AITA for divorcing my (41F) husband ( 43M) to pursue my dreams?

📷

So I (41F) have been an actress my entire life. I went to a performing arts high school, and graduated from a theatre program from my college.

At age 22 I started dating my husband. By age 25 I was a married mom. We have a 16 year old daughter, 13 year old son and 11 year old daughter.

My husband started his career as an auditor. Meanwhile I felt like I was expected by him to be a supporting character in the story of his life. I had to conform to his frame of mind, and prop up his vision for how life should be.

This has included me having to accommodate his long working hours. Me unable to book last minute auditions because his clients would flip if he walked out during meetings to take our kids to the doctor's or pick them up from school.

I spent my 20s and early 30s trying to pursue acting, but when I landed a part in a commercial or a small speaking role, I could not take the job because my husband said we could not afford a nanny that would allow me to just go off to Atlanta or New York for a few weeks at a time, on short notice.

Eventually all my $400 headshots were just collecting dust. And people kept saying that they wished they had a six figure earning husband who was climbing the ladder.

I am now 41. My oldest daughter is in acting classes and she's good. But everybody from her acting school raves about how I look like Margot Robbie. And driving my daughter to auditions and managing her social media made me realize how much I missed acting. I realized that despite what my husband thinks, this was more than a hobby.

My husband was transferred from LA to San Francisco 2 years ago. The kids like SF but I hate it. The kids are growing up, and my husband is a good dad but I feel like his work in maintaining the household is just cooking meals occasionally. He just adds a lot to the workload. In addition, now he also does not want our daughter to pursue acting professionally.

I felt my kids would be proud to see me pursue my dreams, and it might encourage my daughter to pursue be an actress too. My husband and I went to one failed counseling session that didn't address the resentment.

I ended up subletting a 2 bedroom apartment on the funds from my credit card and filed for divorce. My husband refused to let me take the two younger kids with me, but my older daughter insisted on going with me to LA and my husband tearfully relented.

I thought I was doing the right thing but my two younger kids came to visit and are very distant. They refuse to live with me full time. I have now been going to auditions and networking and even though it's been only a few months I feel like I've been set free. But people are asking me to reconsider this divorce. I want to move forward with it, but am upset my kids are upset and that I feel like there is this pressure on me to book a job or it will all be for nothing. But even if I don't book jobs, I am doing what I love to do and I get to support my daughter to act in the way I was never supported. AITA?

I’ve sent probably over a hundred query letters over the years and gotten rejected every time. But when I end up publishing the books that I can’t get a traditional agent on, I get good reviews. Why is it so hard to get an agent and is it even worth it? I’ve considered just giving up and using that time for something else

I need some guidance regarding my career :), I’m kinda starting out, don’t know what I should be working towards right now.

One of my acting teachers told me to not worry so much about the business side of things until I become very good at my craft. He said that actors like Oscar Issac and Jessica Chastain didn’t get their first manager or agent or start doing short film / on set work until their 4 year program at Juilliard ended, and that I should enjoy the journey as a beginner actor.

Note: I am NOT a Juilliard actor, I’m training at an independent conservatory

There are already many great answers in the other thread, but unfortunately not everybody reads the comments, so I think this deserves its own thread.

Unless you're writing non-fiction, the only requirement is a good, sellable book. I'm represented by a top SFF agency and my book did not get professionally edited, I don't have any relevant social media presence, and I don't think my handful of pro short fiction sales were a decisive factor. I know many, many agented authors and this is the rule, not the exception. Furthermore, I don't even live in an English-speaking country. Your geographical locations matters exactly 0, too, if you're wondering. (Unless you want to be a screenwriter.)

Having a shit-ton of followers and literary awards and blah blah will help you, no doubt about that, but they're just a bonus. Not a requirement.

And regarding professional editing: no. There are many freelance editors lurking in writing subreddits who'll tell you differently, but no. Not only is it unnecessary, but it might be a red flag for agents if you use one. How will they know you're capable of producing a good draft by yourself otherwise? You are going to get a professional editor anyway if your book sells. More often than not, the agent themselves will also edit your book.

The whole process is hard, but straightforward:

1. Write a book

2. Get it beta read

3. Edit it again

4. Write a query

5. Look for an agent

This is all there is to it.

EDIT: Both this and the other thread are about fiction. It's different for non-fiction. Please refer to

I've been doing this for about four years, and even with covid and the strike have a pretty solid resume. I have a manager who is terrible (I vented on here with another person who is dealing with the same management company). I hustle, and I get small jobs, and I feel like I am thisclose to hitting, but I need to get better representation. I do relatively regular emails, letting people know what I'm up to, and do One on Ones more now. Any tips on this?

I’m a Chinese (M16, Non-American) and I was considering taking acting as a future profession and maybe job. However, I noticed that I don’t often see Asian actors in shows and movies, as many popular movies are usually dominated by white-skinned and black skinned-people. (I am really sorry for phrasing it like this if I sound racist it is not my intention) Hence I am wondering is it possible for us asians (eg chinese, Korean, japanese) to get cast in a Hollywood movie or series? Or more importantly, is it plausible for us to even be working in the acting department if we aim to compete/work in the “American Market” of acting?

I just feel like she over exaggerates her expressions as if she’s aware of being filmed, her ego will get in the way of having small roles and her digital footprint for example her behavior in Brandon’s videos and her family controversy.

like for example, you could have more time to audition and wouldn't have to work to support yourself

I basically have a year to do whatever it takes to move my acting career forward without worrying about money. I have a part time job at 20 hours a week. Besides that I am free to do whatever.

I dont have an unlimited budget (i cant produce a 10k indie film for myself to star in), but headshots, classes etc are all on the table.

About me: Late 20s, white man in nyc. BFA in Theatre. I have an agent who hasnt gotten me an audition in a year. I have one co star credit. Im not a leading man...im somewhere closer to Dan Radcliffe/Cole Escola/Michael Cera/Paul Dano type. I have good headshots from a respected nyc photog (they cost like 1k lmao) but maybe I need better? My reel could be better, its an indie film, 2 self tapes, and my 1 line on my tv show. Ive been at this a few years but since the strike i have not moved forward at all.

Basically just curious what you would do if you didnt have to work, and could focus on acting 100 percent.

Context: my family thinks acting isnt gonna work out for me. They've decided to give me their full support for 1 year to see if anything sticks. Success would mean another tv credit, a sag film or broadway or a financial success like making 10k or so from acting work in a year.

Haven't heard any inside information on this and don't want to sound stupid/risk being ignored when asking an actual agent. Are agents looking for talent right now? Would it be a bad idea to contact agents right now? Thanks!

I’ve had success with TikTok/reels - I’ve had 10 “viral” videos and have an audience of 130,000 followers - all of my videos are me performing comedy scenes I wrote. Can I leverage this in any way or do I have to play the disheartening game of blowing money on headshots and all these other industry gatekeeping games

I just got a 9 on Blacklist for a dramedy I wrote and I don’t have an agent or anything along those lines and am wondering if this would help? Do I wait to get noticed, or cold email, or I’m overvaluing the potential impact?

EDIT: The script is called GRIEF PARTY. Logline: A dinner party for grieving millennials is exactly what Margie Ray needs, if it doesn't destroy her marriage first.

EDIT 2: From the free evaluations I got for the 9, I got a second 9 and three 8s. I also recently signed with a manager. Cheers.

Hey all! I know it's usually a mix of the below, but I'm curious, if you had to identify the top one or two, what has helped you increase your bookings the most in this industry? I know everyone is different, and have heard different things but would like to know your perspective!

*Specific classes (improv, scene study, audition, etc)

*1:1 coaching.

*Being (and learning) on set

*Doing things outside of acting.

*New headshots.

*Trying less hard on tapes.

*Something else?

Aware this is somewhat of a vague questions, but all perspectives welcome. For me, the most helpful was just being on set more & learning from the better actors as well as doing self-learning on YouTube on scene study techniques.

You will have to keep calling! They will hang up several times before putting you on hold!

1. Select FSA ID (use key 4, DO NOT SPEAK THE PROMPTS, JUST USE THE KEY PAD)

2. Select Create (use key 2)

3. Select Key 2 for "other"

4. Select Key 1 for "more assistance"

Even if this doesn't correspond to your issues at all, I would suggest this. You will still have to try many times but eventually you will be placed on hold (I called and was hung up on over 15 times). Hold for me lasted 20-30 mins, but I did get an agent that was very helpful and resolved my problem. The whole ordeal took around 2 hours, but will likely be different for everyone.

i have been studying acting for 4 months now and will continue (another 4 moths year ago and also took an auditioning class) and i asked my acting teacher if she could reference me to any agent she knew and she rejected me saying i was not ready and they would pretty much blacklist me if i sent maximum two bad audition takes. i know 4 months is so little, but is it really a bad idea to try auditioning for at least like commercials and stuff? are agents really that ruthless? i trust myself that i could give a decent audition but i think i should trust my teacher more. does anyone have any recommendation?

Im currently 17 and trying to decide what i want to do with my life, and acting is one career i have always absolutely loved, but i also love the idea of tv writing. is it possible to do both careers at once (like B.J Novak and Mindy Kaling in the office) and is there a best way to go about it?

it might also be worth noting that i am a trans man, will that make acting much harder/impossible?