I get affected by most of things I see or hear, like seeing people fighting in the street, seeing someone bullying someone in a movie, remembering a bad memory, etc...
maybe thats just sympathy and I'm overthinking it. What do you think?
Short story time: I just had this pretty awful interaction at the gym. This lady was doing walking lunges up and down what is pretty much one of the only walk ways in this small gym. I was walking to the trash can to toss a paper towel which is in her path. I realized she was coming and kind of sped up to get out of the way and throw away the towel. She didn't have to stop or anything cause I passed quickly enough.
Anyways I keep walking and this guy, probably 45(M) like three times my size waves me down and starts laying into me. Something like this.
"How bout next time show some gentlemanly courtesy and wait for her to pass"
"I'm sorry I wasn't really paying attention..."
"Exactly, no you weren't."
"Dude...." (Cause I'm kinda like why is this guy yelling at me)
"Dude" (Mockingly)
Then I just said a super half assed sorry as I walked away. I couldn't really think of anything to defend myself.
Keep in mind this guy was being very aggressive so my heart rate shot up and I got shaky and couldn't really think of anything to say back at the time. So while yes this is partly just a rant cause that was pretty upsetting, it's also got me wondering how I can get myself to be able to respond the way I want and think clearly in a situation like that. Do I just have to get more experience under pressure? Are there things that help like learning a martial arts practice or something? Is it just a need for more confidence?
I realized that I might be too broken to run a successful healthy relationship, I have been trying to better myself. But when it comes to intimate relationships, I seem to come up with ways to screw it up. I read about attachment style few days ago and found out mine is anxious/preoccupied.
I do believe in love even thought I never had a good motherly or fatherly figure growing up, but I did run into a couple of elderly figures that helped me to try to understand what a healthy mother-like or father-like figure could be, as brief as they were.
I want to learn how to run a successful intimate relationship or people who had similar issues but find way(s) to shift the situation.
I never had a long-term relationship, even the shorter ones, ALL ended abruptly.
Thank you in advance x
