Goku vs Superman in an episode of Wife Swap

ChadBenjamin · 2020-07-02T15:05:05+00:00

Superman easily. He would be a great father, husband, friend, farmer, basically everything. Goku would fuck everything up, and I don't see Lois tolerating a man child.

motpo · 2020-07-02T15:43:10+00:00

Goku's usual responsibilities:

Farming
Finding/buying food
Taking care of Pan for Gohan
Being a role model for Goten
Maintaining adequate relationships with the Z Fighters
Beating up bad people he encounters
Making sure Beerus is pleased with Earth food so he doesn't destroy the planet

Superman can do all of these with no problems. Farming is probably made easier with Kryptonian agricultural techniques. Bopping giant fish won't be a problem for Superman. Superman's enhanced senses make taking care of Pan a cakewalk. Being a decent person is sufficient for being a role model for Goten, as well as maintaining relationships with the Z Fighters. Everyone stronger than Superman on DBS Earth is a good guy, so all the thugs and poachers still get bopped by Superman. Pleasing Beerus with Earth food isn't difficult, and also isn't really Goku's responsibility in the end because it's usually Bulma supplying the good stuff.

Superman's usual responsibilities:

Being an investigative reporter at the Daily Planet
Actual committed romantic lifestyle with Lois Lane
Being a father and mentor to Jon Kent
Being a good son and remembering to visit his parents
Maintaining public image as a symbol of hope as the Man of Steel
Leading the Justice League
Dealing with political issues surrounding the superhero community
Constantly monitoring and upgrading the Fortress of Solitude

Goku honestly hasn't really shown the capacity to take on any of these responsibilities. Goku knows nothing about life in Metropolis or being an investigative reporter. We're not even sure if romance is a concept that Goku actually grasps, and he's rarely present for his family, which would be an issue with both Lois and Jon. Goku hasn't had a parental figure to think about since Grandpa Gohan died before the Dragon Ball series even began, so I'm not sure he'd consider visiting the Kents unless specifically instructed to. Goku doesn't do nearly as good of a job being a symbol of hope for the world as Superman, simply because Goku has no human side for them to relate to, and has no real social skills outside of respecting the opponents he fights. As a leader of the Justice League, Goku does a poor job as shown by his lack of leadership during the whole Tournament of Power arc. Goku has no idea how to deal with politics, this is probably his biggest downfall here. And lastly, Goku doesn't have any of the technical knowledge, or even the correct genetics, to do anything with the Fortress of Solitude.

tl;dr: Goku has the bare minimum of responsibilities, while Superman has a shitload of complex responsibilities. Superman has a bunch of useful powers and people skills, while Goku has slightly fewer useful powers and no people skills. Their fighting skills and power are both adequate for daily life in each others' shoes but it's the other things that make Superman succeed and Goku fail.

Edit: also, imagine how dreadful it would be for Goku to somehow attempt to maintain a secret identity, it's lucky that Superman recently revealed his identity to the world so that this technically isn't a responsibility anymore.

newadcd0405 · 2020-07-02T16:46:24+00:00

There is a way that Goku can win: In a strange twist of fate, I could see Superman try to stand up to Beerus and get Hakai’ed. Other than that, Superman takes this pretty handedly

aesthetic_laker_fan · 2020-07-02T18:51:09+00:00

Lex wouldn't be able to psychologically mess with Goku because half the stuff would just fly over Goku's head

kalebsantos · 2020-07-02T15:37:27+00:00

Definitely Superman.

Goku would be a terrible reporter. There's no way he's helping Lois with anything.

Maybe would help with the kids but only to teach them how to fight, which would be a good opportunity for them.

And he probably would be bored by 99% of Superman's bad guys.

Maybe Lois could dose Goku with ritalin or something and he'd obsessively clean up the city in a day or two.

Mobunaga · 2020-07-02T18:45:53+00:00

Supes would be begging for Lois back in 15 minutes

MerchantZiro · 2020-07-02T22:15:19+00:00

Honestly this is a very entertaining concept. I'd say Superman for being a superhero who wouldn't just leave his family to go train and probably is enjoying the time off from the JL, maybe an interesting meeting between Superman and Great Saiyaman could occur when both Clark and Gohan see a criminal in action.

Meanwhile Lois is effectively alone while Goku is off training and fighting Superman's villians with Batman trying to make sure Goku's Superhero-ing duties go well. Or Bruce is perhaps trying to learn from Goku in order to master Ki techniques and becomes stronger and obtain the power to fly and maybe become much stronger like every other Dragon Ball Earthling.

WeinerMan0 · 2020-07-02T18:11:37+00:00

Superman does Gokus job better because he's not a jerk but Goku does Supermans old lady better because it takes him forever to do a finishing move.😀

phoenixmusicman · 2020-07-03T02:09:20+00:00

ITT: People confusing Abridged Goku with Canon Goku

Coziestpigeon2 · 2020-07-02T18:48:55+00:00

Superman easily takes this. Goku is an idiot and a shit dad. Lois Lane would boot him to the curb by the end of the first day.

Meanwhile, Supes is showing ChiChi what a real family man looks like. And when trouble does strike, Superman can fly away and handle it before coming home for dinner - his standard villain conflicts tend to be much smaller scale, leaving him with more time at home.

By the end of the two weeks, Superman returns to Lois Lane, and ChiChi tries her best to talk them into polygamy so she can get in on it.

GlumPipe5 · 2020-07-02T21:10:28+00:00

Lois Lane is about to have her first orgasm

Mace_Thunderspear · 2020-07-02T23:55:34+00:00

I feel like Goku wouldnt even tell Chi Chi about the swap and as far as she knows Superman just showed up one day.

"What do you mean you're my new husband?... Goku did WHAT?!?"

Also Goku doesn't actually HAVE any responsibilities does he? He just trains to become stronger. Fights anyone he can find that's strong and trains some more.

If he can neglect or endanger his kids in the process, so much the better.

StalinsPerfectHair · 2020-07-03T00:46:53+00:00

Goku:
Goku actually thinks Lois Lane is pretty cool. She's a normal human but she knows multiple martial arts including Kryptonian martial arts. Goku learns how to fight like a Kryptonian while teaching Lois how to use Ki, as well as Turtle School style. They actually hit it off surprisingly well, but Lois thinks Goku is too dumb.
Goku is also a really shitty reporter due to the multiple TBIs he's sustained, including the major one from his childhood. He is barely literate and doesn't really understand the concept of reporting. He thinks it's the same thing the World Tournament announcer does, so he puts on a pair of sunglasses and begins excitedly shouting about obvious things that are occurring around him.

Superman:
Even he thinks Chi Chi is a fucking bitch. She tests his patience because, despite being Superman, he still can't seem to do anything right. Superman enjoys the pastoral home life because it reminds him of Smallville. He is a substantially better farmer than Goku because he lived on a farm in his youth. He also has encyclopedic knowledge of damn near everything thanks to his supercomputer in the Fortress of Solitude plus his Kryptonian brain chemistry. He thinks Gohan is cool AF and becomes best buddies with him. Gohan is very sad when Superman leaves.

Verdict: Superman does a better job, but Goku accidentally steals his wife.

xahnel · 2020-07-02T16:36:53+00:00

Lots of people are saying Goku would be terrible because "gOkU iS dUmB" who are forgetting a few things.

1: Goku doesn't have to hide his identity because he is using powers any human can earn with training. He is on record using many of his powers at the world martial arts tournament. The only hiding he has to do is when working with the League.

2: stealth. Goku, if he needs to, can be incredibly sneaky around anyone who can't sense energy. Meanwhile, he can feel everyone around him. If he doesn't want anyone to know he's there, no one will know.

3: Instant transmission. Goku can go literally anywhere he needs to go and only requires a signal flare for long distances. Over short distances, he can pop about as he pleases.

4: Mind reading. Goku can clap his hand on your head and read your feckin mind.

5: This situation is completely temporary. Lois Lane could easily handle abusing Goku's power to do the 'investigative' part of investigative journalism while she handles the 'journalism' part. She directs him to people she wants investigated, he stealthily pokes their mind for proof, transmissions to where the proof is, gathers it, brings it to her.

6: Bulma. ChiChi would absolutely tell her what's happening and Bulma would supply tools to help Goku.

Further, given the 5th item, I think Goku would do fine leading the Justice League. Since his position will be temporary and he knows this, Bulma gives him a costume watch so he doesn't give away that Superman and Clark Kent are the same person, and there are multiple people who will make damn sure that he is wearing that costume when he goes on duty with the league. And his presence would make the league way more effective because he could teach people how to unlock their ki, fly, and use ki attacks. As long as someone else is willing to step up if Goku flubs a social encounter, he'll be fine.

And I think he'll do well establishing a freindly relationship with Lois because he's a freindly guy and because he's incredibly fast and can help her crack multiple cases at once.

-----_------_--- · 2020-07-02T18:50:07+00:00

Superman takes this all day everyday. Goku would be a terrible reporter, and Clark Kent is by far the superior husband

jello1990 · 2020-07-03T00:56:19+00:00

For sake of scale of power levels in each multiverse, we're going to assume Goku and Superman are at equal levels of power when they take their counterparts place.

Goku is a well known terrible husband and father that frequently ditches his family to go train or have wacky adventures, he's also never had a real job and would probably get fired from the Daily Planet for either sleeping at his desk or challenging coworkers to fights (and that's assuming he shows up at all.) Goku would also do poorly at being a superhero on Earth-0, as he doesn't really know how to talk to people so he wouldn't do very well at helping people in need and also likes to allow his opponents to gain strength so he can have a better fight (if he does this with, lets say Darkseid, Earth is wiped away in an afternoon.)

Superman on the other hand is a loving and attentive father and husband. He'll likely even give Gohan a masterclass in being a superhero for his Great Saiyaman persona. As Goku doesn't have a job, Clark would probably have the Son family homestead turned into a functioning farm within a few days, if only to have something to do. Clark doesn't really mess around as much for fights so if we stick to him gaining Goku's power level, he likely does far better than Goku as well, since Superman is going to do everything in his power to end the fight as quickly as possible and never actively allow his enemy to power up.

Superman wins no contest.

SirKaid · 2020-07-02T18:47:28+00:00

Goku is an idiot. He's very good at fighting - an absolute once-in-a-lifetime genius savant, really - but in all other parts of his life he's an idiot. There's no way he can handle Clark Kent's responsibilities.

He couldn't even handle the majority of Superman's responsibilities. Sure, he can fight, but fighting is honestly the least of Superman's tasks. Goku doesn't inspire the world to be better. He wouldn't take the time to talk a suicidal kid away from the ledge.

This isn't to say that Goku's a bad guy by any means, just that Superman is a paragon. You don't have to be Superman to be a good guy, but being a good guy alone doesn't qualify you to be Superman.

Meanwhile Clark can trivially handle Goku's civilian life - though Chi-chi might not entirely enjoy a husband who she can't find things to yell at him for, since it's only two weeks she probably won't have time to get too unhappy - and Superman can probably handle the fighting parts; while he's not the savant Goku is, he's hardly a slouch.

Kudos on the more inventive take on the perennial vs match, but this one is 10/10 Supes.

Cyke101 · 2020-07-02T21:00:33+00:00

Goku's not above accidentally hitting Chi-Chi. It's completely unintentional and without malice, but really she only survives because of her own heightened durability. I'm gonna need Lois to wear a suit of armor for this match, like anytime they're out on assignment.

Conversely, Vegeta's never accidentally hit Bulma and loves her just as much as Goku loves Chi-Chi. But Vegeta's also an extremely hard worker and quickly gets down to business, whereas Goku likes to nap when he's supposed to be farming.

Superman all the way but I feel this is one of the few times where Vegeta's actually the better match-up. (Plus, Bulma and Clark would make an interesting team, I think)

FVCEGANG · 2020-07-02T17:39:46+00:00

Superman takes the cake. Goku is a terrible father and husband, hell Chi Chi would probably leave goku for Clark after the swap. Which would lead to the fight we would all love to see

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