Dancing

I just discovered this sub and it seemed like a good place to vent about this issue, and I am very sorry if this question has been posted a million times before, or if it breaks the rules somehow.

My husband and I have signed up for a couple of beginning ballroom classes as a way to spend some quality date time together. Every time, the instructor insists that to be really good at ballroom, you have to switch partners, and so I spend 95% of the class time with men who are not my husband.

I wish instructors would realize that most adults attending beginning ballroom classes do not give a shit about becoming really good ballroom dancers, they just want to spend time with their SOs. The last class we did, one woman threw a fit and said "I came here to spend time with my husband! Not all these other guys!" Which I was super grateful for. The instructor seemed SHOCKED and reluctantly said that we should switch to get better, but we didn't have to if we were uncomfortable. Shockingly, as soon as he said this, everyone stopped switching partners and instead chose to dance exclusively with their SOs. The instructor was super salty about this.

Why is this so hard for instructors to get? I know they have a passion and a talent but for adult beginning classes specifically, shouldn't they at least anticipate that this is how adults want to do the class? I can't imagine most grown people suddenly developing an interest in becoming a competitive dancer, surely most people in that kind of class are doing it for a date night?

Allowing your kids access to social media is a personal decision and I'm not here to tell parents how to parent, but I'd like to offer a word of caution based on some disturbing things I've seen on IG.

I see many young dancers - as young as 10 years old - who are active on social media (I get it, there's pressure to build an audience these days to get noticed!) and who post a lot of videos and pictures of themselves stretching, showing off their aches and footwork, etc... and the comment section is 100% grown men and foot fetish profiles!!

Please, parents, pay close attention to what your daughter is posting, who is following her, commenting on her posts, and sending her messages. Sadly, there are a lot of pedos and perverts out there, and ballet dancers tend to attract foot fetishists.

So title. My girlfriend does not know how to dance At. All. (Bless her). But I am preparing her for our wedding and have gone down the rabbit hole of figuring out how to waltz when she's so much shorter than me. She would prefer to be leader (I think) purely because she prefers the more masculine roles. However, I'm sure there are no hard and fast rules that she *has* to be leader right? Okay Im rambling now. '

I know dancing, rhythm, the basics. I took a few Arthur Murray lessons when I was younger (loved it but way too pricey). [I had a small Dancing With The Stars obssession at one point lol]. So I'm confident I can get us part of the way to waltzing. But the height difference! Especially if I'm gonna be wearing like 1.5 inch heels. How???

I saw some things about the leader compensating so if I took the leader role, I would compensate for the height difference to avoid overextending her arms or losing body position.

Stop me if I'm going the wrong direction. Thanks everyone!

Just throwing this out there in case it ends up preventing my situation from happening to someone else’s child. I (20, female) was involved in one of those rigorous preprofessional/professional ballet companies from ages 11-16. I came away severely traumatized. The instructors were extremely psychologically abusive, which is something I am able to realize now as an adult looking back. We were treated- as children- like military recruits. They controlled our entire lives. Parents were afraid of them. We were actively discouraged by the instructors from putting effort into our academics because it took time away from dance. We weren’t allowed to be kids. We were screamed at, humiliated in front of rooms of dancers, our intelligence was insulted, etc. all as young mostly-preteen children. The instructors would specifically pick on the dancers who were younger/less confident/obviously presented as having weaker self-esteem and verbally abuse them the most, almost like they were trying to shape our sense of self-worth around their approval. This is what happened to me. I had no concept of identity besides what the instructors were saying about me on any given day. Pleasing them was impossible- they were nearly bipolar. You couldn’t ever figure out how to appease them and you would just be so confused when they screamed at you, which is terrifying as a twelve-year old girl just trying to please these authority figures who you look up to. I finally quit because I was 16 and didn’t want to live anymore. They had damaged my psyche so much that I had nightmares about being stuck back in the ballet company for about a year and a half after leaving, at least once or twice a week. I still have the abdominal hernia I developed because I stress-vomited so many times. My hair started falling out and I was told I had developed partial alopecia from the stress. My therapist suggests complex PTSD or some other trauma disorder. I have NO prior history of mental health issues. NONE at all. Not even an anxiety disorder before the dance world. These people still have authority over children. Parents- PLEASE PLEASE be careful. Remain active in your child’s dance life. If you feel like an instructor is hypercritical- get kid out immediately. Whatever they do in front of you they are behaving 10x worse behind closed doors. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell your child: no, you cannot boost your training schedule to five days a week. As a kid I found myself unable to quit because these people were my only source of validation. If you have to force your kid to quit, so be it. I wish my parents had done so because maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here with PTSD.

What’s your hot take, your unpopular opinion, the hill you’d die on?

Mine: if we don’t verbally clarify at the beginning of the dance which roles we’re dancing, I have the right to steal the lead at any time.

40M here. Been ballroom dancing for 4+ years.

I started ballroom dancing because I heard it's a good way to meet women (for dating) and heard that women like men who can dance. When I first started, it was awkward and hard but somehow, I fell in love with it. I think it's because I'm a musician and so moving elegantly to music is very enticing.

As for the dating part, I've realized ballroom is bad if you're a single guy looking to meet women organically via common activity/hobby. Some background here first. I'm average looking. I don't do well on dating apps. I work from home. I don't like sports or going to the gym. And so my only way of meeting people in real life is via ballroom. That's where my spotlight is.

Over the course of 4+ years, I actually became somewhat good at it. I've made lots of friends at the schools, both men and women. I even dated a fellow female student. It didn't work out. That was a whole other story.

But in general, it hasn't helped me in the dating realm. Here are some truths I've discovered:

• Women may respect or even admire you as a man who can dance well but they don't necessarily want to date or are even attracted to you in a dating sense.

• Women come to dance for many reasons. Many are married and have kids and seek dance as a a means of taking a break from all the responsibilities.

• Many of the single women are divorced or who ended a long-term relationship and are not looking for another relationship and come to dance to avoid social isolation and come to make new friends.

• There are hardcore women dancers who grew up with dance and are in it for pure dancing and going to competitions, etc. They can be single or married but they just come for lessons and competitions and don't socialize.

• There are a tiny set of women who join because they want to possibly meet someone and also to socialize and make new friends.

• Women in general actually don't value their SO being able to dance.

It's really counter-intuitive as when I tell people I ballroom dance, they think "oh wow, you must be popular with the ladies." It's not true at all. And it's not true either for the few other guys my age I know who are also ballroom dancers.

Also, once you do start dating someone whose in the circle and you break up, you're forever painted by the other ladies as "that guy who attempted to date and failed and might be looking to date you so watch out".

The thing is, ballroom is an activity I accidentally became good at. I say accidentally because there's no way in hell I thought I'd be good at it but after 4+ years, I've made some breakthroughs and I love it for the sport that it is.

I am approaching the point now that the social dancing part doesn't interest me as much. Many of the other students aren't as advanced and are just in it for fun and dancing which is great because that's what I did for years too. Nothing wrong with that. Just that I'm getting to the kinda level where I can't practice that in the social parties. I specialize in standard ballroom and so the close hold is not something you do with other students.

I am making a change in ballroom next year. I will focus on taking lessons with my instructors and possibly do competitions. And in these competitions, be on the lookout for a possible compatible dance partner (just for dancing, no dating).

Many ladies at the social will be disappointed that I won't be there but I'm not there to entertain them as a lead and get ostracized when a dating situation goes wrong. Some context, I don't hit on women at the ballroom. The person I dated, it just happened that way and we began dancing together too. I'm not rude, I'm not pushy/aggressive. Didn't do anything wrong.

I am not making this post out of any bitterness or malice. Just an observation. And I'd like to point out the ironies that many women complain modern dating is mostly via apps and they prefer to meet men in real life. Except when men actually attempt to do that (like in my case via ballroom), they are ostracized for it when they date someone and fail. What's worse is society of keep telling men to "get out there". The type of men telling guys who just been broken up with to get back out there don't actually mean to go out there cause these are the guys who do well on dating apps. When they say "get back out there", they mean sitting at home in Pjs and going on a dating app and getting multiple matches per week. Guys like me who actually did go out there, made effort and became an accomplished dancer but still failed at finding someone, I just don't see any value of "getting back out there."

Not sure if this belongs here- I’m a new dancer and I had my regular beginner class tonight, a small group. I enjoy the teachers instructions and those in my class are fun to dance with.

Since our instructor is getting us comfortable dancing with other people,at the end of the class our instructor asked us if we wanted to mingle with her intermediate class for the first time for a few minutes, which we thought would be fun. I begin dancing with this one older man who tells me to smile (which is very frustrating for someone like me who is exausted from working all day, and just finished a dance lesson). He then grabs my face by my chin and says to me “look up you won’t learn anything down there.”

I don’t know if I should tell my instructor - I definitely didn’t like him touching me like that but I understand he thought he was being helpful.

Tl;dr; new dance partner grabbed my face to force me to look up and I’m worried to tell the instructor because this may just be how the person is.

| Next Episode

Welcome to the live thread, happy to have you here!

It's the season 32 finale of Dancing With The Stars, and here are the details:

• An opening number featuring the return of all season 32 couples, choreographed by Ray Leeper

• Jason Mraz performing “I Feel Like Dancing” with the pros of the DWTS tour

• Reigning champions Charli D’Amelio and Mark Ballas will return with a dance to “Give It To Me Baby” by Rick James.

• Alfonso and Julianne with a special routine choreographed by Alan and Britt, and featuring some surprise guests 👀

The show will be airing live on both ABC and Disney+ (8:00-11:01 p.m. EDT/PDT, 7:00-10:01 p.m. CDT), so make sure to vote during the live simulcast of the show in the EDT/CDT time zones to see your favorite couple win!

Here are the songs and dance styles we will be seeing:

Redemption Round:

• Jason Mraz & Daniella Karagach - Foxtrot to “Fly Me To The Moon” by Frank Sinatra.

• Ariana Madix & Pasha Pashkov - Samba to “Spice Up Your Life” by Spice Girls.

• Charity Lawson & Artem Chigvintsev - Tango to “Libertango” by Astor Piazzolla.

• Xochitl Gomez & Val Chmerkovskiy - Foxtrot to “Unconditionally” by Katy Perry.

• Alyson Hannigan & Sasha Farber - Salsa to “Get On Your Feet” by Gloria Estefan.

Freestyle Round:

• Jason Mraz & Daniella Karagach - Freestyle to “Happy” by C2C featuring Derek Martin.

• Ariana Madix & Pasha Pashkov - Freestyle to “Run The World (Girls)” by Beyoncé /“Level Up” by Ciara.

• Charity Lawson & Artem Chigvintsev - Freestyle to “Lose My Breath” by Destiny’s Child /“Suéltate” by Sam i & Jarina De Marco featuring Anitta & BIA.

• Xochitl Gomez & Val Chmerkovskiy - Freestyle to “Que Calor” by District 78.

• Alyson Hannigan & Sasha Farber - Freestyle to “Enchanted (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift /“Papi” by Jennifer Lopez.

|

Welcome to the live thread, happy to have you here!

It’s the quarter-finals! What better way to commemorate this night than with one of the biggest musicians in the world?! It’s a “Celebration of Taylor Swift” tonight on Dancing with the Stars as the six remaining couples compete in two rounds, including the relay dances. Joining the judges tonight is choreographer Mandy Moore, a familiar face for DWTS fans, who is responsible for many routines on Taylor’s ERAS TOUR. Also happening tonight are not one, but TWO pro dances that are sure to be something from our wildest dreams.

The show will be airing live on both ABC and Disney+ (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT/PDT, 7:00-9:01 p.m. CDT). and remember, there is NO judges save (for now), so make sure to vote during the live simulcast of the show in the EDT/CDT time zones.

NOTE: The dance styles for this week have not been briefed on the press release but instead, in Taylor fashion, hints are being posted on DWTS social media accounts for fans to decipher. Here are the SPECULATIVE songs and dance styles. You can try and guess the clues by going to instagram.com/dancingwiththestars

• Alyson Hannigan & Sasha Farber - Cha Cha to “You Belong With Me.”

• Xochitl Gomez & Val Chmerkovskiy - Quickstep to “Paper Rings.”

• Ariana Madix & Pasha Pashkov -Rumba to “Cruel Summer.”

• Charity Lawson & Artem Chigvintsev - Argentine Tango to "Look What You Made Me Do”

• Jason Mraz & Daniella Karagach - Argentine Tango to “I Knew You Were Trouble”

• Harry Jowsey & Rylee Arnold - Rumba to “August”

Relay Round (Dance styles and pairings are CONFIRMED, songs are SPECULATION):

• Ariana & Pasha vs. Xochitl & Val - Viennese Waltz relay to “Lover”

• Charity & Artem vs. Jason & Daniella - Cha Cha relay to “Lavender Haze"

• Harry & Rylee vs. Alyson & Sasha - Jive Relay to “Shake it Off”

|

Welcome to the live thread, happy to have you here!

Tonight on Dancing With The Stars, we honor the iconic Whitney Houston, as the seven remaining couples will dance to her songs in two rounds, including a dance-off. The show will feature an opening number to “How Will I Know,” choreographed by Ray Leeper & Billy Porter joins the judge's table.

The show will be airing live on both ABC and Disney+ (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT/PDT, 7:00-9:01 p.m. CDT). and remember, there is NO judges save (for now), so make sure to vote during the live simulcast of the show in the EDT/CDT time zones.

Here are the songs and dance styles for tonight:

• Harry Jowsey & Rylee Arnold - Viennese Waltz to “I Have Nothing.”

• Jason Mraz & Daniella Karagach - Samba to “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston.

• Alyson Hannigan & Sasha Farber - Contemporary to “Greatest Love of All.”

• Xochitl Gomez & Val Chmerkovskiy - Tango to “I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me).”

• Barry Williams & Peta Murgatroyd - Rumba to “Didn’t We Almost Have It All.”

• Charity Lawson & Artem Chigvintsev - Viennese Waltz to “I Will Always Love You.”

• Ariana Madix & Pasha Pashkov - Paso Doble to “Queen of the Night.”

Dance Off Round

Note: Ariana & Pasha received immunity from the “Dance-Off” round due to having the highest scores last week, and will not have to participate. They are automatically receiving three bonus points.

• Xochitl + Val vs. Charity + ArtemCha Cha – “So Emotional”

• Jason + Daniella vs. Barry + PetaSalsa – “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay”

• Harry + Rylee vs. Alyson + SashaRumba – “One Moment In Time”

| Next Episode

Welcome to the live thread, happy to have you here!

Thanksgiving week may be over, but DWTS is not going anywhere! Tonight, the competition gets more intense as we enter the semi-finals, with the six remaining couples performing one ballroom and one Latin dance in hopes to make it to the finals. The stars of the DWTS tour will also be performing a number to “Make Me Feel” by Janelle Monáe, choreographed by Mandy Moore.

The show will be airing live on both ABC and Disney+ (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT/PDT, 7:00-9:01 p.m. CDT). and remember, there is NO judges save (for now), so make sure to vote during the live simulcast of the show in the EDT/CDT time zones.

Here are the songs and dance styles we’ll be seeing:

Xochitl Gomez & Val Chmerkovskiy -

• Samba to “Samba” by Gloria Estefan

• Waltz to “La Vie en Rose” by Lady Gaga.

Alyson Hannigan & Sasha Farber -

• Jive to “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins

• Waltz to “Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones.

Charity Lawson & Artem Chigvintsev -

• Rumba to “Love The Way You Lie Part III” by Skylar Grey

• Quickstep to “BO$$” by Fifth Harmony.

Ariana Madix & Pasha Pashkov -

• Jive to “Runaway Baby” by Bruno Mars

• Foxtrot to “Trampoline” by SHAED & ZAYN.

Jason Mraz & Daniella Karagach -

• Viennese Waltz to “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz

• Paso Doble to “Diablo Rojo” by Rodrigo y Gabriela.

They got multiple students with different routines, styles and levels. This happens more than a few times, while I still did very well, it still bothers me when all is over. I spent so much time and money to master my routine then I'm all ready to go out there, feeling confident, all in beautiful dresses, then my teacher/partner forgets my routine. I get deflated, try to recover from it, then I brushed it off when I get the awards, pretending all is good. Should I be bothered by this? I know one student told me that I should anticipate some mishaps during comp but she's a long time student there. I'm not sure if she just lived with it because she has same teacher forever