EDIT: thanks for the comments everyone! He saw the post, we’re discussing. He’s willing to end the open relationship whenever I say the word. So there’s that.

27F, 27M together 8 years married in end of 2023. We met at X college (edited for anonymity since blowing up) when we were 18/19 in chem class, built a wonderful life together for the last 8 years. We've celebrated in successes and failures, traveled literally 30 states together and several countries, and have a very optimistic life overall. He is absolutely perfect on paper, and ok for everyone saying it’s shallow, “on paper” is shallow. From the outside looking, I’m stating what other people see of him: 6'3, blue-eyed brunette, he owns 1 acre investment property house, and started making 310K since he was 24, net worth at 600k not including house. We have a really steady vision of the future together. I'm 1 year from finishing medical school.

The only point of contention we've had repeatedly is that he didn't have much experience in other relationships prior to meeting me. We opened the relationship to have casual relations with others briefly in early 2023 (no strict limitations at that time), while we were doing temporary distance while he was working on the investment property. He got the experience he's always desired, and subsequently committed after deciding I was the one We closed the relationship back up. We got married and we have a really blessed life honestly.

He moved to another state recently for a really amazing new job opportunity. The only point of contention is he pushed for an open relationship only doing casual with others (no intercourse, no repeat dates etc). He's always constantly reassuring, saying it's just fun with these women while we're doing this 1 year of distance (again I'm stuck finishing year 4 of my MD) and he really only sees himself building a life with me. He says no other women he's meeting are as attractive/ambitious/kind, and his family and friends adore me. At the end of the day, this isn't what I want.

Last week, it was my birthday and he saw someone literally night before, texted people the day of, met up with another the day after and I was extremely distressed. He put in no effort on my birthday, and usually doesn't care about these types of events in our life, not a flowers and romance type of guy at all. Prior to leaving in February, he did give 6K check to do what I wanted with it so I just cashed it and treated myself to little things, treated my friends out to my birthday dinner, and paid off some education loans. In a state of panic, I sent his mom (who I'm close with) a text that I didn't think this relationship was going to work. His dad called him a few days after and told him that he thought he was stupid, disapproved and that open relationships even in the context of marriage was infidelity and that he should really value me better.

He keeps telling me that we're the best we'll ever get with each other, that we're equivalents on attractiveness/success/personality and are building this dream life together. In just a couple years we'll be hitting 600K as a couple, we'll be in the same city and he agrees we'd never do anything casual-open if we're in the same location. I believe that he is the best on paper but when I look at my friends' relationships who are with "average men on paper" but they get treated so well and are absolutely adored, I feel envious. Part of me feels like this is emotional abuse since he holds the upper hand of the power dynamic in the relationship at this point in time (it'll even out with the career eventually). But are all men who are this successful so entitled and like this?

Also to those saying I’m shallow, perhaps but remember I met this man when we were broke college students with nothing. The point of the post is to see if this is a universal experience of men who think they deserve xyz because they’re the type of man that society puts on a pedestal. The status matters unfortunately not because that’s the only thing that I value but because he thinks entitled to this because of his success in every other arena of his life. We don’t spend lavishly on anything, nor is that anything I value in life—not fancy bags, not fancy cars, but I do value my peace.

EDIT: to give you an example of what he always says. We've had tons of honest conversations where I've expressed this makes me feel uncomfortable, it's distressing, I don't like it. This is what he sent me after the 4am incident "Baby I know this must have been a horrible night and unbelievably stressful, I want you to know nothing bad happened, and that my commitment to you is unshaken. I'm unbelievably sorry you weren't able to get in contact with me sooner. Love you immensely as always and good night. I'm sorry this made you feel insecure and I have nothing but reassurances for you. Love you more than anything and see us continuing to build the life together that we always talked about"

FINAL EDIT: image proofs of those messages. That’s all folks, goodnight. Thanks for the kind messages to those that were encouraging, my heart deeply needed that after a pretty traumatic week.