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[–]imomushi8 zylime[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (91 children)

Multiple people reported this post, and I do agree it kinda violates the rules, but it's still relevant/funny, so going to allow it. And tbh it just hurts too damn much to remove a raccoon that got 40k upvotes.

[–]PerpetualMondayFLAIR INFO: SEE SIDEBAR 4992 points4993 points  (61 children)

That single ankle bite cracks me up.

[–]mellowtala 1625 points1626 points  (29 children)

That’s about as many attacks as I can manage against these guys too. Lol. I feel this video…

[–]Solid_Snark 798 points799 points  (24 children)

Like fighting Malekith: “Hey, uh, can I attack now?”

Malekith: “No.”

[–]Joe_Keep 366 points367 points  (13 children)

"Winners don't use drugs!"

-William F.Sessions, FBI.

"I DO, AND I WIN, BITCH."

-Malekith.

[–]GoldenSpermShower 346 points347 points  (11 children)

He takes Destined Meth

[–]Seentheremotenogetup 69 points70 points  (8 children)

You can spam him using MethStone sorcery.

[–]FadedGhost516 42 points43 points  (7 children)

Where did you find the meth pipe staff?

[–]Seentheremotenogetup 49 points50 points  (6 children)

In the crystal meth cave, they have a whole operation going on down there.

[–]FadedGhost516 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Of course. Next to the crack baby miners. Your a hero

[–]AnonGamer517 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How many runes do you pull in from sales

[–]Joe_Keep 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Good Sir, YOU WIN.

[–]omfgkevin 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Or the final boss....

MF really just says "fuck it ima run to the opposite corner of the map, spam projectiles, and as SOON as you get close I'll do it again"

[–]Karthull 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Eventually he stops attacking and just stands there for a bit, that’s your chance to hit him

[–]ru5tysn4k3Arcane Enjoyer 💉 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Not to confuse Malekith with his tax evading twin Maliketh

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

roll and attack. ninja style.

[–]AspectOvGlass 167 points168 points  (4 children)

That's cause he doesn't have enough stamina for a bite combo

[–]_Daxos_ 101 points102 points  (3 children)

Too much roll spam. Raccoon needs to git gud or summon help.

[–]Karthull 61 points62 points  (2 children)

Not his fault all the delayed attacks make things confusing, he rolls when they start their animation then they don’t attack so he rolls again but they’re still in their pre swing now he’s surely gotta roll again to avoid damage

[–]Atomskii 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This resembles me too much 🤣🤣🤣

[–]beelzybubby 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Til I'm that raccoon.

[–]-_TOKEN_- 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Def gave him it's scarlet rot

[–]Comfortable_Visual73 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Sneak attack!

[–]EpicBlueDrop 41 points42 points  (12 children)

Guy filming still needs to get a rabies shot for it though tbh

[–]Boarbaque 137 points138 points  (10 children)

Doubt it broke through his jeans, and from the way it’s acting around him I assume it’s “domesticated” even though you can’t domesticate raccoons some people still keep them as pets.

[–]Warren_Icahn_CEO 83 points84 points  (4 children)

I saw a raccoon on a leash in the middle of Chicago lol. I was like wtf kind of dog is that...

[–]Aldoro69765 Cheese reporting! 126 points127 points  (1 child)

Literally "could this be a dog?" :D

[–]watwat 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Behold, dog!

[–]ZeroSkill_Sorry 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I saw someone walking the most overly groomed alpaca in downtown Salem, OR. I yelled out to him from my car that he had a really cool dog. Yes, I'm that guy

[–]RetroDungeon 958 points959 points  (2 children)

Elden Ringtail

[–]K_Hermit 2460 points2461 points  (16 children)

That Blaidd's armor and wolf helmet look kinda weird, did you modify them at the Grace site?

[–]KaraValkyrjur 846 points847 points  (12 children)

Yeah, you need the Trash Diver's Sewing Needle though to access this altered skin.

[–][deleted] 197 points198 points  (5 children)

You must mean the Trash Diver's cape remover.

[–]GetThatNoiseOuttaHer 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Oh, going so soon? Please do be safe on your journey.

[–]TheSinfulBlacksheep 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Boc the Seamster, at your service! Ready to make adjustments to your trash can.

[–][deleted] 3205 points3206 points  (49 children)

Ahh, dog

[–]Kharnyx808 871 points872 points  (30 children)

Don't be daft, dogs have shells and that tail is far too long.

It's a cat.

[–]MyNewBanEvasionAccou 109 points110 points  (0 children)

But it's not made out of stone, doesn't have a crown, and isn't levitating toward you with sword raised.

unfathomable sort

[–]SwissDeathstar 275 points276 points  (23 children)

It’s clearly a horse you idiots

[–]IWanTPunCake 33 points34 points  (3 children)

It’s clearly a horse you idiots

No horse ahead

[–]levowealdogged fellow 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Be wary of liar

[–]indiblue825 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's clearly Lionel's armor.

[–]craggmac 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yo, that’s Sonic, the hedgehog

[–]TellTaleTank 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And now, the weather.

[–]FuFmeFitall 5 points6 points  (0 children)

C'mon it's clearly an overweight squirrel trying to work on his summer bod.

[–]HardBoiledMuffin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Dung, key?

[–]meta100000 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Or some say, dogm...

[–]kharsus 551 points552 points  (2 children)

TIL trash pandas fat roll

[–]jedoeri 110 points111 points  (0 children)

He chose bandit at the start menu

[–]Chaotic_baws 7 points8 points  (0 children)

LMAO

[–]Unknowndude842 1634 points1635 points  (33 children)

Nah thats the fire Giant when you try to hit him...

[–]MardiRed 225 points226 points  (0 children)

Both should be rolling constantly

[–]Aazog 195 points196 points  (0 children)

exactly lol

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (21 children)

fuck man, looking up and asking for help on fire giant, i thought it only my fire giant that did this

goddamn EVERY SINGLE TIME i got close *one more step then i can swing* *ROLLLLLL* arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

everyone on the sub was just like, 'use horse,' or ,'just go behind his legs,'

i mean i'm TRYING guys! the guy is more mobile than torrent!

[–]nahteviro 21 points22 points  (16 children)

Yeah. This is exactly why I glitch fought him. Tried legit fighting him like 20x and said “fuck this I’m cheating if he’s cheating”

[–]bob_is_best 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not that i wouldnt have done It otherwise but i just lazer beamed his second phase, never seen more annoying proyectiles than his

[–]zekethelizard 63 points64 points  (4 children)

Hit him with the frying pan lid!!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

you mean man hole cover?

[–]formlessfish 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Saucer sled

[–]FisterRobotOh 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Torrent swatter

[–]EastSide221 17 points18 points  (3 children)

For real the time I beat him he must've rolled at least 20 times. Even Elden Beast did not make me run after him so much it was absolutely infuriating

[–]OSUfan88 10 points11 points  (0 children)

20 times? Those are rookie numbers.

I’ll roll 20 times against one of those knights in Capital City.

[–]SoSaltyDoe 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I dunno if it was a glitch or not but he’d keep rolling and just randomly flop over on his back, like he tripped or something, and I’d just bop him on the head.

[–]WhoryGilmore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He may have done his elbow slam

[–]How_do_I_change_IP 939 points940 points  (59 children)

What is this raccoon actually doing

[–]TeacherMaestro[S] 1994 points1995 points  (12 children)

Attacking the left leg because it's the weak spot.

[–]webpee 44 points45 points  (4 children)

Is there a link to the original video without the music, OP?

[–]TeacherMaestro[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Messaged it to you!

[–]ace980 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Could I also get it? It's so cute

[–]ComradeCornflakes 697 points698 points  (11 children)

panic rolling like a casual

[–]thar_ 162 points163 points  (1 child)

Well he didn't get hit and got an R1 in so I'd say it's a win

[–]vizualb 32 points33 points  (0 children)

○, ○, ○, ○, R1, ○, ○, ○

[–]Van-garde 270 points271 points  (14 children)

Looks like it’s freaking out during its outside time. It’s behavior and plump tummy indicate a life of pseudo-domestic ease.

[–]SkyzYn 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Same, Tarnished Racoon, same.

[–]SirCheesus 68 points69 points  (1 child)

Plump sort ahead

[–]Naphrym 16 points17 points  (0 children)

But joy, oh, joy

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Raccoon generally scare me with how hard they can fight when enraged about something. But someday I hope to meet one that is tame, that fat looks squeezable.

[–]Maquinoide 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Ds3 pvp

[–]sneakytinkerspirits 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It’s best

[–]JEM-- 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Having a ball

[–]Caiur 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Being a ball

[–]BaalKazar 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fat rolling it seems, prolly doesn’t know about equip load

[–]cringelord69420666 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Playing. It's someone's pet.

[–]spaceagebachelorpad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Panick rolling

[–]k0mbine 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Rolling. That’s why we call these animals rollies down in Australia!

[–]HarryTwigs 173 points174 points  (10 children)

I'm freaked out by how similar this dog's roll actually is to rolling in game. It has like the same cadence. Very fast startup, with a slightly slower recovery.

[–]Charuru 76 points77 points  (5 children)

Almost like the developers did a good job making a realistic animation.

[–]HarryTwigs 71 points72 points  (4 children)

A realistic animation of a person.

Raccoons are not people.

Hence the intrigue.

[–]Doppelthedh 51 points52 points  (2 children)

If it's got thumbs, it's a person

[–]HarryTwigs 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Now you've got me in a tough spot because my cat has thumbs, and I couldn't look him in the eyes and do him like that, so I'm forced to agree.

[–][deleted] 491 points492 points  (2 children)

Likely plump sort

[–]Cosquega 144 points145 points  (6 children)

Man I used to roll for anything when I first started playing, this game really teaches from trial and error

[–][deleted] 105 points106 points  (2 children)

I still roll like a madman. If you’re a vase you better watch out, I’m coming for your ass.

[–]burninhellputin 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Never thought how devastating Link would be in Elden Ring

[–]Beginning-Version-82 6 points7 points  (0 children)

More like devastated, dude goes insane trying to break every vase/pot in the game looking for loot, but finds none.

[–]Kruse002 57 points58 points  (1 child)

On one of my runs I saw Margit raise his staff like he was going to slam it down, but by then I had learned better than to roll prematurely, so I stood there waiting for him to start the swing. I shit you not, he held that position for almost 10 full seconds, and then he just lowered his staff. I had no idea Margit was able to cancel his swings.

[–]A_wild_so-and-so 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I saw something similar in phase two. He brought out the holy hammer, but my buddy was busy running around him so he never got a good lock. He just turned around slowly in a circle, kinda forgot what he was doing and just put the hammer away lol.

[–]AlphaLeonidas 351 points352 points  (29 children)

This post just reminded how much that boss theme slaps

[–]ProudWheeler 116 points117 points  (7 children)

Honestly, it reminded me a lot of the Shadow of the Colossus music when you fight certain colossi.

Which thematically fits and slams me with nostalgia.

[–]fooly__cooly 17 points18 points  (4 children)

One of the greatest games ever imo. It's a work of art that should be in a museum. The feeling I got the first time I fought Avian the flying colossus is still one of my top gaming memories.

[–]ProudWheeler 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I forget the name of the giant flying sand colossus, but that one was, without a doubt, the best of the whole game. Felt like I was witnessing something incredible just existing peacefully.

And then I jumped on its back and stabbed it to death.

[–]Guyinnadark 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well you had no choice. The obviously not evil at all voice told you to kill all those guardian statues.

[–]watwat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Still my personal fave!

[–]Gravelord-_Nito 48 points49 points  (8 children)

They nailed the feeling of encountering something ancient and secret, from a bygone age where other gods walked the earth. It really feels like you're coming face to face with the last surviving vestige of a defunct mythology.

[–]Cael_M 25 points26 points  (6 children)

Have you met the other last surviving vestige of a defunct mythology?

[–]yourethevictim Ask me about the lore. 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I know what you mean and that was far and away my favourite bossfight of the game. What a fucking spectacle.

[–]CurrantsOfSpace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, they've had practice as that's pretty much the theme of every game they do.

[–]3163560 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Whenever I look up a boss after beating it there's always someone saying how good the music was.

I think I'm focusing way to hard on the fights and I don't consciously notice the music.

[–]sirfonz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nothing stressed me out more jumping over tidal waves of snow as that beautiful cello riff kicked off

[–]JugglingPolarBear 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hell yes. That theme and Radagon’s are my favorite

[–]Abtimus-Prime 239 points240 points  (4 children)

that actually is how i fight every boss lol

[–]Misommar1246 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I thought I was the only one! My playstyle - roll-roll towards the back of the boss, quick hit, roll-roll-roll away. Works 80% of the time.

[–]monsieurlecorne 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Dude i always think about this with the bigger bosses.

Just imagine that all of a sudden, like, a tiny aggressive toddler with the strength and quickness of UFC fighter kicks down your door and starts beating your ass.

[–]AssassinLJ 215 points216 points  (65 children)

I hate elden beast and fire giant, not because they are hard is because THEY CANNOT STAY STILL WHEN I GET CLOSE TO THEM OH LOOK I RUN ACROSS THE ENTIRE MAP TO GET CLOSE AND THEY LEFT AGAIN.

[–]Electrical-Papaya 23 points24 points  (5 children)

100% my biggest issue with Elden Beast as a pure melee. I'd be able to get off a single jump attack before it would teleport across the fucking arena, only to run at it full speed and have it fly off into the air mid swing.

[–]KrypXern 16 points17 points  (1 child)

It's okay, none of the spells have range to hit it anyway, so ranged characters are just forced to melee

[–]JagerBaBomb 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Astel be like that, too.

[–]mcdigby 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Ryan Hall MMA

[–]Ham0nRyy 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Not sure what the crossover of UFC/ Elden Ring fans is gonna be like but this is a great comparison.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Tony Ferguson too lol

[–]Summerclaw 41 points42 points  (0 children)

He is even attacking the left Leg.

[–]yuhanz 133 points134 points  (1 child)

FUCKIN LOL

[–]Accomplished_Tackle2 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Fat roll, best roll

[–]Sauerkraut1321 30 points31 points  (1 child)

The endurance on this absolute unit!

[–]CeriseArt 25 points26 points  (7 children)

What’s impressive is he is rolling towards the attack, making him better than most of us. Something else that’s interesting, the timing and directions of the first 4 rolls are almost exactly how to dodge Malenia’s Waterfowl…

[–]Jupiter_Crush 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Is Waterfowl where she hovers, decides it's your turn to die, and becomes a mixture of a homing missile and Cuisinart? Because before I fought her I thought people meant she had a pet bird.

[–]TabaCh1 20 points21 points  (2 children)

What a fat racoon LOL

[–]jboogie1844 7 points8 points  (0 children)

he's just wearing Lionel armor. clearly still mid rolling at least

[–]Grey_Lemon_Walker 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Haha this is actually a funny one.

[–]Shunseii 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I love that accidental back step instead of a dodge two seconds in too

[–]alyberryIcedcoffee 50 points51 points  (3 children)

This racoon has unlimited dex

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

*End

[–]Zerbiedose 10 points11 points  (1 child)

rabies*

[–]schmuuuuuuuucc 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do you know what rabies in a racoon looks like lol?

[–]Elia_Poeta 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Keep rollin' rollin' rollin'

[–]Active_Alternative_2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My God this made me laugh way too hard

[–]Moist-Sheepherder290 9 points10 points  (0 children)

jokes on you i run away from fire giant

[–]Apprehensive-Heat-2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Prase the dog

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The rolls are awesome it really feel like Dark Souls hahahaha this is so awesome

Now I want to see two of them fight for IRL Soulsborne PvP

[–]ak_sys 15 points16 points  (1 child)

So I have to admit it took longer than I thought to understand the joke. I realize now the raccoon is the tarnished and the camera man is the fire giant.

I THOUGHT you were making a joke that the racoon was the fire giant, and when I saw the clip of him rolling absolutely everywhere I thought "oh true". That bastard just won't sit still and take a beating.

[–]Metalwater8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It honestly works both ways lol

[–]cicada-ronin84 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I know this is the Elden Ring Reddit, but all I can see is a bombadgy from MH Rise.

[–]Serious-Sundae1641 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I caught a trash panda in a live trap and took it to my parents farm property. I thought I'd teach it a valuable lesson as he bolted out of the cage, so I started barking like a dog. Well, the fat little fellow was running away until he heard "the dog," and then it did the barrel rolling front flip maneuver and emerged from it running on his back legs, arms flung wide, mouth agape, facing me!!! Lesson learned!

[–]_YHLQMDLG 6 points7 points  (0 children)

mf training for the raccoon vs squirrel war of 2022

[–]generalthunder 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Someone please add the fat roll sound to this video

[–]MohdBastaki90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hands on the best Reddit post in 2022

[–]F0R5V4R 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mmmm.... thin beast bones

[–]Kanierd2 17 points18 points  (0 children)

A post about something other than "Let me solo her"? Unacceptable.

[–]hi_im_eros 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Could this be a bird?

[–]TunnelToTheMoon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fat rolling, still cool armor

[–]Doakungfu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is me in Horizon Zero Dawn rn. Why run when I can tumble at about the same speed?

[–]_Kaj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I stole it and made it into a gif, dw kept your watermark

https://media.giphy.com/media/oVD7wgUzxFT3UPqWMV/giphy-downsized-large.gif

[–]DrManik 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't realize you could use a horse on my first playthrough and when he really likes doing zoomies that was such pain

[–]nathe__ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love after the second roll he did a backstep