My boyfriend (M27), call him Nate, and I (F25) have been together for 3 years. Two of those years were long distance between Canada and US while he worked up the ability to get a TN (temporary US work visa). We know we want to be together in the long run and we've decided for immigration, stability, and job reasons it would be so much easier to get married sooner rather than later. The thing is, I don't have any desire to plan or pay for a big wedding right now. I've never been to a wedding and we're finally not long distance. I just want a year of calm and chill.

Nate and I decided together that we can do a small, immediate family only, ceremony this year and then plan a bigger wedding celebration later when we have more time. I'm starting to feel very rushed though. I thought he was going to propose much sooner - Nate is not good at planning meanwhile planning is one of my super powers. He wants me to pick the ring so we've had many ring appointments to design a custom ring. I really appreciate how he wants to get me exactly what I want but it has turned out to be an incredibly long process. We can realistically only go to the ring shop on Saturdays because of our work schedules. We still don't have a ring and we're weeks if not months away from having it since the design isn't finalized. This is on both of us but I'd say mostly him cause we would wait so long between going back into the shop until id nudge him about it.

Now clock is ticking so we are starting to plan our ceremony and Nate says he was thinking July. This is insane to me because we hadn't even told family yet that this was our plan. I said optimistically we can do early September. I really don't want a ceremony/celebration in a cold weather season. There are extra logistics here because we want to do the ceremony out of state on the beach (and for his family out of country). He told his family while he was visiting them this weekend about our plans so they can keep their calendars open for that time of year.

I should be excited but I'm actually really disappointed because I am not even engaged yet. I feel rushed and I feel like it's going to all fall on me to actually plan this thing. On top of this wedding mess, we had a sucky Valentine's day and 3 year anniversary. I got him a thoughtful Valentine's gift but he tried to get me a gift after work on his way home and he couldn't find what he wanted so he went to 3 different stores and ended up getting home super late for dinner. Next we both got COVID right after Valentine's day. We also both forgot our 3 yr anniversary in March. Then we moved to a bigger apartment in April and for the past week we've both been really sick. He's visiting his family this weekend too cause they have to put their dog down. We can't catch a break!!

I told Nate tonight that I'm we're planning a wedding ceremony with our families now but I'm not even engaged yet. I just wish we could slow down. If I'm being really honest too, I wish he did more planning and put more time into making me feel special and doing romantic things. I love Nate so much but I wish things were different for us this year. Am I overreacting to this whole situation? I'm so exhausted. I just wanted my happy, romantic year of chill.

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