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"I wash dis for you" (i.imgur.com)

submitted by RespectMyAuthoriteh

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[–]4ringcircus 5973 points5974 points  (615 children)

Don't let those trash pandas fool you with their funny hijinks. They will rob you blind with no remorse.

[–]ChoosetheSword 4739 points4740 points  (517 children)

trash pandas

TIL a racial epithet for raccoons.

[–]4ringcircus 3525 points3526 points  (310 children)

Look, I have no problem with raccoons. It is just trash panda culture that I don't like.

[–]moeburn 679 points680 points  (253 children)

I just fucking hate sea lions.

[–]TAU_equals_2PI 343 points344 points  (232 children)

OK, now we've gotta come up with a racial epithet for sea lions.

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    [–]Notacatmeow 209 points210 points  (3 children)

    It's not you I hate. I don't hate you. I just hate what you trash panda people are doing to my country.

    [–]Ds14 76 points77 points  (0 children)

    "Which is implying that if I didn't personally know you, I'd assume you're participating in the aforementioned behavior and be predisposed to not liking you. But I personally know you, so it's cool, right, bro?"

    [–]Happyazz84 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    I am friends with trash pandas... I hang out with them sometimes. So I am totally cool with trash pandas and the like, but their culture just seems so foreign to me

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      [–][deleted] 115 points116 points  (17 children)

      Dad?

      Heh, my dad's best friend was a black guy, he served with him in WW2. After black guy died, dad reverted back to hating all black people. Fucking hilarious.

      [–]Hearthspire 26 points27 points  (14 children)

      That's... actually pretty sad. Sorry about your dad, man.

      [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (13 children)

      He is just old. He hates all white people as well. And mexicans. And asians. Pretty much anyone not native american.

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          [–]Unicorn-fluff 223 points224 points  (145 children)

          I met some Belgian people who called them laundry bears.

          [–]Damnyoureyes 392 points393 points  (105 children)

          In German they're "Waschbär" which is literally "Wash bear". It does kinda follow a pattern though.

          [–]Kjell_Aronsen 20 points21 points  (5 children)

          This is the same in most Germanic languages: German, Dutch, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Icelandic...

          The French, on the other hand, call it a "Wash rat", which seems kinda mean.

          [–]tripwire7 21 points22 points  (2 children)

          To answer the question nobody asked, the English word "Raccoon" is from Powhatan "Aracoon," meaning "scratches with his hands."

          [–]Northumberlo 45 points46 points  (77 children)

          huh, a lot of those words are similar to English, just spelled differently... I could probably learn a 3rd language

          [–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (54 children)

          Yup, Germanic languages are the most like English. Technically, if you wanted a language so very identical to English, It'd be Scandinavian. Norwegian is very easy.

          [–]sn0wcrashed 57 points58 points  (15 children)

          Technically English IS a Germanic language. German is only the second most common one ..

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                [–]bonega 67 points68 points  (8 children)

                That is their actual name in Sweden. "Tvättbjörnar"

                [–]douchbagger 120 points121 points  (3 children)

                Ahh, the infamous twat bear.

                [–]IMIndyJones 8 points9 points  (1 child)

                I knew this was coming and I still laughed my ass off.

                Edit: ass

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                    [–]ElGenitalGrande 29 points30 points  (2 children)

                    "wasbeer" could translate to "laundry bear" or "wash bear"

                    [–]AmericaLLC 13 points14 points  (16 children)

                    Same in Finnish: "pesukarhu." Pesu = wash , karhu = bear.

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                      [–]Helplessromantic 42 points43 points  (4 children)

                      Just because the vast majority of tipped trashcans are caused by raccoons does not mean all raccoons forage in trash!

                      [–]remotectrl 26 points27 points  (1 child)

                      /r/trashpandas

                      [–]P0WERM0NGER 30 points31 points  (3 children)

                      My nephew calls them "Crackoons".

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                        [–]Corrupt_Reverend 249 points250 points  (28 children)

                        This is the first time I've seen this posted where the top comment wasn't talking about how awesome it is that they're called "wash bears" in a lot of places.

                        Trash panda... wash bear... trash, panda. Damnit, I like them both.

                        [–]ghastlyactions 107 points108 points  (17 children)

                        Wash bear? Shit... that's perfect.

                        [–]mrbooze 19 points20 points  (3 children)

                        The Aztec term for Armadillo is "turtle rabbit".

                        [–]Show-Me-Your-Moves 60 points61 points  (12 children)

                        The German language is great.

                        [–]grimster 18 points19 points  (3 children)

                        Trash-washing panda bear.

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                          [–][deleted] 128 points129 points  (5 children)

                          They have a natural bandit mask. What do you expect?

                          [–]deimosusn 202 points203 points  (0 children)

                          They evolved alongside CCTVs, their only natural predator.

                          [–]4ringcircus 94 points95 points  (3 children)

                          That motherfucker is laundering stolen property as we speak. This isn't some small timer.

                          [–]Archchancellor 44 points45 points  (2 children)

                          Well, as the video shows, he pretty much launders everything.

                          [–]smartzie 44 points45 points  (2 children)

                          /r/trashpandas

                          [–]TheRealRacketear 58 points59 points  (11 children)

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lkPFdyyMMk

                          Here is the video.. I wonder how many handjobs you have to do to pay for a galaxy s5......

                          [–]Homeschooled316 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                          I, too, measure wealth in handjobs

                          [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                          The S5 is waterproof.

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                              [–]scrbumm11 3124 points3125 points  (385 children)

                              Are we just ignoring the pet racoon like that's a totally normal thing to do

                              [–][deleted] 213 points214 points  (6 children)

                              My mom knew someone with a pet raccoon. Apparently it liked to hide under the couch and grab people's ankles with its cold little alien hands to make them scream.

                              Can you imagine trying to get a vet to vaccinate it?

                              [–]sap91 481 points482 points  (3 children)

                              Yeah then you'd have an autistic raccoon to deal with.

                              [–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

                              Raincoon?

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                                  [–]QuagmireDP 1336 points1337 points  (277 children)

                                  Had one when I was a kid. He was a dick.

                                  [–]UnderpaidMilkmaid 2382 points2383 points  (186 children)

                                  How so? My neighbors had a pet raccoon and he was so chill , he'd come up to you and grab your hand like a little kid whenever he wanted something. RIP Colonel Cabbage.

                                  [–]CitizenKing 1591 points1592 points  (86 children)

                                  Colonel Cabbage is a great name.

                                  [–][deleted] 701 points702 points  (71 children)

                                  Lieutenant Lettuce just didn't roll off the tongue as well.

                                  [–]moon_jock 414 points415 points  (68 children)

                                  Nor does Korporal Kale.

                                  [–]ArcherSterling925 380 points381 points  (59 children)

                                  Sergeant Sauerkraut?

                                  [–]AbouBenAdhem 306 points307 points  (43 children)

                                  Admiral Arugula.

                                  [–]Falling_Upward 166 points167 points  (24 children)

                                  Corporal Cauliflower?

                                  [–]schatzski 54 points55 points  (2 children)

                                  Guys he's dead. Knock off the ruffle jokes and lettuce leaf him alone

                                  Edit: ruffle=ruffage

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                                    [–]heybuddy93 133 points134 points  (12 children)

                                    Private Parsley?

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                                          [–][deleted] 261 points262 points  (4 children)

                                          You called?

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                                            [–]uliarliarpantsonfire 155 points156 points  (4 children)

                                            My uncle had 2. One was female and was so sweet. She would sit on the couch and eat cheerios and fruit rollups beside his kids. She had a little cup she would wash her food and try to make you have some. She also was a consummate thief who hid all her loot under the refrigerator.

                                            Her brother on the other hand was demon spawn. He would try to bite or pee on you. He was mean to her. His only use for a little cup would have been if he could have figured out a way to beat you with it.

                                            My other personal interactions with raccoon have been with the mega raccoon that murdered my favorite rooster. Not a fan of his furry ass at all!

                                            [–]Toobis 15 points16 points  (1 child)

                                            A mama raccoon took up shelter in my garden shed a few years ago and when one of my older cats went to check it out, she made it as far as the garden before getting ripped to shreds by the angry thing. I tried setting up live traps to move it but it just ended up leaving after a few days.

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                                              [–]IMongoose 267 points268 points  (51 children)

                                              Most of them hit puberty and then go insane. Also a big point is that they are not domesticated in any way and are wild animals.

                                              [–]SomeRandomRedditer 83 points84 points  (1 child)

                                              Makes sense. We had one when I was a kid. His mother had been killed and we took him in. He wore a diaper and we bottle fed him. He was super friendly, but vaguely I remember him getting into a lot of mischief as well. Then we went away for a weekend and had a neighbor watched him. When we came back our parents told us that he'd gotten out of his cage and disappeared. At the time I was super upset but took it at face value. Now that I'm older, I'm pretty sure they just got rid of him.

                                              [–]Stompedyourhousewith 33 points34 points  (0 children)

                                              i just imagine your parents handing the raccoon over to the neighbors in a cage, with a silenced gun and a stack of cash

                                              [–]UnderpaidMilkmaid 99 points100 points  (42 children)

                                              Is it possible to get them spayed or neutered? Would that help with all the hormonal craziness?

                                              [–]PM_YOUR_BOOBS_PLS_ 139 points140 points  (37 children)

                                              That would almost certainly help with the hormones, but they're still wild animals, and as such, would still be wildly unpredictable.

                                              [–]mofukkinbreadcrumbz 505 points506 points  (33 children)

                                              Imagine a cat. Now make it so it doesn't sleep at all, now make it even more curious, now give it catnip, now give it hands with thumbs on all four limbs. That is a raccoon.

                                              [–][deleted] 391 points392 points  (21 children)

                                              If that was meant as a sales pitch, you hit a home fucking run. I want this.

                                              [–]Chrono68 91 points92 points  (19 children)

                                              As the unfunny Dane Cook says:

                                              "I hear all these reasons why I don't want a monkey but that's the exact reason I want a monkey!"

                                              [–]viktormadarasz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                                              i like Dane Cook's jokes

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                                                          [–]mexghost11 204 points205 points  (28 children)

                                                          We raised a baby raccoon and he was the friendliest, most playful thing in the world. He would climb on us and hang upside from your extended arm and he was even ticklish. I miss that little fucker. We had named him Mischief.

                                                          [–]grimes_landing 40 points41 points  (26 children)

                                                          ...what happened?

                                                          [–][deleted] 128 points129 points  (3 children)

                                                          They don't live forever..

                                                          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                                                          [deleted]

                                                            [–]mexghost11 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                                                            We took him camping and released him. We couldn't keep him.

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                                                                [–]daskrip 21 points22 points  (8 children)

                                                                Just so you know, if you see a blind raccoon, it's best not to eat their poo. Raccoon roundworm is a raccoon disease with blindness as one of the possible symptoms. It can be transferred over if you eat their poo and it's very dangerous.

                                                                [–]manticorpse 21 points22 points  (0 children)

                                                                thanks, I'll keep this in mind !!

                                                                [–]seewolfmdk 18 points19 points  (4 children)

                                                                That was a close one, just wanted to eat a bowl of raccoon poo for breakfast.

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                                                                  [–]QuagmireDP 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                                                                  Once he was an adult, he just broke everything. Ripped the felt off of the pool table. Just Chaos.

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                                                                    [–]betarded 224 points225 points  (62 children)

                                                                    If you think these things are dicks you've never met a possum, literally the possums of the animal kingdom.

                                                                    Sorry if that's racially insensitive but a possum killed my pet duck and I blame their whole species.

                                                                    Edit: I've been informed that I actually meant opossum, the ones in North America. Fuck them.

                                                                    [–]roshampo13 223 points224 points  (6 children)

                                                                    /#notallpossums

                                                                    [–]PM_YOUR_BOOBS_PLS_ 44 points45 points  (33 children)

                                                                    Only American possums. Possums in every other country are apparently chill as fuck.

                                                                    [–]Seicair 147 points148 points  (29 children)

                                                                    American opossum

                                                                    Australian possum

                                                                    Checks out.

                                                                    [–][deleted]  (20 children)

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                                                                      [–]Chubbs_McGavin 55 points56 points  (10 children)

                                                                      Ahhhh, our possums are fine. They'll only take a finger or two.

                                                                      It's the Bilby you gotta look out for that cunt'll take your eyes out then go for the throat.

                                                                      Just look at this fuckers cold dead eyes. Now that's scary

                                                                      [–]nikkan05 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                                                                      You're 100% right, you think they're all nice and you start patting them and after like 4 pats they bite your hand and bolt up a tree the little cunt.

                                                                      Source: Australian

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                                                                        [–]urphymayss 22 points23 points  (5 children)

                                                                        Very select photos there.

                                                                        Living in the Australian Blue Mountains, to which Possums are native and abundant, these bastards are the antithesis to 'chill as fuck.'

                                                                        They're territorial and extremely possessive. Don't piss them off. Imagine you've tried to take Russia off Putin. ...I'd almost rather fight Putin.

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                                                                              [–][deleted]  (13 children)

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                                                                                [–]Joke_Getter 180 points181 points  (4 children)

                                                                                Did he wash it for him at least?

                                                                                [–]YourCummyBear 33 points34 points  (2 children)

                                                                                Colonel cabbage did indeed wash it for him.

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                                                                                  [–]Triffels 253 points254 points  (2 children)

                                                                                  that went 0-100 real quick

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                                                                                      [–]stands_on_big_rocks 481 points482 points  (18 children)

                                                                                      Dated a girl once who had a pet racoon. Its name was George Cooney

                                                                                      [–]karafrakinthrace 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                                                                                      Had two when I was a kid.

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                                                                                        [–]Standemonium 1482 points1483 points  (18 children)

                                                                                        That adorable little bastard can wash anything he wants.

                                                                                        [–][deleted]  (10 children)

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                                                                                          [–]Standemonium 325 points326 points  (4 children)

                                                                                          I can't say I'd blame him. He's cute and he does the dishes.

                                                                                          [–]TILtonarwhal 57 points58 points  (3 children)

                                                                                          I definitely don't eat off of my shoes.

                                                                                          [–]ghastlyactions 26 points27 points  (1 child)

                                                                                          Like my heart?

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                                                                                              [–]merkins_galore[🍰] 474 points475 points  (131 children)

                                                                                              The video is better.

                                                                                              [–]igbad 582 points583 points  (36 children)

                                                                                              funny how the man makes no attempt to recover the phone or shoe.

                                                                                              "honey your idiot racoon's doing things."

                                                                                              [–]Geminidragonx2d 165 points166 points  (4 children)

                                                                                              My sister had a raccoon for a while. If it did something it wasn't supposed to be doing I tattled on it and went back to doing whatever I was doing.

                                                                                              [–]frickindeal 140 points141 points  (3 children)

                                                                                              A born snitch.

                                                                                              [–]LionTigerWings 52 points53 points  (21 children)

                                                                                              the phone is waterproof assuming it's an S5 and not an S4.

                                                                                              [–]defenceplox 12 points13 points  (2 children)

                                                                                              phone salesman here. thats a s5. completely waterproof up to 1.2 metres.

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                                                                                                  [–]Father__Russia 446 points447 points  (18 children)

                                                                                                  Haha their reactions are great

                                                                                                  M: "Hey Gosha, watcha got there bud? Unintelligible Let me see. Oh goddammit. Katya..."

                                                                                                  W: "What?"

                                                                                                  M: "The phone..."

                                                                                                  W: "gasp Oh fuck! Gosha what are you doing? Damnit, this thing costs a *fuck-ton of money!"

                                                                                                  *Proceed to check if phone is working *

                                                                                                  After unlocking the phone M: " Ok yeah it's alive, cool. Ok what else have we got here? Oh cool, a waterproof shoe"

                                                                                                  W: "*Motherfu- Gosha! What are you doing?! Goddammit, who's going to buy me new shoes now? *I'm gonna whoop your ass"

                                                                                                  M: Haha (talking to recoon probably) it's not me it's her"

                                                                                                  *Starred means it's an indirect translation of a swear word or something similar that wouldn't make sense if translated word for word. Translations are not guranteed to be perfect, and are instead translated as accurately as possible to make sense within context.

                                                                                                  [–]era_extrana 55 points56 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                  Hahah! Thanks for the translation! That's hilarious

                                                                                                  [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                  Wow, that convo is perfect.

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                                                                                                    [–]Shmolarski 128 points129 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                    I love how it's just like "Whatever dude. I wash shit. That's how I roll."

                                                                                                    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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                                                                                                      [–]bogdaniuz 12 points13 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                      I think it's Gosha, not Kosha. Gosha is a common male nickname, which derives from such names as Georgy (George), Igor or Egor

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                                                                                                        [–]spatial_wizard 31 points32 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                        I wouldn't say better, I'd say more Russian

                                                                                                        [–]573V317 187 points188 points  (50 children)

                                                                                                        Looks like video made to go viral by Samsung as a way to market their water resistant s5.

                                                                                                        [–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (19 children)

                                                                                                        That's what I was thinking. It really seems staged... Phone and shoe, the way they checked if the phone is fine, husband doing nothing... It all just goes together.

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                                                                                                            [–][deleted] 1239 points1240 points  (205 children)

                                                                                                            there's a reason we call them Waschbär (washing bear) in Germany

                                                                                                            edit: great just came home and this really blew up with over 1000 upvotes, and i have a typo in it...

                                                                                                            [–][deleted] 237 points238 points  (92 children)

                                                                                                            And vaskebjørn in Danish.

                                                                                                            [–]Vic_Vmdj 183 points184 points  (77 children)

                                                                                                            Wasbeer in Dutch.

                                                                                                            [–]FermentedFupaFungus 77 points78 points  (5 children)

                                                                                                            Tvättbjörn in swedish..

                                                                                                            [–]FriendlyDespot 113 points114 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                            Twatbear?

                                                                                                            [–]wayle 18 points19 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                            Pretty much the same.

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                                                                                                              [–]iamtheforger 251 points252 points  (22 children)

                                                                                                              Raykins in Canada

                                                                                                              [–]co99950 68 points69 points  (38 children)

                                                                                                              Pretty sure 90% of the world calls them that. We also day pineapple when just about everyone else in the world says something close to ananas. Dutch has silly words that are completely different than the rest of the world too though, looking at you geschiedenis >.>

                                                                                                              [–]astronoob 74 points75 points  (18 children)

                                                                                                              Pineapple was actually the English word for what we call a "pinecone" now. People colloquially called the ananas fruit "pineapple" because it looked like a pinecone.

                                                                                                              Quick edit: and then obviously, we had to come up with a new word for what was known as a "pineapple" and so they called them "pinecones".

                                                                                                              [–]gregsting 33 points34 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                              Interesting, and in fact I just noticed that, in french, pinecones are called "pomme de pin" wish translates litteraly to "apple of pine"

                                                                                                              [–]chiropter 34 points35 points  (10 children)

                                                                                                              That makes so much sense. Pineapple is like the soccer of fruit names, nonsensically idiosyncratic until you learn the logical etymological history

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                                                                                                                  [–]InZomnia365 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                  And Norwegian. The Swedes however probably went with something like väskbjörn

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                                                                                                                    [–][deleted]  (19 children)

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                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] 140 points141 points  (15 children)

                                                                                                                      In my mind I pronounced that "twat born"

                                                                                                                      [–]KlaatuBrute 82 points83 points  (7 children)

                                                                                                                      It sounds like an ancient propechy that foretells of a guy who will grow up to be a huge douchebag.

                                                                                                                      [–]ReasonablyBadass 56 points57 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                      "In their tongue he is Dovakunt, twat born"

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                                                                                                                            [–]TheDudeNeverBowls 105 points106 points  (9 children)

                                                                                                                            And "raccoons" in America. According to Wikipedia:

                                                                                                                            It has also been identified as a Proto-Algonquian root ahrah-koon-em, meaning "[the] one who rubs, scrubs and scratches with its hands".

                                                                                                                            [–]badsingularity 23 points24 points  (17 children)

                                                                                                                            I didn't know you had racoons, and I'm looking at the world map, and they only exist in Europe around Germany and some regions surrounding you. How weird is that? They are everywhere in North America.

                                                                                                                            [–]bluelight94 45 points46 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                            *Waschbär

                                                                                                                            [–][deleted]  (7 children)

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                                                                                                                              [–]hacelepues 28 points29 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                              In Spanish we say mapache. Which just means raccoon.

                                                                                                                              [–]ghastlyactions 136 points137 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                              You French keep your slurs off of our trash panda wash bear raccoons!

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                                                                                                                                [–]IdiotHunter 13 points14 points  (16 children)

                                                                                                                                Þvottabjörn in Icelandic

                                                                                                                                [–]IWasGregInTokyo 14 points15 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                Japanese: 洗熊 (Arai Guma) = Wash Bear.

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                                                                                                                                  [–]chemical_refraction 835 points836 points  (58 children)

                                                                                                                                  http://i.imgur.com/iqgIIwN.gif

                                                                                                                                  [–]kjvincent 425 points426 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                  That raccoon looks so betrayed at the end.

                                                                                                                                  [–]DangerMagnetic 57 points58 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                  It's like when I wake up from a dream where I had ice cream or money.

                                                                                                                                  [–]solateor 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                  Here's a look of "I did dis on purpose"

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                                                                                                                                    [–]Mitosis 720 points721 points  (16 children)

                                                                                                                                    Raccoons have a huge amount of their sensory perception dedicated to touch. Their paws feel things pretty similarly to human fingertips (which is pretty rare in the animal kingdom).Their other senses, especially sight, are quite poor in comparison. Their sense of touch is also enhanced when their paws are wet. All told, they wash stuff to try and figure out exactly what it is (along with a healthy amount of instinctual compulsion).

                                                                                                                                    Makes you feel extra sad for that raccoon. Dude just wanted to know what he was holding.

                                                                                                                                    [–]exbtard 234 points235 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                    way fucking interesting

                                                                                                                                    [–]Wacocaine 33 points34 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                    He did find out what he was holding. Cotton candy. Now the question is, how many pieces will he wash before he figures it out?

                                                                                                                                    I started this as a joke, but now I'm genuinely curious, how smart are raccoons? Will he ever figure this out and just try eating it first? Or will it be like a bird and a window, and it'll just keep confusing him?

                                                                                                                                    [–]plunkymeadows 28 points29 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                    Yay for real info. Wonder if they can smell with their hands...

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                                                                                                                                      [–]MannoSlimmins 371 points372 points  (3 children)

                                                                                                                                      Ah. That reminds me of every single pay day.

                                                                                                                                      [–]blackhawk61 119 points120 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                      My thing!? Where'd my thing go!?

                                                                                                                                      [–]thar_ 77 points78 points  (16 children)

                                                                                                                                      wat

                                                                                                                                      [–]eewwee 204 points205 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                      cotton candy

                                                                                                                                      [–][deleted] 71 points72 points  (1 child)

                                                                                                                                      You might be a raccoon.

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                                                                                                                                          [–][deleted] 461 points462 points  (13 children)

                                                                                                                                          You don't really understand what's actually happening. Hi I'm Sarah McLachlan, each year millions of animals are cruelly forced to wash shit for their human masters. But for $0.10 a day you can end animal cruelty.

                                                                                                                                          [–]frickindeal 186 points187 points  (6 children)

                                                                                                                                          In the arms
                                                                                                                                          of
                                                                                                                                          the angels...

                                                                                                                                          [–][deleted] 120 points121 points  (2 children)

                                                                                                                                          God daMN IT NO, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?!

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                                                                                                                                              [–]ShitToAPissFight 295 points296 points  (47 children)

                                                                                                                                              Hi there! Not a biologist here, but do have basic internet.

                                                                                                                                              Whenever they eat near a water source, apparently raccoons wash food by dunking it in water and rolling it around in their paws. In fact, their scientific name, Procyon lotor, literally means "washing bear." Initially, scientists conjectured that raccoons lacked saliva glands and needed to add moisture, making it easier for them to eat. Study results actually indicate that the behavior enhances the tactile experience involved with eating!

                                                                                                                                              I've actually fed raccoons at an animal haven near me crackers and bread occasionally. They'll pick the pieces up and often waddle over to their water bowls and dip the food before digging in. It is incredibly cute.

                                                                                                                                              For more information on raccoons and their furry little hands and food washing habits, see here, here, and hey, why not here!

                                                                                                                                              [–]DoctorTinman 105 points106 points  (29 children)

                                                                                                                                              And they're apparently very dangerous in water. A buddy's uncle had a hunting dog drowned by a raccoon once. They lured it to a river and somehow held it down until it drowned.

                                                                                                                                              [–]Alocasia_Fruit 337 points338 points  (16 children)

                                                                                                                                              Probably with their creepy little people hands.

                                                                                                                                              [–]gregsting 227 points228 points  (13 children)

                                                                                                                                              He was just washing the dog a little too hard

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                                                                                                                                                [–]HelloPanda22 13 points14 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                                                Best friend use to have a raccoon who liked to drown neighborhood cats. Apparently, it was the sweetest little guy with people but just loved murdering cats in their backyard pool.

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                                                                                                                                                  [–]mithikx 17 points18 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                  Not a biologist here, but do have basic internet.

                                                                                                                                                  A poor man's Unidan

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                                                                                                                                                    [–]DoctorBadger101 125 points126 points  (28 children)

                                                                                                                                                    I really want a raccoon as a pet. I bet once domesticated, a pet raccoon is like a cross between a cat, dog, and a monkey. I'd do everything with my pet raccoon, go kayaking, see a concert, open a restaurant...

                                                                                                                                                    [–][deleted]  (9 children)

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                                                                                                                                                      [–]Valleyoan 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                      Pocahontas had one. He was legit.

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                                                                                                                                                        [–]alexanderjward 164 points165 points  (13 children)

                                                                                                                                                        That kangaroo doesn't have enough water to properly wash that foot concealer. This gif is inaccurate.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]ebullientpostulates 72 points73 points  (4 children)

                                                                                                                                                        It's too bad the admins banned these cute lil' guys' subreddit.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]joeray 18 points19 points  (7 children)

                                                                                                                                                        In all seriousness, raccoons paws are very sensitive I believe. I was watching a nature documentary about how they adapt to different environments, and they compared the importance of a raccoons feeling out their environment with their paws to the way humans use their hands.

                                                                                                                                                        [–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                        You're right, they are very sensitive. A friend's pet raccoon felt my tattoo (obv saw as well) and spent a lot of time rubbing the edges of it with its hands, tried to "groom" it off my skin. Their paws also feel like our skin, it's almost creepy :)

                                                                                                                                                        [–]blackoutHalitosis 14 points15 points  (5 children)

                                                                                                                                                        Had three as a young man, for about 9 years. Will vouch for that- they feel everything with their hands- they loved to touch our cat, "Tigger"!

                                                                                                                                                        [–]Archaeon_IV 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                        This is a great example of why raccoons haven't been domesticated. Damn tiny little resourceful hands.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]whatshisuserface 1587 points1588 points  (351 children)

                                                                                                                                                        This post is an ad for Samsung

                                                                                                                                                        [–]DubiumGuy 170 points171 points  (119 children)

                                                                                                                                                        Samsung dropped water resistance for the S6 though. The only company that still seems to give a shit about waterproofing is Sony.

                                                                                                                                                        [–]elektrakon 69 points70 points  (98 children)

                                                                                                                                                        They dropped the rating. I did see a youtube video of a guy dunking an S6 and Iphone6 just to see what would happen, I remember it holding up suprisingly well. I love my S5 though, ill be sad when I have to upgrade it.

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                                                                                                                                                          [–]TAU_equals_2PI 405 points406 points  (105 children)

                                                                                                                                                          I don't think so.

                                                                                                                                                          /u/merkins_galone posted the YouTube source video below, and it's by a guy who genuinely appears to own a raccoon. See for yourself.

                                                                                                                                                          [–]smb_samba 371 points372 points  (8 children)

                                                                                                                                                          Hahah. She's like "Jesus Christ now my shoe is in there. How the fuck did he even get my shoe?"

                                                                                                                                                          [–]perk11 24 points25 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                          She's actually saying: "Your mother*, Gosha, what are you doing? Who's going to buy me new shoes now? I'm so going to kick your ass right now. There, take it."

                                                                                                                                                          * It's a shortened version of "Fucked your mother", but it's lost its initial meaning, it's just is a thing to say when something doesn't go quite right.

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                                                                                                                                                                [–]missmaudiez 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                                Working towards that promotion to personal assistant

                                                                                                                                                                [–]goldzatfig 88 points89 points  (30 children)

                                                                                                                                                                Judging by the phone's silver outline and the button at the bottom, it's a Samsung galaxy s5 which is water resistant.

                                                                                                                                                                [–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (9 children)

                                                                                                                                                                I dropped my regular S3 in a bowl of water and it worked just fine as well. While not necessarily water resistant, it was a tough phone. I once threw it about 18 feet against the front door when I bricked it loading a custom ROM. It was perfectly fine. A lot of people hate Samsung phones but I think they're the bees knees.

                                                                                                                                                                • Samsung Marketing Dept

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                                                                                                                                                                  [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                                  I thought it said "I wish this for you" and the gif took on a much darker meaning.

                                                                                                                                                                  [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                                                                                                                                                                  [deleted]

                                                                                                                                                                  What is this?

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