Q&As

I (M 53) was married for 20 years, and my wife passed away four years ago. We had no children, so many years ago, we both did our wills. In our wills, we gave each other everything, and if we both died, then everything would go to my wife's nieces and nephews. -- I have no living relatives.

One of the reasons I did this was because my wife's parents had some money, and my wife inherited several million dollars from them. One of the things we did with her inheritance was we bought our dream house. It's a big house, about 4,500 square feet, and has a 1,500 square-foot garage out in the country.

About a year ago, I met Samantha (F 55). She has her own house, but she would always come over to my house and spend the night. We got to talking, and I said she could move in with me. Samantha has a daughter who is 25 and asked if she could move in, too. My basement is pretty big, with a small kitchen and a few extra bedrooms, etc. So I didn't mind. Samantha is in the process of selling her house, and she asked me if I would put in my will that she would get my house if I died. I told her, "No, that was from my in-law's money, and that should go all to my nieces and nephews as it says in my will."

Samantha argues that if I die and she has no house, she will have no place to live. I told her, "Yeah, you get the money from the sale of your house, plus you won't have a mortgage payment, so take that money and put it in a money market account." I was pretty put off by this conversation because, from my point of view, Samantha would have ZERO expenses, and she could put all her money into savings minus whatever she wants to buy herself. -- Not like she doesn't have a job.

We got heated over this conversation, and Samantha said that I was trying to control her with money. When she said that, I told her that maybe this relationship wasn't such a good idea.

So AITAH here?

I'm moving to another city for work. Since I'm an adult and not a college kid I hired movers.

My parents insisted on coming down to help me pack up. I live in their basement suite. It was cheap and they let me have my privacy. They brought my brother and my nephew. The four of them were as helpful as a bag of used horse condoms. Especially my nephew.

My parents decided to keep him busy by giving him one of my Lego sets to play with. I collect them. What I usually do is buy two of the same one. I build one, put it up for display and leave the other one in the box to trade or sell.

He took it upstairs to stay out of the way then he took it home. All I noticed is that he was out from under foot.

The next day I saw the box on the garbage. I didn't assume. I knew the answer already but I didn't assume. I went upstairs to talk to them. I asked where the Lego box came from. They said they gave it to Travis to keep him busy. I told them that they needed to replace it. They said I was being childish for caring so much about a toy. I said they could replace it or I would file an insurance claim and that would probably require a police report.

My dad got angry. He pulled out $70 and told me I was an asshole for making a fuss over a toy. I asked him if that was a down payment? He said that is what he spent on the last Lego gift he got me for Christmas and that is what those helmets cost.

I showed him the box. I told him to keep his money. He just had to give me a sealed box like the one he stole.

He said he didn't steal anything. He took the box and went to the Lego store nearby.

When he came back he was apologetic. He said he would get it back from my nephew. I said I wanted a sealed box with the Tie Fighter helmet. I even went on eBay to help him find one cheaper than he had found by himself at the collectibles store the guy at the Lego store sent him to. With shipping it would only be $300. He ordered it. He isn't happy about it.

My mom is upset that I'm expecting that much money for a toy. My dad is upset that I didn't explain before he went and made a fool of himself at the store. I'm upset that they stole from me.

AITA?

I'm 18M. My father used to work in the military. He had left my mother for a long time, throughout her pregnancy and a good two years into my birth. So when he came back, he got a two years old son. He was sure I was not his but this neighbor because the neighbor used to help out my mother.

My mother never agreed to a paternity test, well he could still have done it but she was very clear that she will drag him through hell if he did that. She said she did not cheat on him, he has no evidence of it and no reasonable logic behind it. If he can't trust her then the marriage is over, he can sign her half of his everything and go look for a new wife. He never behaved badly with her, people say he loves her or something. But in his eyes, I was the evidence. He blamed me for everything. He never let me call him dad, never hugged me or picked me up. I have always been an eyesore for him.

Somehow, they didn't divorce. But I have always seen them fighting because of me. My father would do something neglectful towards me, my mother would call it out, they would start arguing and it would end in my mother shouting and crying that does he still believes that she cheated on him, then my father would apologize and comfort her. But my mother did take care of me, well, until my brother was born.

My brother Jack was born when I was 11. Things got worse for me since then. It's not like they were abusing me, he never raised his voice or beat me, I was fed, clothed, tuition fees payed and I had a roof over my head, But that was all. My mother stopped putting any efforts towards sticking up for me, if he does something mean with me she would just avoid it. I was the huge pink elephant in the room, bringing me up would always start a fight. I guess she got tired of constantly fighting for me and chose peace aka avoiding my existence. He would call Jack his son pointedly at the dining table when I am eating with them, at first my mother used to say'' But Evan is your son too, honey'', now she would just eat silently or change the topic.

When introducing to new people he would say, '' This is my son Jack and this is Evan''. He would never show up any event regarding me. I was despised in the community, it's a small town, people would whisper behind my back- isn't that the illegitimate boy? yeah, poor dude, he was sacrificing his life for the country when his wife was sleeping around''

I was very clear that I would move out when I turn 18 and go NC with them. They did not object, my mother said something like- oh, but you should visit us sometimes. But he said when I turn an adult, I should also actually be one. I should make my own fortune and not sit around hoping for getting stuff from him.

I turned 18 on 27 of last month and I will go to another state when this month ends. I 'll stay at a friend's place there and hopefully find a job, i have saved up some money, it's not much but I guess I can manage for a few months.

Before doing that, I wanted to see the paternity test done, I thought it would give me a sense of closure. My mother also agreed, though reluctantly, when I said I want to do it. Now comes the part that most of you probably have already seen coming.

Yeah, turns out I am his after all.

Mother is in '' I told you so'' mod. He is devastated, I guess for all those years wasted on hatred, poor guy. Now he wants to make up to me. He is begging me to stay, he says he's sorry, he has made a mistake. I am not budging, I'm not letting him which state I'm going, what will I do or any of my contact info. He didn't feel like keeping them before, he doesn't need to now. I also told him I will never tell my children about him. I will never show him my face as I had promised, and I will never accept anything from him. Well, he has told about this to everyone to convince me to stay or at least to stay in contact. I told them he's not my father. Everyone is saying I'm being unnecessarily cruel to a person who has made a mistake, it's not his fault, the situation was like that.

A friend of mine has very recently had some family issues. Long story short his son isn't his biologically his.

Its an absolutely awful situation to be in and it has torn his life apart.

He has recently told me that once the divorce is settled he is going to remove his son and wife from his life and he essentially wants to move on and forget about it all. Fair enough.

However he also wants to never see his 'son' anymore either. If this was a baby fresh out of the womb, fair game imo. But, his son is a grown ass 26 year old adult. He doesn't live with his parents, friend has raised this kid, loved this kid, everything. At this point in his life, my friend is his dad no matter what anyone, even friend has to say about it. A step dad at that age doesn't really exist yknow. He is the guy who raised him.

So I told him that I know he is grieving and emotions are at an all time high right now, but if he removes 'son' from his life he is straight up an ass and that I disagree with him doing that. If he needs time and space sure, a new understanding of boundaries between them, fair.

He left and our other friends found out about this and called me ta. Am I the asshole here?

I'm (18m) graduating high school at the end of this month. My dad dropped the bomb on me two nights ago that his stepdaughter (14f) has an award ceremony for some competition she entered and won in another state on that same day and that she really wants him to be there. He told me he couldn't possibly make it to both and since his wife and their children together will be going, he needs to be there too. He told me he would make it up to me and we could celebrate another time.

I still live with him (not for much longer). My mom died when I was 7 and my dad got married again when I was 11 or 12. It's been a few years anyway. His stepdaughter never knew her bio dad, so my dad has accepted her as his own. And he has prioritized her a lot in the last 5/6 years. It doesn't always show in the most obvious ways but it can be felt. Father/son time was put on an indefinite hiatus and instead dad told me we needed to include her in our time together but he also spent time with just her for father/daughter time. I brought it up to my dad and he told me I wasn't exactly making an effort to be closer to her so he wanted us all to bond and didn't want me to just focus on my relationship with him.

He has attended her dance things instead of my basketball games if they're on at the same time. It doesn't matter if mine was known about first, he will still skip my stuff to go to hers.

He will take us on family days and whenever he and his wife say "kids can choose" he picks her choices over mine. He claims it's because they will be the most fun for everyone but really, he even says it afterward, anything his little princess wants.

Our refrigerator and our shower broke at the same time. His stepdaughter's birthday was coming up so he took money from my birthday fund to pay for that stuff and so his stepdaughter would definitely get what she wanted (this barbie house thing and a whole fashion set and they were I think dad said $250). He didn't get all the money back by the time my birthday came around so instead he bought me a $30 gift card for Steam when he had promised me a new monitor and keyboard for my computer (that was a gift from my grandparents).

When my dad told me he wouldn't be at my graduation to go and support her, I told him there is no making up for that and he can forget about being included in my life going forward. He told me he would make it up to me and I told him I will always come second to his little princess and I'm not going to be okay with that. I told him he's discarded me for the last time. Dad begged me to be reasonable but I walked away. Then I invited both sets of grandparents who agreed to come. His wife told me I could have come with them and I don't need to attend the ceremony but could support "my sister". I said her daughter's not my sister and I do not want to support their family anymore and I will be out of their hair soon. She called me selfish and told me I can't deny her daughter a dad.

AITA?

Edit: I will keep you updated. Still calculating and answering comments. You are not wasting your time, I'm doing this for sure. Will keep you posted, keep an eye here. Thanks! 🙏🏽💥

Update1: Will write an article from this experience and post it here!

So, I (32F) love to cook. It’s my passion, and I’m pretty good at it—or so I thought. My sister (29F) is getting married soon and originally asked me to cater her wedding as a gift. We talked menus and everything seemed great until last week.

During a family dinner (which I hosted), she tasted one of my new dishes. She made a face, pushed her plate away, and „joked“ right there in front of everyone that my food was “trashy” and not “wedding material.” I was crushed. My family looked shocked, but no one said anything.

Later, she texted me, not to apologize, but to ask if I still wanted to do the wedding for exposure. Honestly? I lost it. I told her if my food was trashy, she’d need to find a less “trashy” chef for her big day. Now, my family is split, and some are saying I overreacted and sabotaged her wedding over a comment.

AITAH here? Should I just swallow my pride and cook to keep the peace?

I have incontrovertible proof that I am not the father but I was still forced by family court to pay child support because it was in the best interest of the child.

It is not my child. My ex can track down her baby daddy for child support.

My family is back in South America and my dad told me to just come home. My country does not have a reciprocal child support enforcement treaty with the United States. And my degree will get me a good job in many other countries.

My ex has tried contacting me and telling me all her personal problems. How I am an asshole for ducking out on my responsibilities. Thus far my only answer is that I do not consider the legal responsibility as being equal to a moral responsibility.

My family is on my side and my parents said that they no longer consider themselves grandparents to her child.

Some of my friends back in America seem to think I am an asshole for not staying in her child's life and not paying child support. Even the ones that know she cheated.

You've probably heard the saying, "You don't appreciate (x) until it's gone" or something similar.

This is the opposite.

What are some things in your life that you did not appreciate until you had it? Could be anything, public transport, a relationship or whatever.

My ex was on a work trip and a lady from his work sent me a video of him dancing and making out with a colleague of his. She wrote, girl do something you are losing your man. I was 6 months pregnant and trust me when I say that I was worried I would go into labor or have a miscarriage because my stomach started squirming. I was shocked because that’s not him. How could it be him? It turned out, you never know what people really are.

I called the lady and she told me that they just left for his hotel room. I called him but he didn’t answer me. I called 10 times and he didn’t answer. Then I called the lady and asked for the other woman’s name. She sent me her name and number. I made a group chat and wrote “I hope (her name) is worth hurting me and ruining our marriage. Have a good life (husband’s name)”

He called me within a few minutes after that text. I didn’t answer and I have never answered him or seen him again. He called me a couple of hundred times and texted me over 150 texts that night. I never read a single one. My heart couldn’t take it. I just called my mom in the middle of the night because I was worried about my health because the floors literally was spinning under my feet. Do cheaters realize the amount of pain and trauma they cause someone they claim to love? If they knew beforehand would it deter them?

I have never seen him again. My brother and his wife have been my rock and my way of communicating with him. Nobody is allowed to tell him where I live. I have full custody right now and this arrangement is until our son is old enough to start with shared custody arrangements. I am still on maternity leave but when I start working again, I have arranged to have my home office. Good luck trying to ambush me at my workplace “to just explain”. For 9 months now, I have been called everything under the sun from his side of the family about him just wanting to explain. I don’t understand what he wants to explain. What is there to explain? Whatever he did is self explanatory what more to talk about? Why is it so important to see me and talk in person? What can he tell me that would make his infidelity redeemable? What can he say to change my mind? I have made my wants very clear. Divorce and never see him again because I have spent nights on end trying to find anything that would make what he did forgivable in my books. I have tried and failed. I have done my part. But now I am the one who is in the wrong. I am the bad person because I don’t want to see the man who broke my heart. I don’t know, I feel like sometimes even my side of the family are thinking the same thing. That I have gone too far. This is not the adult way to handle things. I have made my point and now I need to face my fears and heartbreak. Maybe they have different motives than his family but it is still the same judgement. That I have taken this too far. Help me understand this please.

I (27F) had plans to go out to dinner with my sister (30F) as we do every month. She lives in my hometown and I live in the next state over with my BF, we’re about 35 mins to an hour apart depending on traffic. We agreed to meet closer to hometown with my mom.

One thing about her, she is always late. I expect she’ll always be at least 30 mins late but it’s been up to a few hours. And not just random plans, weddings and graduations too. It’s been brought up in the past by mom and I but she always brushes it off and gets upset.

My BF drove me over, I can’t drive and he offered to drop me before he had to head out for plans of his own near home and come back when he was done. I assumed after dinner we would just hang out at her house either way.

Get to the place and start calling my sister (she usually doesn’t say if she’s gonna be late, but if my mom is with her she does, and I hadn’t heard anything). I get mom a few mins later and she says they’re behind because it took awhile to get my nephew who’s almost 1 ready and my sister got in the shower later than expected. I didn’t even know my nephew was coming and she usually tells me if he is. Her husband was apparently there to let mom in when she showed up but went back to sleep as soon as she got there. Not sure why he couldn’t help get baby ready, but that’s none of my business.

I check Maps and it says 35 mins, adding in getting baby strapped and secure and then putting him in either the stroller or front carrier on her body, I was looking at 40 mins. To top it off we had reservations (SHE made the reservation, not me). I had never been to this place and didn’t know if it was one of those places that don’t let you have the table if your whole group isn’t there. There was really no space to wait inside and I’d have to stand outside. Anyway I didn’t feel like sitting alone for 40 mins even if I could.

She doesn’t keep her friends waiting this long when they make plans, I don’t get why it’s okay to do this to me and mom. I’m speaking to mom as they’re trying to change the reservation online, at that point I was fed up. If we agree to be there at a certain time be there. 5 or 10 mins late is fine but not this. I told mom I was going back home, I didn’t feel like fuming at the table and acting like I wasn’t mad when they got there (as I’d done before). She sounded hurt and mad but said fine and that she would go home too.

Since then I haven’t spoken to my sister (it’s been a few weeks) and mom doesn’t want to get in the middle, but I told her I wasn’t speaking to her until I get an apology. Mom told her she can’t keep doing this on their ride back home and agrees it’s an issue, but won’t say much else. It’s ridiculous to just always be late because you’re bad at time management. She also wants to use the “it takes long to get a baby ready” excuse which I would accept if it wasn’t for the fact that this has been a problem long before my nephew was born or even a thought. So, aita?

My brother Nic is married to Ruby. They have a son, Jack.

A couple days ago I texted Nic to ask him if they’d like to come round for a barbecue on Saturday. Ruby texted back the following:

Hey, it’s Ruby, Nic is working on his bike. He and Jack are at a race this weekend, so not around

So I replied:

Ok no worries! We’ll catch you guys another time. I’ll text Jack but please tell him good luck from us!

And that was that. Except that wasn’t that because Nic called me yesterday to say Ruby is upset that she was “uninvited” from the barbecue. I am so confused. She said Nic and Jack weren’t around, meaning the majority of the family unit wasn’t able to come so I assumed we’d just see them another time. Is that weird? If she had asked to come, like said “they’re at a race this weekend but do you kind if I still stop by?” I wouldn’t have said no. But she didn’t say anything.

Ruby is a nice person, and a fantastic mother, but she can be a bit funny about stuff like this so I think this is just another overreaction from her. Did I actually mess up?

My wife and I split laundry work in that I bring it down to the basement, load it in and change it over before bringing it back upstairs and my wife puts the clothes away when they're done because she has a certain way she likes to fold and put clothes away. Which to me, is a fine division of labor and effort in housekeeping.

The way she puts clothes away though has very little to do with clothes being accessible or organized by type and more about putting them in order so that every piece of clothing has a chance to be worn. Clothes that are in drawers get rotated into the closet (a TINY closet in our NYC apartment) and then new clean clothes go into the drawers to await being put back into rotation. There isn't any organization beyond this, our clothes get mixed into drawers seemingly at random. Pajamas with dress shirts, sweatpants in the same place as sleeveless tees. So, clearly the order is the important factor to her and not being able to find or access clothes you want to wear, so I'm forced to look through everything to find an outfit you want to wear. Though to her, I should be only choosing what to wear out of what is in the closet.

I can understand this to a point and have said I can see the value in this system especially if that is something that is important to her. That I appreciate the level of organization and dedication she puts into our lives at home, but also that I won't be told I can't wear the clothes I want when I want to.

I'm a comfort outfit type of person. I know which of my shirts I love the most and what pairs of pants I like them with, what belt goes with which outfit, etc. However, I don't believe I need to wear them in a rotation and not being able to wear (or find) what I please is very frustrating to me.

I don't rip them out of the drawers and leave the rest a mess, I always carefully remove them and put other clothes back the way they were.

When I take clothing from a drawer instead of the closet, it instantly sours her mood and the morning becomes very tense. To the point where she passive aggressively asked "Should I just throw all your clothes in the closet in the garbage?" and has not put laundry away for the entirety of this week because "What's the point? You're just going to wear whatever anyway." I might wear those clothes again, just not that day and yes, maybe a few can be go to donation because I'm not wearing them as much (Which is what I said in response), but to me, that isn't something to get so upset about you have a nasty attitude with your spouse over it and leave the house for work in a terrible mood.

I see this as controlling and she sees my behavior as insensitive. But me wearing clothes "out of order" does nothing to our home or health, and has no negative impact on our lives other than her frustration with me not adhering to her system. Is this her being neurotic and controlling or am I the asshole?

TLDR: My wife puts clothes away in old to new order and gets upset when I wear what I want to instead. AITA?

I work at college and our office is required to check for every student that comes by for our services. It honestly astounds me how many students don't carry ID, but they answer with "I have a picture of my ID." Sure my supervisor is very lenient and we'll take the picture, but I have to wonder why students think not having ID is a normal thing. I'm a millennial, and maybe it was also the way I was raised, but I carry my license on me at all times, even when I'm not driving.

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for really caring about a stranger with a dilemma. I was glad that I wasn’t wrong in my guts. I told my bf that I wanted to break up.

He was very sad and tried to reason with me. He suggested that we could live separately. His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 doesn’t guarantee that she leaves the nest nor that he stops being a father either. Any time she could come across hardships and wants to move home and she needs to find that home. She couldn’t have it with me.

And about living separately, while it is fine now and some few years ahead. What about the future?

He was silent and listening to me. I felt overwhelmed because I love him. He said that the only way his daughter will be happy is when he is alone. She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. He is just a father. I didn’t know what to tell him and just said that she probably needed time to grow up.

Until he moves out, his daughter is not allowed to be in my apartment. She called and threw a tantrum about her father choosing me instead. That she has the right to live with her father every other week and this shouldn’t change. I didn’t say anything, they need to fix this as a family, I am not a part of this family anymore.

He rented his apartment for a year’s contract so I don’t know how he will manage to find a new or terminate the lease so he could move back to his old apartment. Anyway he is staying here for a couple of months.

I am very sad that this beautiful relationship has come to an end. But I need to think about myself now.