Adoptive mother

We took placement of newborn baby boy 4 weeks ago. Yesterday, I took him for circumsision at the local children's hospital as I didn't do it in guys birth state. Well we checked in and doc had no issue with proceeding as she was an adoptive mom herself. I recognized the hospital never asked for my consent forms showing I had rights to make medical decisions so I decided to be truthful and give them a copy, but boy was that a mistake!! The woman checking the forms didn't read them and immediately started calling me foster mom and degradingly staring how I had no rights and wasn't his mom. This went on for a while and she took my forms to the doctor and stopped the procedure saying I was not allowed to make medical decisions for my son. This went all the way to the hospital legal team while I was there. I fought, thankfully with a wonderful doctor (who was an adoptive mom herself) to prove I had medical rights). But what this woman did has made me so angry. She ignore not only my rights as an adoptive mom, but my son's medical power of attorney, legal documents, and a myriad of other issues. I have already filed an informal complaint, and I'm following up with a formal grievance asking for her job the situation was so bad. The doc even recommended I go further but I'm starting here. But what hurts even more than all this, is I was just starting to feel this real bond of me being my son's mom that I feel this has set me back. Anyone have any encouragement or encountered something similar?

I wonder if any adoptive moms ever feel like they will never be loved as much as the biological mom no matter what they do? I adopted my children older and an even though the parent was abusive now they are connected to her and it’s like a party. I’m glad all for them. I sacrificed quite a bit and I don’t want recognition, I did what I did to help, but now I feel tossed aside. has anyone gone through this? My children are now all over 21. I adopted them at 13, 12, 10 and 7.

We just finalized our adoption a few months ago, after baby was placed with us at 1 day old. It was a private adoption with a family friend's teenager and it seems like she (bio mom "L") has spiraled out of control since the adoption. We agreed from the beginning it would be an open adoption as long as the relationship is healthy for baby, but after several months with no contact, a change in L's living situation and guardian, and the reports we've heard about from her family of drinking, drugs, sneaking out, etc, I'm at a loss for how to nurture that relationship without putting baby at risk or possibly further traumatizing L, who's obviously going through some tough stuff.

Anyone been through something similar or just willing to talk through some of this with me?

Today around 7:00 a.m. my adoptive mother passed away. She was a kind, caring person. She did a good job. I will always cherish and be grateful for the life the gave me and their love.

My adoptive mom betrays me when I speak to her about anything. I dont understand why she has this quality in her. Its not safe for me to speak to her, she will boradcast it to the world. My only explanation is that we just don't click. If I says something to her, she immediately sends a text to adoptive dad/her husband about what I said or did or my reaction. I have discover email she has written about me & there are some not nice things she has written about me. When I look at her, I dont see a loving parent, I rather feel ill just looking at her. She has a metal illness / hair pulling behavior where she twirles her fingers in her hair, and scratches her scalp,then she will extract the desired hairs and wraps it in her index fingers really fast. She will chew the hair root off and toss the hair on the floor next to her. I realize that most people don't pull hair out & eat the hair root. This is very bizarre behavior, and she has said that she does not realize that she does this. She will never seek treatments for this behavior, because she sees nothing wrongful. Her body, her choices. In the past whenever I went through something difficult or had a unpleasant experience or bad day, & share it with her, she is almost never sympathetic or understands me. She rather puts her self in other peopls shoes 👞 👟 🙄 and makes it even worse for me to go to her about anything. She gives response like "oh dear" "let it go" or "that's unfortunate".....Her & I dont click and its too late for us to be anything in the future. The husband she married, adoptive dad also has some sort of metal illness, he neglected oral hygiene, and later in life had a 5 way by pass it was a emergency operation. After his surgery recovery he talks about how his family has a history of bad ❤️. Recently i asked adoptive mom if dad went to dentist appointments. Her response was quick and it was a "no, dad never went to a dentist" .......teeth & the heart have a connection & bad oral hygiene can greatly impact the hearts health. He won't wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom, he just walks out. He won't flush the toilet, only when he 💩💩💩💩 he understands to flush, but immediately walks out of the bathroom. When ever he cooks, I refuse to eat. I dont need him to make me food. The 2 or 3rd year of living with him
We were driving 🚗 well he was driving and we got fast food, he wanted to his plate over the steering wheel at 75miles per hour. I got nervous and said no, he got mad and said I was worse than a wife. I never dreamed to be adopted by these people. It has been a difficult journey living under the roof of these adoptive people. I am following my own path to permanently move out, relocate / distance from the entire family. I function at my best when they a many miles away, like we never meet.

There were about a million comments from people I’ve never met about “Sally’s daughter” (referring to me as daughter of bio mom) and how I look just like her. My mom took it all in stride but I think it rattled her. (Like, “hey, that’s MY daughter you’re talking about!”)

It was a closed adoption and we just connected during COVID so my mom was never able to meet her.

I kind of just shrugged all the comments off, but I’m feeling a little insecure afterward and wondering if I could have responded in ways that would have been more supportive of my mom.

I’ve been struggling so much. Deep depression, a grief that I can’t adequately explain. Everything became worse when I discovered how abusive and corrupt my adoptive mother is. I’ve always known I was adopted, my twin brother and I were premature, I have cerebral palsy, and our parents were unfortunately drug addicts and weren’t fit to raise us (doesn’t mean I don’t grieve them). After we were taken by CPS, our biological mother entered a University of Oregon affliated reunification program that offered education and resources to families involved with CPS. My brother and I were entered into the program too.

As it turns out, our future adoptive mother was in charge of the program and it wasn’t just to provide resources to families involved with CPS; we were actually test subjects being researched on. My future adoptive mother’s dissertation was in early intervention with children with disabilities, of which I was one. Within a year of entering the program, my brother, and I started living with this woman and she formally adopted us a few years later when we were 6. She always told me that nobody else wanted to, or could take care of us since we were challenging kids, and she told us she had the tools to help us.

She was pretty abusive…physically and mentally. She started telling everybody when I was four years old that I had reactive attachment disorder, and that I was incapable of understanding love because of early trauma in my life. I didn’t find out until I was 28 that there was never an official diagnosis, she lied to me and everyone else for over 24 years and basically used her PhD to diagnose me herself, although again there was never an official diagnosis. She also enrolled me in experimental surgeries to “correct” my cerebral palsy. She told me she even wrote papers about it. This is getting long and to make it short. I’m going to skip to the end.

I started trying to look into my past. My biological parents died when we were 14. Our adoptive mother let us see them for a bit over the years, but she stopped allowing visits because she said that our behavior would be really bad afterwards. Anyway, I started looking into this program. It no longer exists, but I found all of my adoptive mother’s research, including research of other students who based their work off what my adoptive mother did. I found her PhD dissertation and realized that I clicked all of the boxes for her avenues of research. I was failure to thrive, premature and with cerebral palsy. I know that from the outside people probably think that she did have the tools to help us, but I actually think that she just knew how to work the system to benefit herself in her career. It strikes me as really unethical for someone to adopt their own research subjects. Not only that, but I realized that other children were adopted out of the program too. The University of Oregon literally had a partnership with child protective services, and they were researching on families. There has been a lot of corruption and cover up with this, and I am struggling so much.

I went no contact with my adoptive mother in 2021 because of how abusive she was. I’m talking physical abuse that was borderline torture. I don’t want to get into the details here of the physical abuse but it caused me complex PTSD. I told her through email that I remembered a lot of what she did to me, and she responded through her university of Oregon email that I was missing key information that would give me depth of understanding. I got curious and started looking through my email and realized that I had 10 years worth of abusive emails from her, calling me a criminal and a mastermind manipulator, and referencing the fake attachment disorder.

So I have all these emails she sent me, I have all this research she did, and I’m just broken. Why did this happen? Why did the University enable so much against me? I was used for data collection and my humanity was stripped from me, and I was separated from my entire biological family by someone with a PhD who never should have been around children in the first place. She literally made me think that I had reactive attachment disorder for over two decades, the cruelty of that is staggering for me. I don’t know what to do now. There’s not a lot of mental health available for adult adoptees, and I have so much abuse to heal from.

I guess this is just a vent post.

I was adopted 5 days shy of being four months old and always knew I was adopted. Everything was closed and I knew nothing about my biological parents or family. My mother used to tell me that my mother was most likely a scared teen and that if I ever wanted to search for her, she’d help me. In the meantime, she gave me lots of trauma by constantly talking about who everyone in the family took after and looked like, I presume not realizing how alienated that made me feel because I looked like no one. But I digress.

In 2020, I found my birth mother and wrote her a letter containing my phone number in case she was up for chatting. She called, and over the next couple years, we talked every week and got to know each other very well. We had plans to meet when she died unexpectedly.

She was a very sweet woman and I loved her. Our personalities were so similar it was eerie, right down to our sense of humor and even our laugh. She never had a bad word to say about anyone, just a wholesome, positive person.

My adoptive mother has hated her since the day I found her. She wasn’t a scared teen; she had been 27 years old and having an affair with a married man. She had given up not just me, but three other children as well. She forgot when my birthday was. For all these things, my adoptive mom couldn’t forgive her. They never met, but she says things like “She was such a cold woman.” And “What kind of a person just gives up all of her children?” My bio mother had even named me a very original, beautiful name, and my adoptive mom makes fun of it. This is the name my bio mom still called me when we spoke, and I loved that.

It makes me very angry. I never bring the subject up, she does. I don’t know why, unless it’s just because she’s feeling especially mean that day. If I mention how much it bothers me, she’ll find some way to be the victim.

I had to get it out and I know she isn’t on Reddit. Sorry this was so long and thanks for letting me get it off my chest.

Content warning - because this post could be triggering or upsetting to others.

My adoptive mother, who I call my mom, passed away almost seven years ago. She was my only parent - she adopted me as a single woman, never married and didn't even have romantic relationships for the remainder of her life. She also did not have any other children. There was no sexual abuse, so that's not where this is leading.

Anyway, I remember having a deep aversion to being physically close with my mom- so, for example, giving her hugs or being hugged by her was always a nightmare and made me feel disgusted. I never wanted her to kiss my cheek - which in some cultures is very normal and in some families is very normal. I never wanted to cuddle up to her beyond the age of probably eight.

The only time I felt okay being physically close to her was when she was literally on her deathbed.

I deal with a lot of shame surrounding my own behavior towards her, and she was also adopted herself, so I'm saddened that she may have felt rejected by me as her daughter.

I think it's probably impossible to separate out why I reacted this way entirely - I've, of course, considered emotional incest as a driving factor as well as attachment issues - but I'm also wondering if this is something other adoptees have experienced with their APs as well.

I do not seem to have the same issue of being physically close to my friends or romantic partners.

Original post:

Alot of you asked for an update when I first made this post but at the time I wasn't ready for it and was basically stuck in the same place I had been for years. I still somewhere blamed myself for what happened with Adoptive mother and with the urging and support of my husband, I talked with my therapist about contacting my Adoptive father again. She suggested I take small baby steps, so I first called him via zoom and didn't mention AM much only asked about his health and how my Adoptive sister was, he asked about me and my family. Over the course of a few zoom calls, we gradually got to the subject of AM and her behavior towards me. At first AF was vague calling her insane and that she was just a very vengeful woman but wouldn't go into detail about her so I didn't push as honestly I was scared of the answer myself. I talked with my AS also during this time and it was really lovely connecting with her again.

Two weeks earlier, AF and I decided to meet up for lunch. This time I don't know what came over me but I asked him to tell me why AM felt that way about me there had to be a reason. Jittery at first AF admitted he felt kind of to blame for her behaviour because before I was adopted he had a year long affair which my caused AM to have a mental breakdown. They had also been struggling with infertility after AS and in her head AM thought she was to blame for his infidelity. AF said he tried to assure her he was the one to blame and they went through couples counselling but AM didn't agree with the therapist, saying they were fine all they needed was another baby in the house. Yes at first they planned to adopt a baby but over time AM thought a same aged sibling for AS was a better choice. My country was going through a crisis and many parents were putting their kids up for adoption, like my mother, and they chose me from a large binder of kids. AM had chosen me specifically as I was the same age as AF and our birthdays were close. I was 10 at the time and he said AM would claim she fell in love with me the second she saw me. He said the first time he saw a change when I turned 12, which was earlier than I thought, she became distant with me and would berate me for the simplest things. Although I do remember this but I would blame myself at the time thinking I was a stupid girl always making mistakes. When AF confronted her about it they had a huge fight and she accused him of favoritism that he was putting me before AS and cared for me more. Over time and as I grew up more that then lead to her accusing him having feelings for me as you all know already. I cried a lot that day and it took me some time to come to terms with what AF said.

I think it helped me alot to talk here and post my story. Now I know nothing I could've done would've changed the situation and finally come to terms that I was needlessly put between these two. I would like to thank everyone who gave me encouragement during my first post, literally years of therapy couldn't help when a few Internet strangers did. I'm at a better place with AF now and even back in contact with AS. I have reconnected with my family and my mother now lives with me so she can bake me all the cookies me and my sister want so I don't have to steal them.

Last night I told her to turn the TV down at 11:30 PM because I was trying to sleep. She got angry and told me to go to my room. She always acts this way, she yells at me all the time for forgetting to do things and then when she forgets and I complain about it I’m yelled at. She tells me I need to clean up the house because it’s a mess or whatever but when she’s in a bad mood she doesn’t clean up after herself and just expects me to do it.

She’s also very threatening and threatened to harm me multiple times if I was caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to.

She forces me to follow her religion and whenever I have a problem she claims that I’m not praying enough.

I don’t know what to do. I’m 17 this year and family and children’s services won’t help me at this age. My real family abandoned me. Please help.

EDIT: I’m in Canada. You can live on your own starting at 16 here, so I wouldn’t need to wait until I’m 18. I just don’t have enough money to move out, and I’ve been applying to jobs all year but haven’t found success in doing so.

I hate that I had to clarify adoptive mother. I just want to feel like a mother. Period. No qualifiers. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I feel like it’s an elaborate play we are all acting in.

I hate that my teenage daughter calls me by my first or last name. A long time ago we even came up with a mom-adjacent nickname (Monty), but she thinks it feels weird to say. I cringe a little every time she says my name.

I hate when I read comments where people declare their extreme love for their children and I don’t share those feelings about my own children. Thinking specifically of a guy who said, “I’d die a thousand deaths for my children.” I love my girls and invest all my time, energy, and passion into raising them, but that feels a bit much to say. It makes me feel like shit that I don’t have that. I feel bad for me that I’m missing out on it and really bad for them not getting to have someone who would say that about them.

All my friends are having babies right now and we adopted older children. On one hand, I enjoy the freedom older children bring. I sleep every night, they help cook and clean, we have nice conversation, they have interesting hobbies, I’m not attached at the hip to them. On the other hand, I’m so sad that I missed all the firsts with my own girls.going into detail about everything I missed out on is too painful and emotionally exhausting to even elaborate on.

Anyway, its been raining all day and my younger daughter was so rude this morning. Bad combo that has had me feeling down all day. Just sitting in my car in front of my house and needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Edit: Heading to bed. I’m so glad I posted this today. Thank you everyone for the amazing support. I feel much better after connecting with people who get what I’m going through. Love and strength to all the adoptive families!

My mother has been codependent on me for as long as I have been an adult but now that I’m pregnant she cannot separate my experience from her desired experience. She constantly refers to the baby as ‘hers’ and we keep fighting because I do not do things the way she wants to. I feel bullied and I can’t stand her attempts at manipulation.

Some of this may be singular to her and I recognize I should have addressed this in therapy before now, but has anyone else had weird moms like this? Even adopted or not; but I think her not ever having a baby less than nine months old is making her want to live vicariously through me / make me do things the way she wants and I cannot deal. I’d rather just not talk to her but I can’t do that, either.

Advice welcome as well, I have a month left and I just want to be left alone…

I’ve had cystic acne since I was around 10 or so. It was always bad when I was a kid & I was never really taught how to properly care for my face. My mom would always tell me to ‘just wash my face more’ and then get upset at me for getting acne because I ‘must not be actually doing it’. She told me only dirty people got acne. She would tell me the reason I was bullied at school & didn’t have many friends was because all the other kids knew how disgusting I was just by looking at my face. It’s something I still struggle with well into my 20s even after finally seeing a dermatologist once I was in charge of my own healthcare.

When I met my birth family, I found out two of my siblings had to be on accutane for years. It’s genetic.

Every time I try to have a discussion about being adopted, that is her response. Tonight, it was after she said I was "well taken-care of" when I was born, because the nurses in the hospital supposedly held me and never put me down until my a-mother was able to collect me a few days later. "Well... that's not really how it's supposed to be," I offered. Meaning, it's not supposed to be nurses holding you. And then she came in with her response.

I told her I didn't like it when she said that, and she claimed she didn't mean to hurt me. Well what did she mean to do? Certainly, to guilt trip me.

Does anyone else's adoptive parents talk about sending them back?

My biological parents cast me out when I was an infant, I lived in an orphanage for three years and was then adopted. My adoptive father died of cancer when I was 8, which left me with my adoptive mother.

Now I am 19m and I have never seen her as anything more than 'the woman who adopted me'. I never thought of her as a mother. I have no bond with her. I do not care for her. I will not nurture her into old age and I would not lose sleep over her if she got hurt.

She isn't a great parent and also not a good person, but not THAT much worse than the biological mothers I observed from my friends and acquaintances over my life. She did not abuse me, she did love me and she cared for me, just in a suboptimal way. Still, I have friends with equally "difficult" mothers who loved theirs to pieces. Some of them straight up venerate their parents.

It has always icked me. I couldn't ignore that she didn't give birth to me. I knew it shouldn't matter, she did the same as a biological mother would have done, but something always felt off. I felt out of place, unwanted and lost. At family meetings I always felt estranged and unwell, I avoided them like the plague, I reckon this is common. But it got to a point where I actually was reluctant to refer to her as my mother.

I simply cannot love her. I would completely start life over again in a heartbeat if I could grow up in a biological family this time. Once I have a sufficient income, I will move far away and never come back. All I want to do is forget about them.

I (F29) accidentally found out in May I was adopted, my adoptive mother does not know I know. My adoptive father died last year.

I did my DNA test for ancestry, and matched with my birth mother and half siblings. I was raised an only child, turns out I have several half siblings all near my age.

My birth mother and siblings have been talking since we matched, it’s been a pleasant experience. However, my birth mother said my parents were with her through the entire birth and had me since day one, mentioning my adoptive parents were so sweet, especially dad. I was surprised they knew each other.

My adoptive dad died from a heart attack, he was on and off life support for about two weeks. In those two weeks, he was given a diary to write in. Although he struggled to write, the few words he wrote were “birth mother” and “your sister.” I saw this two days ago while searching through photos and other family things.

My adoptive mothers family has always been a tough topic, I’ve been trying to test the waters and said I matched with someone at 25%. She danced around it said she didn’t know the name (which I find hard to believe). I haven’t told her I know who my birth mother is.

I’ve been thinking about whether or not to even say anything. I haven’t asked my birth mother questions, afraid of what I might start or uncover until I know exactly who she is in relation to my mother.

Any advice?

adopted at 2 years old but been in foster care since around 3 months old.

ive lived with my adoptive parents for about my whole life and i never knew anything different. my bio mom has not made any attempt to reach out to me in any way. my mom only really kept in touch with her for medical history stuff. i inherited a lot of health issues from her.

she once asked to borrow a couple hundred of dollars for a late car payment. the initial money my mom sent through an online means was going to be pending for a few more days. she said she needed the money that exact day. sent another couple hundred of dollars through an alternative means. promised she'd pay back both amounts in a few days.

it's been two months now and complete radio silence from her. she's still active online apparently but she will not return my mom's calls.

my mom got hit with an overdraft fee from the bank and missed out on paying a medical bill since she sent about half of her monthly disability check to her. of course the other half goes towards other bills so we really don't have anything left over to pay for groceries or anything else. we're still trying to catch up with paying bills and getting groceries. i'm on a medically necessary diet that's sometimes expensive to uphold so i've been putting myself at risk for two months now by eating potentially unsafe foods and i have gotten sick multiple times recently because of it.

i don't know if this constitutes stealing since my mom did hand over the money to her. on the expectation that she would send the money back right away. especially the first payment.

i'm just mad about it all. this has soured any chance of me wanting to connect with my bio mom. she's put me through months of hell involving my health.

just a vent bc im apparently expected to forgive her because she birthed me or whatever and i literally do not care at all

Unfortunately there is always a huge number of people who constantly argue different versions of the following idea: "men are men, women are women, you can't change biology, didn't you go to school lmao".

As far as I'm concerned these people are either 1) fully blind to the distinction between social gender and biological sex, or 2) aware of such a distinction but ignoring it on purpose because of their (anti-trans) worldview.

I'm not trans, but since a couple of months I've been responding to gender-essentialist comments (in social media as well as real life) with the following question: "Do you believe that an adoptive mother is a mother?"

I do this because to me it feels like it does a good job of highlighting the distinction between narrowly defined biological or traditional roles and the broader, more inclusive understandings of identity and social roles. And the same people who will discredit transgender identities will more often than not happily admit that adoptive mothers are mothers; they would never tell an adoptive mother they are not a "real" mother.

With this point, I try to guide them to the conclusion: "If adoptive mothers can be real mothers, then trans women can be real women".

I am just curious whether this is a line of reasoning that trans people also use, or that trans people feel comfortable or satisfied with?

Curious to hear your thoughts.

This might have been posted here before but it was my first time seeing it. The writer describes how she relates to the (hideous) Commanders' wives in Gilead.

"The problem I find myself facing as the show goes on is in the rare glimpses of Serena’s (Yvonne Strahovski's) humanity. She's a woman of privilege in this world: She's married to a high-powered Commander, but as a couple they're unable to get pregnant. I'm starting to see pieces of myself in her—particularly her desire to be a mom."

It goes on from there. A pile of justifications and a just-so infant adoption story that reeks of bullshit. Leah claims she was in FP training, intending to foster teens, when a pregnant woman just so happened to approach her and beg her to take her baby. "I offered to help her find resources to keep that baby, but she insisted: It was me. I was the one who was supposed to be this child’s mother. A week later I was in the delivery room."

Suuuuure, Jan.

IOW a private infant adoption, though she doesn't describe it in those terms, so she gets to look like she got the infant through foster care to a less-observant reader. Oh, and it was an open adoption that has become less open because, wait for it, the bio mother pulling away. Of course the first mom wants it that way because she realizes how much AP loves the child and is more suited to parent her. Yeah, okay.

This chick is a professional writer so I have no doubt she has pitched the story to Lifetime or whatever. She's also written a book called Single Infertile Female. Yes, that title does give off vibes of a certain movie starring Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh. No surprise since Leah sees fucking Gilead wives who force other women to gestate babies for them as "nuanced" and "yearning". Leah gives some lip service to understanding the grief of bio moms (but doesn't have dick to say about the loss and grief of her adopted daughter, natch) and it's all directed toward a happy ending where, of course, Leah is the true mom of the girl. You know, just like Serena Joy and Mrs. Mackenzie.

One major reason I stopped watching HT was not because the show isn't good (I loved the book too) but because of how its non-adoptee fans are willfully not getting that private infant adoption is the heart of the story. I'm pretty sure the common assumption of HT viewers is that, all things considered, the children taken by Commanders' families are getting a better life, much like the implicit assumption of infant adoption IRL.

I'm adopted and I found out when I was 15. Everyone knew about it even my cousins. However, I still view my mom as my mom. Sometimes my family slip up and call my mom my aunt. I always correct them. There has been talk about a family tree. How do I bring up my position on the family tree? I don't want the tree to say my mom is my aunt and my cousin is my mom. I don't want to have to be put in an awkward conversation where I have to explain in the future to my future kids. ( I currently don't have kids). Unfortunately, if my family decide to put my name under my cousin name as me being her child. I would not want to have a family tree plaque in my house.

How do I approach my family about my placement on the family tree?

I’m a 17 year old adopted girl so I’ve always struggled with self esteem issues- a little more than the usual teenager I would say.

My mother, who adopted me at birth, has always, always shown favoritism towards my two sisters, who are biologically related to her and my adoptive father. I’ve always noticed it, and while it does hurt, I’ve just gotten used to it.

I understand that my parents say things to my face out of frustration or anger that they don’t mean sometimes. I don’t take these seriously and I’ve said things I don’t mean out of anger as well. But today, my sister told me that in the car on the way back from the supermarket, my mother was completely calm and complaining about how chubby I look and how ugly I’m becoming. I don’t think I’m chubby, I don’t think the average person would think I’m chubby- but I guess in relation to my sisters I would look chubby, since they’re really really thin.

It hurts to hear that my own mom would say that about me behind my back, because I think what you say to someone else in a calm state is what you really feel about someone.

I’ve always had issues with my mother comparing me to her biological children. I just wish it would stop. I seriously can’t take it anymore. I just needed to vent