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all 110 comments

[–]ghhooooooooooooooost 88 points89 points  (3 children)

it's extremely disheartening when i tell people i'm bi and they refuse to believe me because i'm not engaged to a woman nor have dated a woman in the past. like sorry bro, can't change that i fell in love.

[–]Glittering_Sun8242 12 points13 points  (0 children)

yeah, that's like saying "No, you're not straight! You never had a girlfriend!"

[–]BlazeNStar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Being a bi woman and having a husband or boyfriend just means you have one more thing in common with them: You both love women. Its like if you're poly and your man hits on a girl and she goes "no, I'm a lesbian." You just slide in like "Hey baby, I heard you like women. (。•̀ᴗ-)✧ "

[–]Chat1111 336 points337 points  (15 children)

also this viewpoint is horrible towards trans guys, and all trans support posts keep getting dedicated to trans women exclusively, and whenever i ask about the guys i get told to not derail the post

[–]Pls_ignore_the_hands 135 points136 points  (8 children)

I had a friend rant at me about how much they hated men (I'm an openly trans guy.) I gave them a couple "you know I'm a man too right?" looks and then they specified that it included trans guys too as "well trans people are cool but men are ew so..."

I am no longer friends with this person

[–]UltimateS1n 45 points46 points  (0 children)

good choice

[–]Maybe_not_a_chicken 20 points21 points  (3 children)

I’ve had that but I’m a cis dude

I don’t understand how they could say “your one of the good ones” without realising

[–]Puzzleheaded-Fan-208 8 points9 points  (0 children)

me too. alot of our social circle are lesbians and I have heard that. I either say "Thanks?" or "You too."

[–]Pls_ignore_the_hands 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think they mean it as a compliment and that they trust you but obviously it comes across as an insult.

Most women have had at least one bad experience with a man and it really messes up how you see other men so I completely understand where this comes from.

[–]LuigiHentaiExpert 6 points7 points  (2 children)

My sibling used to be all "Kill all men" and one day i went "What about trans men?" And they went "Well, obviously I just mean-" "No, either kill all men and admit you want to kill trans men, or kill or men and admit you think trans men arent real men. No moving the goalposts." and they never brought it up again.

[–]Pls_ignore_the_hands 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Your point is true but your username is concerning How are you an expert?!?!

[–]LuigiHentaiExpert 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, they say you're an expert when you've spent ten thousand hours in a subject.

[–]Amongusfan743 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Sorry I’m just trying to figure it out but would trans guys here be referring to FtM or MtF

[–]Chat1111 35 points36 points  (1 child)

ftm obviously? mtf aren't guys they're gals

[–]Amongusfan743 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Okay thanks

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

I know that from experience.

[–]PKMNTrainerMark 19 points20 points  (1 child)

"Hey, don't derail this trans support by asking for trans support."

[–]Chat1111 7 points8 points  (0 children)

literally!

[–]Calebh04 117 points118 points  (2 children)

How about we quit trying to force everyone into groups and just judge each individual for their own actions and beliefs?

[–]Random-Rambling 21 points22 points  (0 children)

But that's too haaaaaard. I don't wanna have to do that much work!

[–]Awsomthyst 151 points152 points  (5 children)

I’m a bi guy who’s really looking for a bf & a lot of times I’ll be watching TikTok comps & stuff & it’s so disheartening seeing all these gay guys talking “men are trash this, always doing me dirty that” because it makes me really stressed out about being able to find the right man for me :( It’s so stupid that the hate has gone so far

[–]piemakerdeadwaker 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I don't have experience with tik tok but when i was new on tumblr and saw the political side of it, it really made me feel terrible and apprehensive. Like I was made to be a victim no matter what I did and everyone was out to get me all the time. I think it even lowered my self esteem cuz it made me feel like the world hates me even though I haven't faced much discrimination personally and have good straight guy friends.

Once I shut that side of tumblr down it was a much better experience.

[–]NewTennis1088 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Every piece of hate is "too far" stop excusing hate

[–]Awsomthyst 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I’m not excusing it, I’m saying “how the fuck is it still around?? It’s been so long!”

[–]NewTennis1088 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Your last sentence sounds like it tho

[–]Awsomthyst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I was saying with the last sentence is “hate is already bad enough as is, how has it not been stomped out for such a long time that it can grow this big?”

[–]TiredAudioEngineer 143 points144 points  (5 children)

Ah yes, the same old "don't be total dicks to men, not because men are people too, but because it might hurt people that have relationships with men"

[–]4tomguy 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Leave it to tumblr to make being anti-misandry about any group other than men

[–]ABG-56 36 points37 points  (0 children)

No no don't you get it? It's not misandry unless it's affecting someone other than straight cis men!

There are people who would unironically say this so I'm just going to leave a /s here

[–]NewTennis1088 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You do not only speak like a true sigma Chad, you also look like one

[–]Jukkobee 15 points16 points  (0 children)

and she acts like it’s so revolutionary to want straight women to be happy.

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah. It cab be that way. Men have it had in society.

[–]dankmachinebroke 53 points54 points  (4 children)

Bioessentialism can suck my non-existant cock. Men are not inherently bad and I hate when both het and gay people make the "men are useless/dumb" jokes. I'm not going to join in. It's not funny. If you and your partner have problems you should work that shit out. I'm not calling my boyfriend a useless man-child. I love him and he's cool and he's a human person whom I love.

[–]Idman799 11 points12 points  (1 child)

My ex used to make all sorts of men comments, and I remember bringing it up one time that I didn't like that because it made me think she felt that way about me as well. Her response was along the lines of "oh but you know I'm not talking about you, just bad men"

So I should know that "men" is a group of bad guys, and I don't belong to this group? Or maybe I do belong to this group, but I'm an exception to their evil? And also, a total disregard for the fact that it made me uncomfortable, just an explanation why it was still ok for her to keep saying it.

If I'm not one of the bad guys, don't lump me in with them and expect me to be ok with it. I try my best every day to make a good name for myself, it hurts to feel judged for the actions of others.

[–]LuigiHentaiExpert 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, god I hate the "Obviously I just meant the bad men." Like. I was in a discord server and someone was talking in the serious channel about how no man understands consent and i went "I. Bullshit, I doublecheck and ask if somethings okay before every action" and they went "okay well clearly some do but i obviously meant most men, sorry that you got all defensive over a claim that i didn't think needed to exclude you explicitly." I ended up leaving the serious channel.

[–]YouFoundShift 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i am a man and men are useless and dumb jokes are totally fine when applied to me

[–]Mara2507 14 points15 points  (0 children)

that's the reason I dont interact with the bi community in tiktok, or tik tok in general. I am a bisexual girl with a preferance for guys, but I often see posts saying stuff like "bisexuality is when you are attracted to all girls and like 2 guys" and if anyone says there are bi people with the opposite preferances, they are sent to oblivion

[–]fletchersTonic 46 points47 points  (3 children)

Sexism towards men isn't always about whatever uwu-precious-bean minority might get caught in the crossfire but sure

[–]donkeynique 29 points30 points  (0 children)

100%. Online socially progressive spaces seem terrified that they might, shock and horror, be seen as showing empathy towards cishet men in any circumstance, so they feel the need to cloak these statements in marginalized groups. It's exhausting.

It's really no different than when people say "that's somebody's wife/sister/daughter/mother" to try to get people to empathize with a hurt woman. Being unable to care about the actual hurt person, so needing to connect them to somebody else instead, and we've known that's a bullshit way of thinking.

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Agreed. Cishet men deserve empathy too.

[–]iesharael 56 points57 points  (5 children)

Back in 2015 a girl in my school I didn’t even know asked me out. I told her I’m not a lesbian. She tried to get the principal to give me detention for being a gender traitor

[–]Virus5572 25 points26 points  (1 child)

im just, imagining how that conversation went down with the principal lmao

[–]iesharael 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It was in the main hallways in the center of the school at the spot the other large hallways all branch off from. Principal was standing there because most days a fight breaks out to the point the school decided to get policed involved in any fight no matter how small. I was walking past him when the girl stopped me and asked me... he looked even more confused than I was while she screamed at him to give me detention. He gave me a signal to sneak away and I took it

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Female incel.

[–]ABG-56 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You shall be court martialled for your jaywalking with the enemy

[–]YouFoundShift 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have not fulfilled your LIKING WOMEN quota. You will be re-educated.

[–]Blade_of_Boniface 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Men are great, men are necessary, and loving men is a gift.

[–]Glistening_Death 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Good God even when a post is trying to give a good message it still manages to be awful.

[–]notabeaver123 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah is it so hard to say "maybe don't say a group of people are trash cause that's literally what hate groups do"

[–]ThatDapperAdventurer 45 points46 points  (0 children)

The afterthought of letting straight women like men, only to make it about what men can do wrong

[–]hjyboy1218 38 points39 points  (4 children)

Aren't there a lot of TERFs on tumblr?

[–]FPiN9XU3K1IT 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Do TERFs have opinions on gay men?

[–]hjyboy1218 25 points26 points  (0 children)

They have opinions on everything, so, probably.

[–]MaxK1234B 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If so I don't wanna hear it

[–]Nuada-Argetlam 52 points53 points  (8 children)

what... what are they saying, exactly? because I can't quite work it out.

[–]PossiblyWithout 158 points159 points  (5 children)

Tumblr has this intense hetero-hate culture for some stupid reason. Even though the whole point of being an ally is to support ALL types of healthy love.

It also has an incredible bi-hate culture too (again, for some stupid reason)

[–]GrynnLCC 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Curious what they have to say about ace people, I'm sure the have some great wisdoms \s

[–]raznov1 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Fine as long as they're not men. Funny how it all comes back to that huh?

[–]BurntCinnamonCake 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No Tumblr has ace-hate culture as well

[–]Blitz722 65 points66 points  (0 children)

It’s pretty common for people on the internet attracted to men to be like “ugh why do I have to be attracted to MEN? I hate them 😫” which this post is trying to say it’s harmful.

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Boylust is OK.

[–]NewTennis1088 27 points28 points  (12 children)

You will say everything expect that maybe misandry is wrong but hey at least something

[–]joshualuigi220 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah but consider this, if Tumblr stops making misandrist posts that's like 25% of the entire content of the site.

[–]FPiN9XU3K1IT 20 points21 points  (2 children)

People are shaming gay men for being gay on tumblr? What? I have a hard time believing that this actually happens outside of extremely small bubbles that you have to spent actual effort searching for.

[–]MechanizedCoffee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I only know about Tumblr indirectly (/r/tumblr and such) but I don't think it's about shaming gay men for being gay directly. It's more along the lines about stuff like that bi joke, "I'm attracted to women because they're awesome. I'm attracted to men because I'm addicted to things that hurt me."

[–]Sunspear52 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, like another guy said it’s not direct or obvious. It’s like… okay you’ve heard the very popular (and problematic) saying ‘Men are trash’ right?

Well if you’re a gay man and you’re constantly being told you’re attracted to trash and are trash— that’s kinda not good is it?

[–]ItsAllOneBigShitpost 12 points13 points  (1 child)

And you are also being sexist towards men. Weird one to miss out, but whatever

[–]Silly_Man_Haha 11 points12 points  (1 child)

What's that one xkcd? Forget how that one goes again...

[–]Stabbuwaifu823 8 points9 points  (2 children)

You know what, I’m gonna say it. I love the message that nobody should be shamed for being attracted to men but…I hate “kill all men” and I genuinely attribute growing up surrounded by constant talk of how men are inherently evil and can never ever be given a moment of lenience because they’re animals and will hurt you as to why I’m so genuinely fucked in the head about my own gender. I remember lying awake at night wracked with fear about who and what I was, how I could try and be an ally and do better. I honestly believe it’s why I find it so hard to interact with women, I just feel terrified that my mere presence will constitute a threat so it’s better to just be alone. I’m not trying to invalidate anyones experiences, and I understand that people say this because they’ve had horrible experiences but I simply wish that someone had told my middle school self that I wasn’t in the wrong for existing

[–]Morphized -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not every Shrek gets a Donkey

[–]Deebyddeebys 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Is this an opinion people have? Just straight up sexism?

[–]BlazeNStar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me, knowing that there is monsterfuckers on Tumblr and reading this like "So its OK to have a gay fling with a werewolf man or Count Dracula on tumblr, but some of them think it ISN'T ok to have a gay relationship with a regular human man??????""

[–]raznov1 10 points11 points  (0 children)

And, much more importantly, you blame the 99% for the actions of the 1%. Which, ya know, we learned a few centuries ago we shouldn't do. Yes, we apparently keep forgetting, but come the fuck on.

[–]HummingbirdSaltalama 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why can’t we just support people being in happy healthy loving relationships? As long as they’re good for each other that’s all that matters to me.

[–]RumoDandelion 8 points9 points  (7 children)

I don’t mean to be rude, and feel free to ignore me if this is uncomfortable, but I’m a little confused about your described relationship situation. You described your girlfriend as cishet. I would believe that to mean AFAB, female identifying, and attracted exclusively to people who identify as male (or at least present as masculine). You describe yourself as agender (AFAB) though. Presumably your girlfriend is dating you, so wouldn’t she be not “hetero”?

Labels are so horrible when it comes to gender and sexuality so I don’t know if there’s a easy to use word for your GF’s sexual orientation, I just feel like “het” seems wrong.

[–]UselessAltThing[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Straight people can be attracted to people of their own agab. I present as somewhat masculine, or at least non-feminine.

[–]RumoDandelion 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok that answer makes perfect sense to me. Sorry that I overemphasized AGAB, in hindsight I think that was just cishet normative brain going brrrrrr without thinking. Thanks for your response!

[–]Stars_styrofoam 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Does op not present masculine? Does their AGAB matter?

[–]RumoDandelion 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I do not know. If that’s the resolution to the question that makes a lot of sense. Most of my NB friends kinda fluctuate a lot in their gender presentation (e.g. sometimes presenting more masculine, sometimes presenting more feminine) so that’s my initial thought when someone says that they’re NB or agender.

Edit: thinking about whether AGAB matters at all is weird to me. I do think I would be less confused if OP said they were agender but AMAB so maybe the whole question was framed around cis normativity.

At the same time I think it’s still a question either way: is it “het” to be attracted to someone who identifies as agender but presents as the “opposite” gender to you? I really don’t know the answer.

[–]Stars_styrofoam 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That’s true. I guess I also don’t see as much rigidity in labels, like idk if hetero necessarily means liking the opposite or just a different gender. Usually I try not to question the validity of someone’s relationship, especially if I don’t know that much about them

[–]RumoDandelion 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If it seemed like I was questioning the validity of the relationship that was a huge mistake on my part. I absolutely didn’t mean to do that, no question their relationship is valid. I more was curious about the labels used for gender and sexuality, which I find interesting and complicated. Your perspective makes a lot of sense, hetero literally just means different so “heterosexual” = attracted to genders that are not your own sounds reasonable to me.

[–]Stars_styrofoam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh ok! Sorry! I didn’t mean to imply that u were doubting their validity or anything, sorry-! /gen

[–]hauptj2 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Does Tumblr actually shame people for being cishet? I see people saying this occasionally, but I've never actually seen the shaming happening. It feels like a conservative strawman, like straw feminists who hate all men, or straw minorities who hate all whites.

[–]jonwar9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a corner of Tumblr I rarely see when I spend more than 12 hours straight in Tumblr going down one rabbit hole or another. It's a thing that is very much there but due to how Tumblr works- can be very easily missed completely. (A thing I like about Tumblr is being able to miss toxic end unless if I've been on a very unhealthy amount)

Best response I've seen to the generic "grrr men bad" kind of posts was one that went on when they assume that that is the norm, that does tend to enable those who do such behaviors because they get the excuse of its the norm. Which it absolutely is not, one negative of the internet & media is outlier cases being brought up makes your brain consider that outlier more common than it actually is. And one thing that can be a problem of Tumblr is that it tends to show things similar to what you've seen before or recently have have been looking at.

So such "grr men bad" communities tend to be a form of circlejerk echochamber. Usually sanitized from anyone who isn't in a similar enough community. (Or looking for it because they are bored and feel like look at the shittier side of Tumblr.)

This sub mostly focuses on the Memey end, with one-time-i-dreamt, Pukicho (probably mispelled) & Gaud-like communities. Thus most of those in this sub likely are in the memey end instead of say the fanfiction end (though memey & fanfiction parts tend to overlap), and there are more than a few far-right conservative communities buried in their own corners of the hellsite. Uhh... out of things to add to this rant...

So TD:LR it depends on where on Tumblr you go and what Tumblr communities you engage with that depends on what you end up seeing. Like most social media. It's just a eccentric kind of social media that it's easy to forget that. Like there atleast was (unsure of their current state) more than a few twitter accounts focused on foot fetish end of Only Fans. Or deliberately fucking with Twitter algorithm enough to where it isn't sure what exactly you like, it can show things like: Thing I refuse to talk about, Inflation fetish furry art, The Bread Guy's has a fanbase apparently and I hate it, Lego robotics, accounts dedicated to just posting pictures of cheese, Genshin Impact update reviewers (and nothing else. Not even anything about the game that isn't just a update review), bots that clips a twitch streamer whenever they say some word like fuck or penis or cheese, dragon, or do anything related to sponserships.

[–]Shallaai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based

[–]M1s51n9n0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really makes me wanna bite off my own arm how we've gone from cishet people stigmatizing queen people, to queen people stigmatizing cishet people

(Like honesty cis and het honestly feel like dirty bad word but I know þay aren't)

[–]Domino31299 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You need to teach standing up for yourself and other women rather than just accepting the problem as an unchangeable reality that can’t be corrected