NBA

• Remarkably high usage guard.

• Launches deep 3s. You clip the logo ones she makes and put it on a highlight tape, but she takes plenty of bad ones.

• Ability to lead her respective league in assist and make upper echelon passes.

• Non-existent on defense. Her team has to play 4v5 seemingly the entire game.

•From a fly over state, and a college not known as a basketball powerhouse.

Is she just Trae Young with better hair?

Imagine you have the best skills size etc (of course theoretical) what would a British person do to get into the nba? Would they play in the bbl and get seen by the NBA or would they have to play college basketball in America and if so how would they get to one of those colleges?

As we all know, the Covenant engaged Humanity in a genocidal war for decades, only losing through their own internal conflict and leadership. However what if, instead of declaring Humanity an affront to their gods at Harvest, the Prophets saw the various games of streetball played across the planet's settlements and thought "Wow, that looks pretty great!"

Likely? No. But for anyone who loves balls as much as I, it's a salivating prospect. Within the ranks of the Covenant sit some of the most physically imposing freaks I've ever seen. A standard Sangheili could give Jordan a run for his money, and I'd love to see Lebron try and get a shot off over a 6 foot tall flying bug. Linsanity? More like San'Shyurdity.

First we'll go over the individual species and what positions they'd play best (if any). Then at the end, we'll assemble the Covenant's best war criminals ballers to make a team that could grab a three-peat of their own. This is only comprised of those who served the Covenant during the HCW, and I'm ignoring the fringe and the Huragok. Also, for this scenario all players/species have a decent level of ball knowledge, engage heavily in the GOAT debate, and frequent .

Prophets/San'Shyuum
Avg height: 7'-7'5" (in gravity thrones)
Avg. Weight: 179-212lbs
Notes: No thrones, no prelates
Like the Hornets, despite having some crazy backing the Prophets really have no skill on the court. Sure the gravity thrones give them a physical advantage, but 600 year-old Adam Silver has ruled them illegal. Take those away, and they become a bunch of inbred hobbling testicles. Realistically the grav throne adds at least a foot, so that puts them around 6'2. Not bad, and with an average height between 179 and 212lbs they don't have the worst build on paper. But that's just paper. Like me, the San'Shyuum sit basically all day. This means they're not exactly cut out for physical work, and the one time we see one walk around he's struggling. So with that in mind, imagine one trying to hoop. He'd be absolutely clowned on, defence and offence all the same.

However, what they lack in physicality they make up in intelligence. I mean, there's a reason they were on top for so long. And, coupled with tactical ball knowledge, the San'Shyuum kill it on the sidelines. That's right, once a leader always a leader. The prophets are the Phil Jackson of the Covenant.

Hunters/Mgalekgolo
Avg. height: 12'1"-12'3"
Avg. Weight: 10lbs-11k lbs
Notes: No shield or cannon
While they seem like physical powerhouses, they may simply be too big. I mean they weight 10k pounds. At what point do they just crush the court? But if we ignore that and look purely at their physical abilities... WOW. They don't seem to be able to jump (and may cause a small earthquake if they could) but they don't need to. They're literally taller than the hoop if they don't hunch down. They're basically guaranteed a record number of blocks per game. Also, bond brothers. The NBA has seen some great duos over the years. Jordan and Pippen, Shaq and Kobe, etc. But none of these guys posses anything close to what Hunter bond brothers have. Imagine if Scottie Pippen was as tall as the hoop and went into a suicidal rage when MJ went to play baseball.

Unfortunately though, being as heavy as a hunter could be an issue. They may be able to pivot well, but the risk of stepping on someone's toes means they're constantly on the verge of ejection. Not to mention, as big as they are, I gotta question how well they can really handle the ball given the (likely) insane size of their hands. Having big hands is a great thing in basketball, but at what point are they gonna be too big to properly shoot and even dribble the ball. Plus if they have to bounce that thing six feet in the air on every dribble it's not gonna be hard for another player to just dive in there. Another thing is their teamplay. They're well known to just fuckn hate everyone else, seeing most of the other Covenant species as annoyances rather than allies. While a duo of Hunters is no doubt a powerful combo, it can only get you so far if they don't pass the ball. All this in consideration, there's no doubt that a Hunter could possibly be the greatest center in the history of basketball, but it'd depend on them being smart with the ball, honing their perimeter shot, and having a good team behind them to take home some trophies.

Jackals/Kig-Yar
Avg. height: 6'2"-6'8", ~5ft due to hunch
Avg. Weight: 195-206 lbs
Notes: No gauntlet
Agile, long, and naturally hunched into a defensive stance, any Kig-Yar could easily be in the running for Defensive Player of the Year. They can get up to just about 7ft tall, but their hunch brings them to around 5ft. Now that is short, but when you consider they can jump at least twice their height, as well as incredible reactions going off my Halo 2 LASO run, makes me think they'd be good defensive players. Their agility and vertical also means they could be the first players to dunk from the 3pt line. Judging from their shooting ability, they may also be able to sniper on the court. Although they apparently have fairly weak bones, if my calcium deprived body can survive a mid-rang jumper, I think the bird that's designed for jumping will be fine.

There are some weaknesses though. Their defensive ability would largely depend on who they're matched-up against. While I think they'd do fine against regular sized players, going against anything bigger (Elite, Brute, Zion Williamson) would be an issue. There's also the fact that these guys only care about money and nothing more. Add a million dollar bonus for a 50pt game and you could see the first Kig-Yar triple double, but with high contracts and bonuses you also run the risk of some savage in-team competition forming. Other players disappearing and being replaced by a Kig-Yar with a fake moustache who looks a lot like your starting point guard isn't good for a deep playoff run.

Overall, I'm torn between the species being better suited for the point guard position or as a strong role player. They fit into the parameters of a PG well, being a shorter height and decent shooters, but I think they'd lack the effort to be the on the floor leader that a PG, especially a starter, is. Because of this, I think Jackals are far more suited to being a strong off the bench movement shooter, possibly even a Shooting Guard.

Grunts/Unggoy
Avg. height: 4'6"-5'6"
Avg. Weight: 248-260 lbs
Notes: Smaller methane tank
There's really no nice way to put this, but the grunts are by far the weakest members of the Covenant's basketball program. They're incredibly short and on top of this they weight upwards of 260 pounds. That's insane, and likely means they're not gonna be able to jump at all. They're also clumsy and described as weak compared to other species. At most, I could see them guarding a jackal, but even then they lose on agility. The only Grunt who would really have a chance is Stolt, the Master Chief of grunts and by far their best player. Because of their arms, I'm not sure how good of a shot he'd be, but so long as he can make himself open for passes and dish the ball out, he'd be fine.

As much as I love a good gas sniffer, the Unggoy have absolutely no place on the court. Period.

Drones/Yanme'e
Avg. height: 5'8"-6'7"
Avg. Weight: 169-279 lbs
Notes: No gravity dampeners, no flying
I think a lot of people overlook the Drones. They're 6ft tall flying bugs, that's horrifying. I see a beetle in my room and I freak out, could you imagine a man-sized one guarding you? No thanks. Unfortunately there's no database on NBA players scared of bugs, but I'd imagine it's a decent portion. Immediately that's gonna make it a lot easier for a Drone to play, if the player you're matched up against is too terrified of your very existence to guard you. On top of this they're fairly strong (they were seen picking people up in H3 and have armored exoskeletons to boot), AND can sorta fly, kinda. The league unfortunately banned the Yanme'e gravity dampeners after a hive flew off with and ate an opposing team, but they can still get decent airtime without them. Finally, they're also "polydextrous", which is a made up word for saying they can use their hands and feet to grip and manipulate. So combine all this and you have a giant bug that's shockingly strong, can sorta fly, and can use both their hands and feet with the same skill and precision. Great. What a beast.

Unfortunately, this all crumbles pretty quick. It's not gonna be hard to find a guy who can stand a bug if really needed, and I'm sure even those scared of them would adjust eventually. Flight is cool and all but the NBA isn't gonna let that slide. So maybe they can use the wings to get a little higher, but they can't fly around. Even if they could, if they did so without shooting or passing it's an up-and-down violation. And while they may be strong, it's unclear if it's just a pickup-a-fully-armored-marine strength, or a push-into-a-300lb-basketball-player strength. I'm also concerned about their ball handling and shot ability. Because they only have four short fingers and pretty small hands I gotta wonder how well they're really gonna handle the ball under pressure. All this together makes they pretty unfavorable for any franchise, and being a hivemind doesn't help. Yanme'e don't really do well alone, and the ones that aren't part of the hivemind are literally murderous psychopaths, so getting the Drones on the team depends on the Queen allowing it. And, unless that team is in a winning position I don't see them doing so, and no winning team needs a bug problem. So as much as I love these guys, they're gonna have to sit out.

Brutes/Jiralhanae
Avg. height: 8'6"-9'2"
Avg. Weight: 1125-1500 lbs
This one is tricky. Brutes are physical monsters, and on strength alone they'd basically be impossible to guard for any man. They also have incredible endurance and a great vertical jump, and the way their arms are formed it wouldn't be hard for them to get a solid release form going. They'd be strong power forwards no doubt, basically being everything a Hunter is but better, and would be the best way to counter a Mgalekgolo aside from a Mgalekgolo itself. Mentally, though, they could bring their entire team down. They lose it at the smallest inconvenience and have a love for brutality. I shudder at the thought of a Brute missing a game winning corner 3 and tearing a spectator's head off, channeling their inner Draymond Green. So unless one of these guys gets onto Golden State, where I doubt they'd , then most Jiralhanae aren't gonna last in the league.

However, not all brutes are, well, brutes. There are some who are able to respect authority without losing it every 5 seconds, and even some who enjoy peace more than war. There are Tartarus and Lydus. The latter did so mostly out of necessity, but it still shows that some can keep it together. However he's quite old at the time of the Covenant's NBA entry draft, so he's ruled out. We're done with the 2490s. Tartarus himself isn't that smart, but he does have loyalty. Assuming a Prophet coaches the team, I don't doubt he'd be able to put aside his dislike for every other species for the greater good of winning the NBA In-Season Tournament. So, assuming you can grab a few more like those two who also have the physicality to play in the league, the Brutes could be one of the Covenant's best offerings to the sport of basketball. But not the best.

Elites/Sangheili
Avg. height: 7'4"-8'6"
Avg. Weight: 307-393 lbs
Absolute beasts. Genetic freaks. If these guys weren't so obsessed with the sword they could be running the league. Even on the low of their height end they're just basically into the top 10 of tallest NBA players ever, and unlike all the other large species, the Elites are damned fast, and swift. That's what really sets them apart from the Brutes in my opinion, is that they're so fluid and quick with their movements compared to the kinda animalistic movement of brutes, if that makes sense. They could drive, get fast breaks, and defend all at high speeds with really no trouble. They can also jump fairly well and again, on the low end they are 307lbs of muscle. Get an elite to properly train for basketball and they'd immediately enter the GOAT debate. Around 7'8", ~330lbs is probably their best range for physicality, and at that point they could work on having a good driving game as well as a solid jump shot from really anywhere on the court. I'm also very conflicted on what position they'd play best. As a center they could grab boards, block shots, and get easy buckets like nobody's business, while if they played a small forward position they'd be able to hone their shot and make buckets from downtown like nobody's business. So, since we don't have one yet, I'll say the Elites are best suited for a small forward. They'd also do well as a PG, as we've sense them be natural leaders in the Covenant for thousands of years. Honestly? They may be great anywhere.

The only real downside is that their culture of honor. Would an Elite be able to take everything personally like MJ, or would they just stand down when bested in the key? Probably the former, but still. Their sense of honor often clouds their judgement, and it's something they'll have to get over if want to succeed.

THE DREAM TREAM
So with all that in consideration, what's the best team the Covenant could put together? Who are the High Charity Heretics NBA franchise sending to represent them?

Firstly, they're coached by the High Prophet of Regret. A controversial choice I'm sure, but Mercy is too old to adapt his coaching style, and Truth is to much of a backstabber. I just can't trust him to bring a team to the Finals in one piece.

Starters
C:
PF:
SF:
PG:
SG:

Igido is a random choice, I just wanted a hunter as a Center, and I'm assuming Hunters are capable of working alone. Tartarus has showed loyalty to the Prophets in the past, and as I said I think he'd be able to put aside his hatred of the Elites. Jega too can follow orders, and he's quick. Throw him in there and his physical ability paired with what I've always thought is a high intelligence makes him a dangerous, if not psychotic player. Then we have our on the court leaders, Rtas and Thel. Possibly one of the best combos to come out of the Covenant, and now instead of throwing down bombs from orbit, they're throwing down bombs from the 3pt line and beyond.

Bench
C:
PF:
SF: Some kind of Kig-Yar
PG:
SG:

Xytan is an absolute beast, but compared to a hunter I'm not sure he's the best option for a starter. He's a well known leader (mainly cause of his size) so he's still a valuable asset to have on the bench. I don't really know a lot about Avitus, but he's tall and for a brute, he looks pretty lean, and I think he's got a good potential if he hones his perimeter shot and post game. For Small Forward, I think having a Kig-Yar on the bench could be valuable. There aren't really any named Jackals of note, so anyone will do there. Maccabeus, like his nephew Tartarus, was the leader of the Brutes for a bit. If he can lead them into battle, I think he could be a leader on the court as well as a good clutch performer. Finally, as a shooting guard I have the Heretic himself, Sesa 'Refumee. He's fairly small for an Elite, at 7'3, but I like the idea of having someone on the bench who can tell the coach to shove it if need be.

Alright, cool. Thanks for reading

The autism was acting up this morning so I decided to make a spreadsheet of the Simmons/Russillo/House NBA Over/Unders for 2023-2024. Only three teams could still go either way (Bulls, Lakers, Heat). Overall, the guys did very well. No matter who you tailed, you'd almost certainly be profitable. Simmons and Russillo are preforming extremely well and House is close to breaking even or a little bit above.

Simmons -

18 right, 9 wrong, 3 TBD

On locks - 3 right, 1 wrong, 2 TBD

Russillo -

19 right, 8 wrong, 3 TBD

On locks - 4 right, 0 wrong, 1 TBD

House -

15 right, 12 wrong, 3 TBD

On locks - 3 right, 2 wrong

On unanimous picks -

11 right, 3 wrong, 3 TBD

1: Boston Celtics (62-16) ⬆️

2: Denver Nuggets (54-24) ⬇️

3: Oklahoma City Thunder (53-25) ↔️

4: Minnesota Timberwolves (54-24) ↔️

5: Dallas Mavericks (48-30) ⬆️

After their win and the Bucks loss yesterday, they now hold the 6th best record in the league. How far do they go in the playoffs?

When Marc Gasol won NBA Defensive Player of the Year in 2013, he was selected to the All Defensive 2nd Team. It was also his only NBA All-Defensive team selection during his career.

Before 2014, DPOY and All-Defensive teams were voted on by two different pools of voters: media for DPOY and coaches for All Defensive team. While Marc is the only DPOY winner to never make All-Defensive 1st Team, he wasn't the first to not make 1st team during his DPOY year due to this voting quirk:

Dikembe Mutombo

• 1995 NBA Defensive Player of the Year, 1995 NBA All Defensive 2nd Team

• 3× NBA All-Defensive First Team in 1997, 1998, 2001

Tyson Chandler

• 2012 NBA Defensive Player of the Year, 2012 NBA All Defensive 2nd Team

• All-Defensive First Team in 2013

Alvin Roberton

• 1986 NBA Defensive Player of the Year, 1986 NBA All-Defensive 2nd Team

• 2× NBA All-Defensive First Team in 1987 and 1991