r/ScienceBasedParenting

I hear some people saying their child has heaps of screen time and it doesn’t bother them because their child is still well-behaved.

And then there’s other children that apparently quit screen time and they’re like a different child less tantrums and can play on their own a little bit better.

I often find myself wondering if screen time is contributing to my daughter’s wild behaviour and if I should just quit it altogether or is this just her temperament and personality ?

Awkwardly worded question. My wife and I are a lesbian couple. She was pregnant and had a vaginal birth after conceiving via a donor we chose together. Obviously most things I read when seeking out information or support reference "mom" - the birth mother - and "dad" as the second parent. I feel like I am often landing in this weird middle space, where things from both camps somewhat apply to me, or nothing does. It can be very isolating. Does being female and experiencing hormonal shifts as a woman, yet not being the birth giver, change my experience of parenting my child? Perhaps there are studies related to women adopting children that might be relevant? Or should I just place myself in the "father" slot of everything I read? Thank you for your help.

I am so lucky to be a mother to a beautiful two year old boy. But the last two years have been likely the most challenging and stressful times of my life. Not just because of becoming a parent, but the loss of family, friends, and my marriage becoming incredibly toxic.

The last few days, I've seen things in my toddler that I am deeply ashamed of. He got frustrated, screamed, and threw something.... and I realized he has learned this behavior from me (he's learned bad things from his dad as well, but for the sake of this post I'm trying to focus just on my behavior). When I saw that, something clicked in my head, and I realized I HAVE to make massive change in myself and how I model emotional reaction and regulation.

He is almost 2.5 and I am so incredibly worried that the most crucial time in his life to build healthy skills has been bulldozed by my personal & our marriage struggles.

He's heard us fight since he was born, hell even BEFORE he was born.

He's seen my husband loose his temper, and he's seen me loose mine. There's been times where I've yelled AT him and times when I've walked in the other room and screamed at the top of my lungs to just get out the rage I feel inside.

It's heartbreaking and he does NOT deserve it. I take full responsibility for how I have modeled such poor behavior in front of him and I absolutely am going to do everything I can to change that. But, I am looking for some advice and tips on how to repair that.

Today, I lost my temper while I was on the phone with someone and turned around and pointed my finger at him while mouthing "STOP" with a very angry face. I get overstimulated when I'm trying to handle something and he's just crawling up my leg. After I got off the phone I had to gently move him aside and say "mommy needs a break". I went in the other room and screamed as loud as I could just to let out all the damn anger I feel about everything in my personal life. Afterwards, I put my headphones in and started to clean around him. When I was calm, I sat down and held his hands and explained "I'm sorry mommy was angry. I was dealing with something that made me feel upset and I didn't handle it correctly. I want to do better next time, and it's not your fault." I gave him a hug and have done my best to repair by speaking gently, being extra patient, and lots of cuddles.

But I noticed when I was upset, he was singing songs or trying to do things to make me laugh - which made me feel like damn, he thinks it's HIS FAULT. This is absolutely devastating to me, I can't believe I let it go this far.

I am in therapy, and I'm doing literally everything I can on my own inner world to fix my rage and overwhelm. My husband is unfortunately a HUGE trigger for me, so I am working on trying to emotionally detach from him so that his BS does not bother or trigger me anymore.

I am a SAHM and I am just doing my damn best, please understand that. But truthfully, how can I fix this and help rewire him for a healthy life so he doesn't have to continue the cycle of what I dealt with my childhood?