I’m looking back at random things I was taught as a kid by various adults and media and. did nobody bother to factcheck anything? was that just not an option or
Could you please name one?
swallowed chewing gum takes years to digest, blue veins are blue bc deoxygenated blood is blue, fossil fuels are made from dinosaurs, feeding bread to birds is fine, mice like cheese, carrots are good for your eyes, cleopatra was a sultry seductress, bulls can see the color red, corsets were uncomfortable and caused deformities, glass is a slow-moving liquid which is why old window panes are uneven at the bottom, tomato juice gets rid of skunk smells, young einstein failed math class, eating before swimming increases your risk of cramps and drowning, cracking your knuckles causes arthritis, iron maidens were used as torture devices, the earth’s core is molten rock, and basically anything at all whatsoever to do with the myth of thanksgiving
they said name ONE-
bats are blind, diamonds are made of coal, the dark side of the moon is dark, the sun is yellow, lightning doesn’t strike twice, columbus landed in the u.s., medieval europeans believed the world was flat, piranhas eat human flesh, goldfish have no long-term memory, porcupines can shoot their quills, people often swallow spiders in their sleep, wolves howl at the moon, humans only have 5 senses, sore muscles are caused by a buildup in lactic acid, and rust causes tetanus!
the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, “you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?” and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds
Several years ago I briefly worked in the warehouse of a nondescript extremely large e-commerce company. I had no other options for employment but desperately needed money. Turnover was like 150%. I worked from something like 7pm to 5am, my commute was 50 minutes each way and before I got paid I didn’t even have the cash for enough gas to get home one night and had to bum $10 off of my kid sibling (this is all to give you an idea of my abysmal mental state while employed here.) You’re not allowed to do anything besides your job, no music or anything and they track your movement on cameras so you can’t even take a breather. The job is real monotonous, you get sent boxes of items of random sizes and you have to put the items into shelves of varying sizes and the shelves come to you, you don’t walk to them. Because the company tracks the rate at which you put items on these shelves, many small items are desirable because you can put a lot of them in quickly. Everything about the place seems almost designed intentionally to break you mentally and turn you into a robot. So I’m about 6 or 7 hours into my shift, feeling on the verge of a mental collapse, and up comes a container with a bunch of small white boxes, bout half the size of a deck of cards. No labels. Great, I’m already happy about whatever these things are. So I go to scan them in, and it gives you the name of the item and a little picture. Sasuke Penis Costume. What? Sasuke Penis Costume. A picture of that red cloud robe from Naruto and one of the headbands with the metal plate on it. I’m thinking, there’s no way. What is a penis costume? Am I hallucinating this? And there’s so many of them, literally about a hundred, and I know I’m going to be spending at least an hour with Sasuke Penis Costume, there’s so many and they’re so small, I’m already excited about the potential efficiency of these, and then I see it’s Sasuke Penis Costume? So the entire shift I’m like, trying to not put these things away too quick, because honestly I’m starting to build a kind of kinship with them. This is quite literally the most exciting thing to happen to me during my whole 2 week employment at the warehouse. I started to see Sasuke Penis Costume as a friend, some reminder of the outside world, a reminder of the humanity I was becoming so unfamiliar with, a reminder the world contained comedy, art, anime, and penis. I really couldn’t tell you if I ended up putting all of them away, the last thing I remember is my desperate need to look these items up when I got home. I needed a link to send to my friends for when I told them this riveting story. I learned that the costume is called the Akatsuki cloak in my fervent search for the item, and wouldn’t you know it, absolutely zero trace of these things exists online. Not on the e-commerce website, not on any specialized penis-costume websites (whose existence I was not privvy to prior to this incident) and no third-party retailer has these. Not even Google images will show me the hypothetical existence of Sasuke Penis Costume. Every few months I look it up, trying to find evidence that it can be bought, that any of this was ever real. My bond, my friendship, and dare I say even love for Sasuke Penis Costume feels as tangible as the boxes they came in, and yet the universe will give me no closure of their fate. Less and less frequently I search for them, each time becoming more and more discouraged that I will ever find them, but unlike their substance on this earth, one thing is inarguably certain. Sasuke Penis Costume exists to me, and it will live on firmly and resolutely within my memory and within my heart.
akatsuki robe for a 1/12 scale figurine, about 15 cm, fits a large penis or a small sasuke
I’m wondering if there is any language in which “uchida” or a similar word translates to penis because that would make a lot of sense
Hello fellow ex-Amazonian
I had no idea this was a universal experience
The item I developed a weird attachment to/affection for the recipients of was a book for tantric sex for people over 60 (let’s go grandma!!)
Anonymous asked:
wait agrippa was a MERCENARY WHO FOUGHT AND KILLED PEOPLE??? everything i learn about him is based as hell. cool with jewish people and women, wrote stuff about alchemy (unless i am cofusing him with anothwr aggripa)
NO THAT WAS HIM he was a mercenary early in his life and later he became one of the few members of the clergy who publicly argued for the rights of both women and Jewish people in fucking 1510. He was seen as so sympathetic to Jews that other members of the church nearly arrested him several times. He was unbelievably based.
dragon age is wild because you have a narrative that basically says “these people are locked up in a tower like animals crammed in one space, they’re not allowed to have relationships, families, own property or live like real people, they have no personal possessions or rights, they can be slaughtered at a moments notice” and the fandom is like, “yeah that’s fine. it’s understandable” and the one character who fights against it is one of the most hated characters in the franchise
