r/Kibbe

Beloveds. It’s finally happening! After years of orbiting the Kibbesphere, I am doing what only David and I can do: I am claiming my ID! I am proud and delighted to be a Soft Natural. Deep down, I always knew it, and I looked forward to the day I was sure enough to truly embrace it. Because I have shared so much of my journey with you all, I of course wanted to share this, too.

I have always felt non-physical. I have never felt that my body represented me well, nor that any body could. I have found much more satisfaction in decorating it than in possessing it, but fashion has also rarely felt truly satisfying. And yet, I’m in this bitch, and so I have yearned and worked to merge the metaphysical and the physical as best I can.

For years, I have been dressing around and for certain body parts. Anyone who’s ever seen me multiple times knows I am TITS OUT! I have nothing more to say about that at this time, it’s really just a simple fact of my life. What I am also is pretty significantly shouldered. These traits together have birthed a general self-conception that I am top heavy and AirPod-shaped. So when I found Kibbe and learned about Soft Naturals, I was honestly pissed off bc A) that was obviously me and B) I was like fucking great, another medium through which my construction can be likened to that of a bell pepper.

Thankfully, I did not let the AlyArt video that was my first introduction stop me from finding out more. This was how I learned that my conceptions about the types were not quite right. I first read Metamorphosis at this point—and have reread it a few times since—and walked away A LOT less sure about being an SN.

When I joined the Kibbe sub, I made two typing posts. Both were more or less evenly split between SN and R. Crucially and chronologically, this was also the only time that someone has suggested SD for me, which was the other type I thought was likeliest after watching AlyArt’s video.

The user who recommended SD is one I trust and find very knowledgeable, and is also an SD herself, so this recommendation single-handedly overrode the like hundreds of comments saying the other two lol. I knew damn well that most of us had no idea what we were talking about, bc I didn’t, but I believed that this user did! And thus began my storied and star-crossed love affair with this ID. It was really a saving grace to me when I was fucking terrified I might be a Width ogre. I was like wait!!! If I can be something that isn’t a Width ogre, let’s focus on that.

And so for the next couple years, I got to know Kibbe for real, and kind of vacillated between SN, SD, and the Rs. I made another typing post, which was equally unhelpful ngl lmao. Much love to y’all tho, truly. After this, I realized that no one else was going to be able to answer this question for me, and I got more serious about exploring Kibbe through clothes rather than staring at my shoulders.

My relationship with the Romantic family is…bad. Right away I was plagued with a debilitating need to associate myself with what I perceived to be the Hot ID. The shitty part is that it was not totally unreasonable. I mean, yeah it was. Because I don’t look like that lol. But to my untrained eye, I was really convinced it was possible! And the many other untrained eyes of this subreddit kept telling me it was?!

Of course I wanted to be Marilyn Monroe…not Kamala Harris lmfao. Alas. Sometimes the cookie crumbles and it has width. Now, I’m delusional for sure, but I do have limits. And at a certain point, I realized that it was incredibly silly of me to go on pretending that I did not have blatantly visible Yang. While I AM willing to destroy myself and everything around me in pursuit of denying reality, I am not willing to be stupid! And it had become stupid. It had become, “Why am I acting like I don’t have eyes?”

And so I cozied up to SD again in a last-ditch, desperate attempt to be anything other than what I am. It was in this period that I realized that at 5’5”, I may have vertical (FN is the other ID I consider likeliest now!). I definitely enjoyed emphasizing the length in my body, but outside of that, I did not relate to the Dramatics at all. The more I spent time in the bone-chillingly frightening place that is , I realized that I simply cannot be any ID that is based on being a diva. I’m unfussy to the point of being probably closer to disgusting.

At the same time that I struggled with SD and R, I explored my true feelings about being SN. An aspect of my resistance to being an SN was the fact that I find the verified SNs thoroughly uninspiring. Scarlett Johansson is the celebrity in whom I most see myself (lmao), but I also think she dresses like shit a lot of the time, and find her generally not interesting as an actress or a persona. And with an essence-based system, that matters!

And so I fell in love with the natural family not through SNs, but through FNs. While I was wholeheartedly committed to SN=strip mall steakhouse, I never bought FN=linebacker. Among the FNs, I saw women whose imaginative, flexible styles I had admired since I was a kid, women like Nicole Kidman and Jane Birkin. It was through the concept of the Free Spirit that I came to sincerely love the Natural family. I watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and felt enraptured by the beauty of Margot Robbie’s depiction of Sharon Tate. I was truly and deeply moved, and my brain was so Kibbe-sick, deranged, and embarrassing by this point that I was nearly in tears thinking, “I can have width and be this beautiful.”

And so that’s how I started to really understand how much I wish to be smaller. I’m 5’5” and mid-sized, so not exactly at either end of any spectrum. I have always struggled both with my weight and disordered eating. I was in elementary school the first time I proudly sent a full day without eating. I felt ugly every single day of my life until I lost weight (by not eating) in college. That was when I started this whole Toddler Slut style I’ve struggled to move on from. Once I started presenting better, I started receiving some of the social benefits of being attractive, but honestly, I hated it. I felt really sad about how much it mattered.

But I also came to crave it. I was rather fucking convinced by then that being pretty was the thing that would bring me the most happiness. Unfortunately, I had a narrow idea of what pretty could mean. When I perceived something in myself that contradicted my image of beauty, I sought to crush it or more honestly, deny its very existence. This is why I dressed for width accommodations before I knew what Kibbe was, but tried to convince myself I didn’t have width, even when I learned that these were the accommodations that I already knew made me feel best.

But I have width. I know this because at times, I feel stuffed into things. And at other times, I feel things flow around me. And the gulf between those experiences is so magnificent that it can only signal a need for width accommodation. It pains me to admit this as someone whose ideal style is probably best suited toward an FG (lmfao), but I need room.

And I’m finally fucking taking it. I feel, more than anything, greatly relieved that I no longer have to steel myself mentally for the outfits I’ve chosen to wear. I NEED ROOM! And that’s ok. It may even be a good thing. One of the things I learned from finally accepting my ID was that actually, a lot of the things that I like about myself are Yang, and that was a freeing thought. It was only my idea of width that was ever at odds with my beauty standards; width, as Kibbe truly describes it, is a conventional beauty standard imo. It meant a lot to me to know that some of the women I have always found most beautiful are considered beautiful because of Yang, not in spite of it.

And that’s really what this journey has been all about for me. This has been a journey from and to myself. I knew instantly what I was, and yet it still took me years to really know it. I suspect a lot of people are in the same situation; deep down, you know. Honestly, it was reading a comment here that said that that had me really and truly feel my ID for the first time. And it felt so much more glorious than I thought it would.

Now I’m on the other side of knowing. The world is still round, and the sky is still blue. I am still in the same body, and still wearing many of the same clothes, but I feel lighter. It’s amazing to know that nothing was ever wrong with me; I was just fighting all the naturally lovely things about me. And it really is lovelyyyy to be a Soft Natural.

I feel grateful not just to know my ID but to be it. Width ogre or not, I genuinely love my ID. I love being a member of the family whose hallmark is freedom and openness. There is nothing that feels truer to me than that. I have always been high on potential, drunk on the promise of more. Embracing Soft Natural felt like coming home to myself, and more honestly, and with more love. I am not sorry that I have shoulders. I am grateful for everything they allow me to do, and I even think they’re beautiful. Soft Naturals are really, really beautiful. And so much more than that, obviously. But I cannot end a post in which I have called them ogres so many times without making it really clear that I know now that Soft Naturals are truly fucking gorgeous.

If there’s one thing I want people to take away from this post, it’s comfort in knowing that your Kibbe journey is yours. It’s supposed to take time, and while designed to be helpful, it’s ok that it also asks you to look at some of your shadow. Fuck, do I feel relieved finally understanding how much I truly hated my body. It puts a lot into perspective.

Your ID will reveal itself when you’re ready. Good luck with each and every one of your journeys 🩷

And some notes on things I found useful when uncertain or unsure:

1. De-prioritize finding your ID. This is my number 1 piece of advice, and the opposite of what most people want to hear. Kibbe isn’t a good system for people who want shortcuts. It requires time, honesty, and bravery. Your ID will come to you when you stop looking for it.

2. Be really comfortable identifying Yin and Yang before you do anything else. It’s incredibly obvious to me when I’m reading comments here from people who failed to take the time to fully understand this distinction. This is truly the key that many of you are missing.

3. Know that there’s no wrong answer. Your ID isn’t a spider and you shouldn’t be scared of it. Even if it’s not what you thought you wanted (trust I get it), it has valuable information for you.

4. Consider who’s commenting. I say this with love, but very few of us here know what the fuck we are talking about. I absolutely don’t. Obviously, there are a lot of incredible knowledgeable users here. But A LOT of online discussion boils down to the blind leading the blind, so just stay aware of where you’re getting your info. If you’ve never seen it in the book or from the man himself, I would reconsider treating it as a Kibbefact.

5. Open your heart to the phrenological undertones. So, while I am basically uncomfortable with the notion that our bodies decide ourselves, I don’t think that’s what essences actually are. Deep down, and when alone, I am a very depressed, cold, sad, introverted, passive, negative person and always have been. That said, multiple people I barely knew have told me I’m the happiest person they’ve ever met. If I got murdered, I’d definitely get “lights up a room” accusations. I think a lot of this relates to my physicality; I have big bright eyes that light up when I smile (which I do often and easily) and possess a lot of curly hair which inexplicably suggests creativity and openness. So even if my loved ones and I can identify my true self, I am physically received as a warm, solar, open person, the opposite of my actual personality. I think that’s essence. I’m tossing a word salad trying to define it, so hopefully that anecdote says something.