Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

actually the fact tumblr glitches and treats you like a new user when youre not is really funny. could you imagine taking a bite out of a fucking big mac or whatever and a whole crowd of people jump out and start cheering and congratulating you on learning how to eat

people from the us trying to think up analogy: "this is just like if mcdonald hamburger"

never disrespect my mcdonald hamburger ever again do you know how many rock and roll disk i had to sacrifice to get this thing

Inspiration struck me like a brick to the skull

lmaooo

We love to see it

listen to me very very closely: the biblical prohibition against mixing linen and wool is the most SENSIBLE THING IN THE WORLD, do not write it off as silly, unreasonable, or unnecessary. g-d didn’t tell us not to mix linen and wool for no reason, g-d told us not to mix linen and wool together because mixing them is an affront to textiles

This is the fiercest defense of the mitzvah against shatnez I have ever seen, haredi sources included

I will sit down, right this very minute, and spin a nice linen/wool mix yarn, explicitely to affront god. Just you watch.

#handspinning #what’s god going to do about it huh?

g-d doesn’t have to do anything, you’re going to punish yourself enough just making it and then trying to wash it later 

it’s true and you should say it

I wasn’t aware that just like modest dress and “don’t eat pork”, not mixing textiles was also just a practical life rule for the time and place. Cool!

But don’t mix linen and wool is probably the most universal and timeless of the rules you mentioned - “modest dress” means somewhat different things to different cultures. Don’t eat pork could have any number of “reasons” for why it makes sense. But I don’t understand why some Jews think this particular mitzvah is “chok” (meaning roughly like…a law without a reason, or I guess some people don’t understand the reason for). ***

the prohibition of mixing linen and wool for a fabric isn’t senseless or weird! it’s completely TOTALLY logical! it’s the most logical! 

The commandment against shatnez (mixing linen and wool) is repeated:

Deut. 22:11 You shall not wear a mixture of wool and linen together.

Lev 19:19  You shall observe My statutes: You shall not crossbreed your livestock with different species. You shall not sow your field with a mixture of seeds, and a garment which has a mixture of shaatnez [linen and wool] shall not come upon you.

this is completely reasonable when you know what linen does, and what wool does. Linen wicks away moisture. Linen is lightweight, it doesn’t stretch, and it’s very durable. Linen is a bit “slippery,” it’s shiny, and it softens with age. Linen is easy to clean and repels dirt. Linen has no “memory” so once stretched, it stays that way. Linen wrinkles easily but is stiff when pressed. you can beat the crap out of linen in order to clean it. 

Wool, on the other hand – wool can repel water, meaning it works well to keep you warm in winter, but it also absorbs moisture (it can absorb up to 50% of it’s weight and still be relatively “dry’ to the touch; so like, yes it could absorb your sweat in the heat). Wool is naturally flame resistant. Wool is elastic and stretchy, and it easily interlocks with itself. It can felt. Wool has “memory” and can return more or less to its original shape. It can also shrink. But although it’s strong, it degrades in the sun, and if it stays wet for too long it mildews and rots. totally biodegradable. put that ish in a sunny bog and it’s gonzo. wool needs to be washed with delicacy. 

they perform COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY when woven, knit, or crocheted!!!!! 

these just…should not be mixed. don’t do that. why would you do that. 

___

*** FOOTNOTE: here’s my feminist drash - a bunch of ancient and medieval men read this mitzvah and were like “this doesn’t make any sense why would Hashem command us not to mix wool and linen? this is a law without reason!” because not a single one of them ever had to think about it. and that’s WHY you see some sources say it’s “chok” it doesn’t make logical sense, because it’s all men writing, men who didn’t learn to weave, who don’t know how fiber works, and who didn’t do the laundry ever in their lives.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

Most of Jewish law makes complete sense when you consider when it was written and who it was written for.

Most of the ancestors were just farmers who needed rules on how to best run their farms and how to not die of avoidable sickness/ injury.

Don’t mix linen and wool- because they are very different fibers and will be a bitch to work with

Don’t crossbreed livestock- because you’ll end up with sterile critters like mules

Don’t plant different crops in the same spot- because each crop has different needs and you can’t tend to both

Don’t eat pork and shellfish- these fucks are full of intestinal parasites and you will die

Dress modestly- because you have 0 cash for fancy clothes and also its a million degrees out so wearing skimpy stuff will give you sunstroke

Very interesting, but that bit about not planting different crops in the same spot is….well maybe it was relevant for the place and climate of southwest parts of Asia, but it’s definitely not universal. Monocultures are Not Good actually, and planting multiple crops together is often though not always good, since they can support each other (sometimes literally).

The Jewish commandments regarding agriculture are much more complicated and aren’t as rigid as you might think. There’s like, actual measurements and the size of the field matters, the spacing matters, the crop matters, etc.

Idk if this is visible bc I didn’t publish it but I started compiling a sheet that I call the halakha of gardening on sefaria: https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/338112?lang=bi with all the mentions of gardening or farming was finding.

So you’re telling me that Torah is a very intricate farmers almanac?

…….part famers almanac, part “we have to live in a society,” and part origin mythic narrative.

throwing the Mishna and both of the Talmuds on a table

and it does not stop there

What I’m hearing is that we’d be calling it an ‘indigenous oral tradition’ if it wasn’t written down. Am I in the correct ballpark?

And the only reason it’s written down is because a colonizing Empire (the Romans) were going around and specifically hunting down everyone who carried the oral tradition.

As for the “don’t eat pork” thing, besides the fact that pork is more likely to make you sick if it’s improperly cooked than sheep or beef or chicken or most other meats, there’s also the fact that pork allergies are more common in the Middle East than in other parts of the world. A dear friend of the family is Lebanese-American, and she and her whole family are Christian, they have no religious prohibition against pork and think it’s wonderful! …. and they can’t eat it because they’re allergic. Gee, I wonder why a region with lots of people allergic to pork would have at least two major religions telling people not to eat pork. Truly, it is a mystery.

Tumblr Top Ships Bracket - Round 1 Side 2

This poll is a celebration of fandom and fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

everyone suggesting uranium isn't wrong but anyone who said "literally any rock if you're willing to resort to violence" are the only people who can get on my level. you're hired.

caincore

okay which fandom that sprung up out of nowhere overnight like mushrooms after rain is this a reference to i can't keep up anymore

oh you meant like. that guy from the bible who invented murder. right.

i saw a post on twitter by a european saying americans are fake for their random compliments to strangers and their general cheery demeanor and like no. no no no you don’t understand. if you get a random compliment from an american on the street about your outfit or whatever, that is 100% genuine. we mean it. we aren’t lying we are making a small but fleeting connection with you because our lives are shitty but the human condition is enduring. oh god i’m clutching my chest

posted in the editor's Facebook group I'm in, I thought y'all would get a kick out of it too

Many things have been discussed about the new movie and the All Might doppelgänger, but I feel like the most important question has yet to be asked...

Note: I want everyone to remember that he does have All Might's exact voice

Many things have been discussed about the new movie and the All Might doppelgänger, but I feel like the most important question has yet to be asked...

Note: I want everyone to remember that he does have All Might's exact voice

I hope this cat didnt kill any of those birds .

wow you actually found a practical use for that reaction image

holy shit

Stray cats 🐈

happy 420 and day i reserve a spot in hell

its that time again folks

@shubbabang

(Source)

happy 8 years to this post

"the person you'd take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger"

aka silly double side keychain idea what do you people think

[Image ID: two digital drawings of pete wentz and patrick stump from fall out boy. first one is from the pre hiatus, take this to your grave era, so they look quite young. pete is holding patrick like he was gonna shoot him with his hand, while patrick doesn't look very amused about it. the background looks like the interior of a tour van. the second one is how they looked like in the youngblood chronicles videos. in here, patrick looks possesed, with his eyes glowing yellow and foam coming out of his mouth. he's holding pete to attack him with his hook, and pete looks quite scared. the background is a black and white town. both pictures are framed like they were keychains/.End ID]

“the person you’d take

a bullet for is the one

behind the trigger”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

so if demons are sticklers for contracts, demand high payment for their services, and have firm/specific rules regarding summoning rituals (aka the hiring process & availability of their labor)—what i'm hearing is demons are fully unionized

[transcript:

#imagine what their strikes are like #it'd be especially funny if they did the version of striking where they do actually keep doing their duties #but they refuse to take payment #(i've heard of some transportation or medical workers doing this in the past but i'd have to look up sources idk)

#my point is you summon a demon and try to enter into a contract and they're like #you can have it for free i'm just here so i don't get bored during the strike #the boss doesn't get his cut this way but i can still traverse the planes and fuck shit up

#and you're like?? this has to be a trick?? #but then the walls start bleeding and satan starts writing angry strike busting threats on the walls ominously #and the demon is like just ignore that he can't do shit without us it's all talk let's get back to the details#now who were you wanting to fuck over with my evil specialized skills that absolutely deserve fair compensation?

#and you're just nervously glancing over to the increasingly furious scribblings from the king of hell on your wall while stuttering #uhhh this asshole jerry from work #and the demon is just like say no more! i gotchu #enjoy keeping your soul i'm sure it is so juicy and would be so fun for satan to torture for eternity oh well#sucks to be him he should really come back to negotiations then huh

/end transcript]

“ExcUSE me?!”

the thing i love about social animals is they necessarily have a concept of manners which means that you can be rude to them. not threatening, but rude. and they’ll be annoyed at you for it.

Why is this person being a dick to an innocent Beast

Ma'am this is the space restaurant we only serve bumpy fruit and severed tentacle

that's fine can i get a glass of something bright blue that's bubbling so violently it'd be impossible to take a sip. extra dry ice on the side

A young man stands in his living room. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2019, is the day of his friends' wedding.

Photos taken moments before tragedy