While I’m talking about social stuff I had to learn as an autistic person
There’s a LOT of social interactions between human beings whose purpose really boils down to being like that thing dogs do where they go “omg YOU’RE a dog??? I’M a dog!!!!!” And that’s not a bad thing. Highly ritualized “meaningless” displays of human connection like friendly greetings and talking about things like weather actually do serve a purpose which is like idk ritualized displays birds do. YOU’RE a human? Omg I’M a human!!!! Wow!!!
And they don’t have to be your favorite flavor of interaction. You can even think they’re silly. But they DO serve a purpose or else they wouldn’t be a thing.
There’s lots of good and folksy responses to “how are you doing” that don’t involve either lying or undermining the ritualized purpose of the greeting exchange, too. My great grandmother Ethel for example was a big fan of “well, I’m a-doin’”
“Things like ‘How are you?’ and 'Have a nice day’ and 'What do you think of the weather, then?’ What these sounds mean is: I am alive and so are you.”
- Wings, by Terry Pratchett.
It sounds so cute when you put it this way
When I was a teenager I really hated and gamified smalltalk, but… Then I got cockatiels. And cockatiels have a thing called “contact calls”. Basically, it’s a particular set of noises they make to know where each other are without looking at them directly. There’s variations, when the flock member is close it’s a very sweet little sound, when they don’t know where you are this can progress to a panicked shriek.
I kind of loved mimicking it. It let me interact with my birds in a whole new way that meant a lot to them, and it turned out to be incredibly helpful when my (completely unrecall trained, fully flighted bird) got startled in a bad gust of wind on the way between aviary and house and ended up circling in the bad weather, totally disoriented… And calling for us. It let her figure out how to get back down to come home.
Gradually I realised that lots of animals do this, actually. Cat activation noise is a contact call. Dogs do it in some kinds of whines. Social birds have big repertoires of them. It’s just a ritual to keep in contact.
Then… I realised that’s what a lot of those small rituals of smalltalk actually are. They are the act of petting an anxious or excited dog to soothe it, or letting each other know you’re still in the room together. Humans have a huge variety in the way they use these, but I stopped finding a lot of them so annoying when I realised what the rituals were actually for.
I mean, I still prefer to use the non-word versions among friends and other people amenable to it, but. I find it, given in good faith, kind of endearing now.
chronic fatigue from mental illness and neurodivergency isn’t something you can just will your way out of. your nervous system is part of your body. your brain is an organ. the fatigue is real. you’re not lazy. so be kinder to yourself. be gentler with your bodymind.
i would’ve fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would’ve jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i’d be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it
cis people will say “I found out I’m having a baby girl at my anatomy scan and I’m experiencing gender disappointment” but be mad when you say “who knows? maybe you’ll end up with a son anyway”
they found this post and they’re very very in their feelings about it
Cis people will basically just sag “I’m sexist” and you say “maybe you don’t have to be” and they say “well now I’m gonna be transphobic too”
Its fascinating that the way advertizing and apps work right now is simply how computer viruses, adware, spyware, and all manners of malware has ALWAYS worked. Growing up as a teen in the 2000s there used to be a program called Weatherbug that was pretty much considered unthinkable to ever have installed because of the way it knew your location and essentially EVERY adware, spyware, and antivirus software flagged it for removal immediately. It was considered best practice to never install anything. Never install toolbars, mever install anything without consulting a professional or unless you were ad advanced user. I was trained in Comptia A+ for the windows xp era and the best practice as a repair tech was to never allow the customer to install anything themselves if it could be helped.
And now just. Everything does this. Your fucking calculator wants your location data and business ghouls want it to ve illegal to use a simple adblocker because not advertizing to you hurts their feelings.
And now we have generative AI filling the internet witg slop that can have SEO and more ads slapped on top of it? Google is breaking on purpose so you make more searches?
The viruses have won, everything is malware and everything is a scam. To use commercial tech is to be voluntarily mugged
1 day ago
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