Fuck wasps
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I'm a second year biology student at a small state University. Last semester, I took entomology. As part of the class, we had to collect and pin bugs. It was a major project that we worked on all summer and all semester. One day walking around campus, I saw a bald-faced hornet nest and thought, "Hey, that should be in my collection." But instead of waiting for the frost to kill the hornets, I decided I needed it THAT NIGHT. So I got some trash bags from the cafeteria and convinced my friends that duct taping ourselves into our hoodies would be enough to ward off any attackers. Armed with our bags and a gerber multitool, we made our way across campus to the nest. It was about the size of a basketball, and at just the perfect height to do this quickly. In one smooth and practiced motion, we pulled the bags up around the nest, duct taped them shut, and cut off any branched holding the nest up. We couldn't believe it. We made it out of the fray without a single sting! So with our prize in the bag and a smile on our faces, we made our way back to the dorm. "No way they'll get out of THREE trash bags," I thought, and hung up the nest in my closet. The next day, a friday, I went back into my room to get ready to go out that night. I immediately turned around and left. Those fuckers had already chewed through the trash bags and were chilling all around my closet, happy as little hellraising clams. Thinking quickly, I lunged for the duct tape and sealed the bastards in my closet. And there they stayed. For two months. Eventually I pumped the closet full of acetyl acetate and just let them choke to death. Bastards.
tl:dr, I had a nest of ~230 bald-faced hornets living in my closet for two months.
That sounds like an amazing revenge plot. Keep your closet of death a secret, and, assuming an injustice is perpetrated against yourself by a friend, act perfectly okay, yet, one day, ask them to get something out of your closet.. jump outside the room and hold the door shut. Wait out the screams until your sense of justice has been satisf
We joked about that a lot, actually. Some of my friends thought I should keep them there. You know, just in case.
I love this account.
I see good things in your future.
Did anyone ask you about the ominously sealed closet? "That closet? We don't go into that closet anymore."
That's pretty much how we all treated it. Like the bomb in Megaton. It could kill you all at any moment, and yet you live next to it every day. You develop a sort of reverence for the power. Start to almost admire it.
Or that nuclear bomb in North Carolina?
holy fuck dude
"Eventually I pumped the closet full of acetyl acetate and just let them choke to death. Bastards."
Should have just burned down the dorm...terminate with extreme prejudice.
Jacurry0: Smell that? You smell that?
Firefighter: What?
Jacurry0: Burnt hornet, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.
Jacurry0: I love the smell of burnt hornet in the morning. You know, one time we had a nest bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' eusocial body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole nest. Smelled like
[sniffing, pondering]
Jacurry0: victory. Someday this war's gonna end...
[suddenly walks off]
bonus points if you wear the cavalry hat when you explain things to the fire department.
I hope you, for good measure, stuck a huge sign in bold print on the closet door: "DO NOT OPEN CLOSET. HUNDREDS OF ANGRY HORNETS. YOU WILL FUCKING DIE. THIS IS NOT A JOKE."
The duct tape and constant scratching and buzzing was enough to deter most folks. That, and I had become a sort of a legend on campus. Everyone knew to stay away from my room. Even without the live bugs, it was still full of dead pinned insects for that stupid class.
Dude, that is SOOO college.
NIGHTMARES. I WILL HAVE NIGHTMARES. Fuck, I really need to stop reading this thread.
Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience with these creatures!
But, as a biology student I hope you also spread a positive educational message about wasps.
Yes, while they can be highly aggressive in certain situations, they are not all evil. For example, they do pollinate plant flowers. I have photographs of them heavily covered in pollen. They may not be as primary in this action as honey bees, but they do pollinate.
Why I am bringing this up? People should not fall into the kill wasps and fear them modes, because our planet is dealing with a very scary and very real Bee Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD), so it is hugely important that we protect all other native pollinators. Wasps included.
You are correct, sir. And though I do deeply resent them for living in my dorm for two months and not once offering to help pay for the pizza, I also must admit that I respect them a lot. It was my fault they were in my room in the first place, and I never once forgot that fact. CCD is a troubling issue facing colonies right now, and I'm actually afraid for bees in general that it may put too much pressure on their hives. I did my final project on hymenopterans. Luckily the colonies I surveyed in the area seemed to be healthy, but there is not doubt that the disease is spreading.
What people fail to understand is how intricately the web of life is woven. So many other forms of life depend on wasps and bees for their survival that a sharp decline in their population would be devastating. There are some farmers who depend entirely on bee pollination for their livelihood.
Most men don't know where their death is. This man knows HIS DEATH is in his closet patiently waiting for the right moment.
Sleeping was awful the first few nights. Any time they would get startled the whole colony would start buzzing.
Actually, that sounds pretty awesome.
It was kind of cool until your neighbor dropped something or started playing music with just a bit too much bass. Then it got scary. They just went nuts.
Sorry, but the clearer the picture you paint for me, the more awesome this all gets. It must have been like a decibel meter, except with lots of awesome.
I must have a closet full of hornets.
My roomate is an absolute pig. He had wasps living in his closet. AMA
HOW DID YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
I can only imagine the noise. We had a nest of wasps living in the space between the ceiling and the roof. When it was real quiet, you could always hear these faint scratching noises coming from above.
You got used to it. I guess much in the same way you get used to rabid coyotes hanging from your armpits.
I expected: ...and six weeks later I woke up in the hospital...
Bald-faced hornets:
"You still don't understand what you're dealing with do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostilty."
"You admire it"
"I admire its purity. A survivor - unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality"
*edit - apostrophe catastrophe.
You don't have to tell me.
My son was "helping" with yard work when he was a toddler, raking branches and leaves and crap when he upset a wasp nest underground. I was about twenty or so feet away when he stops what he's doing, stands there and starts screaming. Took me a second or so to see this grey, moving cloud around him so I run and grab him like a football and take off with him for the house. The fuckin wasps were pissed, man. I got him inside, closed the door and all I could hear was the "plink plink plink..." sound of the wasps hitting the glass porch door in pursuit. I swated all the wasps on my son (without trying to beat the crap out him since he hasn't got a clue what's going on). Meanwhile the fuckers are under my shirt and in my hair, stinging the crap out of me. My son got surprisingly lucky, stung less than ten times from what I could tell but I got upwards of thirty or more, some on top of one another. For the next ten minutes I stormed around the house,annihilating any that got inside and then went all Chemical Ali on their asses outside and nuked their nest with two cans of Raid.
tl;dr saved young son from a wasp attack and kicked their buggy asses.
"Almost every pest insect species has at least one wasp species that preys upon it or parasitizes it, making wasps critically important in natural control of their numbers, or natural biocontrol."
jk, I fucking hate wasps too
I grew up on a farm where we had lots of wasps and we were always getting stung. One year my mother decided to get rid of all the wasps. She bought a long handled sprayer went all over the farm killing all the wasp nests.
Later that summer we had the worst infestation of black widow spiders that I have ever seen. They were under every rock everywhere. It could have just been a coincidence, but I always suspected a link.
Given a choice between a wasp and a black widow spider I will take the wasp every time.
For this reason, I always leave up paper wasp nests that I find around my house. If you don't bug them, they will leave you alone.
House centipedes are a better and less dangerous way to get rid of spiders than wasps.
Better still, they scare the living fuck out of /b/
EDIT: And did I mention THAT THEY FREAK /b/ THE FUCK OUT? Honestly, that alone is worth having these things on your property.
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We got these bitches in Hawaii...and the fuckers bite!
http://margaretdilloway.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/big-centipede.jpg
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I knew it was gonna be bad, but that was a way more up-close and high-quality shot than I expected. Fuck you very much sir.
Damn nature, you scary!
I am not scared of many things. I have a fucking MAJOR phobia of centipedes. I actually started to click that link and thought "man the fuck up and look at the image", and I actually started to have heart palpitations as I moved the mouse. I did not click.
GAH! I was not expecting that image to be so large. I almost ducked under my desk. Insects with more than 6 legs turn me into a little girl.
Scarier still? House centipedes are venomous and can jump.
My one friend has this huge fucking centipede that lives in his basement. We tried to kill it once, but they're fast motherfuckers. We dubbed it "The Guardian" because it just stayed and protected the basement. Now that title can have more of a positive connotation I suppose.
Hehe they used to creep me out. I looked them up (house centipedes specifically) on wikipedia, and I gained a new respect for them. If they're there, other bugs are being eaten. It's a predator/prey relationship and they're like the lion of the bug world.
...But they're so fast and aware of you that even the most apathetic emotionless robot amont us can't surpress the adrenaline the first 10 encounters or so :)
I employ wasp and spider and battling elves, they ride the centipedes into battle, but you have to put some clothes on them if you don't want to see their little junk hanging out all the time; usually modified Ken clothes do the trick.
Also, you have to provide the weapons since their race has so specialized in battle that they have forgotten other crafts such as shoe-making and weapon forging. I usually give them large needles for stabbing, helmets, gas masks, goggles and Ghostbusters-style proton packs filled with insecticide. I used to give them torch lighters to burn the eggs and larvae, but they had a couple of accidents.
I don't mind them as much when they have nests I can see. I hate the damn wasps that make nests in holes in the ground! Those assholes are just asking for you to come walking up in their shit just so they can sting your ass. It seems like I run over one of those hell holes every summer while mowing our lawn. BTW Is it strange that I used an entire can of spray over a period of a half an hour until I was satisfied that I had killed every last one? What if I was talking shit and using Scarface quotes while killing them like, "You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend (3 foot projectile poison foam)! Hey, don't get all pissed at me! You should yell at the one ass hole that stung me, because he brought this on all of you!
A long time ago I had an infestation of wasps that built nest on the ground, we called them yellow jackets though, the only problem was they built their nest in an old abandoned gopher tunnel running through our yard. So one night my Dad goes out to the gopher hole and starts filling it up with gas (propane, i think... I was really little) Then proceeds to toss in a match. He did not really think it all the way through though, as gopher holes always have more than one exit, so fire shot out of about 8 different holes around our yard and lit our tree on fire. Got rid of all the yellow jackets though.
That. Sounds. Awesome.
When I was a lad, probably about 8 or 9 years old, I watched an episode of Reading Rainbow that featured a clover collector. The collector had many 4-leaf clovers, and even some clovers that had 6, 7, 8 or more leaves.
So, after the show I went out into my yard to look for clovers. I was on my hands and knees crawling around in my front yard when a wasp flew up my shorts and stung me in the testicle.
True story.
I know a guy who got bit in the balls by a black widow. He... he had to have them drained.
A wasp AND black widow spider infestation? WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE.
Most anywhere in the southeastern U.S. would qualify. But, like I said, it's not wasps and spiders. You get to pick the one you want.
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Take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
No, you are most likely correct, and your choice is likewise. Read on.
Wasps are poor pollinators, but away from the nest are no more to be feared than a yellowjacket (whom they resemble, but are larger than.)
They can sting multiple times and are aggressive in defending their nest, ususally a paper nest, which can be anywhere from ping-pong ball to basketball sized.
"Adult workers wasps feed on sweet substances such as fruit and sugary secretions from sucking insects (such as aphids). They feed larvae in the nest with other insects and spiders, or pieces of meat from dead animals."
Screw that. My house has always been infested with Widows. We've rarely gotten them inside, but at one point, there were as many as four widows on the back porch alone. Hell, there was one summer where, when we'd walk out the back door, our head would always hit a strand of web. It took us weeks to realize that this strand was from a black widow web that sat directly above the outside of the door where you stood when you walked out. In other words, at any time, a black widow could have easily fallen right on our heads. Oh, and do you know what it's like to try to kill a widow? Did you know that they play dead? They freakin' play dead. I'm not making this up, either. I've seen it on countless occasions. It's ungodly.
That being said, none of us have ever been bitten. I hear that black widows are pretty much blind, and they live their entire lives on webs, having little mobility. I'd take them over a wasp's nest any day.
I swear this is a true story. When I was around 12 years old I caught one and kept it in a jar for a while. I decided it would be fun to drown it, so I filled the jar with water and quickly put the lid on it.
The spider swam around the top of the jar, and when it realized that it couldn't escape it put one of its legs into its mouth and bit itself. It almost immediately crumpled up and sank to the bottom. Yes, that is right, the spider committed suicide.
Yeah, on some level, you are sick. However, your story was interesting. Upvote.
I had to comment on the play dead part. We moved to Arizona in the late 80's and had an apartment in Mesa. There were a fair amount of black widows around; being from New York I didn't know much about them at the time. Anyways there were a couple out on the porch, they look pretty evil and was thinking of way to kill it. I got a can of lysol and a lighter and did the blow torch thing on it. I got it pretty good as it was all rolled up in a ball when I got down with it.
I didn't touch it or anything, thinking fire was good enough to destroy it. So I let it be.
The very next day, there it was, doing whatever it is that they do in the corner of the patio. I developed a new sense of respect for this critter, went back inside, got the lysol and lighter and lit it up.
This time though, once it rolled up in a ball, I squished it with my shoe.
It was the only way to be sure that it was dead.
I was waiting for the part where the Spider on Fire ran into your apartment and the whole building caught on fire.
The summer after 8th grade, I was getting in bed when I saw three or four little black things scurry across my white sheets. Fucking BABY black widows. I slept on the couch in the living room that night, and we fumigated the house the next day. I also got to repaint my room because of that. Good times.
edit: I also had a black widow in a glass jar when I was younger -- forgot about it for a couple months, and when I looked at the jar, there was a wolf spider in there instead. I hoped to god the wolf spider ate the black widow.
Mud wasps love black widow spiders and will eat them practically exclusively if they can find them, it seems. Just try breaking open an abandoned nest some time and count how many dead black widows you see.
Hornet vs Praying Mantis...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscSFPRdl4Q
Wasps suck ass, hornets are pure evil.
I'll just leave this here.... http://www.japanesebugfights.com/
Holy crap that was epic!
Hornet: Oh you want to stab me with that shit? How about I eat your arm!! NOMNOMNOMNOM Yeah you like that? Now watch as I chew off your head!!! NOMNOMNOMNOM
Insane huh. The preying mantis, my favorite insect, is an epic predator. It can change color, it can fly, it has spikes on it's arms... it's fast, super fast, it has a mandible that can chew threw any carapace. It can catch and eat mice, and even humming birds. It's insane, but the hornet can kill it.
That is fucking nuts. A hornet can eat a preying mantis. Holy shit.
I've seen videos on youtube of the preying mantis eating dragonflys, mice, snakes, humming birds, insects, poisonous spiders, almost everything.
The hornet can kill a preying mantis.
The preying mantis can kill a fucking scorpion... hornets are wicked dude.
The giant hornet shoots a bit higher than scorpions. From wiki:
Fuck everything about this thing.
apparently a species of honeybees has developed a defense against the giant hornet: kill it with fire! (actually they swarm around the hornet, completely engulfing it and then produce heat and carbon dioxide which debilitates and suffocates the giant hornet) .... damn nature, you really scary!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet#Native_honey_bees
When I was nine, we lived on a farm and behind the barn we had a boat that just sat there. I decided it would be a good idea to use the boat for role-playing, which turned out to be fun until I discovered the orange lever that controlled speed next to the steering wheel. It extended down into a silver box that was about eight by six inches. I pulled the lever back, thrust it forward again, and pulled it back once more. After the last pull, a swarm of wasps came pouring out and engulfed my face.
I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember is sitting in the living room where my mother was applying medicine to my face, which felt swollen, so I was afraid of the pending pain. When I looked later, my skin was white and puffy like a cloud, but I wondered if there was some sort of numbing mechanism that our body has, because the pain never came.
The few other times I came across wasps, I got close. Not sure why. The wasps either hovered and ignored me or flew away. Don't know if they could smell that I'd already been a non-compliant target or if they were desensitized to me somehow, but I was never afraid of them after that.
You missed out on an opportunity to become wasp-man.
When I was around 10 or 12, I was throwing shit at a huge hornets nest with my neighbors. This next was as big as my torso, bigger even. It was just huge. We were throwing all kinds of rocks at it, even huge planks of wood. We were stupid.
For some reason, I decided to walk past the hornets nest to visit another friend of mine. I thought that if I walked slow and stayed about fifteen feet away from the nest, I'd be okay.... wrong. I got near the nest and they swarmed my face and I ran away screaming. I got stung all over my face and shoulders and puffed up like a balloon. The worst part is that I had to go to school the next day.
Oh I don't know...
They're kinda cute.
Japanese Hornets... you don't want to hold them in your hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fTrSOFyfxs
It's like they have a cheat code on.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Honeybee_thermal_defence01.jpg
Fuck yes BALL OF BEES.
(-) FUCK YOU DORPHIN AND WHARE!
Wanna play catch? Anyone?
They need a few of those to fuck with Seinfeld's shit in "Bee Movie".
Wow, at 1:20 he just rips one in half 0_0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fTrSOFyfxs#t=1m20s
I had one of those in my room for a couple days.
I slept on the couch downstairs.
Who the ef would put themselves through that kind of study?
Graduate students need to eat too...
Fuck you. Sorry, but fuck you. Did you see his pulsating abdomen dreaming of stinging you? Its only thought was trying to figure out how to make you a meal without getting killed.
Edited for grammar
Its throbbing stinger, erect from its pulsating abdomen dripped venom as the wasp viewed its prey. In delirious heat it started to rage and more venom spurted out as the wasp rose and penetrated the waiting bosom. In and out, in and out, the stinger went as venom shot out its tip, some going into the opening while the rest splashing on the outlying skin.
Exhausted the wasp then flew off, its stinger dry, and the bosom red from the wasp's liquid.
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That's funny, the same phrase made me think of wasp porn.
Holy shit.
Why the hell would this guy have a hornet for a pet?! Hasn't this guy ever heard of a puppy?
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Fine, a cat then.
I sent this to my dad. He sent it to my uncle. This was my uncle's response:
Bullshit!!
This is waaaayyyyy too nice in its description of these little motherfuckers.
You don't have the option of "just standing the fuck still" and not getting fucked up by these things. They'll fuck you anyway!
They'll fuck you if you let the screen door slam 20 fucking feet under their nasty little nest! They'll fuck you if you step within 10 feet of their filthy fucking little ground hole where they crawl around all over each other and their nasty, squirmy, filthy little grub babies! They'll fuck you if you suck their waxy little nasty fucking thoraxes into your mouth because the little cocksuckers crawled into your soft drink during the few seconds you weren't watching out for such a mind-blowingly awful fucking thing to happen. The god-forsaken little fucking agents of Satin will go up the sleeve of your shirt when you've got your arm resting on the window sill of your car and then cause you to crash and die just because being dead is better than the thought of that cocksucking, motherfucking little prick stinging it's way around your entire torso and finally squishing in the most crunchy disgusting manner imaginable between your back and the seat.
Just thinking of these nasty little fuckers makes me nauseous.
Fuckers!!!
Agents of Satin, the smoothest operators in the business.
Tell him to get the fuck on reddit
I've explained the site to both my father and uncle now. I've told my friends about reddit, and then later I'll mention something and they'll say "I saw that on reddit" and I feel so fucking proud (I didn't actually know if they read it or not). I doubt my dad or uncle would join, but maybe being bestof'd will get them in here.
I think the 'older generation' would love reddit. There are so many quality links and comments for almost any subject you can think of. Granted, there's a lot of shit too, but this is the Internet.
Right just make sure to tell them to stay away from lemonparty.
You can't have a Lemon party without old Dick!
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Haha nice, I didn't catch that. Now it reminds me of this.
Try to imagine yourself in the back yard. You get your first look at this "one inch turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his stinger is barbed like the bee's - he'll die if he stings you so he'll save that for an emergency. But no, not wasp. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two wasps you didn't even know were there. Because wasps are dicks, you see, they seem to sting for no fuckin' reason and they are out in force today. And he pokes at you with this... a tiny stinger, like a razor, on the butt. He doesn't sting you and then die like a bee, say... no no. He stings at you here... and here... and maybe across the belly. The point is... they are alive after they sting you. So you know... try to show a little respect.
After the second sentence I couldn't help but read the rest in Sam Neill's voice. Clever girl.
This is awesome and hilarious, but there are a couple issues. The wasp pictured is a Cicada Killer - a solitary species - therefore it has no backup. And it does pollinate flowers! I am getting my Master's degree in wasp-ology (and apparently a PhD in pedantry) so I have to give respect where respect is due...
Keep studying the enemy, help lead us to victory!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula_hawk the king of wasps
Never in my life did I think I would feel bad for a spider.
How about for a cockroach??
FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT ALL OF THEM!
Here's a picture of one (a dead entomological specimen) on a man's hand, just to give you people an idea of how big these things are.
In short, I'm surprised these things don't eat mice. Fucking terrifying.
FUCK THAT
FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT
Anything that has Tarantula and Hawk in its name, and is neither a tarantula nor hawk is bound to be pretty badass.
Oh how cute, let's put the two scary animals to create a new one!
I'm not going to click on that link, because I know, I just know that it will make me vomit up my breakfast.
Highlights:
It's a wasp that hunts tarantulas. It can be 2 inches long and has a stinger that's 1/3 of an inch. It's sting is rated one of the most painful in the world.
One of the only animals that can eat it is the roadrunner.
It is the state insect of New Mexico.
list of places not to visit
Australia
New Mexico
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Also:
These are intoxicated killing machines.
They are the fucking rednecks of the insect world.
Okay, fine. But did you click on the link about Bullet Ants, that have a sting even more painful?
Fuck that noise.
If you follow the link to the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, it's good for a chuckle. The descriptions for the degrees and types of pain from stings are quite amusing to read. :)
Yeah:
Is pretty much all you need to know. Fuck that.
I found the link to this from that page a lot more odd, strangely enough...
Hunting spiders and getting drunk, huh? It's good to be the king.
And it apparently invulnerable to just about every other predator out there... except for the roadrunner?!
God I love this planet
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Oh my god, 50mm long...
That's right baby. Now take it all.
Wasps are fucking scary, check out parasitic wasps.
They lay their eggs in caterpillars and when the eggs hatch they eat the caterpillar inside out. But that's not the crazy part; after they escape the caterpillar they use some kind of chemical mind control so the caterpillar spins a cocoon for them and then actively protects them till it starves to death.
eeek.
sounds like my ex wife AMIRITE
Yeah, your ex wife was a bitch!
Seriously. I hated her.
Also, speaking of badass wasps using other bugs like cribs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerald_cockroach_wasp
This lil' mother fucker brain stings a roach twice, the first one temporarily paralyzes it so the wasp can perform the more precise second sting, which takes out its fear reflex turning it into the wasps bitch/zombie slave. It leads him around by pulling on his antenna.
After the wasp gets him in a hole, it lays his eggs in him and then buries him alive, and he just sits there, waiting, trapped, for the little guys to eat their way out.
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how the fuck did they get that camera angle inside the womb?
DAMN NATURE.
YOU SCARY!
there it is...
Bloody hell, caterpillar zombie!?
I used to always think of myself as not "afraid" of anything, the way some people are afraid of spiders or snakes. But last year I came to realize that the feeling I get when there's a wasp flying around a room is exactly what people are talking about. It's an utterly irrational sense of terror that actually makes it hard for me to function normally.
I'm afraid of wasps.
No, that fear is perfectly rational.
It's not, unless you have an allergy or something. When I was a kid, I used to rescue wasps, bees and yellowjackets that got stuck inside, just by coaxing them to walk onto my hand, and then I'd carry them outside. They won't sting you unless you do something to freak them out. Cupping your hand over them freaks them out - I learned that the hard way. :)
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I read: You sir, are a madam.
I wouldn't be so quick about the "won't sting you" part. I was on a walk in Stockholm not really eating anything. There's a lot of people around. This wasp just appears, sits on my hand, stings me and flies away. There's no way I'll trust a wasp's sense of fairness ever.
lol, last year I had so many in the house that I just got used to them. They would buzz in through the front door (left open for ventilation) then go "joy riding" on the ceiling fan - they'd swoop toward it, get whipped around in a fast circle by the current, do a lazy loop around the other end of the room and then come back for more. Repeat on end for hours until they finally got tired enough to hold still long enough for me to capture them and take them back outside.
I swear all the wasps were telling their friends. It was like a goddamn Coney Island in here last year. At least they weren't interested in me.
Edited for word choice.
That is my nightmare.
Whenever I have to mow the lawn, I'm walking around and looking around neurotically like there are snipers gunning for me. At the slightest little buzz or tickle or shadow I see I normally freak the fuck out and run.
I spend an hour and a can of wasp spray every week spraying the house down etc. If one flies into my garage, I won't do anything else until I've killed or observed that demon to have left.
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Q: How many wasps does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician, and one to make the drinks.
That joke is so old the first time I heard it, it was about candles.
That comeback is so old the first time I heard it, GROG SMASH ROCK WITH FACE!
"Hey, Al, you want two stingers or three?"
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Don't be such a j- ...oh.
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You know how the people on those nature shows use smoke to calm the bees and steal their honey? It works on wasps, too. My girlfriend had a newly formed wasp nest on her deck railing and people kept getting stung. Feeling rather bold, I decided to try out the smoke trick with some clove cigarrettes her hipster roommate smokes. I blew smoke on the nest and the wasps either flew away or became really lethargic and stopped moving. It was at this time I took a broom and knocked the nest to the ground, which my buddy and I then stomped the shit out of and lit on fire. The hisses and pops the larvae made as they burned was satisfying.
FUCK YO NEST NIGGA FUCK YO NEST
Edit: Oh man, I also had a similar experience. I think summer was just coming around and I noticed wasps going around our propane grill. I thought it was odd, since they would fly underneath the grill and disappear. I open the grill to find a complete society of wasps and a shitload of nests. I ran to the other side of the world.
they'll just buy another one. on montauk
I would have turned the grill on :D
I love how people on reddit can be strong, and opinionated, and well-educated.....but when it comes to bugs, we all pussy out.
Reminds me of a game my friend and I would play as kids. He had and underground nest of bumblebees in his backyard. We'd stomp on the lone entrance until 3-4 lookout bees came out, then we'd stomp again. They wouldn't attack, but instead fly back into the tunnel. 10 seconds later - Boom - 10 angry bees fly out of the hole. The game was to wait until you could see the second wave, stomp, then run like hell. He had a big backyard and there was a point about 100 meters away where they'd stop chasing you. We were 8 or 9 at the time, so the bees were just about as fast as us. You don't get stung, you win. At the time, nothing compared to the feeling of running for your life and hearing one of those things a foot behind you. Oh, and the terrified feeling when you feel them land on you. You'd think we got shot the way we'd drop to the ground and scream for help when we got stung EDIT: (w)hole
When we were kids my buddy and I used to hunt wasp nests with a super soaker, two big ass sticks, and a can of Raid. Good times.
You sound like a superhero.
The wasps will look up and beg "save us", and I will look down and whisper "No"
now that is hipster power. You sir, are awesome.
That took a turn for the HARDCORE!
My dad got rid of a yellowjacket nest with a shop vacuum and leftover fireworks.
Realizing there is a wasp in your car when you're on the highway is a fear comparable only to certain death.
I'd open up all my windows, then jump out one.
Fuck this! You drive!
I am the wasp veteran.
I have suffered many times at the pitiless stingers of these sonsofbitches. They took my parents from me (okay they weren't). As a child I ran in terror, begging for mercy but I found none. I've been stung below my eye twice only to have it swell up shut. I am grateful it left me unaffected.
The last straw was when I was mowing, and found a small nest on the ground. I felt pity for the savages and picked it up to set it out of my way. The little handstinger, stung me on my knuckles...to which I punched it into oblivion on the side of the house and threw the nest under the mower. From that day forth I became them. Pitiless, relentless and pissed as fuck at everything.
I found a nest latched like a parasite against my roof. To which I used my airsoft SMG to rip the nest apart...clip after clip...until it was torn to shreds. One made a foolhardy attempt at me...and I snatched it out of the air and crushed it before it had a chance.
Fuck Wasps.
Fuck Wasps. cries
I have no idea how to read this. Do you speak in cubism or something?
You might be retarded
When you stare into the abyss long enough, it stings your eye because it's full of fucking wasps!
Two Things:
I was a wireless tech before getting laid off, and occasionally climb towers as part of my job. Two things I ALWAYS take: Sunscreen and Wasp Killer. Invariably, at about 60-150 feet in the air on just about every tower I've climbed, those SOB's have a "fortress of solitude", and just as often the gear I would need to repair would be above it. I'm not gonna lie, I do take pleasure in a slow, light rainstorm of drunken dying flightless demons spiraling to their "great reward". I have never been stung... in my view, it's them or me, and I always bring the gun to the knife fight.
These things are terrifying: http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_the-5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html
You know what's even worse? HORNETS.
If you even look at one of them wrong, it'll send out a distress pheromone and summon the entire fucking nest to destroy you. And they're FAST. Forget outrunning them. They will find you and sting your ass over and over.
Fuck hornets.
Yup. I was outside playing once when I was like, 4, and my dad accidentally ran over a ground hornet nest with a lawnmower. Of course, instead of taking it out on the grown man with the giant noise making machine of destruction, they took it out on the 4 year old boy who was just chillin' and minding his own fucking business. I got stung so many fucking times by an entire nest of angry ass hornets.
Yeah, I'm still kinda sore about the whole thing. This was like, 18 years ago.
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It's also a fighter jet.
...and a motorbike.
And an economy car made by AMC in the 1970s.
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Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought a wasp has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed.
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: I've seen a wasp punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge stingers?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.
They pollinate some things.
yes... death and rage!
Indeed.
If you've ever eaten a fig, that was pollinated by a wasp. It was pollinated by a wasp laying its eggs inside.
Don't wasps build nests for that? I know wasps are particularly fond of pear trees and I've often heard they're responsible for pollinating them. I used to have a pear tree in my backyard that was always chock full of wasps. It was some inedible variety so it's not like I could be glad they were there making nasty pears for us.
Now that it's gone the wasps always get inside the house. I hate them.
Fuck wasps.
[edit] Fun Fact: If you blow a thick cloud of marijuana smoke on a wasp where it can't get out of the smoke easily it will lose it's fucking shit. For the whole time there's enough smoke its like the wasp can't coordinate itself. It starts flying randomly and it'll fall and buzz and kick it's little legs and just generally freak the fuck out. After they sober up they just kind of seem scared and they try to get the fuck away from wherever the smoke came from usually.
I've tried it with tobacco smoke too and it only worked with weed.
There's lot's of different types of wasp. The ones that pollinate figs aren't the same ones that sting you and try to steal your jam.
Re your [edit]: have you ever seen the different webs spiders spin on different drugs?
Got in my car at 4:30AM to go to work. In the time it took me to open the door, and plant my ass, one of these bastard assholes of nature flew in and landed on my steering wheel. I closed the door, and put my hand right on top of the little fucker. It burned like having a white hot needle shot into the my palm. To beat that I didn't know I was allergic until about half way through my 1 hour trip to work. They all need to just fucking die.
Some years ago I was told of a method to keep wasps away when eating outside: You blow air into a (brown) paper bag and hang it next to where you are sitting. Then the wasps will see the bag as another hive/nest and keep away from its territory. I didn't believe it to work, but tried it out anyway, and to my surprise there were several wasps without the bag, and almost none with the bag.
Interesting... If this actually attracts them, I'm going to be pissed.
The animal that kills more people than any other by far is the mosquito.
Wasps eat mosquito larvae.
Wasps Rule.
Spring is coming and saw my first one the other day out in the yard. I will wage war this summer.
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Last summer while in the process of re-doing the stucco on my house, I discovered that behind one of the exposed/lifted pieces of wood (used to be a Tudor style) there was a makeshift wasp nest of sorts. First I stuck the hose in an open crack in the wood and drowned them (the first and only time I turned the dial to "soak"). This just knocked them down for a bit, pushing them out from behind the wood and onto the driveway. While they were subdued/planning my death/getting really pissed off, I sprayed them with some heavy duty wasp spray. I pulled off the board and there were more of them that were hiding, waiting to strike. I swung the board, fucked them up, but there were more. They kept coming at me, and I kept hosing them and hitting them with the board, smashing them, when they would land on the ground I would spray them with wasp spray. Some flew off to call in reinforcements from somewhere, and I killed them too. It was a fucking massacre. After about 10 minutes of total war, I won. They have never come back. I win, wasps...I fucking win.
Then there's my cat who spent 45 min. yesterday teasing and toying with it until it died, then wouldn't leave me alone until I came and saw what a good job he did.
Further proof of how awesome cats are.
Fuck everything about that.
I do not stand still. I do not chill. I get the hell away from those fuckers and make a flailing idiot of myself as I go.
Upvote cause wasps are the worst things ever
Damn ! I was hoping for instructions.
I swat them out of the air with my fists and stomp their lights out with my size 13s.
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3/23 Never Forget.