I am not The OOP, OOP is

My husband refused to answer my calls while I was in labour and my brother played a horrible prank, now my husband if furious I won’t cut him off

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: accusations of infidelity, emotional abuse, pregnancy and traumatic birth complications, abandonment

  July 6, 2022

My husband and I got in a fight prior to my daughter birth a week ago, when he casually suggested a paternity test for our daughter when she was born. TO BE CLEAR…This was completely out of the blue with no wanting or reason. I’m a homebody who works remotely with no male friends other than my brother. I told him that he was accusing me of infidelity and he said he ‘just wanted to be sure’. And kept bringing it up until I told him (after three days of him asking and the stress starting to make me physically ill) that I didn’t want to talk to him and left to my brothers house.

I called him while I was gone and tried to work it out but he refused.

After all this I went home the next day to grab some things while he was at work, and I went into labour. I called him 16 times. Before calling my brother who called him another half a dozen time himself while on the way to pick me up and then on the way to the hospital.

It was a horrible and traumatic birth. I started crowning in the car and the doctor delivered my daughter in the back of my brothers van because I was too far along to move me, before rushing me in when I kept bleeding. It was horrible. I hated it all. My brothers wife who is a nurse even told me she honestly thought I wouldn’t make it. I also opted for a hysterectomy as it came to that or something more dangerous. I only ever wanted one or none but my husband wants a large family. I’m trying to bond with my daughter but it’s been hard.

The point is that during this while I was returning from surgery (10 hours after I called) my husband finally responded and asked why I hadn’t answered his call, however, my brother had my phone and was so angry that he said “this is [op’s brother] I’m at the hospital. She didn’t make it.” And turned it off.

My husband rushed over and got there when I had just woken up and started shouting until the security forced him out. And then didn’t get to see our daughter until the next day because I was mostly asleep and apparently they needed my signature to allow him back.

My sil thinks it was horribly cruel but that he deserved it. But my brother stands by his ‘prank’, and says that he only gave my husband 10 minutes of the same fear he had felt at my side for 10+ hrs. Whenever he sees my husband he also keeps telling him that I nearly died because we waited for him. My brother used to be mostly indifferent to my husband, but now he absolutely hates him, you can see it in his face whenever my husband enters the room.  And he’s been visiting a lot  because he doesn’t trust my husband to care for me while I’m still healing.

My husband is furious that he won’t apologize and that I won’t ‘make him’ and yelled at me when I said that the only reason my brother had my phone was because he wasn’t there.  I am trying to be empathetic, I know he feels guilty. I’ve spoken to me therapist and she says the apathy I’m feeling is likely general and not solely focus on him from lingering shock from the trauma. But didn’t say much about the prank.

My MIL has been texting me to say that my family is horribly cruel for the prank and that I should go no contact with my brother, and now my husband is saying the same.

I just don’t know what to do, I’m not in a good headspace it’s been hard to be in the same room with my husband and I’ve been sleeping in the guest room with my daughter. He brought up the paternity once and I just exhaustedly told him to ‘either get out of my face or go stay with his mom if he’s planning on stressing me out even more.’

I really don’t feel myself…and yes, I am taking the likelihood of ppd seriously and my therapist who has suggested that it may be ptsd too.

However, I just want more opinions because I just don’t know.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Pastel_pagan

Holy there’s a lot here, I want to say firstly: this isn’t a black and white issue. The fight you had was real, your anger was real, and the anger you feel at your husband is real. Your brother’s prank was too far, but not completely undeserving. The big issue is that everyone’s pride is still seemingly involved here and there isn’t a concrete solution when everyone is pointing fingers. I suggest wait two months to see if either one party humbles themselves or to let it peak, but if they keep conflict going, let everyone know they’re cut off. It’s not fair to you to have to choose one or another party when it was you in labor and your life on the line.

OOP

If it came to a choice at this moment, I feel like I’d choose my brother, he has never not been there for me and literally the older brother every sister wants. I feel so guilty feeling that way, but also my brother (even though he absolutely hates my husband right now) has put that aside to help me and hasn’t brought it up at all and has even ignored my husband anger because he doesn’t want to get into an argument and stress me more. I’m still just feel like I’m not looking at this clearly enough, because he’s my husband and my own anger about this is too much wrapped in trauma right now

  July 8, 2022

I can’t update the old post? But since so many people reached out I thought I’d make a new one.

So…I don’t think this will be something we can come back from. I just don’t think I’ll be able to heal with him, because there is no way he didn’t know it was me calling, and he still hasn’t told me why he didn’t answer. I know I thought I wouldn’t decide right away, but I actually don’t want to forget how terrible it was waiting on him, thinking he couldn’t possibly leave me like that no matter how anger he was.

I took the time to think of that moment before it all went down, and just how grossly betrayed and scared and alone I felt while the contractions were hitting and I was on my knees trying to breath through the pain while waiting on the phone while it rang though. And I just don’t think there’s any coming back for that. I wouldn’t want my daughter think it’s okay to stay with a man who destroyed her trust that way either.

I will be contacting an attorney, and will be meeting with them in the coming weeks. We had a prenup so it hopefully won’t be to hellish, I hope.

I feel like this situation became even clearer when my friend asked me if I’d still trust him as the one to sign off on my medical papers and the reaction to that idea was visceral. I wouldn’t—and I want him to get off that legality as soon as possible, in fact. There are roommates I had in college would trusted more.

I would have never ignored so many calls from him consecutively unless I had told him expressly that I was unavailable at a specific time, and even then…

I feel good with my brother and Sil here with me, especially so with her being a nurse and having been there through the birth. It’s really helped us bond in a way that we’d never really had time to.  I’ve also finally told my old friends about the baby, and they are alternating to come and help me out for the next little while.

None of this even touched the paternity test, but I’ll get it for the proceedings, I guess. So I guess he’ll get what he wanted.

Anyway, I’m safe and well. And my daughter is healthy and happy as a peach and pretty much an angel who is happy to sleep peacefully anywhere and took to the boob with ease. Which is such a blessing since everything still hurts. Just making this decision has taken an odd weight off my shoulders, and my SIL has been really helping us bond.

Anyway thank you for letting me write this out I’m not good at diaries or journals but writing to people feels different and it’s actually brilliant for the clarity of the situation, even my therapist said that I seemed clearer and calmer. (I might try a diary again as she suggested)

  July 9, 2022

Some Intro in the case. Popped the paternity test question on me with no reason. We fought, for a couple days, before I went to my brother’s (I was within two weeks of my due date) . Went into labour (at our house) called him 16 times, bother called him 7-9 more. He did not answer. My brother had to pick me up. Had a Traumatic birth, was kept bleeding, was lucky to conscious enough to sign for myself to get a hysterectomy when things went wrong. Nearly died. He contacted me 10+hours later. Unapologetic. Has mentioned the paternity test against the week+ since. Still has not told me why he didn’t answer.

I will now be going forward with divorcing him, as I no longer trust him as a partner.

We do have a pre-nup. Me with my house and my business, and him with money from his family.

I do intend on filing for full custody, as I think his reaction, whether spiteful or not was dangerous and as a father missing calls …23+ in a row could be a life an death situation.

Is it always worth investigating infidelity in divorces, if it’s suspected? And do any divorce lawyers find this all seemingly suspicious in there opinions?

I will be contacting my a lawyer this week. (I will likely be getting the paternity test for the divorce.)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Anarcho_Crim

There's almost no chance that you'll be awarded full custody because your husband ignored phone calls and wasn't present for the birth of your child.  Often mothers have majority custody while the infant is young and gradually transition towards a more equitable arrangement. Whether or not it's in your best interest to investigate potential infidelity  depends on your location, the contents of your prenup and other factors.  ETA: If, for example, you live in a fault state where cheating could affect the distribution of marital assets or your prenup contains a infidelity clause that would benefit you, then this might be worth pursuing. You need to discuss this with your lawyer.  Your question about your husband "projecting" is more psychological than legal.

OOP

Thank you, I will follow my lawyers lead. But I do feel rather strongly about a man who would put spite over another person’s well being when they know that are in a vulnerable position, as a reason not to have a child rely on them. I never thought I would be saying that, I married him. But I think anyone that has an unreliable partner should be aware of such for there children.

It it not my intention to keep him from her.

And I agree it is a more psychological term, it was just used a lot in regards to his actions and I was curious if divorce lawyer found that a lot of fault infidelity accusation came from partners who were cheating themselves.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

. Quick summary:

• After three months of selling the game, Sony decided to enforce a mandatory PSN log-in. This was intended from the beginning, but the developer temporarily removed the requirement due to server overload, and the game was sold for three months without it.

• PSN is not supported in over a hundred countries, leading to fan backlash and a swarm of negative reviews. Sony delists Helldivers 2 in 180 countries/regions.

• After continued backlash, Sony relents and removes the PSN requirement altogether.

Ghost of Tsushima is a game that released exclusively for Playstation in 2020. It is primarily single-player, but it does have an online multiplayer mode that was added as free bonus DLC. It is now getting a PC port. Sony has stated that , a PSN log-in is needed for multiplayer.

In today's news, , including US territories like Guam and Puerto Rico, despite the fact that the majority of the game would not even require PSN. between one side blaming Helldivers fans for "forcing" Sony to do this, and another side blaming Sony for placing restrictions in the first place.

Highlights:

Flair material:

"You screwed over gamers. Congrats."

"Leave the corporation alone!"

"[Sony is] a poor tiny company. Please feel sorry for them uwu"

"Sony isn't your BFF. You're not going to get extra trophies."

"So the japanese can't buy Ghost of Tsushima ...? Lmao"

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Ongoing as per OOP

Content Warning : rape(stealthing)

1 update - Medium

- 22nd April 2024

- 5th May 2024

I made my boyfriend feel like I was afraid of him. Aitah?

I am new to posting in reddit but I do need advice.

I F34 have been in a relationship with "Fin" M47 for a little over a year. I live on my own and he lives on his own but occasionally I spend the night at his place. Fin is handsome, fit, funny, and charitable. His kindness was what caught my attention. He was just a very thoughtful and kind man and I love that about him.

I have struggles with ptsd so I dont feel comfortable with intimacy until I feel safe and trust that person. Fin said he understood and didn't press it. We didn't start getting intimate until 2 months in but I was pretty drunk so I was upset the next morning and he comforted me. He didn't get angry or blame me at all.

After that we had a healthy sex life. I was adamant he wear protection every time. Once while we were in the middle of "playtime" he asked if he could take the condom off. I said no, and he said that it wasn't feeling good to him and he is unable to climax with one on. I said no again. Afterwards he didn't cuddle or hold me like he always did and said nothing to me. I got up to get a water and ask if he needed anything and leaned over to kiss his cheek. He shied away from my kiss and muttered "Oh now you care about me?"

I asked him what that was about and he told me he bends over backwards to make me happy but he didn't get to feel good because I won't let him not wear a condom. I told him I am very worried about pregnancy. I live in a place where abortions are extremely difficult. He said I am on birthcontrol so what's the issue? I said that's not 100% and he knew it. I grabbed him a water and told him that if he got a vasectomy, we could talk. They are reversible and accessible. I just cannot get pregnant.

We didn't discuss it again and he even apologized for being a jerk the very next morning and took me to the spa. I apologize for ruining the night and he said it was alright and we kind of moved on.

Everything was great and around the 6 Month mark, he said he thinks we are getting serious and that he considers me his partner, and asked about the condoms again. I reminded him of my requirement for that and he said he had to think about it.

About 2 months ago, He had a work trip that lasted a week and a half and when he returned he was all over me.

At the time I was going through a difficult depression (I suffer from depression and sometimes it gets really bad). He seemed annoyed and made a remark that I am punishing him for missing and loving me so much and he held my face and started kissing me again. After the back and forth for a few more minutes I just gave up and we had sex. In the middle of it, he asked if he could take off the condom and I said no, but he said he had the vasectomy. He was so excited to get me in bed he had forgotten to tell me. I stupidly said well, alright then.

After that he would forget the condemns altogether. Until my cycle was of. At first I figured it was stress, change in diet, a billion other possible reasons but this nagging feeling came over me and I got tested. Pregnant.

He found me crying on his bathroom floor and asked what was wrong so I told him and he smiled and laughed like "really? That's amazing, baby!!!" And left me there and he went whooping through the other room. When he came back he was rattling off so much info. He had a dream about this and now it's happening so it must be a sign.

My brain finally caught up and I asked about the vasectomy and he said it's not 100% right? Like condoms and pills. I was puzzled as the only goalie we took out of the equation was condoms. He said it was a miracle and I told him absolutely not.

I explained that my best friend lives in a different state and I will be going to visit and also benefit from the reproductive health clinics there. He went silent. He asked me if I really hated him that much and I didn't understand. I said I never want to be pregnant and that he knew this about me. That hasn't changed.

He became extremely angry with me saying I wouldn't "dare murder" his child and that if I loved him, I would never threaten that again. He explained that he will take care of us, he makes plenty of money, and "don't I treat you like a queen?" So all he is asking is that I have the baby.

I said I needed to go and started packing to go home and he followed me repating things like "you won't though, right? You won't murder my baby?" And stuff like that. He kept asking where I was going and I said home. I was too tired and Emotional right now and I want to go home.

He stepped in the doorway and said no and we need to talk about this. I started to get upset as he was blocking me and I felt trapped. I asked him to move and he said no. I asked him again, I want to go home and he said no again. He said "you are not leaving, what part of that don't you get?" I started crying and grabbed my phone and backed away from him telling him to stay away from me.

Fin looked really sad and said I couldn't be serious. He would never hurt me and asked me to stop crying. I demanded he let me leave and he did.

He has since been calling and texting me begging me to talk to him. He says I really hurt him by pretending to be scared of him as I know he would never hurt me. He said he treats me like a goddess and I played the "helpless victim" card and that things like that can ruin a man's life. He then said that I wasn't thinking straight and "is your brain lying to you again?" (When I have a PTSD or depressive episode I sometimes say "my brain is lying to me again" to make it seem less heavy a topic)

He has a very community facing job and I remembered the look on his face when I backed away. I don't want to ruin his life or our relationship. In the moment my emotions were so high that I just reacted. But I wasn't pretending. I sat in my car for god knows how long shaking before I could drive home. I've been ignoring his reaching out but I feel like a coward. AITAH?

Comments

omeprazolemami

He literally lied about getting a vasectomy and got you pregnant after you had explicitly set boundaries..

UnusualPotato1515

Who forgets to tell their partner they had a vasectomy?! Its not like its as simple as getting a clean at the dentist - youd take whole day off work, recover from it etc.

Creepy_Marzipan9171

Get out while you can! He’s gaslighting you!!! He lied about having a vasectomy. Purposely got you pregnant (to trap you) and then was 100% threatening to you by blocking the doorway. I have ptsd - my husband would never block a doorway because he knows that would scare the s#t out of me.. also the whole guilt trip about not loving him etc with the condoms is just pathetic (and again manipulative gaslighting bs). Make a plan for yourself (and don’t include him in the details) he’s already proven himself to be a liar of the worst kind - trust your instincts, you already know he’s not worthy of you.*

LockwoodE3

If this is a real story then call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 because this is called reproductive coercion

OOP: I will do that - thank you.

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 13 days later

So I made an appointment and got the abortion. It was honestly such a horrible experience but my bestie was with me and the whole staff were so kind and supportive so I am grateful. Thank you to those who encouraged me to get it done, it was awful, but pregnancy and being trapped with him would have been much worse.

Fin texted Wednesday and apologized and said he said things he didn't mean and to please answer my phone as I have been ignoring him. When he called again my bestie recorded it all. Before I could finish "hello" he went on a long bit about how amazing I am, how much he loves me, what a great mother he knows I will be, and he will marry me immediately if that's a concern of mine.

When I finally got to talk I said that I am no longer pregnant and I never want to be and that I was clear about this from the beginning. He asked if it was miscarriage and then said "Because I know you wouldn't willingly murder our child, right? Say right. It's a miscarriage." I got quiet and he said that it's okay, miscarriages are "not the females fault" and that we can just try again.

I said "again? We weren't trying to begin with. I was on bc and he had the vasectomy" and you all guessed it, he laughed and said he lied about the vasectomy so I would "give up" on condemns that he long decided i was perfect and he loved me and wantrd me tl be the mother of his kids.

My best friend spoke up and said that was recorded and to leave me alone or she will post it on social media and he started screaming at us. He then sounded like he was crying and said I was a witch for this. That I am a hateful murderer and that I broke his heart. He went on to say if I tried to slander him to remember "actions have consequences".

He then broke up with me and said he will check back with me In a few days when i am actually alone and we will talk in person to see if i have come to my senses. He wants us to go to church together Sunday (which is now today) and set a time to pick me up.

I said no but I do have a ring cam and sure enough he showed up at my door. I watched him note my car was not there and at my front door, on camera, he texted me asking if I was sleeping around on him and if I let the other man "ride you like a wild horse" without a condom and if so he gets a hall pass. He said to come home immediately as we need to come to an understanding of out relationship asap.

I return home tomorrow and don't know what to do.

Edit: anyone who wants to shame my abortion...I have zero regrets and actually will advocate for them from now on. But I will happily mock you in the comments. Thanks actually, you reminded me how little an opinion means to me if it's coming from a disrespectful and/or bigoted place. At least I get to laugh through this nightmare. 💋

Edit 2: I won't be going home alone any longer - bestie is coming with me and I have a friend in the city I live with my spare key and he is now in my home watching it for me.

Edit 3: Since I've been asked in the comments (this really blew up - so sorry if I don't reply to you all) I am in a safe location with 2 male friends who know the whole story and we are looking into options. I don't want to do anything hasty- a guy friend is at my home and thus far its been quiet. I will make an update when I know more.

Edit 4: No, I will not harm myself the way some of you have messaged me. For those calling themselves prolife, you sure want me to take my own. Not very prolife at all.

And since we're on the topic, I don't want to get pregnant because I was told by my doctors that I have a high chance of passing away even before making it to term, the child also has a high rate of mortality during the pregnancy. Essentially we would both kick the bucket before delivery.

I am ineligible for tubals or hysterectomy where I live until I turn 40 at pla especially with my insurance and I would never be able to afford the out of pocket fee. The places even still "require" a husband's signature as a policy.

I would be open to adopting if I ever found the right person and were settled and ready

Comments

JaecynNix

Don't go to your home alone. That dude is dangerous

Fit_Victory6650

Yup. Have a sheriff/police escort if possible. Collect your shit and find a place to go.

shemjaza

I'd get friends instead. I'd be concerned about what side local cops in an anti abortion state would take if he hurt her.

awaythrowers97

The fact that Fin misrepresented his vasectomy and coerced you into a scenario you clearly did not want is extremely unsettling and deceitful. He is acting in a dishonest and emotionally abusive manner.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

my boss is having an affair with our assistant — and I’m friends with his wife

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity

  Apr 29, 2021

I work as a project manager at a small business (~25 employees) and have been in this role for more than six years. I was referred to the position through Katie, a friend from a hobby club I belong to. She learned I’d been laid off from my last position and offered to introduce me to her husband (John) who owns a consulting firm in my field. After a standard interview process, I was hired and have been here ever since.

About 18 months ago, we were looking for a new administrative assistant for the business. Instead of advertising the position like we normally would, John hired Tammy, the “daughter of a family friend.” She was supposedly a recent grad, very eager, would need some training, but would be a great addition to the team. From her first day, it was clear that she was not the right fit for the position. Her computer and communication skills were quite poor, she took forever to do basic tasks, was dressed inappropriately for an office, and played on her phone frequently. She was also coming in late or leaving early every day. Every attempt to provide her with instruction or feedback was met with confusion or eye rolling. Another manager asked her for help in stuffing envelopes for a promotional event, and she laughed in his face!

I went to John and asked him what exactly Tammy’s role was supposed to be since she was refusing to do much of anything. He said not to worry, he would have a word with her. The next day he told me he would be managing her directly from then on and if I needed something that fell under the assistant’s umbrella, I could email him and he would see to it that it was done. He had never taken over management of an assistant before this, and it felt like something was amiss.

Within a few weeks, it seemed clear that John is having an affair with Tammy. John has never admitted it to me, but they drive in together every day, have hours-long meetings in his locked office every afternoon, and whenever she is at her desk, she is shopping online or browsing social media. If anyone asks Tammy to do something for their team, she goes straight to John’s office and a few minutes later he sends a message that someone else will need to do that task. My emails to John regarding my team’s administrative needs just get ignored, and I wind up doing those tasks myself or handing it off to one of my team members (who have enough on their plate as it is). I’ve tried to talk to John about how this is impacting our workflow and how we really need a true assistant, but he snaps that these tasks are not so urgent that we can’t handle them ourselves within our own teams. John’s reliability as our CEO and decision-maker has plummeted as well, and morale is low.

I’ve been quietly trying to find another job since early 2020. Covid threw a wrench in those plans, and I have very few prospects at this time. My dilemma is what to do about Katie (my friend/John’s wife). I am very confident that they don’t have an open marriage. She truly thinks Tammy is an assistant at our workplace. I have not told her about the affair, partly because it’s not my business and partly because I need to protect my job. I am the only person at work who would possibly tip her off about this, and it would be obvious it was me if I were to tell her. I feel absolutely awful keeping this secret. I feel so guilty when she earnestly asks me how work is at our hobby group. What do I do?

  June 22, 2022

I tried to keep under the radar at work as much as possible and continued plugging away at my job search while trying to ignore whatever was happening with Tammy and John.

The affair eventually came out. John was poorly covering his tracks at home and my friend/his wife eventually figured out something was going on. They have now separated and are going through a very contentious divorce. John and Tammy are openly a couple now and are expecting a baby this summer.

My friend was understandably devastated, but she did not ask me if I knew or if I suspected anything. She told our hobby group who has rallied around her with support.

I am happy to report that I accepted a new position a few months ago and am now working in a similar position with a different organization. The new company is larger and much better managed, and my new boss communicates transparently and views hiring as a process for meeting business needs rather than doing personal favours for people! It is such a relief. I do not know anyone here personally, and have resolved not to mix friendships and business again in future, if I can avoid it!

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . She posted in

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Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. The latest update is 7 days old due to the rules of this sub.

Trigger Warning: possible mental health crisis;

Mood Spoiler: distressing and concerning

Original : April 27, 2024

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: So, his former had a miscarriage and there was an investigation? There weren't/aren't investigations into the sperm of the Father when the Mother miscarries. I'm calling bullshit in this story. There is either way more to it or, he is up to something.

OOP: Yeah, I'm going to ask his ex in the morning.

Commenter: NTA. If he believed he was infertile, why did he try for a kid with you without sharing that for 12 years? Then why did he wait another 17 years after your son was born to verbalise that he thinks it isn't his kid?

OOP: yeah for about 5 years I didn't take contraception, we decided to sell up and go travelling when I got pregnant,I thought it was because we had decided our life was going somewhere else

Make him pay for it:

I don't mind paying for it, my son can't be anybody else's unless there was a mix up in the hospital

Commenter: This is truly one of the more bizarre posts I have read on Redditt, and that is saying something. Is this how he usually behaves? Because this screams of unknown context.

OOP: He can be a little unstable when we are arguing, nothing violent but sometimes I think he is looking for cruel ways to hurt me. I usually forgive him, but this is a step too far

Commenter: ... Not only that your son was there and he's got to be going upside down emotionally over this. I'm hoping he didn't hear this? This has got to have him confused and upset if he did, mad at his Dad for saying all that. I can't imagine staying after that. I'd hand him the results and tell him it's over for sure.

OOP: Thanks for the support, I have had to tell my son because I can't secretly do a DNA test on a 17 year old. If he was suspicious it would have been easier on a baby or a toddler

Commenter: I think it’s something else and he is looking for an out. This way it’s your fault for his super logical ask for a paternity test when the child is 17. I suggest you use those tech skills and look into his activities. Maybe hire a PI. Sounds like a divorce is probably coming and you need to gather evidence for the proceedings.

OOP: He isn't tech savvy and doesn't have an e-mail. His smart phone uses my account and he isn't on social media at all

Commenter: Does your husband have any other medical issues which would explain this sudden problem? Any other symptoms of a wider issue?

OOP: He had cancer 6 years ago but I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago, it wasn't like we were thinking we'd have any other children

Commenter: NTA. Was he thinking your son is not his all this time? I would do it and then get divorce. Has he been a good father? That quite a bomb he has been keeping. He probably recently cheated. This happened recently and now he think your son is not his. What a loser.

OOP: They were best friends when my son was little and my husband was the stay at home parent. Obviously teenagers are different and they don't always get on. I did think my husband would have been a better father sometimes, he could be judgy and cruel

Commenter: this has to be fake because he would’ve told you he couldn’t have kids before you got married

OOP: I would have thought so too, I mean in my early 20s I wasn't super sure I wanted kids but the old clock started ticking as I got older

Update : May 3, 2024

So this will probably need other updates. The next day I messaged his Ex and told her what had happened. She said absolutely none of what he said was true. She lives 5K miles away and has nothing to gain from lying to me. She echoed what some have mentioned and that maybe he was having some kind of mental health crisis.

We don't live in the first world and there is only 1 clinic that does paternity tests, so I told him about it, the boy knows and is happy enough to go get a test with his dad, but to my knowledge he hasn't done this at all. Tempted to buy one off of Amazon and get it shipped tbh. Anyway I can't do the test for him, he has to do that.

So with some quiet distance, I decided to see what would happen, I did promise "in sickness and in health", so if it is a mental health crisis I should be there. Also he won't go see a doctor so that is kind of tough.

Last night he blew up again over something trivial while making dinner and was shouting "shut up shut up" at me, I calmly pointed out that I don't talk to him like that, so off he stomped and locked himself in the guest room and is not talking to me this morning. I really think it is starting to look like a mental health crisis

Am not sure what to do next other than to try and be calm, try not to let him upset me.

Edit 1: Thank you thank you thank you everybody for all of your comments, support and advice. I tried to talk to him this evening, tried to be calm and just ask. Did not get any answers. Suggested Therapy or medical evaluation but he said that it was just me looking to blame him in a circular way. Suggested we both go for therapy but he wasn't up for that. I just got to keep my wits and get my kid out of here when he graduates.

Also our families don't live near us, we are from the first world but we live in the third. We don't have any family anywhere near, he doesn't work and he doesn't have friends nearby. I have animals to care for and a feral cat colony, I can't walk out and he has nowhere to go either.

My husband has never been violent but I won't stick around if he every showed that side, thanks for all your concern.

Love and hugs across the interwebs

I am at peace with the fact that I will never have sex with a girl

I am male, Asian [...], autistic, looks not that great. I am also very socially awkward and hate talking to people in general. [...] I don't even remember the last time I talked to a woman other than my mother and my sister. I prefer doing the things I enjoy that doesn't involve other people.

Then I come to reddit and I read posts on how many men are obsessed with sex, dating and girlfriends - to the point where men who don't have girlfriends are stigmatized. [...] Why does it matter so much? [...] I'm happy with my life without a girlfriend or sex.

So explain to me, then, why does it seem like so many men are obsessed with those things, in contrast to being obsessed with things like walking on Mars?

.

Fuck paying, that's prostitution which is amazingly illegal.

Edit: I meant only in the USA. No, the world doesn't "revolve around me." Y'all can chill out, please. [...]

My downvote isn't for the USA/revolve around me thing, it's for giving a shit about what some made up laws say.

Well, excuse me for wanting free sex.

Ok boomer

Since when did disagreeing with Prostitution become a boomer mindset?

Just because people have different beliefs in it, doesn't mean they are a boomer. [...]

[...] You are one of those Murdoch press addicted antigun homophobic old farts who needs to take their meds and sit down.

[...] Your emotionally loaded remarks provide no credibility, you can assume all you want but assuming makes an ass out of yourself.

Ok boomer.

It's not illegal? Oh wait, an American who thinks the world revolves around them..

If you meant it without clarifying it in words, that's your default way of thinking -- you're so ingrained in it that you forget there are alternatives. So yes, "the world revolves around you" is a good summarisation of your thinking.

.

Unlike women, men don't care if a girl is autistic. So he is competing against much more socially adept men.

.

For some, because they are virgins and one to know

[...]

For me, at first, because, like everybody, I wanted to try it out of curiosity. Very soon after, I realized I was dangerously high libido. Imagine every other day or so, my inner monologue was that japanese person running in the tunnel screaming about sex.

[...]

That's not "dangerously high". Dangerously high is when you want it every day, and not once a day.

Look if I left mid work for a booty call every other day for 3 month straight with an FWB, I'd say its pretty bad. When we lived together, any time we got handsy is the next 2 hours out the window

Dawg, now imagine the life of someone who has no constant source of sex

You know, people have addictions and shit that takes away much more time, and, more importantly, health. Having high sex drive isn't as bad still, you don't get sex withdrawal. [...]

[...] And it's a pretty big vice for me as well, during some stretches I was single, instead of drinking or drugs I've wasted a few hundred dollars a month between the 2 vices of gaming and hookers.

.

[...]

A relationship might be out of the cards, but not casual sex. [...]

It's easy to say things like that when you are attractive or even average to begin with. It's a completely different world when you're not. [...]

This is such nonsense. I've seen plenty of uggos get laid, without being rich or anything. [...]

They got lucky finding that there are fetishists who are into that.

no, there are so many plainly ugly people still having sex and fulfilling relationships, while also beeing dirt poor

You underestimate how undesirable some of us are.

If ugly people never had sex then evolution would have eradicated them

Ugly women can easily have Sex and spread ugly genes.

Evolution can't eradicate cancer, let alone ugly people. [...]

[...]

Being ugly doesn't make you sexually attracted to ugly.

.

Why scary? Men actually have brains, we are not sex-driven animals

We literally are sex-driven animals though, what are you talking about? That's all that we're biologically programmed to do, carry on our bloodline & species. We survive & we fuck. Anything else is just a bonus.

Explain gay people

Explain gay people with their own biological children.

It's not really that simple. You can help pass on your genes without having children yourself [...] This is where empathy and compassion are useful, and there is an evolutionary incentive for these qualities to pass on, even in men.

Worker ants are sterile animals with no drive to reproduce themselves but to protect, feed and care for their colony. If it works for ants, why not for humans to some extent at least?

Bro what are you talking about, of course it's that simple. Through helping your 'tribe' you can pass on your genes? Comparing us to sexless ants? Surely you're joking? [...] Dunno why all these fellas on reddit are arguing that sex isn't and shouldn't be a human need. Go watch porn then!!!

The mechanism for this is very simple, and from my understanding commonly accepted among evolutionary biologists. Would you like me to explain how it works?

No, go back to work. That's what i'm going to do. We're both losers for commenting on reddit, i'm ashamed for taking even a second to type this shit. [...] don't sit on reddit typing out bullshit explanations about bullshit topics to some retard on the internet that you've never met. Use your time for something useful.

Christ bitch I’m fucking eating my breakfast get over yourself

finish your breakfast & go to work, get off reddit. Sort your life out. I'm trying to. I better not catch either of us commenting on reddit again.

My life is sorted actually idk what your problem is

You're commenting on reddit dude. Literally everyone who comments on reddit is a loser. It's a waste of our lives. Including me. Right now, i am a loser. So are you. So is anyone who reads this. GO TO WORK. I'm done, goodbye

You don't have a job do you,if you did you'd know that 80% of a job is finding ways to not be working...like I am now,that's work,unless you're a yank in which case your supposed to fill time by licking the bosses chocolate starfish

I'm literally working from home right now lol. I'm not an american. Go do your job, go study, go fuck your girlfriend, go hang out with your friends, hit the gym, go for a walk, learn something new, literally do anything but sit on reddit & comment. How many times do i have to tell you goddamn nerds. [...]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is

Originally posted to

Male boss is clueless about pregnancy

Thank you to for this suggestion to the BoRU

Editor’s Note: the texts were saved before the final two posts were removed

Trigger Warnings: harassment, misogyny, sexism, hostile workplace

- May 2, 2024

OMG this just now happened at work.

My boss is male. I have a male coworker in the next cube whose wife is pregnant, and is due within the next few weeks. Boss is trying to make coverage plans for this guy to be out of the office when the baby happens.

The boss literally tried to write the guy up because he "wouldn't" tell him exactly what day the delivery would happen.

I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't hear it with my own ears!

Top Comments

bulldog_blues: I... what... how?!

Has this guy literally never interacted with someone who's pregnant or the partner of someone who's pregnant before? In his entire life?

It doesn't bode well for how he'd treat any other unpredictable circumstance either.

- May 2, 2024 (same day, 2 hours later)

Holy shit. The idiot dude just did it again.

He finally got it into his head why my coworker can't name the specific date when his wife will go into labor.

Now he's trying to save face by being sympathetic with Mr. Father-to-Be.

Our office breakroom has a private "mother's room" where women can go pump if they need to.

Mr. Boss dude said to the father dude, literally, that he was sorry there wasn't an equivalent father's room. The dude legit thought that the mother's room was for an exhausted new mom to go nap. That one just earned him a march into his (female) boss' office. I'd love to be a fly on that wall.

Top Comments

ioantha: I realize that not all sex education is created equal, but damn.

Does Boss have kids? A female spouse? Does someone need to buy her a drink and see if she's okay?

OOP: He had an ex-girlfriend. Probably a reason for the "ex".

- May 3, 2024 (1 day later)

So, several of you asked for further updates about my idiot boss who, in the space of one hour yesterday revealed that he:

thought that pregnant women could predict the exact date their delivery would happen...

revealed his belief that our office's Mother's Room was for napping, not pumping

After #2 was revealed, he was immediately called into the (female) grandboss' office so she could set the record straight. Their meeting took about ten minutes, and then he came back into our work area.

Guys. It got so much worse from there. I had to delay posting this update until I found out what the final result would be.

He starts by admitting to everybody there (mostly male, I and one other person in the room were female) that he had misunderstood the purpose of the mother's room. OK, so far so good.

Then he took out his metaphorical shovel and started digging his hole even deeper. Turns out he also misunderstood the concept of lactation. The dude literally thought that all women are always lactating, all the time. As in: the breasts come in, the milk comes out, regardless of any woman's pregnancy or birthing status.

And then. Oh. My. God. The dude literally POINTS TO MY CHEST and says, "I mean, look at hers! Hers are really big, she should be in that room all the time but she's not!"

One of the men in the room immediately gives him a forceful "shut up!" I follow up with a spontaneous performance of four-letter beat poetry that would melt my phone if I tried to type it out.

One of my coworkers immediately went out to fetch the grandboss again. She got back into the room and escorted him out. We didn't see him the rest of the day.

I got to the office this morning and saw his personal items boxed up on his desk. Grandboss has already informed me that my now-ex boss will be coming to collect his items later today, and she gave me the opportunity to be elsewhere when he arrives.

Nope. I'm going to be here to watch him get fired. This will be glorious.

Relevant/Top Comments

OOP on her company’s policies on if an incident happens at the workplace

OOP: Thanks for the very necessary response.

I should add that my company has a "three strikes" policy when it comes to sexual harassment (only one strike if there's physical contact, which there wasn't in this case). I learned from grandboss that this was his third strike.

I don't know the details of the first two incidents, but he'd displayed a pattern of this behavior before.

Redgrapefruitrage: Just wow!

I spit out my coffee when I read that he thought women lactated 24/7.

Then....to point at your chest!

He didn't just dig a hole. He jumped into the hole and buried himself alive.

queen-of-support: OMFG! He is so clueless. How does he walk and breathe at the same time?

- May 3, 2024 (same day, 4 hours later)

He came through just now to collect his box of stuff. He was escorted into our office by grandboss and our building's security guard. I was looking straight at him all the way through, trying to gauge his state of mind.

He looked appropriately humiliated. At one point he locked eyes with me, noticed my shit-eating grin, and looked like he was about to say something.

Mr. Male Coworker in the next cube (the one with the pregnant wife, whose interaction yesterday started this whole thing) had a video queued up on his desktop. At that exact moment he hit "play".

It's an eight-second clip of my hero George Takei, who said to this guy.

He slumped, defeated, and slithered out of the building with his escort. Once he left the room, all of us just burst out laughing.

It's going to be a great weekend.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Ongoing as per OOP

Content Warning : domestic violence

1 update - Medium

- 30th April 2024

- 7th May 2024

AITA for not wanting my wife to do surrogacy?

My (34m) wife Olivia (32f) was asked by her sister Sofia (29f) if she could be her surrogate. Sofia has struggled with infertility for years, and she and her husband have been wanting a kid for a long time. Olivia and I have four sons (10,5,5,3) and don’t plan on having more children. Olivia wants to do this for her sister and already agreed to it before discussing it with me. After Olivia gave birth to our youngest, she suffered from postpartum depression. I’m worried that this might happen again, and not to mention the toll it will take on her body.

I talked with her and told her my concerns, but she got defensive and began yelling at me, telling me that I’m a horrible person for not wanting to help Sofia and her husband after they’ve struggled for so long. I told her that I wanted them to be able to have a kid, but there were other options that didn’t involve her. She shouted some more and stormed out of the house and didn’t come back until the morning.

I messaged Sofia’s husband, Dean, as he and I get along really well. I told him how I felt about the situation, and he completely understood and told me he’d talk to Sofia. He messaged me later that night and told me that he had tried to change Sofia’s mind, but she wouldn’t listen.

When Olivia came home from work that night, she stormed up to me and slapped me. She told me that Sofia said Dean didn’t want to follow through with the surrogacy because of me, and Sofia was really upset about it. Olivia called me selfish and told me to get over it because she’s doing it regardless of how I feel.

I've given up talking to her about it because I don’t want her to get more angry. She’s been sleeping in the guest bedroom, and I’m pretty sure she’s only staying at the house because of the boys. We barely talk, and she doesn’t even look at me.

I got a message from Dean saying they’ve got an appointment later this week to begin the process.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to see her go through what she did again. I guess there’s nothing I can do though, she’s already made up her mind.

Comments

textonic

Dude, I think your marriage has bigger problems that your SILs pregnancy desire...

seizure_5alads

Yea I gotta ask OP, Does she hit you often?

breakingd4d

I’ve been on the end of this .. I thought everything was fine and it was a “few small cases “ with her but then it dawned on me that 99% of the time things were fine because things went her way and I acquiesced every time . Most of the time we did truly agree but the other times I just went along with it so it wasn’t until I looked at what happened when I stood up for myself and beliefs and realized those were all the times I was gaslit and hit

Bigpare

Help or not, i would be more worried about your wifes behaviour towards you. You expressed conxern, she turned to anger and physically assaulted you. This is not good behaviour towards a loved one. NTA for expressing your concerns

HoldFastO2

This is literally shouting and slapping OP into submission. Sure, it's only one instance out of their marriage; but it's hard to imagine there isn't an underlying pattern of abuse here.

**Judgement - NTA**

Update - 7 days later

I’ve been reading the comments on my first post for the last several days, and I’m feeling a mix of emotions from them. There are things I need to address, so I’ll do that now before I get into what’s been happening since that post.

To start off, many people have noticed that I haven’t replied to anyone’s comments and are calling me out for it. To be honest, I didn’t plan on answering any comments. I’ve seen posts where the OP doesn’t reply to anyone, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. The comments were very overwhelming as well.

I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that this is fake, and honestly, I wish it was, but it isn’t. I would never lie about something like this. I'm not the type of guy to do that. And the reason my account is new is because I didn’t want to post anything on my main account.

There have also been messages I’ve received that have been less than kind and haven't helped in the slightest with what’s been happening. The things people have sent me are really hurtful and disgusting.

And I’ve noticed people calling me an asshole for going behind Olivia’s back and talking to Dean. The reason I spoke to Dean was because any time I tried to talk to Olivia, she would ignore me and walk away. Sofia wasn’t even an option. She hasn’t liked me since Olivia and I began dating. I have no idea why, but she’s always been rude to me, and I knew if I talked to her about this, it wouldn’t go well.

And the thing that everyone has been talking about. The abuse. So this wasn’t the first time Olivia has hit me. This started a few months before our oldest was born. It happened out of nowhere. I talked to her about it, and she promised it wouldn’t happen again, but it did. Every time she would hit me, she’d apologize afterwards, but soon, she stopped apologizing. I did try to stand up to her, but whenever I did, she hit me harder and said she’d scream if I did anything. I told her I’d go to the police, and she said she’d claim it was self-defence. She then began to mock me by saying that no one would ever believe me, and they’d all side with her, and I’d never see my boys again. It just got worse as the years passed. I know a lot of people will call me weak and that I need to grow a pair, but I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose my kids. They mean everything to me. And if I had to put up with the abuse to be with them, then I would. Olivia has never touched the boys. I asked her one time if she had, and let’s just say that didn’t end well. I’ve checked them for marks and have seen nothing. And the boys are hardly out of my sight, and I haven’t seen anything amiss. She has also never hit me in front of them. She always does it when they’re not around.

My two older brothers, Sam and Jack, figured out what was happening and begged me to go to the police, but I couldn’t. I asked them not to say anything, but my oldest brother, Sam, has a friend who’s a lawyer, and I found out only recently that they’ve been talking to him about it and have been secretly telling him when they notice I have a new mark or when something happens.

Back to the main problem, though. I hadn’t seen Olivia for almost two days, and when she came back, I asked if we could talk. The boys were with Jack for the day, so they weren’t in the house. She went to walk away again, but I stepped in front of her and said that we needed to talk. This was the first time I’d stood up to her in years, and I was scared as hell. She looked shocked, but then she put the scowl back on and huffed out a fine. I had my phone beside me and recorded the conversation.

We sat on the couch, and I told her again how I felt about the surrogacy. She kept rolling her eyes and scoffing every time I said something. I told her I was worried about how it would affect our family. I brought up the PPD again, and she got angry. She started yelling at me, telling me it was my fault that she had it and that I should never have gotten her pregnant. Every kid except for our oldest (Who wasn’t planned) was her idea. That’s not to say that I didn’t want my boys, I did, but I didn’t have a say about it. She called me a horrible father and husband and said that I should support her. I said that if she goes through with the surrogacy, I won’t be supporting her as it’s not my kid. She got mad, hit me, called me an asshole, hit me again and left the house.

I called Sam, asked if he could come over and waited for him to arrive. When he got to my house, I just broke down. I told him everything about what’s been going on. The abuse, the surrogacy, the self-harm and suicidal thoughts. He hugged me and told me it would be alright and everything would work out. This is when he told me about his lawyer friend and how he and Jack have been talking to him. I told him I recorded the conversation with Olivia, and he said he’d send it to his friend, along with a photo of the bruise from when she hit me before, and a few other marks as well.

I had given up years ago, and my kids were the only thing keeping me going. I’ve suffered from depression and self-harm (Which I still do), and I think if I didn’t have my boys, I wouldn’t be here.

I’m finally standing up for myself, and it feels really good. I’m going to divorce her and go for full custody. I just hope the courts won’t take her side.

And I just want to thank everyone who has been really kind about this, especially the people who messaged me. I haven’t replied to all of them, but just know that I appreciate it so much.

Comments

x-bacool-x

Next time try to install hidden cameras or something for video proof but good luck and I hope you win the custody

HelloJunebug

Ya this is a good idea. It’s not gonna be the last time she hits him before he gets a divorce. What an awful situation.

AngelsOfLust

Finally! Go to the police, get a restraining order and serve her with divorce papers.

Ok-Recognition9876

Along with emergency custody paperwork.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not The OOP, OOP is

Caught My(35m) wife(34) sending pics to BIL(40m) is our marriage is salvageable at this point?

Originally posted to

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity

  Apr 30, 2024

I really dont want to spam this sub I posted today morning, but when I returned from office my account was banned. This will be my last try to post this.

My wife Jessica (34) and I (35m) have been married for 3 years, and we dated for 2 years before that and we have two year old daughter. Jessica has two sisters, the eldest one (38f) is married to Jake (40m).

A week ago, I came home from work early and wanted to scare Jessica. I tried to be sneaky, but somehow I slipped and accidentally hurt my back. Jessica came to my rescue. I went to the bedroom, and she went to the kitchen to get an ice pack. Her phone was by the bed, and a WhatsApp notification came from Jake saying, "You've got the best pair I've ever seen."

I immediately knew what was happening. I unlocked the phone and saw that she had just sent some pics and video of her t*ts to Jake, and there were no previous chats before that. When Jessica came back to the room, I showed her the chat and asked, "How long?"

I have known this woman for 10 years, and I have never seen her so mortified. Her eyes got teary, and she said, "Babe, I am sorry, but I can explain" so I said go on.

According to her, at the end of 2019, she was struggling with money, and Jake suggested he would help her out. He hinted that he would like to see her pics( I feel like I am writing a p**n script at this point). So she did sent him pics and it continue over the years, She swears there was nothing emotional or physical involved—it was purely transactional. I didn't believe any of it, but she showed me on Venmo, that MF paid her $300 yesterday.

I then told her, "It's been 5 years. Try to remember if anything physical happened". For me, if even half of what she is saying is true, how could something like that not become physical? She started crying and told me she could prove it tomorrow because Jake would get suspicious if she tried to talk to him now.

I took her phone, went to a bar, got wasted for the night, and when I came back, she was still there crying. I just slept on the couch. Next day morning I gave her the phone she called Jake, conversation goes something like this

Jessica: Hey, I was wondering if you want some more pics?

Jake: I'm short on money, yesterday, I spent all of it.

Jessica: We can do something more this time and meet in person. I've changed my mind on that.

Jake: No way. How much are we talking about?

I felt like I was going to puke, I told her that we are done and left for office. I am not a very wealthy dude, but I would consider myself a stable guy who could take care of his family. Now I just feel like I have failed as a man, who's wife had to sell her body to meet her expected lifestyle. When I got home that night, she looked like shit, I asked Jessica why she kept taking money from him after we got married and why she didn't ask me while we were dating. She said she didn't know how to stop and that it was easy money. I left my home that night and told her she can keep the home and the car but I want 50/50 custody of my child.

So here I am now, haven't told anyone about this. It's been a week since, staying in a hotel. I go home in the evening to play with my daughter. I'm speaking with divorce lawyers, and Jessica is constantly talking about marriage counseling.

  May 3, 2024

Before getting to the update, some people were asking me to get a paternity test. I don't need one, I know she is my daughter because I am Indian and Jessica(my wife) is white, and my daughter looks like me.

Now for the update

After I made that post, I shared my situation with my cousin sister(30f), she is the only family member I have living in the States. I visited her place the next day, and she knocked some sense into me. I realized part of me still didn't want a divorce because I basically married Jessica against my parents' will, they wanted me to have an arranged marriage. So, my failed marriage would hurt my ego.

She also arranged a meeting with a divorce lawyer and no I am not giving up my house, I was just emotional at that time. From what I understand, in our state, adultery has pretty much zero impact on the assets, so it will likely be a 50/50 split. However, there is a high chance I can get better custody of my daughter because I have a job, and Jessica doesn't. She is also involved in "sex work" at this point, which could work in my favor.

My father-in-law called me last evening, and he was crying. He told me he didn't know what to say to me and that if he were in my place, he would have left her. Apparently, Jessica got scared and told her family everything after I didn't visit home for 2 days and had blocked her everywhere. I guess I should have done that a little while ago and jake is out of his house also.

So, I think I will go for a divorce because there is no point of reconciliation at this point when the whole relationship seems fake to me.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Commenter

Did the sister kick out the BIL?

OOP

Yeah she kicked him out yesterday I didnt ask about them that much but it sound like my SIL is sure she is getting divorce.

FINAL COMMENT from OOP

It doesn't really matter if she was cheating or not. The main thing is she lied throughout the whole relationship, and I refuse to believe it was only for money. It could have been an issue when we were dating, but not after marriage. I am a SDE-3 with 10 years of experience, and I have a somewhat high-paying job. I am only thinking about my daughter. If I patch up everything with Jessica I will still have trust issues and it would set a bad example of a relationship in my daughter's eyes, which can be bad in the long term.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is

Originally posted to

Previous

[New Update]: AITA for calling my father's wife a creep?

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, favoritism, emotional child trauma, obsessive behavior

RECAP

: February 26, 2024

My (32F) father (60s) has been married to "Sasha" (fake name, 40s) for almost a decade. I was already an adult when they started seeing each other, so I never had much of a relationship with her. That said, Sasha was nice and thoughtful (though a bit annoying at times), and I never had any problems with her.

I now have a husband (34M) and two kids (9M and 4F). Sasha is very fond of my children, especially my daughter. That became very suffocating pretty quickly, so we started setting some boundaries. She never overstepped them.

In January, my father and Sasha decided to go on a trip to Disney World, and invited us to join them. We decided to go to celebrate our son's 9th birthday.

I quickly regretted coming along. Sasha spent the entire trip fussing over my daughter in ways that overstepped almost every boundary we'd set. Examples include:

• Sasha bought a Minnie ears tiara. She wanted me to buy my daughter an identical one so they could "match." My daughter didn't like the tiara, so I bought her a Donald Duck hat instead. Sasha got her the tiara anyway, and was upset that she didn't want to wear it.

• My father and Sasha went shopping in between parks. I told them not to buy my kids anything, as we still had shopping to do and didn't want to risk making our bags too heavy. Still, Sasha returned with 5 bags of clothing for my daughter (and 2 for my son), saying she "couldn't resist it."

• My daughter wanted a Belle costume to wear at the parks, as that's her favorite princess. Sasha tried to convince us to get her an Ariel costume instead, because that's her favorite. I explained that we never watched The Little Mermaid at home because my daughter is scared of Ursula.

• Sasha insisted on taking dozens of pictures with my daughter in front of the castle at Magic Kingdom. She also took some with my son, but not nearly as many.

• She tried to convince us to take our daughter to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. We refused because the prices are crazy and we'd already bought her the Belle costume. She offered to pay, but we held our ground. I later found out Sasha tried to make a reservation anyway, but there was no availability.

• When we took our daughter to Slinky Dog Dash (her first roller coaster), Sasha tried to sit next to her. My daughter wanted to sit with me, so we switched. She tried to do the same thing in other attractions.

• At the Muppets theater, she tried to get my daughter to sit in her lap. Sasha also tried to pick her up while we met some of the characters.

There were more instances. The final straw for me, however, was the last park day of the trip. We were at Magic Kingdom. My husband suffered a minor injury and I had to take him to the first aid station. The kids wanted to go to the Peter Pan ride, so my dad and Sasha offered to take them in the meantime.

However, according to my father, the line was too long. So instead, Sasha suggested the Little Mermaid ride, assuring my kids Ursula wasn't on it. Actually, there's a pretty big Ursula animatronic there. My daughter was still sobbing and hugging her brother when we reunited.

When we flew back home, I told my father that we'd no longer take our children on trips with Sasha due to her behavior. He got extremely angry. He said his wife loved my kids, thought about what they'd like to do at every moment of the trip, and that we should be grateful to have her in our lives.

I lost my temper at that. I told him Sasha was a "fucking creep", and that they should be grateful I was still okay with them even seeing my children after her actions during the trip. We ended up having a huge fight after that.

It's been weeks since we returned home, and my father is still angry at me and my husband. Sasha has texted me a few times. She says she's sorry if she "made me uncomfortable", but that she loves my kids and hoped to use the trip to spend more time with them.

To be honest, I don't think I'm the AH here. But I do think I might have overreacted. I believe there's a chance Sasha's actions were motivated by love and she truly did have good intentions.

AITA?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA based on the comments provided

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Pickabetterusename: You’re NTA because you have your children’s best interests at heart. But it may benefit you and your dad’s relationship to understand why Sasha is like she is. Overstepping boundaries is easier for someone when they believe it’s for a good cause or to have fun in a “safe” way. Does she have kids of her own? Can she not have kids of her own? Does she maybe see the kids as her grandkids? It’s a difficult one but getting to the source of that could make the whole thing healthier. But on the other hand it’s not your job to put that work in when it’s your father’s relationship. All I’d suggest you do is explain to your father you set boundaries and regardless of intention, Sasha broke them which you do not condone. Good luck!

OOP: Sasha doesn't have children of her own. My father has me and my sister, and has always been open about not wanting more kids. They're married, so I'm assuming she doesn't want kids either.

I also don't think she sees my kids as grandchildren. She's always referred to herself as "Aunt Sasha" instead. When I got pregnant with my son, she commented she was "too young to be a grandma."

Significant_Cat_3: NTA you set some pretty clear boundaries that Sasha kept crossing the entire trip. Even your daughter seems to not be particularly receptive towards her. Also your son can probably pick up on this favoritism, and that’s not good for him either.

I don’t mean to do armchair psychology, but this reads like Sasha has always wanted a young daughter and is using your’s to live vicariously through. Hence why she kept trying to push things that your daughter doesn’t like onto her (Tiara, Little Mermaid ride, etc.)

OOP: My son doesn't like Sasha. I'm not sure why, but I think he gets that she favors my daughter. He's also very protective of his sister, so her discomfort could also be a reason.

Beautiful-Story2811: NTA, she sounds exhausting. But...BUT... she also doesn't seem like a truly awful person.

"....so, we started setting some boundaries. She never overstepped them."

Question: Does she have children of her own? She probably sees your kids as a chance to play 'Mommy' if she's never had kids. She may not even be aware of exactly how intrusive she's being. Looks like there's a 20 year age gap between she and your dad... she probably thought she'd be okay with not having kids (I'm guessing your dad may have told her he's done having babies). But your little ones...especially your daughter... may have just stirred up those feelings and she's trying to compensate. I still don't think you're TA. But maybe have an honest talk with her...just you and her... and try and show a little grace.

My apologies if you've done all that already and she's still being a pill.

OOP: You're right about a lot of things. She doesn't have kids, my dad doesn't want more children. And while she's defined herself as childfree before, she's also told me she'd always wondered what having a daughter would be like.

My husband and I started setting boundaries because the situation was really bad when my daughter was younger. She'd wake her up from her naps when she visited, post pictures of her on social media without our approval and complain about almost every parenting decision we'd make because it "wasn't how she'd do it."

: March 4, 2024

Hey, everyone. I'm ready to give you an update.

I read your comments and came to the following conclusion: as much as Sasha's behavior towards my children angered me and freaked me out, calling her a "creep" was the wrong reaction to have.

That said, I think it's best for my family to distance itself from Sasha for the time being. And at the very least, my previous decision to avoid future trips with her based on the Disney trip is still the best course of action.

Sasha's pushiness, tendency to override my and my husband's parenting and blatant favoritism towards my daughter were much worse when the kids were younger. After my daughter's birth, she began to focus too much attention on her and almost none on my son. I gave more examples of that in the comments on my original post. That's the reason we set boundaries in the first place.

The way she fusses over my daughter also bothers me. When we had the boundary conversation with my father and Sasha, she told us that she'd always wondered what having a daughter would be like. She'd also defined herself as childfree before, so I was never certain what to think of that. Either way, that reassured me and my husband that we were doing the best for our kids.

Those boundaries had never overstepped. Then we went on the Disney trip, and most of them were completely ignored. Many of you pointed out that she might have gotten carried away, or that "Disney is exciting and she wanted to make sure my kids had the best experience", etc. There are two things I'll say to that:

The first is that whatever Sasha's reasons were, she still overstepped our boundaries. When we first set those, we told her that doing so would have consequences. Disney or not, I don't see a reason to make an exception.

Secondly, she wasn't trying to ensure my kids had the best experience. She was pushing them to fulfill her fantasy of what their Disney trip should look like. She repeatedly ignored my children's wishes in favor of her own, despite them both being very clear about what they wanted and didn't want.

Sasha also continually favored my daughter (including during my son's birthday) and fussed over her in ways that made her uncomfortable. And I still haven't forgiven the Little Mermaid thing. My daughter is a bit shy and takes a while to open up to most people, so knowing her trust was broken like that angers me in ways I can't describe.

To put it in simpler terms, my children aren't props. And whoever treats them as such will, at the very least, be put in time out.

I called my father and Sasha on Saturday. I apologized for calling Sasha a creep, but told them that we needed some time apart. They won't see my family until my younger sister's birthday in late April. If that goes well, they'll be invited to my daughter's 5th birthday party in May. After that, we'll slowly work on reestablishing contact. I also said that if they overstepped our boundaries again, the consequences would be more dire.

My father didn't take it well. I don't care. Sasha sent me a text with more apologies, followed by a request to "at least" FaceTime my kids every now and then. I said no.

And to those who said my "controlling behavior" ruined the trip: my kids had an amazing time at Disney World. They're both still talking about it. My daughter keeps asking us to put her pictures with the characters she met up on the wall, and my son says he had the best birthday ever.

I think that's it! Thank you for your advice and support on my first post.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

canyonemoon: You protected your children and that's the best thing you can do in any situation. I'm glad they're still talking about the trip, despite favoritism and the Ursula animatronic, which means you and your husband managed to outshine all of that with wonderful memories.

For the possible reconciliation: everyone can act normal for a day (the birthday in late April), especially if they know there's a goal post on that day, it's the behavior over time that counts. If they're still messaging you, requesting face time calls, and calling you unreasonable despite you clearly saying you want NC, you could begin a tally; one point for each request and when it's X amount of points, they'll have their timeout extended because they obviously don't understand boundaries yet.

OOP: That's great advice. We don't want to go NC, but we will if our boundaries are disrespected.

Knowing my father, a tally wouldn't be well received. I'm doing my best to avoid turning this into a (bigger) fight, but that kind of system would probably make things worse. It might be worth a shot, though. I'll talk to my husband about it.

ScarletteMayWest: Thanks for the update!

You are doing the right thing and are prepared if your father and Sasha keep trying to push against your boundaries. Make sure anyone who might take their side is fully aware of the consequences of trying to 'mediate' or help them.

OOP: Thankfully, no one's taking their sides. At most, my sister said I'd been cruel to them.

Commenter asked OOP if she has spoken with her daughter being uncomfortable with Sasha

OOP: Thank you for sharing that. It's always been clear that my daughter was uncomfortable with Sasha's behavior, which is why we made so many efforts to reinforce our boundaries. Timid or not, she was very vocal about what she wanted, be it our company (not Sasha's) or specific rides and souvenirs.

In spite of that, I know we didn't shelter our daughter from everything. She's only 4, so I know the situation was a lot for her to process and she can't articulate her feelings as well as her brother can. But she's not looking forward to seeing Sasha anytime soon, and I intend to respect that.

cuspofqueens: I see so many cases of women being arrested for inappropriate sexual relationships with minors that I’m dead convinced any adult who fixates on a child like that has bad intentions - regardless of gender. You 100% made the right choice, and I would highly advocate for not leaving your (children but especially your) daughter alone with her or letting her have unsupervised contact.

Thank you for being an advocate for your children and what makes them comfortable.

OOP: Neither of my kids have ever been alone with Sasha. She's tried to offer babysitting services before, but we always say no. My son doesn't like her, and my daughter will usually do whatever he does.

----NEW UPDATE----

: May 3, 2024 (2 months later)

Last time I posted here, I mentioned that my father and Sasha wouldn't see my children until my younger sister's birthday. The party took place last weekend, and we didn't attend.

These two months of NC worked fine, but not great. My father respected my wishes, to my surprise, but Sasha kept trying to find ways to talk to my children. She'd call me under the guise of needing to ask me something, only to later say, "by the way, are the kids around? I want to say hi!"

Every time she tried that, I'd remind her of what I'd told her back in March. This must have happened almost a dozen times, which was enough for my husband and I to start debating on skipping the party.

After speaking to our kids, we decided not to go. They both said they missed my father, but clearly didn't want to see Sasha. We thought about attending and just distancing them from her while there, but risking making our children uncomfortable wasn't worth it. My son even asked if we could see their aunt somewhere else, without Sasha around.

My husband and I explained the situation to my sister. She was upset, but mostly because she hadn't seen the kids in a while. We all went to dinner at her favorite restaurant the day after her party.

I also called my father and told him we wouldn't go to the birthday party. He reacted better than I expected, but we still had a short fight about it. He claimed that I had promised we'd let Sasha see the kids after two months, called me unfair and said he was "entitled" to have a relationship with his grandchildren (I immediately denied that).

Though I tried to sugarcoat it at first, I eventually gave him the truth: my kids don't want to see his wife, and I won't force them to.

My father and I had a long talk. I told him how much Sasha's actions at the Disney trip upset my children, as well as how uncomfortable me and my husband felt. I admitted I don't trust his wife at all, and I don't think I ever truly will.

He said that while he still thought I was overreacting, he understood I wanted to protect my kids. My dad also told me about how these two months of NC were for them.

Apparently, Sasha started talking about my kids (mostly my daughter) a lot more than usual. She'd mention things and places she thought they would like. My father was aware of one of the times she called me, but thought it was a one-time thing. She wanted to give my daughter a gift at my sister's birthday party (he said he didn't know why).

At one point, she told him she wanted to plan another family vacation with the kids, even though I told them they're not traveling with Sasha anymore. Learning all of that just made me more certain that I can't trust this woman around my children.

For now, I intend to remain LC with my father and NC with Sasha. My daughter told me she wanted her grandpa at her birthday party a few weeks from now, so I told him that he was invited, but Sasha wasn't. He agreed.

To be honest, I don't trust my father after all of this. I'm allowing him to come because that party will take place at my home, which is easier for me to control. If he tries to bring Sasha, they'll both be kicked out, and it will take a long time for me to consider letting him near my kids again.

My father hasn't told me how his wife is reacting to this. My sister told me that during her party, Sasha asked her to tell me she wanted to talk. I'm not reaching out to her, nor do I plan to respond if she attempts to contact me. Both me and my husband have blocked her.

My children are doing great. They still talk about how much fun they had at Disney. My daughter's been "saving money" (putting coins in her piggy bank) for us to go back.

On a completely different note, I'm pregnant again! This was completely unplanned (I always said I wanted two kids at most, and the third would have to be a HUGE accident), but my husband and I are ecstatic. I'm still in the first trimester, so not a lot of people know. We're brainstorming ways to tell our kids.

Overall, I'm happy with my life right now. And as much as I wish this Sasha situation had never happened, I feel like a better parent after dealing with it. I have never been more confident in my abilities to protect my children than I am now.

I don't think I'll update again anytime soon. Once again, thank you for all the support you've given me. I wish you the best.

Relevant Comment

OOP on being accused on turning her children against her father’s wife and avoiding events when Sasha is present

OOP: As much as I appreciate your insight, allow me to explain why I won't change my mind on this subject.

First of all, I'm not concerned about avoiding too many events. My paternal family is smaller than my maternal side, and there aren't many get-togethers in the first place. The only reason my dad even went to my sister's birthday party was because she wanted to introduce her boyfriend to him. My father has also seen my children without Sasha countless times before, so that's not a concern either.

I don't dislike Sasha. Even if I did, I've always been very careful not to let my opinions on others affect my children, specifically because I aim to teach them to be polite.

But my kids are allowed to express themselves. If they don't like person X, they don't have to be around person X. It doesn't matter how much person X wants to see them, I'm not teaching them to sacrifice their comfort for someone who doesn't actually care about them.

And no, Sasha doesn't actually care about my children, nor has she tried to build a relationship with them. Instead, she tries to push them (specially my daughter) to do what she wants to see them doing. Almost none of her actions during the Disney trip were for my daughter's benefit, they were for hers.

Sasha is not my children's grandmother. They don't see her as such, she doesn't want to be seen as such (she calls herself "aunt"). Her actions weren't "doting", nor did they have anything to do with her not being able to formulate relationships with children.

She doesn't care about my daughter's happiness, she just treats her like a doll. My son, meanwhile, is cast aside. If someone overwhelms one of my children and ignores the other (on his birthday), they don't need to be around my kids.

To answer the other part of your question: I have spoken with Sasha. It was the whole point of the boundary conversation. I communicated what was wrong, and what she could do to improve.

Whenever I try to set boundaries, Sasha disrespects them. She does not listen to me. It's not my job to teach her how to build a relationship with my kids anymore than I already have.

That's the point of this NC policy. Sasha doesn't listen to me or my children. If my kids didn't mind, I'd consider other ways of approaching this. But they do mind, and I refuse to force them to be around someone who disrespects them. And the fact that she refuses to listen to my children and insists on pushing her fantasies onto my daughter is enough for me to go NC.

I have no intention of updating anytime soon, nor am I looking for any more advice. Thank you for your concern.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is . They posted in

Mood Spoiler: Happy Ending

Original : November 29, 2023

I moved into my current place a little over 3 years ago (TX). When I moved in, I was getting mailings from the old tenant so I would write, "No longer at this address" and put back in the mail. For about 6 months, the old tenants mail stopped coming here. However, it started up again (mainly insurance mailings and some kind of retirement or medical info - I've never opened anything, just can tell by the company names on the envelopes). I was a bit annoyed, but went through the process of sending everything back to the sender, again. And it would stop for a bit and then start up again. After doing this repeatedly, I finally stopped off at the medical center to drop off the old tenant's mail that was from them and asked them to remove this address. I was told that they verify address each visit and it was listed as a current address. I again asked them to remove the address and left.

I went on vacation for 3 weeks not too long ago and had a pet sitter visiting to take care of my pets while I was gone (she didn't stay the night). I was enjoying my vacation until my landlord blew up my phone telling me that he was going to go into my house to look for the old tenant's mail since I am refusing to return her calls. I was completely confused so I checked and there were no less than 20 voicemails from this woman demanding her mail (my sitter was bringing all of the mail in each day when she stopped by and putting on my desk for when I returned) and apparently, my landlord shared my cellphone number with this woman without my permission. I have my phone set to ignore texts and phone calls from people who are not listed in my contacts, so I didn't even get notification her phone calls or voicemails.

I told my landlord that he absolutely did not have permission to enter the house for this reason and since this is not an emergency and he allows this woman to use my legal address, she can wait until I get home and find another place to send her mail. He didn't respond but I got a notification that my alarm was going off and when I checked the live feed, not only did he let himself into my house, he also allowed her in to look for her mail (and they walked all over my house looking through some of my stuff). I did call the police but they left before the police arrived.

My landlord is pissed I called the cops (I told him I was going to call) and thinks that his old tenant using this address is "no big deal". But I pay the rent here. This was never discussed with me previously. This is not a requirement in the lease or any riders that I am to maintain an old tenants mail for her and call her to pick it up (this stuff come on a regular, weekly basis). I also found out that many times when I thought the mail was not coming, she was just arriving before I got home, going through my mailbox, and removing her mail (I never noticed as my mailbox is slightly out of range of my camera).

I don't want to live here anymore as I am tired of being the postbox for this woman and I am angry that my landlord not only let himself into my house for a stupid reason but he also allowed her into my house and they went through all of my stuff looking for her mail. I am also angry that he gave out my personal information to someone without my permission.

What are my options? I had just signed another 2 year lease and am 4 months into the new lease.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Maybe contact your local post master? Seems like someone who doesn’t live there regularly stealing items from your mailbox might be the kind of thing they’d pay some attention to.

OOP: I’ve been to the post office numerous times. I will try again!

(to another commenter) Well, until the recent event, I had no idea she was doing this. I’d just been there trying to get her mail to stop coming to my address. But I will speak with the lawyer and see how he wants me to move forward with this.

Commenter: Go online to the usps website and request an investigation, some local usps offices won't respond in person until they have the corporate offices breathing down their necks

Also, for the key you should request a new key with the local usps which would require they change the lock so the old tenant can't get her mail

OOP: I live in a house and have a regular by-the-road mailbox. I can’t lock it and it’s encased in brick so I can’t change it out. I will get a USPS mailbox but I want this woman to stop using my address, too.

Commenter: Using your address may allow her actual tenancy if she decided to become a squatter she literally has evidence she lives there, cops might not help you...

OOP: Well, I have security footage showing she’s not lived in this property since I moved in. But, yeah. A police report was made for recording sake but they won’t do anything at this point.

Commenter: I talked to our mailman when we 1st moved into our current house about all of the mail that wasn't for us. He pulls it before it ever gets to my mailbox. He even stopped to ask me about mail sent to my grandson (he's 11 and lives with us) before delivering it. I found it helpful to get to know our mailman.

OOP: I know our mailwoman. She’s terrible. She chain smokes while delivering. She’s nice but she clearly doesn’t give a crap about anything. Today, my mailbox was packed full of mail and there was mail from 4 of my neighbors in there. I’ve complained about her smoking and my letters and packages reeking of smoke. But nothing is done.

(to another commenter) I had school pics delivered to my house and the envelope says in BIG BOLD letters not to fold as pics are enclosed…and she did. I had the photo company resend pics to my husband’s work. The lack of any concern sucks.

Commenter: Put a change of address in with the LL address :D lol

OOP: I know for a fact I cannot do this as I inquired about it before. Her other mail does not come here except those two items. I get stuff from BCBS and the large hospital/medical center. Nothing else comes.

Commenter: Wait, the only mail showing up is Blue Cross Blue Shield and stuff from the Hospital? Lady seems to be either dodging those medical bills or committing some type of insurance fraud that requires her to get mail at your address - if that’s a thing. The weird part is that for over 3 years she’s apparently been showing up and getting her mail so she “needs” it but she hasn’t bothered to update her address.

OOP: Not hasn’t bothered…because I’ve sent mail back saying she doesn’t live here. She’s actively going into the medical center and confirming her current address is my address. This is what I was told when I walked some mail from the medical center to tell them to remove the address. Obviously, they can’t give me medical info (and I didn’t ask), but they stated they confirm her address each time she comes in. So she’s actively telling them my address is her current address.

A long comment explaining that in Texas you can't legally change the locks and deny a key to the landlord:

I will have the locks changed and give him a key. I mentioned in another comment that there is only one door that works with the key. The video shows them going door to door to door to get in. From what I understand, one of the last tenants changed all of the locks except for the one back door (all of the main doors have keypads). So the key only works in one door.

But I would feel better with the actual locks changed, I will give him a set, and speak with an attorney about how to move forward.

Thank you for posting this.

Update (Same Post): November 30, 2023 (Next Day)

UPDATE: Thank you so much for everyone who had commented. I can’t personally respond to all of the messages, though I tried for a while. I wanted to give a quick update.

I spoke with a few attorneys and have decided to retain one. I’ve sent everything over to him, he will review what I have this weekend and I have a meeting with him on Monday to discuss this further. He said not to do anything at the moment until he has a better idea of what we’re dealing with. He also advised not to speak with the LL outside of text or email.

I just actually watched some of the videos. I have cameras in the kitchen, living room, dining room, family room and hallways leading to the bedrooms and my office. They did not go into the bedrooms but they did go into my office where you see her emerge with some mail. You can actually hear her say, “this is beyond ridiculous that I need to call you so I can get what belongs to me. Absolutely ridiculous!!” If I didn’t know her name, I’d think it was Karen.

I can update more after I meet with the attorney.

Comment (December 3, 2023)

Commenter: Interestingly enough, you can register for Informed Delivery online at usps.com. You’ll receive a daily email showing the images of the mail you are scheduled to receive that day.

Another thing is Mail Hold. The post office will hold your mail for up to 30 days. At the end of the hold, you specify if you want the mail delivered or if you want to pick it up. I always submit an online hold request when I’m going to be out of town for more than 3 days.

Good luck to you.

OOP: I’ve had informed delivery for a while. It definitely does not have an image of all of the mail I am supposed to receive. But it also does not have mail that is address to the last tenant, so I have no way of knowing if things are missing.

With that said, the camera was installed yesterday that get a clear view of the mailbox.

Update : March 3, 2024 (just over 3 months later)

I figured I'd give an update to some things that have happened in this situation. First, I had the locks on the house changed and created a copy for the LL. My attorney spoke with him regarding the situation and was advised that the LL was told that this mail was "extremely important" and she had heard that it was "accidentally" sent to the "old" address. That she needed it and could not wait, which is why he gave her my phone number. When she could not get a hold of me, he agreed to let her in to get the mail thinking he was helping her. When my lawyer explained what was actually going on, my LL was shocked and expressed a lot of regret for how this all happened. He did apologize to me and promised that he would never allow this to happen again, and was upset that he was lied to. I completely forgave him and do not think I have to worry about this again.

I also had her trespassed and she is not allowed within 100 feet of my house/mailbox. A new camera has been put up (LL reimbursed me for this) and covers the full driveway and mailbox.

For the woman, my attorney had her personally served with a cease and desist letter. She did call my attorney and complained that it wasn't hurting anyone and she needed to have this mail sent to my address and asked if I would be willing to just hold on to it for her. She didn't give any reasons as to why (she now lives several towns away). My attorney stated that she absolutely was not allowed to have ANY mail delivered to my address and now that she's been personally served with the cease and desist, if any of her mail is delivered to my address again, she will be hit with a lawsuit. And advised that she has been trespassed, there are cameras up now, and if she is seen by my house/mailbox, a lawsuit will be filed. He also mailed a copy of the cease and desist letter and notice of trespass to each and every insurance and medical company that had been sending mail to my address. Advised that she was not a legal resident of the property, that all mail would be returned and gave her correct, new address.

The Postmaster said that he would take care of this and not to worry on the Post Office side.

I feel like everything is ok now and I am not worried about having to deal with this any longer. So, happy ending for me. Thanks for all of the concerns and suggestions!

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: A lawsuit for trespass? If that psycho comes back, she needs to be arrested and criminally charged.

I don't know that I'd push for criminal charges if more mail gets sent to you - even if she tells everyone to stop sending mail to your address, it may not happen. But showing up on your property again? FUCK no.

OOP: As the lawyer explained, it’s more of a threat than a promise. If she shows up again, yes, she will get consequences. She’s not welcome here. As for having her mail sent here, it shouldn’t make it past the post office but it was more of a threat that giving out this address for any reason would get her in trouble. Since she verified my address was her current address every time she went to the doctor (for insurance and for doctor office), it was more to get the point across that illegally using my address would result in consequences for her. I hope it doesn’t come to that but it sounds like she was upset enough not to try it.

I’m not sure why she insists on using this address but it may have something to do with the facility she goes to being out of network?? Who knows. I sympathize but not enough to let her illegally use my address. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update -Medium

Thanks to for suggesting this BORU

- 3rd May 2024

- 5th May 2024

My (26F) friend's (26F) boyfriend (28M) gave me an inappropriately expensive gift for my birthday. How do I react?

Hey everyone,

Last week, I celebrated my birthday with my friend group. We're all fairly close, and whilst we've never discussed presents/gifts explicitly, we all kind of naturally fell into an unspoken pattern around what kind of birthday gifts we give to each other: we do gifts, but they're usually in the 10-40 Euro range. Think things like a book, a voucher for theater tickets, maybe a nice bottle of wine. That kind of stuff. We're all young professionals or grad students, and that just fits our general income level.

A good friend of mine brought her boyfriend to the party, and he gave me a gift of his own, separate from my friend's. Without going into too much detail, it was a small object that had a very thoughtful connection to a trip I took in winter. I was genuinely very thankful for the gift and thought it was lovely.

However, when I unpacked the item at home, something about it just caught my eye. Certain parts of the item that I would have expected to be made of glass didn't....look like glass. I ended up googling the maker's mark on the bottom and found the exact same item online, for the price of....750 Euros!

Now. It'd be one thing if this guy was a trust fund kid for whom that kind of money was just peanuts. I'd still feel uncomfortable, but at least there'd be some logic to this then. But my friend's relationship with this guy already has massive problems, largely centred around him being underemployed and making her pick up the tab for their shared lifestyle to an undue degree. We honestly all expect the relationship to fizzle out soon, because they obviously aren't compatible in some key aspects. So now I've got this 750-Euro-item on my shelf, and I've no clue how to handle this. It feels extremely inappropriate to have this thing. I'd feel uncomfortable accepting this sort of gift from almost anyone I know, but the fact that it's a) a friend's romantic partner (I'm gay and her boyfriend knows, but still) and b) said friend has issues with her partner's handling of his finances just makes it even worse. It's also a highly specific item that I don't think he'd be likely to just have, so I'm pretty certain he must have bought this for the occasion and must be aware of its value.

What do I do? My friend seems to be totally unaware of the value of the item. Do I tell her? Do I contact the boyfriend and ask him what the fuck he was thinking? How would you handle this?

TL;DR: Friend's boyfriend gave me 750-Euro birthday gift. Friend seems to be unaware of true value of the item and already has issues with boyfriend's handling of money. How do I handle this?

Comments

RantyMcThrowaway

I'd bring it up with your friend. There is a CHANCE that he got a really, really good deal, or even a decent knock off at a lower price. But honestly, if he's bad with money, even something half that price would be pretty inappropriate. Talk to your friend and offer to return the gift if it turns out to have cost as much as you suspect it did. Let them know you are incredibly grateful for his thoughtfulness, but it wouldn't feel right accepting such a lavish gift and that their company and friendship is all that you ask for. Just be honest about how you feel and let your friend decide how she wants to proceed.

girlyfoodadventures

My thought was that it's possible he got it at a second hand/thrift shop. In my experience, thrift shop pricers are not thinking at all about how much something cost initially- there will be plastic cups and plates ikea sells for 25-50¢ labeled as a dollar, and something obviously nice might get flagged, but is more likely to just be labled 10$.

OOP: Yeah, I think I'll have to have a discussion with my friend - I also considered that he might have got some kind of BIZARRELY amazing deal, and spent all of yesterday night googling around for auctioning sites and checking whether there might be a chance he bought this without knowing what it was and how much it was worth. I'm pretty sure, though, that unless something genuinely absurd happened, he must have paid at least 500 EUR for this, and even that's a VERY generously low estimate. There is, of course, a chance that he just had this item, but it's so specific and rare that I don't think some random pseudo-finance bro just has this in his house, sees it, and thinks, 'huh. it's my girlfriend's friends birthday, that might be a good chance to get rid of this'.

Totally bizarre behaviour. I don't know what this man was thinking, but I need this thing out of my house.

Update - 2 days later

To summarise the original post: My (26F) friend's (26F) perpetually broke boyfriend (28M) gave me a gift for my birthday. It initially looked like a thoughtfully chosen, normal gift with a lovely connection to a recent trip to my mother's homecountry I took in winter, but after growing suspicious of the quality of the materials, I realised that it was in fact an antique worth hundreds of Euros. Theories as to what happened included him not being aware of the item's value, possibly having bought it from someone who didn't know what they were selling, or him trying to somehow hurt his girlfriend/my friend and/or trying to hit on me in a bizarre, inappropriate way.

I ended up texting my friend and telling her that I had researched the gift and discovered it was worth a very inappropriate amount of money. She was VERY surprised by the entire situation, especially considering her boyfriend (now ex, but more on that later) is perpetually broke and makes her foot the bill for their shared lifestyle. She came over to my place and together, we called him on speakerphone, where she demanded some answers. Long story short: He STOLE it. From his OWN MOTHER.

He's still being a bit shady about some details, but we managed to piece together the sequence of events to a satisfactory degree:

My friend was supposed to be coming to my birthday party straight from work. When she left her office, she realised she had forgotten the gift she had planned for me (a book) at home. Since she was already running late and her place is pretty far from both her work and my flat, she chose to text her boyfriend, who was having dinner at his parent's home at the time. She knew he was there, and knew his parents live close to me, so she asked him to just buy a copy of the same book at a bookshop on his way to my place so they'd have a gift.

For reasons known only to him, he did not choose this simple, reasonable solution to the 'we forgot our gift' issue. Instead of leaving five minutes early to pick up another copy of the book, he instead chose to just GRAB A RANDOM ITEM OFF HIS MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM SHELF. WITHOUT ASKING HER. He had no idea what it was, just thought it looked pretty, took it, and stuffed it in a paper bag. He also did not text back my friend or react to her calls, so she (reasonably) assumed he hadn't read her message and ended up going BACK to get the book, which was why they arrived separately and with separate gifts.

Meanwhile, the boyfriend had unknowingly gifted me not just any antique, no! This item had been passed down to his mother from her THREE-TIMES-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER. It had been in his family's possession for literal centuries, and was the ONLY tangible connection she (his mother) still had to her homecountry, which, incidentally, is also my mother's homecountry - which he wasn't aware of, meaning that what I thought was a thoughtful connection to my trip there was a total coincidence! He had no idea of the item's cultural significance.

My friend immediately made him call his mum to fess up to the entire situation. His mother had been running herself ragged trying to figure out where this item disappeared to for DAYS. Obviously, she never suspected thievery, and was blaming herself terribly for having lost something this important. The boyfriend ACTUALLY HAD THE GALL to try to convince her not to make her call his mum! He wanted to sweep the entire thing under the rug! Of course, we didn't let that happen.

His mother came by my place this morning and I returned the item to her, along with some apologies for not starting investigations immediately and some nice chocolate. We had a lovely conversation about our shared cultural heritage, I assured her that the item had been treated with dignity for the entire time it was in my possession, and we parted ways with a hug. She also told me that my initial estimate of the item's value was incorrect- it's actually worth EVEN MORE money. It would probably sell for a four-figure sum at auction.

I don't know what she wants to do with her son, but I hope she whoops his ass. My friend, for obvious reasons, broke up with him.

Lessons learned: Google suspicious gifts, and lock away your sentimentals/valuables when people you're not entirely sure about come over. The GALL of this man.

Tl;dr: The suspiciously expensive gift was, in fact, stolen. The boyfriend swiped it off his mum's shelf, not knowing what it was or how much it was worth. I returned it to her and hope she whoops his ass.

Comments

crazykitty205

I remember reading your first post. WHAT WAS THE GIFT??? Why not put us out of our misery and say what it was?

OOP:

Alright, alright - it's super specific, but it's a special kind of religious devotional triptych made, in the case of 'my' particular one, of silver and real fucking rubies. They're called 'travel triptychs' and common in my family's home region, though, of course, they aren't usually made of silver and gemstones. I initially grew suspicious because of the maker's mark a) saying that it's silver and b) specifically saying that it's 800 silver, which is a kind of silver used only up to the 1800s (modern silverwork uses 925 silver, aka 'sterling silver'). The religious aspect wasn't very meaningful to me, but my family's home city is famous for its silversmithing, and my mother's family were silversmiths, and the item specifically is BEAUTIFUL. Of course it is, it's a thousand-dollar antique inlaid with fucking rubies.

Suuuuuper specific. This fucker basically accidentally gave me a gift that would have been, if it had come from someone else, pretty damn amazing.

crazycatlorde

Firstly, good on you! Secondly, good on your friend for breaking up with this dope. Thirdly, I laugh at the implication that one should lock valuables away from people you’re not entirely sure about if that person is your own child

OOP: True! That poor woman obviously wouldn't have thought her own son would be running around grabbing random things off her shelves! I still ended up checking all of my stuff, considering he appears to have sticky fingers and spent hours in my flat basically unsupervised on my birthday. I'll grow much more cautious with my valuables when having groups over from now on, especially if the group includes friends' partners who I might not know that well!

kittyroux

It’s so hard to know who you can‘t trust. One of my mom’s coworkers arrived at her wedding reception venue early, offered to help set up chairs, and stole one of the bridesmaids’ gifts and all four of the groomsmen’s gifts which had been set on their plates at the head table. What did Denise the Dental Receptionist need with four bottles of men’s fragrance? No idea, but the thief was discovered when she invited all her coworkers, including my mom, to her birthday party at her place. There was a basket containing four colognes—weirdly the same ones mom bought for her bridal party!—in the guest bathroom.

OOP: That is insane. It almost seems compulsive: there was literally NO need to do that. People are so, so weird, and this has really opened my eyes to how bizarre some people act!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by in

trigger warnings: alcohol

mood spoilers: wholesome love story

- March 25, 2024

I am 24F. My boyfriend is 28M.

He isn't the type of person who likes birthday parties, but this year his friends really wanted to throw him one. He got discharged from the army (after 10 years of service) so in part it was to celebrate that.

I helped arrange this birthday party. We pooled our money and rented a house by the ocean (my boyfriend loves to surf). I put in extra money so we could stay after the birthday .. have some time, just the two of us.

I know my boyfriend very well. All of his nonverbal cues and mannerisms.. We often communicate with actions, gestures, looks.

I was sitting on the sofa by the fire table warming myself. My boyfriend came over and hugged me. I could tell right away when I held his face in my hands.. they got this man so drunk.

He put his forehead on my shoulder.. I knew he is tapped out. Whenever he gets drunk like this he always comes and finds me. I know this behavior.

Some time passes, i'm just stroking his hair and talking to him softly.

His friends come to get him to go off somewhere and my boyfriend has his face buried in my neck, he is holding my hand.. his fingers are interlaced with mine.. his eyes are closed.. but they're still trying to pull him away. I start resisting by holding my boyfriend to me protectively.

I tell his friends he's done for the night. He's not going anywhere. They argue with me. Keep in mind they are drunk too. I said no. He's done. You guys got him too drunk. They try to push me about it and they're being kind of aggressive? Maybe they don't realize it because they were drunk. I found it a little intimidating since I was a 5'3" woman trying to reason with loud inebriated military guys. They are all quite older too. My boyfriend is one of the youngest people in their group.

But I hold my ground.

They go on without my boyfriend.

Not long after.. the party winds down, and as everyone is leaving I am getting cold shouldered.. a lot. It's blatantly obvious they are upset with me.

AITAH?

I didn't mean to be a buzzkill.. I was protecting my boyfriend. I know his limit.

They seem mad at me for assuming they wouldn't look after him (which is not what I was implying), and that I took him away from their celebrating. They had celebrated plenty.. for hours.. (it was past midnight when this incident happened). But they don't get to see each other often (all be in the same place at once) and I was going to have my boyfriend to myself the next day. From their perspective I was unreasonable and I spoiled their fun.

Edit: guys please check my Comments for questions and clarification ~ I probably answered it.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP

:) Here is the update: My boyfriend spoke to his friends/colleagues involved in the incident and they reached out to apologize to me. They didn’t know I felt hurt by their attitude toward me at the end of the night, they said they were just drunk and giving me a hard time (it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously) .. unfortunately because I’m not familiar with their humor I misinterpreted a little. They also recognized how they came across too and were genuine about it. They said they respect me and how I handled it. I’m “one of the good ones”.

to the above comment.

Funny story a commenter shared

U/RexJacobus :

Decades ago one of our friend group got married at 19. Glen was in the navy at the time. Pat, the best man was great guy but didn't drink and couldn't organise a fake orgasm in a brothel. So some of Glen's sailor buddies offered to host the bachelor party. The night before the wedding. Glen asked us, his childhood friends, to make sure he left at midnight. No matter he said, no matter what his sailor buddies did. He did not want to be completely wrecked on his wedding day. Party started around 9 and by 12 he was drunk off his ass and we decided that it was time to get him home but we knew that we had to be subtle because the navy dudes outnumbered us and were very drunk. So Glen mentions having to take a piss. I say use the bushes outside, the toilet in the apartment was busy. We get him outside and pissing and then start to steer him towards the car (another friend Dave was home from college had his mom's station wagon). We are almost there when the sailors see us, yell, and start running towards us. We basically rush Glen into the back seat and Dave is backing the car out of the parking space when the drunk sailors open the back door and grab a hold of one of Glen's legs. Dave is shouting, "Don't hurt my mom's car!" over and over. Pat and I are holding Glen by his armpits while a few sailors have his ankles outside the car while it Dave is doing a slow three point turn. The car is finally going in the right direction. It becomes like a low budget slow motion action movie. The sailors are running along side the car as Dave picks up speed in this parking lot. But they are drunk and start falling off one by one. We finally managed to get Glen all the way into the car. He thought it was hilarious at the time but thanked us profusely the next day.

OOP in response

Omg thank you for sharing, I loved this story so much 😂 I’m going to screenshot it to my bf. In my own way I definitely felt like you and Pat holding Glen by the armpits

to the above comment thread.

UPDATE

- April 15, 2024

It will be short. I kind of did the ‘update’ by replying to a comment in the original post already because I didn’t think my story needed an update post.

I just wanted to come back and share good news.

I’m engaged! 💍

And some of the guys from the incident were the same guys who helped my fiancé plan his proposal :))) it was simple and private but they helped light a lot of candles. A lot of people gave them a tough time in the comments but they’re good people.

Anyway, thanks again.

I have placed this update on my page instead of AITAH because it felt obnoxious to put there.

Idk how to Reddit.

Bye!

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

- 8th May 2024

- 9th May 2024

AITA for not listening to and kicking my husband out after he said “I love you” for the first time

Advice Needed We’re both Indian but we’ve both lived in North America since our childhoods. As you might guess, it was an arranged marriage so we only met a couple of times before the wedding. He told me right away that he had just gone through a breakup with a long time girlfriend and it was the only reason he was going down the arranged marriage route. I was fine with this as long as there wouldn’t be any infidelity issues down the line and he promised.

He stayed true to this but he was very cold to me for the first couple of months. In these months, we got intimate very often but the relationship felt purely physical and lacked any emotional or personal connection. Even the ring he got me was a $60 plain ring from Walmart. Seeing that honestly broke my heart and I wasn’t sure if he would ever actually love and care about me.

The one thing he did for me was noticing that I was struggling and overworked at my job. He makes 12 times what I was making at my job and told me that I didn’t have to work and could be a housewife/homemaker as his income was more than enough to afford us a very comfortable lifestyle. I want to clear this and say that he never pressured or manipulated me into quitting my job, the decision was solely mine. Anyway, this gave me a lot of time to really get to know him, learn to cook his favorite meals, etc. Despite me trying everything to be the best possible wife to him, he was still super cold to me and the most affection I got was a smile for anything I would do for him.

Suddenly, just before our three month anniversary, he asked me if I wanted to join him on a walk after dinner. That walk was the first time I felt him being affectionate and caring. These walks became our new normal and it expanded to actual date nights, spontaneous activities, better intimacy. I feel super loved and safe with him. Everything became great - he would compliment and appreciate even the smallest things, surprise me with gifts and flowers, makes me feel beautiful but he never said “I love you” despite me saying it very often and this was nearing our first anniversary.

The night before our first anniversary, we were watching a show together and around 11:30pm, he said let’s go for a walk. He had planned this and our walk went so we reached my favorite spot in our area, a specific spot along a walking path with a beautiful view of the nearby lake, just before midnight. He apologized for how cold and distant he was in the first few months after the wedding, followed by him telling me how thankful he was to have me as his wife and appreciating my presence turned his “giant pile of bricks” (referring to the house we live in) into a place he can actually call home.

At midnight (aka our anniversary), he told me loved me and got on one knee and slid a beautiful diamond-studded ring onto my finger and presented me with my favorite flowers that he had hid nearby a few hours ago. He had some friends of ours secretly record and take pictures of this entire conversation. I couldn’t stop smiling. The beautiful ring, his “I love you”, his genuine appreciation meant the world to me.

24 hours and many more I love yous later, we had just got home from our anniversary dinner. We looked at our photos of the previous night and the dinner and I posted some on my social media. A few minutes later, I got a nasty DM from his longtime ex calling me names like whore and slut and saying I ruined their relationship and she should be the one with the ring and just shitting on my entire existence. She also sent an intimate video of her and my husband.

I started crying and yelling at my husband, accusing him of cheating. My husband showed me his phone and it showed 1000s of messages from his ex over the past year that he never responded to. My husband hugged me and held me close but I couldn’t stop crying and asked my husband to leave the house. He reluctantly agreed, hugged me again and promised he never betrayed me and headed to his best friend's place for the night.

I feel so insecure because his ex is so much more attractive than I am and the video showed how intensely in love they were. I asked two of my girlfriends to spend the night and they came immediately and were able to calm me down. My husband came by the next day to talk but couldn’t bear to look at him. I asked him to give me some time alone. He said ok and kissed my forehead and dropped off some food and my favorite chocolate he had got for me.

Three days went by like this and I called him asking if he could come back home. He left work early and came straight to me. I didn’t even say anything, I just broke down crying when I saw him. He held me close and promised that the only woman he cares about is me, his wife. It’s been a four days since he came back home and he’s been giving me flowers, random hugs and kisses, everything a wife dreams of getting from her husband but I just can’t move on from seeing that video of him and his ex.

My husband has been trying to talk to me about this but I’ve been shutting down any conversation. He tried again during dinner today and this time I blew up at him and told him to leave. It was something in the heat of the moment but he looked hurt. He packed some clothes and said he’s going back to his friend’s place until I’m ready to talk. I tried to stop him when he was leaving but he left anyway and won’t pick up my calls. My girlfriend (his friend’s wife) called and said he’s staying over for at least the night.

I called my sister and explained the whole situation to her. She told me I fucked up big time and told me I was an asshole for 1) kicking him out the first time 2) not even being open to a conversation 3) kicking him out again

AITA? I understand that my husband is innocent in this but no one seems to understand what I’m going through seeing that video.

Comments

Level-Fortune-4062

YTA. 100%, you know he didn’t do anything and still kicked him out. Your sister is right about what you did wrong, which was everything here. You had a right to be angry but not at him, not even a little bit, he didn’t do it, the ex did.

newtonianlaws

YTA you won and you’re ruining your own happiness. Take a victory lap, then show your hubby how happy you are that you love each other. You are bitter about how he treated you at first, but he was being attacked emotionally by his ex. I’m not sure how you let that go and get out of the way of yourself living happily ever after.

No_Teacher_3313

People have pasts. Generally they’ve been in love before and had sex before. He loves you now. You can have a whole happy life together. The ex lost and is bitter. It’s not your husband’s fault she is trying to create trouble. Try not to fixate on the video. Block her and move on.

RevolutionaryDot3432

The ex isn’t trying to cause trouble she succeeded in causing trouble. Got what she wanted too cause OP’s going to lose her husband for acting like this and the ex will be able to swoop in and be his shoulder to cry on.

**Judgement - YTA**

Update - 1 day later

I couldn’t sleep after he left the second time (last night) and stayed up reading every single comment. Thank you all for helping me realize how much I was hurting my husband by not being open to a conversation and repetitively asking him to leave. I called him again. He didn’t pick up so I left a voicemail and begged him to come home and promised that we could talk about everything. He couldn’t sleep either and came home around 3am. I was still awake and asked if we could talk now. We sat down and I began the conversation.

I explained that I truly love him but seeing the intense chemistry he and his ex had in the video made me feel jealous and insecure. He promised that that was something of the past and I am his present and future and he only loves me. I apologized for ignoring his attempts at talking to me and telling him to leave. I said a lot of I’m sorrys and promised to be a better communicator. He forgave me but also told me that he was at fault as well. He said he enabled his ex by not blocking her, giving her the idea that she still had a chance with him, which caused her to try to come after me and cause a rift in our marriage. He also told me she messaged him the day after sending the message and video, again begging him to leave me for her. He apologized for “his part in letting his ex disrespect” me and showed me he had blocked her now. We decided to not go to counseling for now and just work on things ourselves.

For my self-esteem issues regarding thinking his ex was much more attractive than me, my husband reassured me and told me that I’m perfect the way I am and he loves every part of me. He suggested that some sort of physical exercise could help me improve my own self-confidence, the same way weightlifting helped him when he was going through a dark phase in his late teens. So I’m going to be joining a pilates class, where a couple of my girlfriends already go quite regularly.

We spent a few more hours just talking and the topic of his ex came up and I asked if he could tell me what happened between them. Long story short, he was reluctant to tell me, his ex of 4 years cheated when he was planning to propose, he went on a bender, parents asked if he wanted to try the arranged marriage route, he agreed saying he was in no condition to make good decisions. We met a month after he got clean and things went from there.

He said he regrets treating me poorly early in our relationship and regrets giving me the shitty Walmart ring because of what another woman did to him and asked for my forgiveness. About the thousands of messages, he didn’t block his ex on any form of communication because his “revenge” was showing her his life could be better without her, but admitted he also found her desperation pretty funny. We read some of the messages together and had a nice laugh before he deleted all of them permanently on his own accord.

So that’s that I guess. Talking with him went as best as it could have. He forgave me and admitted to and apologized for his parts in this. We fell asleep together, I cooked his favorite meal for lunch, we went on a walk, and all seems good. Thank you everyone for helping me realize how much we needed to calmly talk to each other.

Comments

misteraustria27

Wow. Once in a blue moon the comments on a post are good and actually make the person think and realize their error. All the best for your future.

Sohlayr

That was really a beautiful story. I wish you both many happy years and as many healthy children as you both desire. Coming from a Western culture, I can’t imagine how difficult and scary an arranged marriage can be for both sides. You should both be proud!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

And yes, you will be judged