted all confused and she got flustered, and just kept going with 'well... you know'. My wife tried to move the conversation along but by this point I wasn't letting it go, I kept pushing, and pushing until Lacy finally said, 'well you two don't exactly have the same... finances do you' and then responded with, you're right. I make quite some more.

Lacy by this point was too embarrassed to keep going, I'd kind of ruined the vibe, but the night continued, this isn't the kind of event you walk away from. We went home, which was when shit genuinely went down. She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing on that point and turn one comment into one of them most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I'd ruined everything.

But its not like I lied. I'm just tired of being treated like shit in her circle. My wife is upset though, and I do care about her, so I need to know, AITA?

I (19m) have two older siblings who were both born with severe disabilities. Their disabilities are related to an inheritable gene that both my parents were carriers of, hence both of them having these disabilities. They had me so their disabled children would have someone to take care of them when they were gone. It was a gamble. I could have been disabled like my siblings and had an even higher chance at also being a carrier for the gene. My parents didn't look into that. They initially planned to adopt but they were rejected because of my siblings being disabled and it was decided they could not adequately care for another child on top of them. So they gave in and had me.

Once they knew I wasn't disabled at birth they no longer cared about my future because it was set in stone in their minds. I was raised to take over the care of both my siblings. I was taught what to do, how to do it and my parents interfered in my success.

They'd pull me out of school few enough times to cause trouble but timed just right to throw me off and leave me behind at school. Their aim was for me to do badly enough to either drop out or not graduate high school so then I wouldn't leave for college. But I worked my ass off to do the best I could. My grades weren't great graduating but they were the best they could be given the circumstances.

I actually only learned about my risk of being a carrier in my final two months of high school. My parents didn't care because they never planned for me to marry or have kids, because again, I was supposed to be a carer the rest of my life.

I moved out of my parents house after high school and I'm in college now. My parents hate it. I'm mostly estranged and have not told them yet but I got checked for the gene, because I always wanted kids but I knew I didn't want to risk having children with the same disabilities as my siblings. I'm not a carrier (which is rare apparently but such a relief!!). But it made me more angry at my parents for not caring.

They leave voicemails pretty frequently shaming me for going to college and moving away and not supporting them or my siblings. They talked about how out of practice I will be. So I decided to call them and over the phone I told them I was not coming back and that they need to find an alternative solution for long term care for my siblings because I won't be the solution. I won't sacrifice the rest of my life to care for them. My parents told me that was disgusting to say and I should love my siblings more than enough to care for them, especially when they are the highest risk adults.

AITA?

I am not OP. That is who posted in

April 21st, 2024

My girlfriend (F24) and I (M25) broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her call than mine, but we both knew things weren’t going well for a while. So, I was sad but not surprised. We ended things amicably and said we’d still be friends, whatever that means.

Anyway, we did the exchange of things in each other’s apartment a couple days after the break up and then didn’t talk again until two days ago when she texted me. We had been planning to go on a trip to the Canary Islands this year. The plane tickets were about $800 a piece and the AirBnb was like $1600, so we decided I’d just pay for the AirBnb and she’d pay for the flights.

The flights were non-refundable and we’re already past the date that I’d get any meaningful refund from the AirBnb, so I decided I’d just get a friend to split the AirBnb and go anyway.

I had been planning on telling my ex that I’d pay her for my ticket so she didn’t lose the money, but she texted me about it first. On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.

She said OK, but I actually needed to pay her for my ticket and half of the cost of hers because she can’t use it now. Basically, she says that she agreed to buy two plane tickets under the understanding that we would both go to on the trip. And I agreed to pay for an AirBnb under the same understanding. But since that’s not happening, we should evenly share the lost costs. Since I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that.

I told her that I didn’t think that’s fair at all. First of all, it was her idea to break up. So the reason we aren’t going is on her. Second, there’s no reason why she can’t use her ticket. She should just get an airbnb and still go with her friend. I even said I’d sit in her friend’s seat and let her friend in my seat so they can sit together. Whether or not she uses her ticket is on her, and she bears any cost of that.

She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me and also the good AirBnbs are taken for that time. Anyway, we went back and forth and she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back. So I said, “You know what, go ahead cancel them, get whatever refund you can. I’ll just buy my own ticket and not pay you back anything.” She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick. Let’s talk about this later when you can be mature.”

That’s where it is right now. My friends are divided. Most say I should at least pay her for my ticket. Which I’m willing to do if she doesn’t cancel it! But some say I should pay for half of hers as well. I’m sticking firm that I won’t pay for half of her ticket, AITA?

Verdict was NTA

April 30th, 2024

Hey, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I got so much more advice than I was expecting, and I appreciate it. A lot of you were saying the airline could do something. I told that to my ex, and she actually bought the tickets from a discount agency online and there was no refund possibility. If you’re curious, I can tell you how it all ended.

I eventually told my ex that I was not going to pay her more than the $800 for my ticket under any circumstances, and she could take it or leave it and I’d just get my own ticket. She later asked if I’d be willing to let her use the AirBnb if she paid me the entire $1600, basically letting me out of the whole trip all together. To be honest, the Canary Islands were her idea in the first place. It’s not like it’s my #1 destination. I could take the money and go somewhere that I am more interested in.

I asked my friend who was going to go with me if he’d be interested in something cheaper and closer. He hadn’t bought his plane ticket yet because he was waiting for me to sort everything out with my ex.

We looked at options and decided to accept her offer and go to Belize. I had my ex agree in writing to pay for any fees or damages incurred at the AirBnb. I really don’t think there will be any. She’s not the type of person to damage a hotel room or something, but I just want to be sure.

I got Venmoed the money by a male coworker of hers. They have been work friends for a while now, and I have met him a couple of times. I don’t know if this is like a couple’s thing or what. I don’t really think she cheated on me with him. I could see maybe her being interested in him possibly being a factor for our breakup. But I don’t even know if they are together or going as friends.

At the end of the day, I don’t really care what she does. I got my money back, she gets her vacation. I’m guessing her coworker also bought his own plane ticket, so at the end of the day he’s the one eating the $800 loss. So he can have fun with that. My ex and I are technically “amicable” again, but I don’t really plan on talking to her again. Thanks again for the advice.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

My late husband and my youngest stepson have had a really bad relationship. It was to the point that he would go no contact on and off. They both were not great to eachother. The relationship is quite complicated but overall it was he was way to strict and stepson was way to rebellious, in the law breaking way.

He became an adult and moved out. Since then it was on and off and drama between them was common. The breaking point was stepsons wedding, it was a money issue. He helped pay for his daughters college but refused to help pay for his wedding. He thought it was unfair since he never got money from them since he didn’t go to college. Stepson uninvited him from the wedding.

The relationship was dead after that, my late husband health started to decline. He reached out a few times but was basically told to kick rocks.

He made it extremely clear that he didn’t want his son at the funeral. It may sound cold but his reasoning was that he wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to his son he doesn’t want him to get a goodbye. Kinda petty but that relationship was really bad by the end.

His funeral was today, my stepson did show up to he funeral, I don’t know who told him. I decided I would respect his wish and I kicked him out. He called me plenty of names for this.

The other kids, are split. The knew their dads wish but still are suprised I went through with it.

Edit: I'm going to work, so I will be off for a while

Alright I know, slightly clickbaity title.

I (26F) was having a conversation with some co-workers when the subject of mothers day came up, I get asked "when are you having kids?" I smile politely and reply, "never. I don't want kids"

This is where things start to escalate; I work with all women and they all seemed shocked, even horrified by my statement. The fact is I do not want to have children, ever. Period. End of. The conversation flows as follows (as close to word-for-word as I can remember) from various women, about 5 individuals all older than 40.

"But what if your husband wants kids?"
"Then I'd get a new husband"

"You're almost 30 you should think about these things"
"But I never want children, even at 30"

"What if you get pregnant accidentally?"
"Well then I'd get an abortion"

"Well, a lot of states aren't allowing that anymore, what will you do then?"
"I guess... give it to someone who wants it"

"You'd change your mind once you held it"
"No, I would not want to hold it. I would ask them to take it to an adoption center"

"I don't think they'd let you give it away for adoption, you're fit to be a mother - you wouldn't just abandon your baby!"
"Yes. I would. If I had no choice I'd dump it on church steps if I had to"

The rest of the day (which thankfully was only a few hours) was so awkward, with them muttering and talking about how they couldn't understand how someone like me (idk what they mean by that, maybe cause I'm a white, working class, healthy woman?) couldn't POSSIBLY want to have children. When talking with my mom later she said I should have just tried to change the subject and was the asshole for taking it that far but I was just being honest about what I'd do - I do not want children, even if that means having to go through the trauma of pregnancy I'd still give it away at any cost.

I would like to clarify, I do not hate kids nor do I want to harm them - I just do not want to have one of my own and instead of accepting that they kept trying to create scenarios to make me admit I'd keep it.

So, am I the asshole?

My sister is going on vacation for a week soon, and isn’t taking her 2 year old daughter (Elise) with her. My sister still lives at home with me and our parents, and normally they would be the ones to look after Elise when my sister is out but they’re working the week that she’ll be away during so they aren’t an option for during the day.

My mother came up to me recently and asked how I would feel about looking after Elise for the week during the day until they arrive home from work, and I told her I wouldn’t want to because I have no idea how to look after a toddler and I don’t want to be with her for that length of time. She said that was okay, and didn’t mention anything about it after.

She must’ve told my sister because she pretty much stormed into my room and asked me why I don’t want to look after Elise. I told her the same thing I told my mother, and she started trying to make me feel bad or something by asking me why I wouldn’t want to spend time with my niece if I love her and stuff like that. I told her I don’t care what she says because I wasn’t doing it and she said I was being selfish by not doing this after everything she’s done for me, and that she’s stuck for a babysitter now because of me. I just told her she should’ve thought about that before she decided to book a vacation, and she left.

I'm married to a widower. We've been married for 4 years, together for 6 and known each other for 8. We met at a grief support group. I lost my sister to cancer around the same time he lost his late wife "Tasha". We bonded and supported each other and our relationship happened slowly over the two years of being friends.

One thing I have always known is his love for Tasha has never faded. He never wants it to fade. He misses her every single day, so do his children (my stepchildren). He struggled with the idea of finding someone else. Not least of all because his family started pushing 13 months after his loss. In time he wanted this himself and we fell in love. But I have always known there would be no us without his loss. I was never jealous or insecure of that. I love his love for Tasha. It tells me how amazing he is as as person. It's also good for his kids to see the love he still holds for their mom. My sister's widower remarried after 6 months and has erased my sister with their children. He stopped me having a relationship with them too and I hate it.

The kids being good with us was the most important thing to us when we became something more. The only condition they had to their support was their mom. They didn't want her to be forgotten. They didn't want my husband to stop talking about her or for her photos to disappear from the house. Some came down. But they're still in the house just not on the walls and there are still photos of her around.

It works. I tell my daughter (2) and will tell my son I'm pregnant with that she's their big siblings mom and daddy's late wife. They'll know who she is and what she means to our family.

But my husband's parents and sister don't like that Tasha is still very much loved and kept alive. They didn't like her. They didn't approve of their son/brother marrying at 20 and loving someone who came from a very "unfavorable family". They judged Tasha for it harshly. They think I'm far better. So they expected me to replace Tasha. They were especially horrified that my husband keeps a photo of Tasha in his wallet and on his desk at work. There are also photos of me in both. Recently they brought this up with me and told me I should forbid my husband from doing this. They said it is horribly disrespectful to me and it has prevented my husband's teenage children from truly embracing me as their mother. They told me to march right up to him in front of everyone and to tell him that he cannot keep photos of his dead wife anymore. It bothered me so much that they were so callous about it. I told them not to use me in their sick and twisted scheme to erase Tasha because I wanted no part of it.

They focused on the sick and twisted aspect. And they are saying I called them sick and twisted and accused me of overreacting to their support. My husband was furious with them when he heard and told them to be thankful his kids hadn't heard them.

AITA though?

For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.

The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.

For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.

He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.

I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.

Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.

Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills (**edit: he pays his half, I pay my half of rent/utilities bills -, bad phrasing, sorry) or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.

Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.

Link to pics in first comment! So my good friend had a cute little terrier. Her asshole neighbors have a bunch of large mutt dogs. They live out in the countryside, outside of city limits. Her neighbor’s dogs dug a small hole under the fence that she didn’t realize was there, her terrier went sniffing it when she let her outside and the mutt dogs bit her and forced her through the tiny hole to the other side of the fence and then mauled her to death. The asshole neighbors said “she shouldn’t have been on our property.” And offered no apology or support. My friend was absolutely devastated and laid in bed at night plotting revenge. She came up with the incredible idea of shipping containers. The neighbor’s yard is angled and their house sits back from the road. My friend had giant shipping containers installed along the fence line in the front. So now when the neighbors look outside they see these giant garish shipping containers instead of their expansive view and since they live outside of city limits there is nothing they can do about it.

I am NOT OOP. Original post by in and

Long post, I have provided comments from original threads, these provide extra information however are not vital for understanding the post and can be skipped. Though, I recommend reading them as they provide more context. Your choice though.

- 22 April 2024

Hey people.

This is a long story, but I’m going to try and condense it as much as possible. Basically about 9 weeks ago my maternal cousin and I both completed an Ancestral/DNA test through one of the popular brands.

My parents are very against these DNA tests (I thought) because they don’t like the idea of giving your DNA to these companies and so have forbidden me from doing them in the past when I brought up the idea. Though, I now know the real reason they were against me doing it.

My cousin (James) got his results first and matched with loads of people saying my mother’s maiden name, as well as other names known within my mother’s family line.

I got my results about a week later and not only did I not match with my cousin, I didn’t match with any of my cousins matches nor did anyone share my mothers maiden name. My dad (and I) have an extremely common surname in my country -think “smith”- and I did match with a few people who shared that name but none were close matches, 3rd-4th cousins being the closest. So I’m just assuming it was because it’s a common surname.

James’ family know he’s done the DNA test and he’s shared the results however I have asked him to keep what he knows about mine between us for a while.

I learnt this about 2 weeks ago and have since come to the conclusion that I am adopted. At first this made me feel really upset, and I thought maybe the DNA tests were faulty but after researching, no I don’t think they are. I think I am just adopted. I have two younger brothers who are 11 and 9 who aren’t adopted because I remember my mom being pregnant with them. So I can’t understand why I was adopted.

I want to know tell my parents know about being adopted, I want to in some ways confront them and ask why they’ve lied to me for so long. But I also want to say I still consider them my only family. James thinks it’s a really bad idea, he says I should just keep it to myself because if I tell my parents I know I’m adopted it could have negative consequences on my relationship with my parents and also could get him into trouble with his parents because he bought me the DNA test and he is very close to my parents.

I’ve said I’ll just tell them I bought the test myself but he says they’ll know because he got his test so recently.

WIBTA if I ignored my cousin and confronted my parents about me being adopted anyway?

END OF POST 1

No verdict flare, not sure why, but most comments seem to be NTA.

Some relevant comments:

Comment thread 1

Commenter:

I can't imagine what you must be going through, realising that you may well be adopted, through a DNA test.

OOP:

I’m 18, but I still live with my parents part time and I live at Uni halls the other time.

Comment Thread 2

Commenter 1:

Have the DNA test done with a different company to double-check results so that your parents can't claim that the first one is in error.

OOP

Yeah, honestly this is a good idea

Commenter 2:

It might be better to tell them about the existing results before you know what the real story is. Right now you're in a gray area, where you have some possibly mixed up information and you're genuinely just asking questions rather than confronting anyone. This gives them a chance to (very belatedly) do the right thing ... or not, which would also be illuminating in a way. You can always seek confirmation and drama later if necessary or desired.

Comment Thread 3:

Commenter

You matched with distant cousins, perhaps a family member fell pregnant at a young age and your parents stepped up as a young couple who were ready to have children?

OOP:

The thing is I don't 100% know they're related to my dad because of how common our last name is. It's likely (imo) that it's just some other people I've matched with that share our name.

Update

  - 4 May 2024

TL;DR at the bottom.

This is a long story, I’m going to try and condense it. I’ve spoken about it before on a different post on my profile if you want more details.

In the past I’ve spoken about wanting to do one of those Ancestry and DNA at home tests, but my parents (or who I thought were my parents) were always against them. They told me because they don’t trust those companies with your DNA, but I obviously know the real reason now.

A while ago my cousin and I decided to buy a test each and I completed mine in secret. I was shocked when not only did I not match with him when we got the results, I didn’t match with anyone who shared a surname with any of my family (except for some matches that shared my dad’s surname, but this is an extremely common surname in my country. Think “Smith” for the USA).

I thought perhaps the test was faulty or wrong, but after some researching I had my doubts that the test was faulty. But just in case I decided to do a second test, with a different company, just in case the first one was somehow wrong. This time I bought three tests, one I gave to my paternal uncle (he’s actually only a few years older than me despite being my uncle) and one I gave to my maternal cousin, and the last one I did myself.

We sent them all off and we got our results surprisingly quickly, about 10 days after we sent them off (yesterday night). But these tests confirmed my suspicions, I’m not related to my family.

And even more, I matched with a woman “49.8% DNA match, predicted parent/child”. Looked on her profile and she was born in 1991 meaning she would have been 15/16ish when I was born. She hasn’t been active on the app for over 6 months.

I’ve written out messages to her to send and then deleted them, I’ve contemplated just saying “hello” but haven’t had the courage to actually send it off. I also could just turn off matches and make my profile invisible, that way she wouldn’t see me if she logged back in again. I could pretend she doesn’t exist and that I never found this out. I have another mom out there that I know nothing about, it makes me feel so anxiously curious.

My parents never told me I was adopted, I feel utterly betrayed by them. I’ve resisted the urge to confront them about it since I got the results back from the first test, but now I know for certain I just want to smash my fists into a wall. I want to scream at them. I hate that they’ve kept this from me for my entire life.

Now the only people who know I know is my uncle and my cousin. I trust that they won’t say anything to anyone until I’ve spoken to people about it.

I feel so lost and confused. Should I message my biological mom? Or pretend she doesn’t exist and turn my profile invisible from her?

TL;DR:

Discovered I'm adopted via DNA kit. Matched with biological mom, unsure whether to message or ignore. Feeling betrayed by adoptive parents. Uncertain about confronting them. Feeling lost and conflicted.

END OF POST 2

Some relevant comments

Comment Thread 1

Commenter:

I'm wondering if there is a possibility she did the DNA test as a vague hope that maybe one day you would use it as a tool to find her and reach out to her. Whether or not she did, the ball is in your court and I think it should stay that way until you are ready to deal with it. Reach out when you are ready. There is no real reason to rush right now, you have time.

OOP:

Yeah, I’m guessing that she did it with hopes that I would also do one one day. I mean, that makes sense. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made your profile public.

Commenter:

There are probably other factors as well, but I would bet you being able to find her was one of them, if not the only one.

Comment Thread 2

Commenter:

I gave a child up for adoption at around same age your bio mum was. Your parents are your parents. They shouldn’t have kept this secret from you, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that.

OOP:

My parents aren’t infertile because I have younger siblings and I remember my mom being pregnant with them.

Comment Thread 3

Commenter:

You've said that you can make your profile invisible to her temporarily? Then change that later? If so, I would do that.

OOP:

Yes, I’ve done this. I don’t want her to see my profile and thinks it’s an invitation to reach out. Or to get her hopes up that I’m actively searching for her so better she just doesn’t see it. Until I’ve decided what I want to do.

Update 2

  - 8 May 2024

Hey people,

A lot has happened to me since my last post here, and before I start to explain I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented/replied to my OP. It was really helpful and I truly appreciate it. For full context read the other posts on my profile which discuss this situation further.

First things first, I decided to turn my profile private/invisible. I didn't want my biological mom (BM) to see that I had done a DNA test as an invitation to message me. I looked at her profile one last time and it still said "last online 6 months ago" or something like that, so she obviously doesn't check the app regularly. I wrote down information about her (first and last name, birth year, 'past' family names) in case in the future I lose access to the account or if I want to try to track her down and her account disappeared. Though I am hoping that if I do decide to have contact with her in the future, I will just be able to message her on the app. But just in case.

I "confronted" my parents about what I had found out, there was a lot of crying. Especially from my mom, but also from me. I told them how hurt I was that they never told me, and how much it has caused pain and anxiety to find this out on my own and feeling like I was unable to ask them about it.

They apologised to me, they explained to me that they wanted to tell me. They planned on doing it when I turned 8, but they 'couldn't go through with it' because they 'didn't want to hurt me'. They said every year they planned to tell me and every year they put it off. They told me they did it out of love for me, but also out of anxiety that it would change our relationship for the worse.

I explained to them that even if them telling me that I was adopted did hurt me as a child I would have had them there to support me through it. And that now I had found out on my own and felt like I didn't have anyone there to understand what I was going through. They took responsibility for not telling me and for the hurt it caused when I was now.

We hugged, we cried and we forgave each other. Even though I don't agree with them not telling me, I can understand their feelings and why they found it so difficult when I was younger.

After we had finished talking about it they asked me what I wanted moving forward, if I wanted to tell my brothers that I was adopted or just carrying on like nothing happened. I said I no longer wanted it to be a secret and that I wanted them to tell my brothers what they should have told me. I didn't want it to seem like a 'dirty' secret, but simply a fact of who I am and where I came from. I want it to be something celebrated, not feared to be talked about. I wasn't born into this family, but this is my family. And I feel so blessed that I was given the opportunity to become part of this family.

I asked what they knew about my BM, they said not much. They know that she was in foster care when she fell pregnant with me, and that she would have only been 14/15 at the time. She decided she didn't want to keep me but didn't want to have a termination and so I was put up for adoption and that she requested 'no contact' with me. I hope that the situation around my birth wasn't traumatic for her. I know this is a weird thought, but I hope she just got pregnant with me from another person her own age and that I wasn't a product of any abuse. That makes me sad to think about.

Sorry for the long post. Again thank you all for the help and advice you all gave me. I appreciate everything.

TL;DR: Made profile private to avoid contact from biological mom. Confronted parents about adoption, led to tears and apologies. They planned to tell me but couldn't. Agreed to tell brothers, no longer want adoption to be a secret. Grateful for my family. Biological mom was in foster care, gave me up for adoption at 14/15, requested no contact. Hopeful for her well-being. Grateful for support and advice.

END OF POST 3

Reminder, I am NOT OOP, please do NOT comment on original threads or contact OOP.

My husband and I have a home that has the garage underneath our living space and where summer is upon us, he has been having his buddies over for his typical summer shindigs. This is a normal and I have zero issue with it. Up until this year, I was also down in that garage hanging out with everyone. But this year, we have a baby (she was 5 days old when this happened). Now, my husband is a great man and a fantastic father and has really cut back on having people over. However, it's like his buddies are so excited to get back here that they turn ignorant once we finally do open our doors (this was the hangout spot because we have a huge fire pit, billiards, karaoke and a bar).

This past weekend my husband had people over to kick off summer and he has one friend, who we will call "Nate", who has never been very mindful of anything around him. He's like a giant kid, despite being well in to his late 30s. He shows up on his brand new motorcycle and parked it in our garage (we were supposed to get rain, so I couldn't tell you why he drove the bike but I'm assuming he just wanted to show it off). There was probably about 8 people here, I think. I was upstairs with our baby, told my husband to have a good time and went about my night. Well, my husband took off around 7-8pm-ish to go grab beer, leaving Nate and the rest of the guys in the garage (except for John, who went with husband). The store is only 5 minutes away. I had JUST gotten the baby to sleep when all the sudden my home is literally shaking. Fucking vibrating with the sound of a consistent, EXTREMELY loud, continuous revving of the motorcycle, right inside my garage and underneath our living area. I could not hear a damn thing over that motorcycle. To paint a picture here, when the guys are over and in the garage, you can literally hear them speaking. So the revving of this motorcycle completely overtook our home. My baby started screaming bloody murder. I'm trying to cover her ears but that's just not doing anything.

I grabbed the baby and went outside, where the sound was much quieter, went to the garage and lost my shit entirely. I told Nate that he was an inconsiderate fucking prick. He KNOWS how thin that floor is, he KNOWS our living area is directly above the garage and that we have a 5 day old baby and he decided to show how big his dick was by revving the piss out of his Harley in the garage for (not kidding) 5 minutes straight. I told him he had to leave. He apologized, said he forgot, he "wasn't thinking", etc etc. My husband shows back up, the baby is STILL screaming bloody murder in my arms. My husband takes the baby and asks what's going on and me still being pissed off, loudly told him how Nate decided to rev his bike up for 5 minutes and probably gave the baby a migraine because of how loud it was upstairs and that he needed to leave. My husband looked at Nate and said "why would you do that?" And Nate got pissed and said "I fucking already said that I just wasn't thinking". My husband kind of turned to me and said that we should just move on but I was honestly so fuming that I said we would move on once Nate was gone (this isn't the first time he's been incredibly inconsiderate). My husband just let out a sigh, shook his head and said "maybe everyone should leave, this was a bad idea" and walks upstairs with the baby. Nate's girlfriend turned to me and said "it was an honest fucking mistake and you just became so unhinged that you embarrassed your husband. I hope you feel good about yourself psycho." Everyone left without looking at me and my husband hasn't said anything to me about it, other than he "gets it". AITA?

ETA: I was probably still pissed because Nate came here when the baby was 2 days old and started scream talking as soon as he walked in and got the baby crying then too. When I told him to quiet down, he said "you need to be loud around babies so they will sleep through it" and kept being disrespectful until my husband took him outdoors. So he's just not respectful at all.

Edit: I told my husband he could have his buddies over. He made it clear to them that no one was allowed in the main house and I heard him repeat several times that the baby was upstairs and to be respectful. I have zero issues with my husband having people here. My husband is a damn good man and he respects me above all else. Was having people over with a 5 day old baby the best of ideas? Probably not. But he also hasn't hung out with anyone for months because the last 2-3 months of my pregnancy were extremely rough and I needed a lot of help so he was unavailable to everyone. He deserved a night and I feel terrible that I cut it short (without meaning to). Nate waited until after my husband left to go to the store to act like a teenager. He wouldn't have done that if my husband was here.

I'm an academic researcher.

I won this tech competition last year and started getting hate mail from a startup bro from my country who was probably just jealous because his team hadn't even made it to the finals of the same competition three years ago (just my guess). He was now the CEO of a growing startup.

The content of the hate mail was usually just insults mixed with explaining that I wasn't really good in my field and didn't deserve any acclaim. It hit the fan when he actually made the effort to attend a Zoom lecture of mine to hurl insults in the comments. That was embarrassing.

I wanted revenge in a way that would prove my merit as well.

I ordered his company's product (a special water filtration apparatus) and made some neat improvements to it which made it much cheaper. I found one of his close competitors who operates in the same region, and gave the product to them in exchange for a payment and an advisory position. This was also a small company that was neck-and-neck with the dude who was harassing me.

It's been one year and the competitor has almost fully dominated the market. I haven't announced my affiliation with the competitor yet but I'm about to. I wish I can see his reaction live when he finds out I helped the competitor.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Thanks to for finding this BORU

- 25th March 2024

- 14th May 2024

AITAH for telling my wife I don't give a damn how she drives when it's just her and her kids in the car but if me or our kids are in it she must be safe.

My wife had two kids before we got married and the have an actively involved father. We have had two children of our own.

My wife is a terrible driver but she refuses to acknowledge this. She has been in multiple accidents and even had her license suspended. Not for a DUI or anything. Just because she is a shitty driver. She will do stuff like reach into the back seat to deal with a kid rather than either pull over or let me or one of the older kids deal with it.

She got t-boned in August last year because she took her foot off the brake at a red light to pick up my son's soother that had fallen out. She didn't put the car in park. Thankfully only she was injured. All four kids were in the car.

I have had it. I told her that she is welcome to endanger herself and her kids. But that if I am in the car or if our children are in the car she will keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel.

She is finally at the point in her rehab where she can drive again. I reminded her of what I said. I told her that I loved her. I said that her older kids were important to me and that I loved them too. But I told her that if she ever decided to do stupid shit while driving our relationship would be over and I would make it part of our divorce that she NOT be allowed to drive with my kids in the car.

She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe.

Before you ask I try and do as much of the driving as I possibly can. I have stopped drinking when we go out. I traded in my car that I loved for an SUV so there is room for all of us. I offered to pay for Uber so she didn't have to drive if I wasn't available. She actually likes driving.

Her ex and her parents are on my side. He also told her that if she ever thinks about endangering his kids and he would either go for full custody or ask that she be barred from driving with his kids in the car. Her parents have threatened to stop helping her pay her stupid high insurance premiums.

She thinks we are being unfair because she loves her kids and would never intentionally harm them. She just loses concentration when one of the kids needs something and doesn't think to ask for help.

Comments

JaguarZealousideal55

She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe.

Well... what did she expect? She is behaving like an idiot, to be honest. Her intention (doing it on purpose or not) is not relevant here. She shouldn't be driving at all since she is putting other people at risk. But clearly she shouldn't drive the children. That is the least you can demand.

LastBaron

There comes a point where “intentionality” as a concept sort of breaks down.

Maybe she is having the subjective experience of not feeling like she’s doing it on purpose, I don’t know. But she has been presented with such an overwhelming amount of evidence and testimony from her own family that her actions are endangering herself and her kids, that any reasonable person (and plenty of unreasonable ones) would have gotten the message.

If she doesn’t believe it that’s on her.

In a way it’s actually worse; if a person is so deeply delusional that THIS degree of evidence is available and she still doesn’t feel at fault, she’s just straight up dangerous and probably in way more scenarios than just this one. How far gone do you have to be to not see that your actions are causing this? What else in your life are you this delusional about?

JanetInSpain

You're treating her like an idiot because, now hear me out here... SHE'S AN IDIOT.

What mature, responsible adult pulls that shit while driving? If losing her license and being in multiple accidents wasn't enough to show her that she has a serious problem, I doubt your threat will either.

Every time she does one of those stupid actions, she is INTENTIONALLY harming her kids (or potentially harming). She could have fixed this long ago. She's just too lazy and in denial to do anything about it.

You and her ex should both put your foot down: no more driving unless she is the only person in the car. Period. No exceptions. Any breach of that agreement will be grounds for leaving. By giving her more chances you are continuing to endanger your kids.

NTA but don't let this slide.

**Judgement - NTA**

AITAH for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident. - 7 weeks later

My wife was involved in a single vehicle accident. She was seriously injured but thank goodness no one else was in the car with her.

I have spoke to her about her driving habits and I warned her. I went to see her in the hospital and then I went to a lawyer. I am also going for full custody with only supervised visitation for her.

I am sick to death of her driving habits and I will not wait for her to injure or kill one of our kids with her bullshit.

I feel bad for doing this while she is in the hospital and facing charges. But I can't take any more chances on her.

Comments

emjkr

NTA I remember your last post. Protect yourself and your kids.

OOP: I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her.

emjkr

I definitely understand that! Has she said anything about the new accident? Realised that she got a problem? If I remember right she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore.

OOP: She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.

stufferkneee

So even after she caused the accident last time reaching for the soother, she STILL managed to do nearly the same maneuver (reaching into the back seat for something without ensuring the car was properly parked) and caused another accident. She's a lost cause, they need to permanently take away her license. She's a danger to herself and every single person on the road, pedestrian or driver.

NTA OP. Keep your kids safe. Let the ex husband know your plans & the situation as well, I'm sure he's going to want to push forward on his custody fight as well after this. If her parents are still on your side, make sure you keep their line open for the kids too.

efrendel

NTA. You told her what you needed from her to keep your marriage intact and give you peace of mind. The consequences of ignoring you is on her.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

(Throwaway account, because I mostly use reddit for work-related topics).

Me (37M) and my wife (35F) have been married for 14 years. We met when we were both in college, she studied literature, I studied engineering and was getting into tech. We were dating for two years when she got pregnant and we decided to get married and start a family. We decided together that I would work and she would be a SAHM because it would be difficult for her to find a well-paying job with her major, and I was already starting to earn quite well. I've also always had a fairly conservative approach to family life and I was happy to be a sole provider. She always wanted to be a mom and was looking forward to being a SAHM.

Right now our children are 14 and 12 years old, I have a good job and my wife stays home taking care of the house. This arrangement has always suited her, but recently she has begun to mention that she feels a bit lonely and lacks friends, especially now that the children are older and she has more time to herself. Indeed, our social life mostly consisted of meetings with my work colleagues and their wives whom my wife can hardly call "friends." That's why I was happy at first when my wife ran into her best friend from college, let’s call her Anna. According to my wife they got along so well as if they didn’t have an almost 14-year old break in contact (when my wife got pregnant she drifted apart from her college friends). They started meeting for coffee quite often. When my wife returned from these meetings she was overjoyed and excited and told me a lot about Anna. It was then that I began to worry.

During the time my wife had no contact with her, Anna got her PhD in literature, started teaching at the university, and became the editor of one of the most important cultural magazines in our country. Her husband is an award-winning writer, apparently very well recognized (it's hard for me to say anything about this, as I have no idea about literature). They earn well, do not have and do not want children, and basically lead a carefree lifestyle completely different from ours: they have lots of friends from their literary-academic circle, consider these friends "family" and go several times a week to various author meetings, galas, gallery openings, and god knows what else. From what I've gathered, they are also much more progressive and liberal than I am, for example, they divide all their chores and bills 50/50 and they have a mixed-gender group of friends - Anna is friends with men and her husband with women, which I always considered inappropriate in a serious relationship.

My wife invited Anna and her husband for dinner because she really wanted me to meet them - she hoped we would both start going to all these cultural events with them. They were very polite and respectful, and didn't comment in any way on the differences in our lifestyles, but dinner was nevertheless quite tiresome for me, as I didn't have any common topics with them. My wife knows that I don't share her passion for literature (just as she doesn't share my interest in technology), but this has never been an issue in our marriage - we traveled together, went on bike trips, went to our favorite restaurants and movies, etc. I didn't understand why she suddenly wants this to change.

Anna started taking my wife to some of the literary events organized by her magazine and also invited her to write a couple of reviews for a column she is running (she apparently sees great potential in my wife and appreciates her insight) - which my wife accepted with great joy. I was torn: on the one hand, I was happy that my wife didn't feel alone and that she had something to do when the kids are at school or with their friends. On the other hand, I was afraid that I was losing my wife - that she would turn into someone else under Anna's influence. I was also afraid that other men will hit on her at the events Anna invites her to (even though my wife repeats that all of Anna's friends know that she is married and a mother, they never cross any boundaries and always speak of her family with respect).

I finally told my wife that I was uncomfortable with her friendship with Anna, that I was afraid this relationship would change her for the worse and that she would no longer care about our marriage and children. I said that I can’t forbid her to do antyhing, but that I would feel much better if she didn't go to all these events with Anna and if she didn't accept an offer to write reviews for her magazine. My wife said that the friendship with Anna is very important to her, that she had been feeling depressed lately spending most of the day at home all alone, and that contact with people with whom she can talk about things she’s passionate about has made her feel significantly better. I promised to her that I will work less and that I will spend more time with her. I also repeated that I cannot forbid her to see Anna and her friends but that this friendship really makes me uncomfortable. She was sad but understood me and said that she will stop spending time with Anna.

Yesterday, I talked to my older brother (whose advice I always appreciate) about this situation. He said that me and my wife married really young and that it’s understandable that she might feel like she’s missing out on things outside family life. He also said that the only way to make sure that my wife is with me because she really loves me and not because she’s just stuck with me and has no other options, is to give her freedom to spend time with other people, even though it makes me uncomfortable. It really made me think and question my own behavior. I really don’t want to be a person who limits my wife’s freedom, but I also don’t want to be tempting fate in order to see if she really loves me. It would break my heart to lose her and maybe deep inside I feel like she would leave me if she had any other options, so I don’t want her to have these options. I feel like shit. AITAH?

Without excruciating detail, the gist is below. Married 6 years, cheating before marriage, lied by omission. Truth is out and she’s heartbroken that I can’t even say “I love you” anymore

Longer version Wife and I got into a heated argument, she made offsides comments in the heat of the moment. In the past I would relent and see things “her way”. This time I stood my ground, this interaction had me reevaluate all the arguments I had relented on previously.

One was about her and an ex on a work trip 6 months before we were married. She had come back from the trip over the top affectionate. A few weeks later while showing pics of her trip to friends there were pictures of the two of them that seemed odd. When I brought it up later that night she said it was no big deal, when I told her how it made me feel she yelled at me that I had “ruined a perfectly good night with friends”

I brought this trip up again after we’d calmed down from the most recent argument. She admitted they had “hooked up, but it wasn’t sexual”. I asked for a definition of hooking up and she refused until a few days later when she confessed it meant sex. She has been love bombing me since and has said “that me realize I never wanted to cheat on you” (yes folks, you read that right… after cheating… she felt remorse and was like… never again) and “I’ve dealt with that trauma already and we’ve built a life. We need to work to figure this out” she’s even suggested I talk to him so he can confirm how much she only wanted me during that time (literally no idea how that makes sense). She has accused me of internalizing the problem and not bringing it up . I told her I had trusted her fully so there was no reason to bring it up. I took issue with her suggesting it was on me to interrogate and bring forth the truth as disingenuous. She had ample opportunity to bring it up before now but has hidden the truth to get the life she wanted/wants. She’s now heart broken and is insisting I’m not doing enough to save our marriage, in her mind she’s doing everything she can. Counselor, books, suggesting outings together. For me, I can’t stand to look at her and the pushy-ness from her feels self serving. Like she’s trying to manipulate me to stay for herself, not that she actually loves me

There are other normal marriage issues, money/kids/house stuff, but I can’t get over this one.

Am I the asshole? I’d like to hear an assessment

Ok so back in September 2023 my husband told me (thats right…. TOLD me and didnt consult with me prior) that his niece, her boyfriend and newborn baby were going to stay with us for a couple of months until they could “get back on their feet”. I was extremely bothered because I felt he didnt even ask for my opinion and just pushed them on me. They stay in our pool house out back but its very small. Like almost the size of a shed. Well, those couple of months have now turned into 8 MONTHS. Our electricity has gone up, our water bill has gone up and I just cant anymore. What they pay us is a complete joke. Anytime the topic of them seeking another place to live comes up, their response is always “We’ve looked but rent is too high, plus….. there’s no rush”. EXCUSE ME?! Also I’ve learned they are planning a trip to Disneyworld, but wont look into getting a stable home??! Like wtf?! And to top things off, my husbands niece has decided to get off of birth control because they want a bigger family……. I’ve already told my husband that if she gets pregnant then i’m outta here. There will be absolutely no way I will have 2 kiddos running around my backyard when I CHOSE to not have anymore kids and want to enjoy my peace & quiet afternoons now that my kids are teenagers. My plan is to give them a couple of more months… If nothing happens then I will pack my things and move out. My husband will be obligated to choose them or me. Just has he pushed this whole thing on me. So…. Am I the A hole for wanting to kick them out asap???

I (29f) have been married to my husband James for just over a year. I'm Irish, he's American and we currently live in America. My name is Ciara. It's pronounced like Keira Knightley not like Sierra or Kee-ar-uh like Simba's daughter from the Lion King 2. My middle name is Sinéad. My ILs struggled badly with my name when we met despite constant corrections. They default to Sierra. My SIL made some ignorant comments about being in America and so embracing the Sierra pronunciation instead of my weird one. Or she suggested I use the same spelling as Keira Knightley. James quickly told her to cut that out and to accept my name wasn't said that way.

I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O'Connor fan and she can say that correctly. So we don't see his family often because of this. I'm not someone who wants a fight but I also don't dismiss disrespect either.

For my BILs birthday we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends. But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn't like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn't be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers. I corrected the "mistake" of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband.

MIL and SIL weren't a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually. MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterwards and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends.

AITA?

My husband and I met in college and we ended up married a few years after. Six year into marriage, he says he regrets that he never got to really explore the bachelor life since we were together since mid college. He has had two partner before me. He was my only partner and I am perfectly content with that. Not too long after that he "jokingly" suggested an open marriage since it is what "everyone" is doing these days according to him and my heart sank. and said no. I wondered if I just wasn't hot enough or fun enough in bed or he was just getting bored of me - even though I always allow him enough space to himself. I mean I agreed to all his kinks in the past and I exercise religiously with weight lifting and yoga while eating very health diets so I am pretty darn fit. I always planned at least 2 date nights a month and always join in on his hobbies when he wants me to even though I have no interest like race car courses or the range. He was persistent with his request and made me feel back for not letting him enjoy his youth while he still had it. Eventually he broke me down and i begrudgingly agreed on a don't ask don't tell policy.

When it all started I didn't bother to partake. I just lived life as I did before except he would go out to more "boys night outs" and bars and I would see dating apps on his phone. After maybe 6 months into it, I eventually decided to go on dating sites since I was home alone at night more often during Fridays and I thought I might as well give it a try after my lady friends encouraged me to.

Fast forward a few months and now when I tell my husband I can't keep him company during his hobbies, he starts to get annoyed and want to know about what I am doing and when I just mention oh just a date. He demanded more details despite the don't ask, dont tell policy. And as months go by he get really mad and decided lets close the marriage. I actually met some really charming, nice men who actually seem to appreciate my company and really want to do things I want to do so I tell no and then the guilt tripping starts again. Now he says he wants a baby and I should stop this because it won't be good for our future children to grow up with parents doing this sort of stuff. When we got married he stated he never wanted kid and I said did but I am fine not having them as I would not want to have kids with a man who didn't want them.

AITAH for not agreeing to close the marriage and cutting all ties to everyone I met?

Edit: I had plans a month + out in advanced. He makes plans the night or two before and he only makes plans for his hobbies. He made me agree that both must consent to closing if we decided to close, just as both must agree before hand for it to be valid.

Yesterday I (27f) got upset because I had pizza leftover for myself in the fridge that husband (32m) ate after he said he didn’t want any when I went and got it. We argued while I passive aggressively cooked myself another meal.

For context, we’ve been having a lot of issues, one being “dinners”.

I did and still do a lot of the cooking and grocery shopping for us. In the past, I’ve asked why he can’t shop, cook for us more, help me cook, or at least do the dishes when I cook. He says that he doesn’t care about eating dinner and would like to eat less because he’s obese, so I should cook for myself and not expect him to cook or dishwash.

I want to clarify that he is not obese because of my cooking. I cook well-balanced healthy dinners. He gets pizza or fast food almost everyday and has a sweet tooth. Of course, at first I wanted to help him be more healthy, so I started cooking for myself and getting groceries just for myself.

But then he started eating my snacks, the dinners I cooked and my leftovers. He’d get hungry because he didn’t have dinner (you dont say??) and would eat a box of cheez its late at night. I get sensitive when he doesn’t leave any snacks or food left for me, but he says it’s shitty that I complain about him eating food that’s available because “we can literally just get more”. I’m pretty generous with sharing self-designated food, all I ask is that he leaves me some and ask me ahead of time. He does neither.

Yesterday I complained that not only did my leftovers disappear, but now I have to cook for myself AND for the person who ate it and who doesn’t pitch in. He says that I had a valid argument; that he should cook more. But apparently that argument has been watered down by me selfishly complaining that he ate my pizza because “Again, we can literally get more pizza”. I said the arguments are related — you should cook more OR not eat my pizza when you don’t cook.

Am I wrong to give him shit about eating my pizza or food in general? In this context, AITA?

EDIT: Corrected to (32m).

I am most definitely getting a lockbox for my snacks and labeling my leftovers with DO NOT EAT and while I’m at it I will also stop doing his laundry. I’ve just been too nice. I take care of our cats and he feeds them sometimes because according to him “he didn’t want cats in the first place”. We’ve been talking about divorce at only 3.5 years of marriage but will try counselling first. Thank you to everyone except the barista guy.

I am not The OOP, OOP is

Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years.

Originally posted to

posted by **

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, child neglect, mentions of bullying

While this was posted before, it has never been posted with the final update

  July 31, 2021

I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.

Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.

I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.

All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.

They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.

I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.

I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.

Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.

Aug 4, 2021

I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.

I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.

I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.

But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.

So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.

They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.

Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.

I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.

The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.

I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.

How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.

How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away,      I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.

I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.

I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.

But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.

I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?

I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.

When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??

How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.

I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.

You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.

Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.

Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.

Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.

I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.

I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.

Mom has been texting and tried callin  me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.

They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.

So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one. 

NEW UPDATE

  Oct 11, 2021

Just wanted to give an update and thank you for all the comments, I decided to switch therapists and the new one is better than my old one.

Still dealing with anxiety and feel very lonely sometimes, but trying to get through the day.

Had a long talk with mom who actually decided to stop by my place, she and I talked for almost three hours.

I decided not to berate her and instead just being honest and explain how my life has been and how I am dealing with a bunch of things.

It was as honest as it could get with me basiclly just sharing how I was doing, mom did not realize how bad it was and she just gave me a hug I don't know why but that helped, she was not sure what to say about everything and I don't really blame her.

She said come home for awhile especially at christmas you don't have to sit in your apartment alone, told her I would think about it.

Mom looks like she finally realized that I had been in pain for quite some time and her recognizing that is I guess what I really wanted like she finally got it.

So yeah progress I guess still not sure what the future holds, still feel very apathethic and my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes and have had days I feel very low like nothing matters anymore.

But I guess it's a step in the right direction

​THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Yesterday Tesla sent me an email saying my car would have free self driving for a month, so naturally this morning I tried it out to drive to the store.

It kind of sucks.

I mean, it’s impressive that it sort of works, but the number of times it was driving way too slow, or got confused in a busy intersection and almost crashed, was unnerving.

Each time it failed I just took over and drove normally for a bit until I got fed up and just stopped using it.

i (19m) was assigned by the professor to a random group which had 4 other students. we were assigned a project where we had to make a diagnosis and treatment plan for a case that will be selected by the professor for each group. it was for 40% of the total grade then we had to present it.

the professor gave us the case and i was just praying that we got one of the easier cases. we were assigned a case for a child that had a neurological disorder. it was the HARDEST case of all of the possible ones that you could get, but i was like its okay we can still research and ask the professors etc.

i asked them when can we meet to start working on the project many times and every time they just leave me on read or reply with we’re busy. i stopped asking them but would send them updates whenever i do something for the project (and btw i had to go to multiple hospitals/physicians and ask them for data about this project it was very time consuming and not easy at all to do alone especially as a person who has social anxiety)

i asked one of them after class on how far was he in the project he said that he didn’t even start working on it he had other stuff to worry about.

So i just waited until a week before the deadline and asked them that we need to practice for the presentation and they should email me what they wrote so i can put it all together. AND ALL 4 OF THEM RESPONDED WITH SOME SORT OF VERSION OF THIS “sorry we cant do anything because the case is too hard please do my part since you understand about the case more than we do” and that was the last straw for me i was already extremely stressed with alot happening in my personal life but also i had a ton of work and other projects.

I didn’t respond to any of their texts and just did the whole project myself since i already have done all the research and gathered everything i needed. I didn’t put their names on it because that was a requirement that you need to submit the names of each member of the group and i emailed the professor about the whole situation.

On presentation day, 3 out of 4 members of my group were present. the professor said “this group only has one student come up and present”. one of them said to the professor that we are actually 5 but one is absent. the professor said “only one student did the work so only he can present”

They were all FUMING. But it was genuinely one of the best presentations ive ever did i got a full mark and the professor said that she was very pleased with my presentation and project and she is very proud that i am one of her students.

After class all of them were screaming at me that i am a horrible person and calling me names, one of them started crying because this will cause her to fail and may lose her scholarship and i was like if you have anything talk to the professor, AITA?