If there is anyone out there can cares to hear about a life full of hardships, mistakes, pain, trauma, abuse, and more but was able to become a better version of myself, this is what I got. We are going to bounce all over the place in my stories so bear with me. I will say I’m a GenX and was a single mom of 3 at 21 not by choice. I grew up in the 80’s and had already received a fair amount of trauma before 13. So the first guy that really caught my interest intellectually was not the best choice for me in the long run, but he ended up being who I stuck with. I was one of the kids that no matter how well you did in school they still moved you up in grade levels and at that time diagnosis were not commonly known or spoke much about. Little did I know I had a pretty severe learning disability and no one really cared or I was called stupid. So when I met my children’s father he was very intelligent and sparked my interest. I was 16 when I got pregnant the first time and so clueless about anything really. My mother like many Boomer parents could care less and kicked me out of the house. This is where my journey went from bad to worse. I was abused in every way possible from my kids father and again clueless on how to even escape and now I had my first baby. He never hurt the kids in the beginning so I figured I could put up with him since he provided for us. It wasn’t until my 3 rd child was born in 94 that I was finally able to escape. This is my story! I had my baby in 94 and my kids father came home angry as normal to take it out on me. I had just gotten home from the hospital after some medical issues that kept us for almost a week after delivery and the dad decided while I was talking to my apartment manager outside to kick me in the back of the neck (yes I was holding my newborn.) I drop my baby and passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and it was two weeks later. Apparently he had put me in a coma and because of that he was arrested for attempted murder. Back then they didn’t have domestic violence laws like they do now. oh yes, my baby was OK. I found out that my middle child was trying to protect me when his father was stomping on me while I was out cold and had kicked my baby into a wall, my middle child and that was the last straw for me. Because of the attempted murder charges, I was given a restraining order that is for life. Yes, to this day over 30 years later, the restraining order is still active. I moved out of the city to another town far away refused to tell any of my family outside of my immediate family where I moved did not tell any of my friends where I was going or where I was in fear that he would find me. I started over. It was hard. I had no friends really didn’t have any family, but I survived. To come later, if people are interested, that’s just one little section of my life
Hello all, I have quite the complicated situation, and I don’t really know what to do. Also I apologize for the scrambled story. There’s so much back story but I’ll give the gist. Please note, I’m using my phone so please excuse errors as I type this out.
My older brother (29m) and I (26f), didn’t really get along as kids but as we grew up we grew apart. It was safe to say we hated each other. We didn’t talk for a very long time until we reconnected, put our past behind us and we both grew as individuals. As of today, we are thick as thieves. But all of that is a story for a different day.
My father and I have a weird strained relationship, but we still do things for each other to help each other out. He stayed with me multiple times when he was moving states and I’ve always been a listening ear for him. We don’t talk a bunch but I try to see him as much as I can. We respect and love each other and overall we have a fairly good relationship. I’m telling you all this so you can at least understand the relationship I have with my brother and father.
Up until present day I’ve always been the “responsible” family member. My past is very long and extremely complex. To shorten it up, my immediate family dynamic is truly a messy one. My brother, Joe (fake name), hates our father, (65m). Our father disowned him after Joe turned 18 and since then, Joe has hated our father since. He had his reasons why and it’s not my place to get into that.
Joe and I moved states awhile back and he would crash on my couch in between living arrangements. I never minded it, I was glad to help. It only got too much when I was juggling everything and I’d come home to a mess. But he’s my brother and I love him. After some time he moved out and was away for awhile. While he was gone, our father moved to the state we were living. When our father, let’s call my dad “Rick”, moved to our state, Rick obviously stayed with me until he found the house he’s currently living in. I’ve always been the “stable enough” member that always has that couch you can stay on. Not just for family but anyone I hold close. I’m the person someone calls if they need literally anything. A ride? A friend? Anything.
One of Rick’s adamant rules when he moved here was to never let Joe know he lives in the state. This has significantly put a strain on me. Those two have always put me in the middle of their stupid feud. I never entertained the idea. “No Joe, I will not tell Rick this or that.” And vise versa. So Rick moves about an hour away, but close enough to visit. And I kept his living arrangements as a secret for over a year now. Letting everyone who knew not to tell my brother. I know my mistake. But again I’m put in the middle of the stupid drama. And I didn’t want to upset my brother because he gets mad and I didn’t want to deal with it. Joe not knowing about Rick being in our state is honestly the best option. Please just trust when I say, if Joe found out about Rick, all hell would break loose.
Joe has a hard time finding places to live, so I’d co-sign places to help his process. No luck. Joe eventually found a temporary place to stay throughout the winter. Well this temporary living situation is ending soon and he can’t find somewhere to go. He has a few weeks to find something before he’s crashing on my couch again. This isn’t a good look on me. The place I live doesn’t allow pets and he has a large dog. He also refuses to snip his dog. Trust me, I don’t know why either. This has put him in a bind and here I am trying to help. But again, no prevail.
The reason this is straining me so much is because I want to move out to live with my dad for once. I wanted to save and pay off debts. I’m trying to get ahead in life. Rick and I have put together a doable living arrangement and I’m set to move in with him after my lease ends in a couple of months. This poses a problem because Joe and I also share the same mother and she sends him mail through me. I can’t give Rick’s address to my mom. And for my mom’s sake, we’ll call her Susie. Susie will come to our town and stay with me as well. I’m torn between doing what’s right for me and just giving up on my brother Joe. Joe is the most important person to me. Joe won’t live with Susie because of her habits and current situation she’s in. Joe also feels that Susie’s morals are wrong. I don’t disagree with Joe. I believe that Susie’s morals and choices are leading her into a very bad place and I’m trying not to get into any of that mess.
Joe is most likely going to end up finding out Rick is in our state and I don’t want to be around for the fallout. It will not be a good one. I’ll lose my brother or I’ll lose my dad or both. I don’t know how to deal with the situation. I don’t know what to say or do. I want to be honest and just tell him, but how can I? Joe will get upset I kept it from him for so long. But can you blame me? Rick wouldn’t be happy either. But it’s bound to happen.
I know Joe needs to get his shit together and I’ve tried. I’ve always supported him. Helped him. But I’m just so tired of being that person everyone relies on. My brother is seriously my best friend and he has a big heart. He cares. And he knows he’s been stressing me out. And I feel overwhelmed and guilty. I almost want to bite the cost of my living arrangements and stay where I am for the sake of him. But again… what about me? How do I navigate this complex family situation? How should I feel?
I hope this wall of text made some sense to someone. I just need advice. I want to better myself. I want to move in with Rick. In the long run it’s 100000x better for me. But yet this string is keeping me back.
What do I do?
My mom is now 34, and my dad is 36. They got together. When I was born, her mom left her, and my dad couldn’t go to work because she couldn’t handle me. my mother when I was two had taken me away from my dad and his family she when I was 4 my grandma on my moms side had a child a year after I was born so I had gone to the same school and kids constantly were picking on him because he was autistic so I was always there to defend him but when my mom moved me away she settled down into this little house with her boyfriend mind you my baby brother was born after we left his dad cause his dad was a drunk and a angry drunk he was drinking all the time and it wasn’t a safe environment we had escaped and her boyfriend had 3 kids and he always tried to scare me with the hook man story he would often lock me out the house at night trying to scare me he would lock me in a closet with the dresser in front so I couldn’t get out with my 7 month old brother. 2 months after that, I watched my brother get picked up by his 2nd oldest and drop him off on purpose. I was 6 years old, and I wasn’t going to school for that whole 2 years. Then we went to the hospital; he could not remember all of us because he had brain damage. We got put into foster care. The custody battle between my mom and dad was crazy. She tried to tell him to tell the judge she was a good mom, but that didn’t work. When I met my dad, I didn’t know who he was, but when I started to live with him, I thought it was great. But when I was 8, my mom stopped texting, stopped calling, and stopped contacting me for no reason. I had asked my dad to see his call logs and texts for the past 7 years, and there was nothing. She wasn’t paying child support, and after my 15th birthday, she didn’t call or text. A couple days later, when I came home from school, I was talking to my stepmother, and I looked on TikTok at my notifications, and she had messaged me, “Hi Allyson, it’s your mom. I know it’s been a long time, too long, and I’d like to talk to you if that is okay. If not, I understand and will respect your wishes. “ I don’t know what to say about this." She went on about how she loved me, and all this I simply said each time. I have been living with my dad for eight years because you are simply too good. She is still with him and made her TikTok profile, and her boyfriend is still nothing; she was not texting me or calling me, so I simply said hi, and she just said hello, so from there on out, I am ignoring her. As she did to me, if she wanted to be in my life so badly, she would text me and not be a friend. A mom had told me she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had tried to overdose because she couldn’t handle things anymore.