Adoptive family

I am not the OP. Original post is by in

TW: Child neglect, bullying

Mood Spoiler: Hopeful

~~~

- May 8, 2023

I will leave my adoptive family over night. All I leave them there will be a letter.

I (m18) was adopted by a family when I was five. I don't know my biological parents. The family already had three children. Three girls. Apparently after the first girl they tried for a boy but it always ended up being a girl so after three girls they adopted me to finally have a son. In the first few years of my life they treated us all well.

My "sisters" however were never able to accept me. They saw me as an outsider who doesn't belong in the family. Actually it was the oldest one called Alicia who poisoned the other two called Maria and Juliet against me by telling them that our parents would treat me better because I was a boy which wasn't true. In fact all three of them protested against me getting a room in the same floor as them. And my parents gave in. There was a spare room in the basement where I had to sleep now.

This however just lead to them making fun of me, calling me names like "Cellar Rat" and many more things. I just shrugged it off assuming thats how siblings treated each other. But I realized that having my sleeping room in the basement somehow also effected the way my parents treated me. Sleeping down there felt like I was out of sight for them. They lost interest in me and I became less significant and important. While on the other hand they started to focus more on my sisters.

When I was 13 they completely lost interest in me. It was like I was a homeless person living in the basement. They missed all the appointments I had. They didn't care about my grades. They never even called me to eat. Sometimes I would come upstairs and see how they already took away the plates. If I was lucky there were leftovers that I could eat. Do you think I got presents for my birthday? No because they didn't even know my birthday in the first place. And last christmas they said they forgot to buy presents for me saying they will go shopping with me the next few weeks to get me something which as you might expect never happened.

I don't feel despise towards my sisters. I'm glad they have a home where they are cared for and that they can feel loved. I just don't understand why they would adopt me if they just throw me away like a piece of paper? I think they just wanted to have this feeling to have a son for some time but then realized they could never love me like one of their own. And putting me into the basement was the last straw. That is when they completely banished me from their minds.

And I just can't do this anymore. I decided to pack my things and leave. I will do it tonight. I stay at a friends house for a while and try to look for a job that hopefully gets me enough money so that I can rent an apartment. And after that I will never look back. I decided to leave a letter behind in my room. I wouldn't be surprised if they never even find it. Let alone notice that I'm gone. I use a throwaway for this but I actually don't know why. I thought I don't want them to see this but now that I think about it I could send them this post.

I don't know why I even write this in here in the first place. I feel so desperate. Maybe I want this because I hope that someone is interested in me and my story.

~~~

- May 9, 2023

Update: I will leave my adoptive family over night. All I'll leave them there will be a letter.

I didn't expect to give you an update so quickly but in the brief time span between my post yesterday and this one right here so many things happened that I have to update you right now!

Lets start by what happened yesterday! First of all I never expected my post to blow up like this. This is absolutely insane. I tried to read all of your comments and answer all direct messages but its just too many. So I'm sorry if I ignored you. Many of you had great advice such as taking all my documents with me and go to the police which I wanted to do today.

Lets go through everything that happened chronologically. After reading through many comments I decided to take my documents with me. So at the evening before my adoptive parents went to bed I snuck into their bedroom and took all documents that I could find and waited for nightfall. I packed my things and left when all of them were asleep. Everything went as planned. I silently left the house and went to my best friends home. He had an apartment in a neighbour city so I had to walk for a while. I arrived at his apartment between 2 and 3am . He had a spare bedroom that he used for visitors who might wanna stay for the night.

We agreed that I could live with him as long as I want. He only expected me to find a job quickly and if i do that he wants me to help him pay the rent for it. I was fine with that. I slept through the night and at the morning I started looking for jobs immediately. But now a few hours something more than interesting happened. While I was on his laptop still looking through the online job advertisements and collecting them the doorbell rang. He opened the door and I heard a familiar voice. But it wasn't one of my parents. It was one of my sisters.

Maria to be exact. The middle sister. I heard how she asked if i was here. He wanted to lie for me but I decided to talk to her to find out what she wanted. So I appeared behind him and she wen't "Thank god you're here!" and hugged me. I was completely overwhelmed and surprised and didn't know what to say and then she told me how she found me and this is where things get more interesting.

She told me that this morning a way too familiar sounding story appeared on her TikTok For You Page. Apparently my story was shared by a TikTok Account who actually had a quite big audience. And she became even more suspicious of the situation when her and the name of her sisters were also mentioned. To be sure about the situation she went in the basement and into my room where she found the room mostly empty and of course my letter.

I mentioned in the story that I would stay with a friend so she went out looking for me, telling our parents she was about to visit a friend. She said she drove to two different houses before finding the correct address. She apparently visited two other friends of me before finding the correct apartment.

Apparently she also took the letter with her. She said she hasn't showed them the letter yet and wanted to talk to me first. No one besides her knew where I was or what I did the last night. She apologized to me and offered to talk with her on my side to our parents. She explained that the way I talked about her in the original post made her feel bad. She said she never hated me or anything. She admitted that she also protested against me having a room on their floor but just because of Alicia's influence on her and because she believed her lies when she was younger. Now that I think about it unlike Alicia and Juliet she never called me bad names.

She said that Juliet probably also is just insufferable because of how Alicia manipulated her. She said she never realized how bad I was treated. She never gave a second thought about me because Alicia spread rumors that I was just very socially awkward and overall didn't like any of them and that I would just lock myself inside the basement like the worst introvert and all of that. And as a reason for her claims she just reminded them that I was adopted and that is why I would try to make myself the outsider.

I said to her that this might explain why she and juliet might have been like that to me but not why my parents would have behaved that way. She replied that she also can just make claims here without any proof but she thinks its because even between them Alicia is the golden child as the first born. Her and Juliet are only the failed attempts of them having a boy. And her being the golden child made it easier for her to manipulate both of them into believing the lies she told them.

Then she said that she knows that mom and dad would be pretty easy to manipulate if you know how. And then she gave me four options:

1. I could come with her right now and talk with her to my parents.

2. She would let me think about it and leave but not tell my parents.

3. I refuse to go back with her entirely but she would tell them about the letter without telling them were to find me.

4. I refuse to go back with her entirely but she would pretend to not know anything but maybe stay in contact with me.

I picked option 2 and she gave me her number. She said that if i decide to give them a chance she would support me but she would understand if i refused to. And now we are here. I don't know what to do. I would lie if say I wasn't tempted to give them a chance but on the other hand if its true that Alicia is the one behind all of that I don't know if I want to deal with her again.

~~~

- May 11, 2023

Update 2: I will leave my adoptive family over night. All I'll leave them there will be a letter.

I start this by saying that many of your comments suggested that Maria could have potentially manipulated me and that I shouldn't trust her just now. Which I understand. I decided to stay with my friend. Especially since I applied for so many jobs yesterday and I think I could fine one in no time. So there is no reason for me to get back with them as an 18 year old.

But these are just side facts. I would've not given you an update if nothing had happened. Apparently my adoptive parents did realize I was gone recently so they started looking for me. They are sure that Maria knew where I was considering she had my letter with her. I'm currently only in contact with Maria who told me all of this.

Apparently my parents tried asking her about my whereabouts and grounded her after she refused to tell them. Yes they grounded a 21 year old. Couldn't believe it either. As many of you suggested I went to the police so they couldn't file a missing report about me. And meanwhile Alicia started to spread rumors again. Apparently she used my disappearance as a proof that she was right with everything and Juliet believes every single word. She is completely under Alicia's control.

Even though I didn't wanna see them again I kind of want to give Maria a chance. I asked my friend if hypothetically Maria could stay with us too. He raised an eyebrow and said "only if she wants to sleep on the couch" and then he asked me why I want her here in the first place. The thing is if she cares about me then I don't want her to stay with this family. He was annoyed but said yes. I texted her asking if she'd consider to move out and offered her to stay with me and my friend. Before you say it. I know it seems like a way too quick decision. But I truly think that Maria is not like the rest of them.

Many of you said that that she probably wanted to save face but someone wouldn't go through all that to find me and then protect me by keeping my whereabouts a secret if they just wanted to save face. Considering that I never mentioned their last names or where they live so its not like anyone could've known it was her in real life. I honestly think that my story opened her eyes.

She answered by asking if i was for real and that she wasn't sure. I reminded her that she is 21 and probably should think about moving out of our parents house anyway. And that she was grounded at her age is pretty f*cked up. They treat their children like 10 year olds even if they are adults. She said she is not denying that she would like that because apparently Alicia also started to spread lies about her too because of how she behaves towards me. She overheard how she was talking to her friends about her and that she was called the "complicit" of a "maniac". Still don't know why Alicia hates me so much but I don't care about it.

She said she doesn't think its a bad idea but she wants to find a job to have a financial stability first before moving out. That was fair enough. And my friend was much happier this way too. He said he isn't really excited of having another jobless person living with him. But he said that if she has a job he'd gladly help her. One more reason why I think that Maria moving out isn't a bad idea is because if both her and me got a job we could probably rent an apartment together in no time and would not have any financial problems.

So yeah thats it for now. Lets see what happens in the future. I want to mention one more thing. On my last post some people were talking badly about the TikTok Account that shared my story. Please don't talk badly about the account. They didn't know it would end like that and I don't have a problem with anyone sharing my story.

Thank you for reading <3

Edit: Some of you pointed out the situation with my friend. Believe me if i wasn't sure he was ok with it i would not have suggested it. He was unsure about the offer at first because i hadn't asked her before asking him so of course he thought it was just another jobless person. But like i said he is fine with it as long as she has a job. And I'm definitly grateful for what he is doing and I will repay his kindness. Don't worry about that. :)

What he does should not be taken for granted and I know that. You're also right that offering her to live in his apartment is going a bit far. But like i said. He is an amazing person. I wouldn't do it if i knew he wasn't 100% ok with it.

~~~

***IMPORTANT EDIT: OOP posted a new update, and since it was posted after this BORU post, under the rules I can add it here.***

- May 18, 2023

Update 3: I will leave my adoptive family over night. All I'll leave them there will be a letter.

I want to keep you updated so here I am again. Today I got a call from Alicia. And apparently nothing is what it seems to be. I still try to process this call. I've been in contact with Maria for a few days and I truly thought she was different but she was just like the others.

When I got the call today it was an unknown number. I froze when I heard Alicias voice. She screamed at me saying who the hell do I think I am to talk about her like that. We had a little argument but somehow managed to calm down. I thought about hanging up but I wondered what she wanted from me. She told me to grow up. I was never part of their family according to her and that I should've known it since the beginning and stop crying about it now when I could have done something about it the entire time.

I admit I was angry and not very nice. I told her to go f*ck herself and told her I was going to get Maria out of there too because both us wouldn't deserve a life around someone like her. Then she said someting I guess she shouldn't have said. She said that I was ridicoulous because Maria was a part of all of this theatre and if i truly thought Mom and Dad cared about me. Then she accused me of trying to ruin her family and told me what really happened after I left. They tried to save their face.

Maria hasn't told me the full story. Apparently its true that she was the one who found my story on Tiktok by accident and she also found the letter first. In Marias version of the story she lied to Mom and Dad and told them she was about to visit her friend when she was looking for me and they didn't knew about it.

But Alicia said that Maria told Mom and Dad immediately after finding my letter. This also answers the question how Maria knew about my friends address. I never told this to anyone except my adoptive mom. They thought that if they fooled me into thinking I had someone on my side, it would be easier for them to get to me because they assumed I probably wouldn't open the door for them.

I couldn't believe it and asked why I would believe someone like her to which she replied: "Who do you think gave me your number?". Then she demanded me to take down my posts and hung up. Honestly I kinda believe her. But it also proves that they are all the same. They try to manipulate me to get back with them to save their reputation. Many of you guys warned me about this but even after everything that happened I didn't wanna believe someone could be this evil.

But thats it. I will cut any contact with them. I am not taking my posts down. Everyone deserves to know what these people are. I cannot believe I tried so desperately to see the good in them.

Oh some of you might wanna know that I also apologized to my friend for offering room that wasn't mine to begin with. I understand your critique about this and you are right. I crossed a line there. With that being said the Chapter "Adoptive Dickhead Family" is hopefully closed now. I try to focus on my life and maybe some day I will find someone who truly loves me. I might keep you updated if anything is going to happen but think this could as well be the last post of this throwaway account. Wish me luck. See ya.

~~~

Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.

I (m18) was adopted by a family when I was five. I don't know my biological parents. The family already had three children. Three girls. Apparently after the first girl they tried for a boy but it always ended up being a girl so after three girls they adopted me to finally have a son. In the first few years of my life they treated us all well.

My "sisters" however were never able to accept me. They saw me as an outsider who doesn't belong in the family. Actually it was the oldest one called Alicia who poisoned the other two called Maria and Juliet against me by telling them that our parents would treat me better because I was a boy which wasn't true. In fact all three of them protested against me getting a room in the same floor as them. And my parents gave in. There was a spare room in the basement where I had to sleep now.

This however just lead to them making fun of me, calling me names like "Cellar Rat" and many more things. I just shrugged it off assuming thats how siblings treated each other. But I realized that having my sleeping room in the basement somehow also effected the way my parents treated me. Sleeping down there felt like I was out of sight for them. They lost interest in me and I became less significant and important. While on the other hand they started to focus more on my sisters.

When I was 13 they completely lost interest in me. It was like I was a homeless person living in the basement. They missed all the appointments I had. They didn't care about my grades. They never even called me to eat. Sometimes I would come upstairs and see how they already took away the plates. If I was lucky there were leftovers that I could eat. Do you think I got presents for my birthday? No because they didn't even know my birthday in the first place. And last christmas they said they forgot to buy presents for me saying they will go shopping with me the next few weeks to get me something which as you might expect never happened.

I don't feel despise towards my sisters. I'm glad they have a home where they are cared for and that they can feel loved. I just don't understand why they would adopt me if they just throw me away like a piece of paper? I think they just wanted to have this feeling to have a son for some time but then realized they could never love me like one of their own. And putting me into the basement was the last straw. That is when they completely banished me from their minds.

And I just can't do this anymore. I decided to pack my things and leave. I will do it tonight. I stay at a friends house for a while and try to look for a job that hopefully gets me enough money so that I can rent an apartment. And after that I will never look back. I decided to leave a letter behind in my room. I wouldn't be surprised if they never even find it. Let alone notice that I'm gone. I use a throwaway for this but I actually don't know why. I thought I don't want them to see this but now that I think about it I could send them this post.

I don't know why I even write this in here in the first place. I feel so desperate. Maybe I want this because I hope that someone is interested in me and my story.

I didn't expect to give you an update so quickly but in the brief time span between my post yesterday and this one right here so many things happened that I have to update you right now!

Lets start by what happened yesterday! First of all I never expected my post to blow up like this. This is absolutely insane. I tried to read all of your comments and answer all direct messages but its just too many. So I'm sorry if I ignored you. Many of you had great advice such as taking all my documents with me and go to the police which I wanted to do today.

Lets go through everything that happened chronologically. After reading through many comments I decided to take my documents with me. So at the evening before my adoptive parents went to bed I snuck into their bedroom and took all documents that I could find and waited for nightfall. I packed my things and left when all of them were asleep. Everything went as planned. I silently left the house and went to my best friends home. He had an apartment in a neighbour city so I had to walk for a while. I arrived at his apartment between 2 and 3am . He had a spare bedroom that he used for visitors who might wanna stay for the night.

We agreed that I could live with him as long as I want. He only expected me to find a job quickly and if i do that he wants me to help him pay the rent for it. I was fine with that. I slept through the night and at the morning I started looking for jobs immediately. But now a few hours something more than interesting happened. While I was on his laptop still looking through the online job advertisements and collecting them the doorbell rang. He opened the door and I heard a familiar voice. But it wasn't one of my parents. It was one of my sisters.

Maria to be exact. The middle sister. I heard how she asked if i was here. He wanted to lie for me but I decided to talk to her to find out what she wanted. So I appeared behind him and she wen't "Thank god you're here!" and hugged me. I was completely overwhelmed and surprised and didn't know what to say and then she told me how she found me and this is where things get more interesting.

She told me that this morning a way too familiar sounding story appeared on her TikTok For You Page. Apparently my story was shared by a TikTok Account who actually had a quite big audience. And she became even more suspicious of the situation when her and the name of her sisters were also mentioned. To be sure about the situation she went in the basement and into my room where she found the room mostly empty and of course my letter.

I mentioned in the story that I would stay with a friend so she went out looking for me, telling our parents she was about to visit a friend. She said she drove to two different houses before finding the correct address. She apparently visited two other friends of me before finding the correct apartment.

Apparently she also took the letter with her. She said she hasn't showed them the letter yet and wanted to talk to me first. No one besides her knew where I was or what I did the last night. She apologized to me and offered to talk with her on my side to our parents. She explained that the way I talked about her in the original post made her feel bad. She said she never hated me or anything. She admitted that she also protested against me having a room on their floor but just because of Alicia's influence on her and because she believed her lies when she was younger. Now that I think about it unlike Alicia and Juliet she never called me bad names.

She said that Juliet probably also is just insufferable because of how Alicia manipulated her. She said she never realized how bad I was treated. She never gave a second thought about me because Alicia spread rumors that I was just very socially awkward and overall didn't like any of them and that I would just lock myself inside the basement like the worst introvert and all of that. And as a reason for her claims she just reminded them that I was adopted and that is why I would try to make myself the outsider.

I said to her that this might explain why she and juliet might have been like that to me but not why my parents would have behaved that way. She replied that she also can just make claims here without any proof but she thinks its because even between them Alicia is the golden child as the first born. Her and Juliet are only the failed attempts of them having a boy. And her being the golden child made it easier for her to manipulate both of them into believing the lies she told them.

Then she said that she knows that mom and dad would be pretty easy to manipulate if you know how. And then she gave me four options:

1. I could come with her right now and talk with her to my parents.

2. She would let me think about it and leave but not tell my parents.

3. I refuse to go back with her entirely but she would tell them about the letter without telling them were to find me.

4. I refuse to go back with her entirely but she would pretend to not know anything but maybe stay in contact with me.

I picked option 2 and she gave me her number. She said that if i decide to give them a chance she would support me but she would understand if i refused to. And now we are here. I don't know what to do. I would lie if say I wasn't tempted to give them a chance but on the other hand if its true that Alicia is the one behind all of that I don't know if I want to deal with her again.

So I was adopted right when I was born, and my adoptive parents and I never really saw eye to eye on a lot of things. When I turned 18, I got in contact with my biological mother, and I found out that I had a 2 year old half sister, and I planned to meet both of them for lunch, but I never heard from her again. There was about three emails sent back and forth, with very little information. It seemed to be and acknowledgement to each other that we existed, and not much connection.

In the following 9 years, I graduated with two degrees, got married and divorced, started transitioning, and lived what feels like five lifetimes in 9 years. However, my adoptive parents were very toxic and my mental health got bad enough that I checked myself into a mental hospital. I've been out for a month, and decided to block my adoptive family from ever contacting me again, which has been one of the best decisions I ever made!

However, yesterday I received an email from my biological mother saying she was sorry for disappearing 9 years ago, and she was hoping to reconnect. I emailed back, and we texted and video chat and she told me that she was going to start telling her family about me (27 years after I was born) and started off by telling my half sister about me, who always wanted a sibling (just like I wanted one). We've already video chatted, and are planning to meet up soon as she's coming down to Florida with my half sister when they visit family. I woke up yesterday with zero family, and by the time I went to bed yesterday, I had a whole new family who I don't have to hide from, and who accepts me for me. I just feel like shouting this to the world, but I figured a post on here had the same effect!

Quick Edit: Thank you for the awards, and thank you for the support! To the people who are telling me that I was wrong to cut out my adoptive parents, it was a decision that was a year in the making and a lot of therapy appointments helped me come to the conclusion to do what I did!

I start this by saying that many of your comments suggested that Maria could have potentially manipulated me and that I shouldn't trust her just now. Which I understand. I decided to stay with my friend. Especially since I applied for so many jobs yesterday and I think I could fine one in no time. So there is no reason for me to get back with them as an 18 year old.

But these are just side facts. I would've not given you an update if nothing had happened. Apparently my adoptive parents did realize I was gone recently so they started looking for me. They are sure that Maria knew where I was considering she had my letter with her. I'm currently only in contact with Maria who told me all of this.

Apparently my parents tried asking her about my whereabouts and grounded her after she refused to tell them. Yes they grounded a 21 year old. Couldn't believe it either. As many of you suggested I went to the police so they couldn't file a missing report about me. And meanwhile Alicia started to spread rumors again. Apparently she used my disappearance as a proof that she was right with everything and Juliet believes every single word. She is completely under Alicia's control.

Even though I didn't wanna see them again I kind of want to give Maria a chance. I asked my friend if hypothetically Maria could stay with us too. He raised an eyebrow and said "only if she wants to sleep on the couch" and then he asked me why I want her here in the first place. The thing is if she cares about me then I don't want her to stay with this family. He was annoyed but said yes. I texted her asking if she'd consider to move out and offered her to stay with me and my friend. Before you say it. I know it seems like a way too quick decision. But I truly think that Maria is not like the rest of them.

Many of you said that that she probably wanted to save face but someone wouldn't go through all that to find me and then protect me by keeping my whereabouts a secret if they just wanted to save face. Considering that I never mentioned their last names or where they live so its not like anyone could've known it was her in real life. I honestly think that my story opened her eyes.

She answered by asking if i was for real and that she wasn't sure. I reminded her that she is 21 and probably should think about moving out of our parents house anyway. And that she was grounded at her age is pretty f*cked up. They treat their children like 10 year olds even if they are adults. She said she is not denying that she would like that because apparently Alicia also started to spread lies about her too because of how she behaves towards me. She overheard how she was talking to her friends about her and that she was called the "complicit" of a "maniac". Still don't know why Alicia hates me so much but I don't care about it.

She said she doesn't think its a bad idea but she wants to find a job to have a financial stability first before moving out. That was fair enough. And my friend was much happier this way too. He said he isn't really excited of having another jobless person living with him. But he said that if she has a job he'd gladly help her. One more reason why I think that Maria moving out isn't a bad idea is because if both her and me got a job we could probably rent an apartment together in no time and would not have any financial problems.

So yeah thats it for now. Lets see what happens in the future. I want to mention one more thing. On my last post some people were talking badly about the TikTok Account that shared my story. Please don't talk badly about the account. They didn't know it would end like that and I don't have a problem with anyone sharing my story.

Thank you for reading <3

Edit: Some of you pointed out the situation with my friend. Believe me if i wasn't sure he was ok with it i would not have suggested it. He was unsure about the offer at first because i hadn't asked her before asking him so of course he thought it was just another jobless person. But like i said he is fine with it as long as she has a job. And I'm definitly grateful for what he is doing and I will repay his kindness. Don't worry about that. :)

What he does should not be taken for granted and I know that. You're also right that offering her to live in his apartment is going a bit far. But like i said. He is an amazing person. I wouldn't do it if i knew he wasn't 100% ok with it.

Well, I’m back, as many people wanted a quick update!

My bio mom and sister came down over the weekend, and we had a blast. We hung out for two days, mainly getting food and hanging out in their hotel room, some of it spent video calling other family members as apparently, I am the big news for the month in the family. After talking with them, I started to think I’m in a “nature” type person, and not “nurture,” as my bio mom is quite a bit like me, and my sister is virtually a twin in everything but age! Right before they left (they live a few states away) we went to an arcade and took a whole bunch of photos. I got into my car and hugged my newfound family goodbye, I got in my car and started sobbing because it was so emotional and I just felt so happy because of how everything went. Right after I started crying, there was a knock on my car door, and my sister ran back crying as well and gave me a minute long hug. She mentioned that she didn’t want to leave at all, and I let her know that we have the rest of our life to bond and get to know each other, and I promised her I wasn’t going anywhere.

Overall, meeting them was really best case scenario. They didn’t ask for any organs to be donated, thankfully as I’m quite fond of keeping most of my organs for myself while I’m alive. I’m going to be driving to meet more family in two weeks or so, as well as going to a family reunion next year. And of course, I promised my sister that I’ll try to make it to their house before the end of the year. It really was amazing, and yeah. I don’t really know how to put “meeting your biological family” into words since words don’t really do it justice, but it was easily the best weekend of my life!

Quick Edit: Thank you for the kind words everyone! 🥰

To start this out, I’m almost 19 and was adopted as an infant. Recently I found my bio family on Facebook through ancestory. Bit of backstory. My parents couldn’t have kids so they adopted (I’m an only child) I told my parents I found my bio family and that they wanna meet me. They say it’s fine but I can tell my mom is worried about being replaced. They also want nothing to do with my bio family. My bio family, especially my mother are so much like me, interest, looks, everything. I don’t know how to make my parents feel better about me meeting my bio family. Any advice?

Update: thank you all for your kind words and advice. I wanna add a little more to this. My AP (adoptive parents) are extremely religious and e we butt heads on a lot of things I like. Ex. I’ve always liked metal, rock, tattoos and piercings. They hate that stuff. I have piercings and a tattoo they despise. My BP (bio parents) are the opposite and my AP know that. My BP especially mom, love all that, and my BM (bio mom) has tattoos and piercings. I showed my AP what BM looks like because they asked and I’ve always been honest with them. They hated that she has piercings and tattoos. Recently I got my tongue pierced and my AP flipped accusing me of trying to be like my BM. Saying I’m trying to spite them and it doesn’t matter what they think as long as she’s happy. Obviously this wasn’t true, I did it because I wanted to, no one influenced me. I love my AP especially my mom (dad’s weird and overbearing) and I understand they’re scared of being replaced. SoMe mentioned therapy, I’m in therapy but my parents can’t afford it for themselves. My AP are very old school. It’s a stressful situation to say the least

I have tried to do some research and have browsed through these posts but I haven’t really found anything out about her first set of parents . Does anybody know why they gave her up ?

for starters i (17f) lost my bio mom when i was 12 years old. i had been living with my grandma on my mom's side for school and i would see my parents on the weekend because they couldn't afford to have me full time. my grandmother had been evicted from her apartment due to new landlords coming in, so i had to live with my dad. my brother (30m) chose to live with my grandmother, forcing me to go live with my dad.

my dad never liked taking care of me, even when my mom was alive. it was always my mom running out and buying me necessities when i needed them (or my grandmother, depending where i was). my dad always forgot my birthdays, would purposefully throw trash on the floor next to his recliner in the living room to make me clean up, would yell at me if i did something that wasnt to his liking and refused to care for the animals we had (wouldn't clean up after them, wouldn't get their nails trimmed, bathe them or take them to the vet when they were sick). it only got worse when my mom died, he expected me to replace her and would be furious if i tried to stay with one of my friends that i barely saw.

i moved in with my grandmother on my dad's side to go to middle school, and it wasn't any better. she constantly would bash my mother, refuse to do anything for herself when she was an able bodied person and would ridicule me to my father when i would go out with my friends when he came over to visit. both of them made me feel awful for liking my mom's side more constantly, and would hold onto mistakes she had made in the past or twist stories against her to make her seem like a villain.

eventually, my dad got evicted from my childhood home, and he put his mother into a nursing home so that he could live in her apartment. that only lasted for a year, since he got evicted for having our dog in the house when he was specifically told no pets unless they were service animals. (my mother had been trying to sign my dog up as an emotional support animal while she was alive since i suffered from severe anxiety and only felt comfortable when he was around.) my father refused to continue the process with my dog, claiming that i was "faking it all" and i was "attention seeking".

at 17, i moved in with my best friend for a month to finish up my sophomore year of high school. i moved in with my grandmother on my mom's side for the summer, and panicked all through that summer because i had nowhere to live to finish high school (my best friend's family can't financially support having 4 kids, which i don't hold a grudge against them at all. i love them dearly and still keep high contact). i messaged one of my friends if i could live with her, and her family took me in instantly. her mother signed a temporary guardianship for her to have custody of me while i finished school, and my father signed with no hesitation.

i had a hard time adjusting for the first few months, i would hide out in my room for hours to avoid the family since i didn't want to intrude. it was so bad to the point i would skip meals because i felt guilty and like i wasn't worthy of it. i would refuse to let anyone buy me anything because i had my own money. but i eventually adjusted, spent time with them and would join them for family nights. it got to where their youngest daughter would call me "sissy" as well and my friend's mom would tell her coworkers she had 4 kids. it wasn't official i was a part of their family, but they made it well known they would lovingly accept me when i was ready.

cut to now, where i trust my adoptive dad fully (i was fearful he would also yell and throw things at me like my bio dad, but he hasn't ever raised his voice at me. he's treated me with nothing but kindness, and he always checks on me and offers to cook me dinner when i get home late.) and my adoptive mom is one of the people in my life i am closest to that isnt my mom's mom or my brother. on january 23rd, it was my bio mom's 51st birthday. i had been taking it fine for most of the day, but the closer the night became, the more sad i got as i spent time with my adoptive family. i would see my younger siblings run to my adoptive mom and hug her, and i would tear up since i wouldn't ever be able to do that again.

my adoptive mom noticed, and she asked if i wanted to go out somewhere. i agreed and we went to a small pizza shop, where she ordered two meatball subs. my bio mom's favorite food. when we got the sandwiches, she wished my mom a happy birthday and hoped that if there was a heaven, she was celebrating to the fullest. she thanked my bio mom for bringing two wonderful kids into the world, and she said she'd always look out for us. (she's not as close to my brother, but she's still trying to build a relationship with him and make sure he knows she cares about him too.) i couldn't stop myself from crying, and i think that had to be the best meatball sub i ever had.

she took me back to the house, and i thanked her before she went to bed. she took me in a big hug and told me she loved me, and i said it back. my adoptive dad later posted something on his facebook, wishing my bio mom a happy birthday and mournful that he hadn't been able to meet her. it had been the first time i had felt love from more than one person in a long, long time. my parents make me feel like an actual person with dreams, thoughts and emotions. i love them so much and i don't know how ill ever be able to thank them.

Pretty much what the title says. Apologies for weird formatting also, I’m on mobile.

I (23F) was adopted at birth from my bio mom, she wasn’t in a good place when she had me and so she gave me up for a chance at a better life. She met my adoptive parents, signed the papers, and that was that.

My adoptive parents were good, until I turned about 8. Then my mom got cancer, and, well. My life essentially turned into hell. Lots of verbal abuse and manipulation, from both my mother and my father. Some physical abuse, but thankfully not much. Incredible amounts of emotional and medical neglect, my therapist says I lack a fundamental bond. Alcohol and pills do a hell of a number on one’s psyche.

Anyways, onto today. My biological mom reached out, she wanted to meet me. How could I say no? I was always curious about her and my sister. So we talked, and I told her a bit about myself and where I’m at now, and it was great! But she remembers my parents from before everything went tits up, and she wants to know more about my childhood.

I don’t want to lie and say it was good because it definitely wasn’t, I was taken care of materialistically but everything else was practically ignored. But I don’t want her to blame herself for that. I’m not mad at her and I never have been, there was no way she could have known what was going to happen and I know that if she knew, she would’ve done everything she could to make sure that wouldn’t happen.

I just have no idea what I’m going to say or how to approach this issue. Any and all advice appreciated.

UPDATE: I’m meeting them in person this weekend. That’s when I plan to tell them. Currently don’t know whether I want to scream in excitement or out of pure anxiety. Also, jesus christ I look just like my mother. I have an older sister, a younger brother, and a nephew as well. They’re all very kind. I have a good feeling about this.

UPDATE 2: They’re on their way to my state now. They’ve stopped off to get some rest for the night, and they’re still pretty far north, but they expect to be here by late evening at the latest. They’ll be staying with other family members, one of my aunts I think, about an hour and a half from where I’m living, and my husband and I are going to meet them tomorrow or Friday depending on his schedule. They’re very excited to meet my family and friends, my birth mom wants to meet everyone that’s been important in my life haha. There’s no words to describe how excited I am and how happy I am right now.

UPDATE 3 (& probably final update): We met!! And it was as wonderful as I’d hoped it be. My brother ran all the way down the road as we were pulling up just to say hi, and my sister and mom and I all began crying as we met and hugged for the first time. I got to play with my nephew, and oh my god he is cuter than in the pictures. All smiles and so so sweet! The rest of the family got together and we all talked and ate dinner and had a good time.

I didn’t tell my mom everything but I did give her a general rundown. She gave me a sad expression and said she was sorry that I had to live through that, but we’ve agreed to focus on the future and the fact that we’re in much better places than we were before. She wants to be in my life as much as I want her to be in mine, as does everyone else. It’s a little weird adjusting to having three families (in-laws included), but I’ve never been happier.

Thank you all for your support, now go spend some time with your families!

I know a lot of people here talk about the inherent trauma caused by separation. My situation is that I was abandoned as an infant, and it's traumatized my body and mind in ways that feel inescapable at times. I feel incredibly alone in the world. Like I was born alone and will die alone.

Because of this, I grasp at whatever concept of "family" I can hang onto. My adoptive parents were extremely abusive. I'm no contact with them. But my adoptive siblings (we are many and all adopted), are split into 2 distinct camps. One half that "drinks the kool aid" our AP's give 'em, and the other half that broke off because we recognized the abuse and toxicity. It's a weird situation.

I've felt a lot of guilt about one of my younger adoptive brothers. Ever since I left, I've felt like I abandoned him. It was out of a need to protect my own safety and sanity, but I felt guilty regardless. Welp. He's an adult now. He reached out to me recently. And instead of trying to connect with me on a human level, his first instinct is to interrogate me on the current status of my religous faith. Great, just what I needed. My stupid fucking adoptive family and their end-times conspiracy theories, which horribly traumatized me and leaves me with horrendous nightmares to this day. Amazing.

Whatever. I'm glad he texted me with this bullshit so I could get closure and let him go. I've been doing some deconstructing in my mind and teaching myself to not think of certain adoptive family members as "real" family, as I've been conditioned to. So. Guess bro isn't my brother anymore. Fine by me. I'm happy he gave me this push to further move on with my life. He's an adult, and if he wants to live as an abusive conspiracy theorist like our AP's, that's his choice. Just won't be a life with me in it.

I have an adoptive sister who I love dearly and am very close with. For all the pain of adoption, I relish the agency I am currently utilizing in life, picking and choosing who I regard as family.

Hi I am a 27 years old female ,and I was adopted I lived mu first 2 years in a orphanage in Bulgaria and then I was adopted.

It drives me already enough crazy the fact my physical resemblance has nothing in common withu adoptive family,like mu mother is tall,white like a mozzarella,blonde with green eyes,and I'm 1.53 meter and let me tell you people believe I am from Morocco or from Brasil,or India ...😅

Anyway,as I said this already drives me crazy,and I sorta feel left out when people talk family resemblance, knowing I will never know who I look like(I don't know anything about my bio family),but what made me question nurture vs nature even more was when I realized even my personality,my way of acting and approaching life and people, traits everything don't resemble my adoptive family.

Like I spent 25 years of my life with them,and yet it's like the nurture part wasn't able to at leastgive some sorta of mental and behaving similarities or traits share

Like my cousins not only resemble their parents,uncles and grandparents physically,but they have personalities, behavior , both good and bad traits that share with them ,and it's clear,while during a family meal they admitted I don't share any real trait with my adoptive parents

And it's not like I don't love my parents,I do,but this makes me even more left out not only in my family,but also socially, because I simple don't understand the feeling to look someone of your family and see something if you in them

I can't,and the feeling of loneliness and being like a fish of water is strong

I know it might sound petty at first glance, but physical attractiveness is a thing that humans use to make all kinds of assessments and judgements (for better or worse.) Now, I have terrible self-esteem, so I don't know where I rank on the scale of physical attractiveness, but one time I showed a photo of my adoptive family to a therapist, and she was like, "wow, you're much more attractive than them, aren't you?"

Regardless of how I view myself, I did actually always find them unattractive, and it does make me uncomfortable. I'm not sure all the ways this impacted me; a lot of it is probably buried deep somewhere. I mean, surely it made my self-esteem even worse. I remember, as a teen, feeling like... why does my BROTHER have a girlfriend, but I'm single? What do people see in him, that I don't possess?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Even now, he has a cute wife, but I think he's very weird looking. I guess I'm older now and realize there are other reasons for people to be attracted to eachother, but there's still some cognitive dissonance.

I also, honestly, think I manifested some physical flaws as a child in order to uglify myself, so as not to be further resented.

I haven't consciously thought about it a whole lot. I'm wondering what your thoughts and experiences are with this? It might help me form more of a framework around it.

Hi everyone,

I am new to this sub but I wanted to share a little bit about what’s been keeping me up at night.

I’ve always known I was adopted, I was adopted when I was a baby and my adoptive parents have always made sure it wasn’t a secret. It was a closed adoption so I did not know who my bio family were. My sister was also adopted but from a different family.

In 2018 I did Ancestry DNA and over the years my bio family members started to submit DNA and matches started to come up. Fast forward a bit, through a bit of searching and clues, I was able to find my bio family on Facebook in 2020. I did not reach out because I was scared.

Fast forward to this earlier this year I found the courage to message my bio sister. She was very receptive but she told everyone, which I did not want. I have older siblings and none of them ever knew I existed. My bio family really want to meet me and I am interested as well.

I told my adoptive mother excitedly and she became really angry and upset. She said she feels like she is “losing her daughter”. She said that after I brought it up only twice! Every time I bring it up and want to show pictures I am met with tears, extreme anger and hostility. This is a big moment in my life and all I wanted was her support and approval. I always assure her that no one will ever replace her. It hurts that she always makes everything about herself. I am in grad school and she is supporting me through it but she always brings up how she pays for everything whenever I do something she doesn’t like/agree with. How can I even begin to address this? I feel myself not communicating like I want to with my bio family because I am afraid of hurting my mother. I just feel so alone.