Help?
so, I’m about 7 weeks away from giving birth to our first baby. I’ve had a very easy pregnancy so far, but I can tell I’m getting emotional more easily and so have been really in need of extra support and love from my husband (which is hard to get because of his perpetual video game habit; he is routinely up til 3 am playing online with friends no matter how often I express my loneliness).
last night when we were getting ready for bed I could tell he was in a bad mood and was just coming to bed with me because I had been crying earlier; he did not actually want to be there and was acting very surly and begrudging. I asked casually if he still thought his mom was going to fly down to see us right after the birth and if so where would she be staying as I am hesitant to host any guests after giving birth and having to learn to breastfeed, dealing with postpartum bleeding, leaking milk, crying baby, et cetera. he said she’d be staying with us of course. I said to him that I wasn’t sure that’s a good idea because I’d be newly postpartum; I then asked him if he had read up on how much mess and bleeding happens during that time and how difficult it can be. his response took my breath away in the worst way. he snapped “why would I need to read anything about that? I’m not the one having the baby, you are.” and then he turned off the lights, scooted to his side of the bed, and pulled the blanket up.
I was very upset and I cried myself to sleep. he has not done ANY research on pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum. I have been doing it all. all he knows is what I’ve told him. he didn’t even know I’d have to birth the placenta after the baby. I don’t think he even understands that labour could take many hours or even a couple days. he has no idea that I’m going to possibly have blood clots the size of lemons (yes I’ve read that essay) coming out of me for a while. he definitely doesn’t know anything about milk coming in and leaking through shirts while letdown is not quite adjusted yet. he also doesn’t want to see the baby coming out of me or catch him because he’s afraid of the blood and mess and he says if he sees my downstairs like that he won’t want to go anywhere near it again.
he apologized this morning and said we can sit down together and I can teach him about postpartum. I told him that we can do that but also that instead of spending all his computer time gaming with his friends he could put it towards something useful and learn about things by himself instead of me doing all the work. he paused for a second and in a defeated manner admitted that I was right.
I’m just very tired of doing it all and I really don’t want guests staying in my house just after I pop a baby out. I need some suggestions for what to have him read, the more graphic information the better. I don’t think the gentle sanitized approach is going to work any more.