Death Triangle vs House Of Black: House of Black enter in mankinis with massively stuffed crotches and Malakai announces that they are now the Hoes of Black. Fenix starts the match by attempting to Hurricanrana Brody King, and then immediately re-injures himself. Tony Khan appears and says that they won't be doing a match without a healthy Fenix and the match ends in a No Contest so the feud can continue. Brian Pillman Jr cuts a promo to dead silence for 10 minutes and then the Hoes of Black leave. Downstait performs.
Blackpool Combat Club and Not-LAX vs The Jericho Appreciation Society: Because Jericho is a wizard now, he does all his moves by rolling d20 dice. Everyone sells it if he rolls a high number. Eddie Kingston pulls out a gun and shoots the Jericho Appreciation Society 16 times with a gun, but Chris Jericho kicks out at 2, earning a This Is Awesome chant. Jericho announces he is reinventing himself again as Christ Jericho, because he was resurrected after being shot, and that this will now be a hell in a cell match. Angelo Parker gets out a small mallet to attack the BCC but is immediately disqualified along with the entire JAS.
Britt Baker vs Ruby Soho: Ruby is attacked backstage by Britt and is unable to compete. Tony Khan promises an opponent for Britt. He explains Britt's opponent is a beloved black female wrestler who recently became "effectively a free agent" in "controversial circumstances" and reveals... the Chief Brandi Officer! Britt holds Brandi in the Mandible claw for 15 minutes until Brandi hits the crossrhodes and pins Britt. Downstait performs.
The Young Bucks vs The Hardy Boyz: The Bucks and the Hardys exchange career ending injuries for 40 minutes to massive "fight forever chants". Sammy Guevara fights out of the crowd into the ring and does a 20 minute promo about how he has sex and both the Bucks and the Hardys collapse out of exhaustion. Sammy pins them both at the same time. Downstait performs.
Jurassic Express vs Team Taz vs Keith Lee and Swerve: The Chief Brandi Officer emerges at the top of the ramp and says that this match needs another team to spice it up, and announces Double J Jeff Jarrett The Last Outlaw will be the fourth team in this match. Because Jeff is the only person on his team, the refs won't count him as pinned unless it's a six count. Just as Luchasaurus, Hobbs and Keith Lee are about to pin Double J, Effy runs in and breaks up the pin. Then there's a ref bump. Ron "The Truth" Killings interferes to prevent Ricky Starks from pinning Double J, and ref bumps Aubrey Edwards, permanently blinding her. Jeff Jarret is given his guitar by Monty Brown and hits Swerve Strickland with it in the head until he gets CTE. Jeff then hits the stroke, pins everyone in the match, and is announced the new AEW Tag Team Champions. Effy tells Jeff Jarrett "You're the real Weapon of Sass Destruction, Double J Jeff Jarrett". Jeff immediately has a stroke. Jeff Jarrett performs.
Hookhausen vs Tony Nese and Mark Sterling: Danhausen has a new gimmick where he's a communist, and curses the stock market, causing a recession. AEW can no longer afford to hold the rest of the show in the T-Mobile arena due to the recession and there is an intermission as they set up the ring in the parking lot. Hook and Danhausen wait in the ring for 20 minutes before Tony Schiavone announce that Nese and Sterling aren't coming because they got lost trying to find the parking lot and stuck in the men's toilet, and are awarded the match for their bravery. Tony Khan then fires Danhausen for causing a recession.
Jade Cargill vs Anna Jay: Anna pokes Jade over and pins her. Jade gets up and reveals that she's become "Dark Order-pilled" and the rest of the Dark Order come out and do the Dark Order gesture for 15 minutes. Downstait performs.
Darby Allin vs Kyle O'Reilly: Due to the recession, Darby Allin can no longer afford to have more than three letters in his name, and is renamed Dab. Dab spends the entire match dabbing while Kyle O'Reilly desperately tries to get him to participate in literally any move. Dab eventually hits Kyle with the Dab, permanently blinding him and ending his career.
Sammy Guevara, Tay Conti, Frankie Kazarian vs American Top Team: Due to budget cuts, instead of cutting to the video package before the match, Tony Khan instead finds it on his phone and holds it to the camera, showing a video of Paige VanZant being taken out. ATT announces that they've replaced her with Brandi Rhodes, who is immediately pinned by Tay Conti so that this angle can continue. Sammy and Scorpio both turn face and shake hands, raising each others arms to massive boos. Sammy and Tay then have a live sex celebration and Excalibur calls out all the obscure sex moves that they're hitting.
Samoa Joe vs Adam Cole: This match was cut to make room for the Sammy Guevara Sex segment.
MJF vs Wardlow: This match was cut to make room for the Sammy Guevara Sex segment.
CM Punk vs Adam Page: This match was cut to make room for the Sammy Guevara Sex segment.
![r/SquaredCircle - [AEW Double or Nothing Spoiler] It was an explosive night! (Photo by me)](http://web.archive.org./web/20240425213347im_/https://i.redd.it/0iwn7jxpir2b1.jpg)
