this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
My husband and I have 2 kids (6yo boy and 8mo girl). He told me for two weeks leading up to mothers day that he had an entire weekend planned for me. This is NOT normal, but there's been years in the past where I did complain and feel hurt because he didn't really do much of anything for me on Mother's Day but I always went all out for him on Father's Day and I just felt unappreciated. So I'm thinking that he finally understood where I was coming from and was going to make it special for me this year. I quite literally ONLY asked for a massage and he repeatedly said that he couldn't just give me a massage because it "wasn't enough". So like.. idk. At this point I'm truly thinking this man went all out.
Anyways, Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew 2 people. He called it the "Mother's Day bonfire". We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening (my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren't watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me. I wasn't acknowledged until the very end of the evening and that was by my husband buddy who told me he was "stealing" my husband to go out four wheeling. It's like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking. I said my husband wasn't going anywhere. I even said this to my husband. "You're drinking, you're not going anywhere". He took that as a "oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go". So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone. I'm extremely hurt at this point because this was my promised weekend and I got stuck with other people's kids, wasn't spoken to at all, had a mess to clean up and now my husband is taking off. I explain how hurt I am the next morning. He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink and wasn't really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it. It's whatever. We didn't do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover.
Well, yesterday rolls around and his boss calls him at 6am and asks him to come in to work because they are short staffed and he said yes? So I expressed hurt and said "but it's Mother's Day". And he says "I know, I'm sorry, I just don't want to pass up the opportunity for more hours". Which, I get that too. So, whatever. He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door so I'm thinking we are finally going to celebrate. We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and he's complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren't even bad). So again, I'm disappointed. When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says "oh your gift is in the truck". So I go down and it's a $5 storage container for sugar/flour. I do like stuff like this but I'm so hurt at this point. I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says "I'm sorry babe, I'm just so tired" and falls asleep around 8pm when he usually doesn't even go to bed until midnight/1am. I just sat there crying. I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father's Day and chucked them in the trash can. Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don't even care anymore. He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food and I told them they were his father's day gifts and left it at that. He's now saying that he "tried" to make my weekend special and that he's hurt by me throwing away his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.