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I’m not looking for advise for my specific situation. I am just curious about how different people navigate predicaments with their loved ones especially when they get offended my your book opinions.
I’ll give my situation just to provide one predicament. I haven’t been reading much the past few years but self reflections have brought me back to books. Several of my friends have been reading ACOTAR. I didn’t really know much about it other than it’s fairly popular with TikTok readers.
One of my good friends said her and some of the other women in our friend group have been reading the series and they loved it. She said she thinks I would really enjoyed it and said a bunch of things praising the book.
I started the book last week ish and finished it a couple days ago. About 75 pages in, I felt like I was reading something that resembles stories from quizilla 15 years ago. (No hate, I spent too much time on that site as a teen.) Around this point I texted her saying that I started it but wasn’t really impressed with the book but would reserve my final thoughts until I finished it.
Anyways I finished it and sent her a message today saying that if I went in with my expectations lower it was mildly entertaining. I said that it’s similar to keeping up with the kardashians. No one watches that show for anything profound but for pure entertainment. I made some comments about things I felt were weak in the book. She responded and said I haven’t even read the full series and the first book is the worst.
I responded that it wouldn’t be unreasonable to call me a snob. But that I would read the 2nd book to see if it improves. This was a half joke. I know I can be a very blunt person in general without realizing it at the time and it rubs people the wrong way. I try to be cognizant of it but sometimes I mess up.
She sent me a response saying that my comparison was insulting and that I am just ripping the book to shreds unreasonably. And that my opinion was based on one book and comments people have made online. The way she was texting I could tell I had very much so offended and upset her, which was not my intention as I love this friend dearly.
I sent her an apology saying I’m sorry for my words being hurtful and that I would refrain from sharing negative opinions on this series going forward but my husband said it was a clinical apology that you would send to a boss. I told him that’s just how I think and he said he knows that’s just how I am but it doesn’t ease the hurt that she is feeling right now. She hasn’t answered me.
So in the name of discussion, how do y’all navigate talking about books with friends that you sharing very different feelings about?
EDIT: edit because it’s easier than repeating myself in the comments.
So yes, Im a jerk. Thanks Reddit 😅
Things I’ve learned from this thread:
Expectations on why we read may be different and those need to be taken into consideration. I already know that not everyone wants to write a dissertation on literature when they read, but that tends to be my default. Friends I have had discussions in the past were of similar mindsets and so we could have those discussions about we did and didn’t like in books without it hurting feelings.
The reason why I thought this specific friend would be different because of how she presented the book to me. She said it is a fantasy with good world building and amazing characters. Which to me reads like that person would be open to discussing these aspects of the writing. I promise I did say more about the book than comparing it to KUWTK.
Sorry Reddit, I didn’t realize an acronym would get people so riled up. ACOTAR is A Court of Throrns and Roses. I’ve seen the acronym used many times in discussions on and didn’t think other wise.
Because some people have commented on this, I guess I should mention. Yes my psychiatrist speculates I have some sort of social disorder or am on the spectrum. I didn’t immediately lead off with this because it is not yet a confirmed diagnosis because I am still working on getting a full psych evaluation and because I think a discussion can still be hand without prefacing my medical diagnosis’s.