I (29F) have been married to my husband D (33M) for 4 years, together for 8. We have generally had a very happy and loving relationship. D's father had remarried his AP shortly after his mother committed suicide when he was 11, needless to say, he hated his stepmother. D is a generally cheerful person, but even the mention of his stepmother and he goes really quiet, just silently asking you to shut up.

D drinks rarely, especially after the incident when we were dating, and he drank too much, and I remember him being scary, and shouting and throwing things, calling his stepmother a whore and monster. None of that was directed at me, and he didn't harm me. I told him about it the next day, and he apologized profusely, and never drank so much again. I asked why he hated his stepmother so much when his dad was just as much in the wrong if not more, and he still talks to him. He just called her a homewrecker. I suggested therapy for him to sort out his feelings, but he just told me he is fine, and it's not really a big deal.

Two weeks ago, some of D's high school friends took him out, he came back home, drunk, really drunk, out of his mind drunk, he started yelling and throwing things again, and when I tried to calm him down, and touched his arm, he pushed me to the ground, told me to never touch him again, called me a monster, a whore, but he would keep calling me his stepmother's name. He would repeatedly yell for me (his stepmother?) to not touch him, and stay the hell away from him. After this, he had sex with me even when I begged him not to, and then beat me up. I do not want to go into details, as it is physically painful for me to remember that but I ended up in the ER the next day.

When D sobered up, he was quick to reach out to me, begging for forgiveness, crying and apologizing and asking for another chance. I am currently at my sister's house, as even the thought of staying with him is scary to me. I considered the possibility of D being sexually abused by his stepmother, which makes me feel guilty about the thought of divorcing him. However, I am terrified of him, I remember all the things he is capable of doing when I look at him, and I don't want to be in that kind of relationship. But, I also don't want to be the woman who abandons her husband in the face of distress. Will leaving make me one?

WIBTA?