I'm 27 F Indian( born and raised there) currently in living America. I don't want to give many details but I'm here for work and would be here for some more years.
I met this guy, let's call him Dog, his parents are Indian. We were going along good. Fell in love, informed family, families approved of this relationship. It was decided to have the engagement in here and his whole family will go back to India to have the marriage.
Some weeks before the engagement function, his mother was gossiping with me when she told me about how it was so hard to find ''a girl of pure blood'' in here, she thought her son would go and pick up some ''White'' from the streets, she's very happy that I showed up- She praised my ''desi beauty'', I was feeling very uneasy.
For the engagement, I bought a diamond ring for him. When I asked about what he bought, he said, I quote'' you're not a virgin, duh, don't expect a diamond ring''
I had a bf a year ago, but nothing physical happened between him and me. Dog refuses to believe this. In his opinion, an independent Indian woman at the age of 27 can't be a virgin, no one can stay that long without doing it. I asked if HE is did it with somebody, because Indian men are also expected to be virgins till they marry and it would be a deal breaker for us.
He says I'm being stupid. Men don't have anything like virginity, they don't have hymen, duh. He's a man, the rules are different for him.
I was pissed. I got statement from 4 different doctors that I'm indeed a virgin and have a still intact hymen though it's not a indicator for virginity. I threw that paper in his face in front of his family and friends at dinner. He said that in his opinion, as a lot of men had seen me so I'm not totally pure virgin. Well I told him where he can shove his opinion up.
I showed him a very expensive diamond ring pic from an exclusive shop and told him- now as i have the hymen, you better get me this specific ring or else I won't marry him. It was in front of everyone. His father started to shout that an Indian girl should not be like this and that I'm a total out of control girl that will ruin their household and he's going to call my father.
It was a mess. At the end, my family is on my side. He has become a laughing stock to his friends and co workers. But his family is constantly harassing me. They are saying I am a disgrace of a woman and It's not me , their son broke it all off because they found out I'm a whore. Well, that was shot down quickly by HIS OWN friends who were there when I threw the papers in his face.
Now he's saying I went too far with it and the marriage could have been called off privately. Did I went too far?
Edit: I know hymen isn't equivalent to virginity. And thank you all, no , I'm not going to marry that Dog.
Secondly, yes, I got 4 doctors, spent a fortune to get those note, I'm petty like that. And yes, they did it in the land of free, if it's against morals, tell THEM.
Edit2: If he just said he can't afford a diamond or any other valid respectful reason, I would have accepted whatever he had bought. The ring was never a issue to me. Marriage is all about support and compromise, I know. But he disrespected me, A LOT. demanding that ring was just hammering a point, no woman in her right mind would ever marry that Dog.
So all the incels yelling in private message, you know there to shove your opinion up.
I got a job while I was in high school. It was with a friend of my father. I put away most of it and just bought myself some stuff I wanted but my parents wouldn't buy for me. My parents aren't rich but they do well enough. They wanted me to appreciate that material goods were paid for with my time.
I didn't mind. I bought myself a PS4 and some games. Which they made me share with my younger brother and sister. Once again I didn't mind. I mostly played while they did homework or slept.
When I graduated from high school they said I had to start paying rent. That sucked because I was going to university in the fall and I was hoping to save up over the summer so I could work less during the school year.
So I worked my ass off in school and at work. I ended up getting a job loading delivery trucks before school. And that sucked because I went to sleep at 7 pm most nights so I could get up early and go to work.
I am about to graduate and I found a job in another province. I have already started doing my onboarding and online training. I will go from graduation to loading my car to leave.
My parents had a graduation party for me where they tried to present me with a cheque for all the rent I paid plus a pittance in interest.
I looked at the cheque for about a minute and I started laughing. All I could think of was the fact that I had no social life during university. Because I was working. I didn't have any money in investments like my friends did. Because they were taking my money.
I asked them how they were doing this for my sister. They said they weren't since she wasn't working while she went to school.
I tore up the cheque and told them to shove it up their asses. I told them that when they compensated me for all the sleep I lost, four years of no social life during university and four summer vacations, I would speak to them again. I told my little brother not to get a job or they would fuck him over too.
I went to my room, grabbed my computer, some clothes, my PS4, and my toiletries. My brother and sister can play on the PS5 my parents bought the family.
They were yelling at me the whole time. I said if they touched me or tried to stop me I would call the cops. I loaded up my car, that I paid for, I insure, and is registered to me. I drove to my friend's parent's house and had a bit of a breakdown.
They let me stay there since she is away at university in another city. I blocked my parents and my brother and sister.
I had already given notice at my job so I called my boss and told him I was sick and would not be available for my last week. He said he understood and laughed. He said he was surprised I had kept working this close to graduation.
My grandfather called me to talk a couple of days later. We went to Timmies and he let me unload everything I felt. They took money from me that I could have used to make my life better. I didn't even have time for a girlfriend. My entire university romantic life was hooking up with a woman I work with when her ex husband had the kids for the weekend.
He said my parent's hearts were in the right place and that they thought they were helping me. I said they owed me four years of fun. Of parties I was too tired to go to. Of social events and networking I didn't do. All the shit they were subsidizing for my sister. And that they would end up subsidizing for my brother.
He said he understood and hugged me. He is old but I couldn't have gotten free of that hug if I tried. He asked me if I needed money to start my new job. I said I did not want anything that came from my parents. He gave me a cashier's cheque for about three times what my parents took from me. He said to use it however I wanted in my new life.
He said it wasn't part of my inheritance or anything. It was a gift from him and something my grandma would have wanted me to have.
My friends think I was stupid to tear up the cheque. Most of them agree with me about being pissed at my parents. Some family have called me to say I behaved terribly and that I owe my parents an apology. I thank them for the call or message and block them.
I'm calmer now and I do not think I am in the wrong. But maybe I'm too close to see what I'm missing.
AITAH