this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
My wife (36F) and I (35M) have been married for a little more than 5 years. She realized she was bisexual last year and came out to me and our friends and families earlier this year. I started a new job in March and my wife asked if I would be comfortable telling my new coworkers that she is bisexual.
I told her I’d think about it and see what the vibe is at the office. To me, that doesn’t seem like it’s anyone’s business, and I can also see how that might be inappropriate or creep people out.
My wife and I had another conversation about it tonight and it got heated when I told her I still haven’t told anyone at my job. It’s not relevant to my job, there hasn’t been an opening to bring it up naturally in conversation, and it really doesn’t seem like any of their business to me. She asked if I’m ashamed of her, and I said no, because I’m not. She said it feels like I “don’t really believe” she’s bisexual, and I said I’m sorry she feels that way because of course I believe her, I have no reason not to. I said I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business. She told me she’s already out to her boss and coworkers. I said I was glad for that her coming out to her coworkers, who she’s known for years now, is different than me outing her when I haven’t even been at my job for four whole weeks yet.
We went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth like this for more than an hour before we called a time out and she went to bed and I went for a walk.
It’s not that I’m ashamed. It’s not that I think she’s lying for attention. It’s not even that I think either of us will get judged or treated unfairly for it. It’s just that I don’t think it’s anyone’s business and it would be weird to just say that out of the blue. My direct boss and two senior people on my team are also women and I don’t want them to think I’m proposing anything weird or inappropriate by telling them (my wife says that’s ridiculous, but I know that if a woman I barely knew told me out of the blue that her husband was bisexual I would think she was trying to set something up).
Am I the asshole here? I love my wife and do support her, but her being bi has nothing to do with my job and there honestly hasn’t been any kind of organic opening in a conversation at work where me telling everyone about it would make any sense. I told her I’d put up a bisexual flag pin during Pride Month, but she just rolled her eyes at that. Should I be doing more?
Thanks for reading.