Who is my neighbor?
this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
Throwaway account. Because I don't want this tied to my main
I'm 21M and lost my dad to suicide 11 years ago. It was terrible, to say the least. I loved my dad and looked up to him. We were really close because I was his only child, and him and my mom didn't have any other children back then. After his death, my mom remarried a man named "John," and they had two kids together, my half-sisters. John was alright. He always treated me well. Back to the topic, I never knew the reason why my dad took his life. I always thought it was because of me. So my mom put me into therapy when I was like 11. Therapy did help eventually, but I always wanted to know what pushed him.
About 2 years ago, I went to visit my paternal grandparents. They always stayed in my life, and they were always good to me. My dad was their only child, so I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose their son. Anyway, the topic of my dad came up, and my grandmother started tearing up. I just asked her what's wrong. She said that she can't handle this and wanted me to know what she thinks drove my dad to suicide. She said that 2 months before his death, he found out my mom had an affair with her now-husband "John." My dad was crushed and went into a deep depression. So he took his own life. My grandfather was there, and he confirmed it. I asked why they didn't tell me sooner because I should have known. They basically said I was young and I shouldn't have been burdened by this and that they didn't want to ruin the image and relationship of the only parent I had. And they were also afraid that my mom might not let them see me again.
To say that after hearing I was a mess is an understatement. I didn't confront my mother immediately. I went back to Uni, and it took me weeks to confront her. During these weeks, I was distant, so my mom just thought I was busy. When I went back home during the summer, I confronted her. As soon as I just mentioned that I knew about her affair with John, she immediately broke down crying, saying that it was never supposed to be like this. That my dad was never supposed to find out about the affair. That she has guilt for all that went down. She was just sobbing and crying out loud. Then John heard her cry and wondered what happened. I told him that I knew about the affair, and his face just went pale. I basically told my mom that I will never see her again and that I will never forget nor forgive her for this and that I will go no contact with her. She begged me and kept apologizing, but I just left the house and went back to my dorm and kept crying.
It's been 2 years now, and I refuse to see mom and her husband. I know that my dad taking his own life is a choice and no one is responsible for it. And that no other person one can control their own mental health. I just can't get past that maybe if my mom didn't do something that selfish, my dad would have still been here. AITA?