Just look at some of these kids...how can they be so dumb? Like what, you seriously can't hula hoop? Jesus Christ. And babies know literally nothing. God damn, kids are so dumb.
Dead Kid Walking
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Kid: let me fuck up this couch then i will clean myself.
Fuck yo couch
I mean, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch like it's something to do!? Come on! I got a little more sense than that.
...
Yea. I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch
Don’t you think Charlie Murphy’s a little old for karate? He’s probably taking it with the little kids!
Now that you mention it, I think I might be bleeding inside my chest.
RIP legend
I met Charlie Murphy once, God rest his soul. I worked at a restaurant he frequented and one night we got to talking and he mentioned he was trying out something new with his comedy, he was working on some prop jokes. I love me some good old prop jokes so I asked if he could show me something. He said sure but that he didn't have my props with him. I said what do you need, anything i can get for you? He said, about tree fiddy. Well It was about that time i realised that it wasn't Charlie Murphy at all, it was an 8 story tall giant crustacean from the paleozoic era. I said, you aint getting no tree fiddy from me you dang monster, get your own money!
What am i gonna do about my legs Eddie Murphy!
"Rick needs help"
"Yo we just GAVE him some help!"
Cocaine is a helluva drug!
“What about mah leygs, Eddie Murphy?!”
Cocaines a hell of a drug
😂😂😂😂 yesssss
Poor Rick. He needs help.
Now, Darkness, the tables are turned.
Darkness! Spreadin'!!
Should never gave y’all n***** money!!!
“Buy another one, ya rich mothafucker!”
He could afford a new one.
Fuck your whole rental agreement 😬
Fuck you couch! They shouldn’t have ever given y’all money!
I wanna know who has a tar pit in their yard?
You don’t?
Calls contractor "Can you add tar pit to my outside landscaping please? Yes. Like the La Brea Tar Pits. Mmmhmm. Yes. Like from the Flinstons."🤔 😏 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Ten bucks says the phone isn’t even plugged into anything
Ah yes, the Flinstons! I personally preferred the Jetstones.
Flintstons, meet the Flintstons, they’re the British Stone Age family. From the town of Bedrockfordshiretonhamkingtonchestermouthwichtown
Flintston Abbey
"And I want a triceratops sticking about halfway out, with a tree branch just out of reach. Oh, they're extinct? I guess just get a cow or something."
Probably oil based black paint. I keep all that locked up .
These videos have been around forever and I've never understood how this happens. Who leaves paint where it is accessible to toddlers. Who doesn't put the lid on tight enough that a toddler can open it?
My 7 year old autistic daughter watched me open up a can of paint a few months back. She then proceeded to get a screw driver and opened the can of paint and paint her bedroom walls.
I come up to her room and say her name and she drops the paint brush on the carpet and then steps in it and then runs around the room. I’m trying to stop her from running but she now thinks it’s a game and now she’s running through the hallways and then running down the steps then running around the kitchen
Shit escalates so fast with kids.
You should've distracted her by having her play Elden Ring with your World War 2 veteran grandfather.
I mean if they need to be stopped you should know that a swift kick to the head will keep em from moving long enough to restrain them. Also helps if you keep a supply of tranquilizer darts on your person at all times.
r/ParentsAreFuckingDumb
I will lose hope for humanity if I subscribe to these subs, either from anger at the horrors or from laughing at stuff that shouldn’t be funny to me.
I mean we all left our kid alone for a few minutes here and there. Thomas is on, they're not going anywhere right? Been having to take a dump for the last hour and all. But how long does it take a young hell raiser to find paint and spread it everywhere? Stretches my imagination that one would leave them alone long enough, but clearly loose lids and loose oversight gets you a fucking destroyed couch.
It takes zero time. I've went to take a piss and came back to an open fridge and a kid covered in cake. They sit there and they think about "what if". The deadly combo is they know nothing of hesitation. So the second you turn the corner, Operation Frayed Nerves begins.
Let me just say that they're crafty little buggers. They'll know where you hide shit, wait for you to look away, then run for that forbidden item. I'd hide my snacks and I shit you not, my kid will sneak downstairs at night then proceed to drag a chair across the kitchen floor to reach my snacks! It's a good thing I'm a light sleeper.
And if you hide places out of reach, or behind things that are too heavy for them, they will wait months until they're taller or stronger to get them! Like fuck, you can't remember where you put your sippy cup six seconds ago, but you remember where I put the box of glitter and glue six months ago?
Half the time I struggle to get them open again…
Don't underestimate children. That's how this happened. They have some kind of radar for shit they shouldn't be touching. It's fascinating.
It’s dissolving on the lip of the sink. Whatever it is, it is water based, but still keep it out of the small child’s reach.
Tasha Yar
After seeing other videos like this, I asked my mother if I ever did anything like that as I child. She responded with, “you’re alive aren’t you.”
My friend and I drew on the walls with crayons while we ran up and down this long hallway in my childhood house when we were, like, 3. I don't remember it but I do remember sobbing while scrubbing the walls with soapy sponges for ages while our moms sat in chairs trying to murder us with their eyes.
I drew my family on the walls in crayon. My parents rather liked it, and kept it up for years. I'm an artist now.
Haha, who knows, with more encouragement I could have been the next Pollack!
Every teenage boy's room has the opportunity to be a homage to the Jackson Pollock painting style if blacklights are involved.
Having said that; Parents, I advise against purchasing a blacklight. It is hard to unsee some things.
What kind of fish are you?
Your parents were lucky. When my niece was 2, she discovered that she could draw on cars with a sharp stone.
This is what I do with my boys! They want to doodle? I sanded down my huge coffee table and gave them paint pens. They want to draw on the walls? I painted their rooms black and gave them some spray paint. Go. Be. Express.
I did the crayons on the wall as a kid and was met with a spanking and cleaning, now my parents request art from me all the time. My sister dyed her hair pink at 16 years old and they threw her out of the house, she’s a hair dresser/colorist now.
Jeez, your parents are a bit extreme
I got upset the first time my son colored on his walls but now I just ask what the drawings are. It's his room. Have at it kid. We can magic eraser and paint later.
I must say, I prefer the chalk option over crayons though.
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When I was a toddler I loved taking baths. The problem was that we didn't have a bathtub. However, the doorstep to the bathroom was a little on the higher side. I saw the potential and put my toddler tier problem solving skills to good use. My parents were not impressed..
What is that stuff??
My money's on shoe polish or paint.
Who has thatt much shoe polishh
Door-to-door shoe polisher, obviously...
Huh. Now that you mention it. I wonder how many 1910s shoe shiners had this exact thing happen
I've seen it in some decent size tubs, and a little goes a long way.
As a fountain pen user, my first thought was ink
Is it sold by the barrel?
Actually, I suppose technically it is
You'd do about that much damage with 150ml of fountain ink, if you rolled in it and used your body as a paint roller.
RIP to OPs couch. That looked like it was comfy once.
I actually wondered the same thing
Demon blood. Kid just slayed one on the sofa.
It looks like bearing grease
It's definitely water-based paint by the way it's washing off, oil based paint doesn't wash away like that in water
Is it washing off?
Have you ever seen a toddlers hands that clean?
Walking all over the goddamn house, holy shit.
I literally would walk out and start a new life
That’s what my dad did….
Dad is that you?
Are you Sean Hayes?
Well father, you're looking distant and shaming...
Go to the store for "stain remover" and never come back
Any kid with a name like Colt is going to be a little fuck like this kid
Colt is gonna feel the Colt now
"Colt! I forgot to tell you, you've got a little brother named colt! He's out in the backyard, let's go say hi"
Named after the alcohol that assisted in his conception
I used to go out with a girl named Amber, she got the name because he father only drank amber rum.
Sheesh. Some people are just too classy.
He got two twin sisters. Both named Zig-Zag. It’s a messed up family.
I thought their names were Black & Mild
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lol, we had an English kid Timothy in my 1st grade or kindergarten class. Our teacher says to the class, “nobody ask any questions until the end, I’m going to explain something, it might be confusing, but listen until the end, then you can ask any questions”
5 or 10 minutes in Timothy’s hand shoots up… “what is it Timothy?”
“I’ve done poo in my pants”
“Why didn’t you ask to go to the bathroom?!”
“You said not to ask any questions”
“Go to the nurses office”
Timothy books it out of the class…
“It’s running down my leg!!!”
I can’t remember how everyone reacted or the fallout later for poor Timothy (I know he moved not long after but assume unrelated?) but I couldn’t tell the story for decades without cracking up to the point of almost not being able to tell the whole story.
One time my sister was running late and just as they're about to leave my nephew (probably about 4 at the time) says "wait I have to pee!" So she yelled back, "hurry up and go pee then!"
The kid pissed his pants right there on the front porch.
Just don't let him find out about breaking the loop
And any variation thereof.
Colton, for sure. Or his super-twangy cousin Coaltyn.
Colt was the tough guy, hot headed brother in Three Ninjas
What about rocky and tum tum?
Colt gonna Colt.
Gotta agree. Kid was set up for destruction from the start.
He had No remorse lol 😆
Looking at these posts made me realize I don’t have the temperament to be a parent.
You just gotta watch the mf constantly
What about when I'm sleeping??
Y’all sleep?
Yeah sleeping isn't included in the bundle deal. That's part of an expansion pack.
The expansion pack is just benadryl and vodka
I sleep when they sleep and the only way to do that is to take them outside to the playground, burn off all that energy, and we all take a nice hot shower when we get back home. Guaranteed peaceful afternoon.
I was a nanny for my nephew one summer. All I had to do was bring him to a playground while I played Pokémon on my phone, and that kid was out like a light for two hours when we got to the car.
Sometimes you get a silent-waker. They wake up in the middle of the night and come to your bedside and don’t make a sound. Then you open your eyes and Bam! They’re just standing there staring at you. Always scared the bejesus out of me. So, that’s fun too.
This is yet another reason I don't have kids, because my gut instinct would probably be to punch them in the face out of defensive instinct before I'd even be awake enough to register it was my kid and not a demon ghost from hell 😂
Three of my kids are cool af. This last little no limit soldier, she keeps me stressed. Not within my eyesight 100% certain she’s making the biggest most irreparable mess of her life. Gouges on the kitchen counter, nail polish on brick, stickers on 100+ year old wooden furniture, breaks chairs from rocking, broke new bed in three days, every pair of pants holes in the knees after one wear, scrapes her feet until the sole comes off the shoes so “they can talk to me now!!!” Pulls anything with knobs with such ferocity they pop off, and internal radar for sharpie markers with better accuracy than a marksman. I used to think we had this parenting gig down, lol I was stupid. Don’t have kids
my cousin working as an RN in a local prison tells me babysitting is often similar to suicide watch on the inmates
It's like owning a pet but you can't legally put them in a cage
Define cage. Play packs, gates, and play fences do exist and people do use them.
Can confirm. Playpen comes in clutch on daddy days.
You hear that squeal he let out at the end?
That was the sound of my tubes tying themselves in into very, very tight knots.
Everytime i hear a friend of mine say they're thinking of getting children i just send them this subreddit
Edit: English isnt my mother tongue, I'm not fixing the grammatic errors
Please send this to my wife. She’s been milking me dry trying to create one of these monsters
I'm saying chief, if this is your attitude about it, maybe you should talk to your wife
It was a joke, I want kids.
You can’t just send them back when you don’t like them or parenting. Just sayin’
See, I that's a relief for me, took all of the pressure off. I know I couldn't handle this and shouldn't. It wouldn't go well for me or the kid. I won't subject a child or myself to the horror it would become.
Most kids don't do this kind of stuff. This is the parent's fault.
Just saying
Condom Commercial
Came here to say this🤣
All kids are condom commercials
I thought that cow skin rug was spilled chocolate milk or something
Same, I thought it was part of the mess until I watched the video lol
As a dalmatian owner, was really happy to see it was not a dog.
Inner Voice: He's your child. He's your child. He's your child. He's your child. He's your child. He's your child. He's your child. He's your child.
I think my outer voice would be saying that aloud while my inner voice is screaming what in the everloving fuck is wrong with this kid!
At least he got video evidence to show at the wedding in 30 years.
I think your kid is broken might require a new one
Ok but nobody is talking about how that kid is gripping the chair with his foot like a monkey
Edit: I realize that he is not literally gripping the chair with his foot. It's just some exaggeration
I noticed that too, I couldn't tell if he was gonna fall off or not
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My nephews were damn devil monkeys at this age, damn cute and I love them,but I could not turn my head for a second.
You can barely even notice it.
Okay, so parents always blame the children, but this took TIME
tf was the parent doing this whole time
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where's my paint?
*THUNK*
what was that?
*chair sounds*
I better tape this
Ah, a person of my vintage.
how much time does it take to dump a bucket of paint on a couch and flop around a bit?
bet I can do this in like 30 seconds.
Hypothesis set. Time for you to conduct the experiment for validity.
Kids have haste automatically, no need to tap any mana. This could easily be accomplished in about 20s
Well, sub-minute timeframe achieved. I think realistically you could speed run this down to 30 seconds.
Fair point, but what moron leaves an open paint can out with a toddler around?
That guy just wants an excuse to be outraged at the parents and take some sort of moral high ground because they think they are or would make a better parent even though they have no idea about the situation that occurred.
This could have been accomplished in the amount of time it takes to get out a good pee. This could have happened to the entire house if you went for a poop.
Kids are quick
This doesn't take that much time. It could easily be less than 5 minutes. That kid knew what he was doing was bad. I agree with doing MORE work and forcing him to clean it up himself. Obviously he won't do a very good job, but forcing a kid to clean for hours and hours at that age will feel like years to them. Don't give in. It will teach them that making a mess WILL mean they have to clean it.
It’s the “I swear I only looked away for a second” rookie mistake
You have no idea how fast some kids are at creating problems.
I teach grade one with a TA managing 8 students. I turned away for a second to draw on the whiteboard and the TA went and picked up an erase a kid dropped and in That 5 second, a kid started bleeding from his head and getting blood all over his book.
We asked the class and they said he just jumped out from his chair, tripped, banged his head and quickly got back into his seat…. 3 stitches and a headbandaid that wrapped his whole head for a week…..
Some of these commenters would have you believe you’re at fault anyway because you should have padded every hard corner in the classroom lol
Be as prepared as you wish, kids will find a way to fuck with something. You could childproof the fuck out of your house but that sure as hell won’t stop your toddler from stealing the keys from your purse and keying your car
With how fast kids make messes, this could have happened while the dad was taking a shit, it's unreasonable to expect a single parent(I'm guessing) or any 1 person to keep their eyes on a child constantly, people need to use the bathroom every once in a while, and don't say just bring the kid into the bathroom, do you know how awkward it is to have a staring contest with a toddler while you're shitting?
Plus they run off with all the toilet paper...
Time for a 33rd trimester abortion.
That's 7.5 yrs old 🤣
As long as they can't spell abortion they're fair game.
JK people, JK.
Thanks, Obama
This is the faithful moment he realized his family was out of milk and decided he was gonna venture far and wide to find them some.
Name your kid colt. Expect things.
Just flush him down the toilet like a dead guppy
not the guppies :(
Like I don’t know how people raised there kids but mine is 4 now and never did anything even remotely close to this. Also how long is this 3 (?) old without parental supervision to do this?
Yeah, worst my kid did was to draw on the floor and walls while my hubs was " watching" him in the same room while a soccer match was on and I was at the office.
Markers and pens are hard to keep away from the kids. Paint buckets are not hard. I don't get how so many redditors can defend this.
I feel like many parents just sort of let their children do what they want without ever stopping them and telling them no or even trying to explain why you shouldn't destroy things in an age appropriate way. So when they do find the shoe polish or paint there is no little voice in their head that says "mommy/daddy said this is a bad thing to do and I shouldn't do this." They just see a new toy and start playing with it.
And of course instead of disciplining (not spanking or anything, not advocating for that) them afterwards they pull out the camera while the kid is still doing the bad behavior. Further cementing that the behavior is ok.
Are people going to stop their kids from destroying stuff? No. But you should be teaching them things before it gets to the point of this level of household destruction.
My take too. This kid seems old enough not to do this and yet the video is "funny" because he's completely obviously to how serious of a mistake he just made.
I also feel like a lot of these videos may be staged by the parents as well. Maybe not this one with the ink/polish/paint everywhere since that seems a bit more permanent. But the ones with food definitely seem staged for clicks. Spaghetti sauce all over the kitchen? Peanut butter in the bathroom? Let the kid smear it around for some views and lets try and get them to go viral while pretending to be shocked.
And unsupervised access to whatever this is?
Finally, found the logical comments.
My daughter once did this in her room while we thought she was asleep... with her own shit. She was on medication that gave her diarrhea and she smeared that shit all over her bed, herself, and her toys. Only took her about ten minutes to achieve maximum damage.
I had to cut her pajamas so I could put them on backwards with the zipper in the back until she finished the medication. Kids are fucking stupid.
In my experience, just long enough for whichever parent is currently home to go pee. Seriously, never overestimate the time it takes a kid to make a mess.
Now how they got their hands on... whatever that is? Nah, that stuff should have been locked up.
What the fuck is that black thing, and where the fuck the kid got into?
How about watch your fucking toddler. That had to take at least 5 minutes and if you don't see a toddler in 5 minutes you're a shit parent.
I'm always curious how people can leave their kids unattended long enough to do this sort of thing. I know kids are fast as fuck but the parents/guardians are lucky something far worse didn't happen. And they say the kids are stupid.
How did an adult let this happen? We have to be their prefrontal cortex until they are 18....
Wanna blame the parents but I have at least 4 cans of paint easily accessible and probably not well sealed to kids of this age...
Seems like a kid that doesn’t ever have to deal with consequences.
You can have kids or you can have nice things. Not both.
I never understood kids in these kinds of videos. As a small child I knew doing some shit like this was wrong.
That's on the parents
People post this like it’s funny.. really just makes the parents look like idiots
Who's stupid here the kid or the parent
He named the kid Colt.
Kids are supposed to be stupid, they lack the experience yet but the adult is clearly a moron.
The parent is filming, the kid is not in the bathtub and still has the dirty clothes on. So the parent decided to film first instead of mitigate the damage
This is probably the best form of birth control I have ever seen O_O
So this guy just sets an open gallon bucket of shoe polish on the floor and then fucks off for 6 hours and returns to the mess and it's somehow the kids fault? This seems like it belongs on r/ParentsAreFuckingStupid. Like anybody with even a humble cat has learned to do some fucking inspecting of the house and what needs adjusted. Did the paint supply cabinet with open paints at toddler height not have a fucking child lock on it????
So...I assume you buried him in the woods.
this is not normal
My dog would never behave this way
How much time was he left unattended? That's a lot of destruction
...how long was he left unsupervised?!
This.
What the hell has he got all over himself?
The fact he doesn’t he feel he’s done anything wrong, to me, reflects bad on the parenting. That and fact he was left unsupervised long enough to even do this
My wife and I have both taught kids that age and they're old enough to know better. You've got your hands full sir
The smile shows he hasn't seen a good ass whoopin'
How long was this small child left unattended around LARGE AMOUNTS OF BLACK PAINT
Not that I needed one (bc the list is long af) but that’s another reason not to have kids
*snorts birth control *
The sound of a kid whose never been punished