r/Jokes

We had a brief conversation. Clever and humorous, so I proposed a date. Yes, she replied.

I was guessing she'll be 400 pounds. However, it was she who answered the door—this little strawberry blonde with a lustrous head and well formed curves everywhere. After exchanging our true names, I asked her what does she do for work. "Sunday school teacher," she says. I'm taking her to the second-best restaurant I can think of even though I've never had a Christian girl.

I ask her if she's hungry as I take out a joint of my finest cannabis. She responds, "Heavens no, what would i tell my sunday school children?" . Well, some people smoke, and some people don't, so I didn't give it much attention.

When we get to the restaurant, she orders the lobster while I get a steak. I choose the second-most costly bottle of wine available. However, when the waitress brings it she says she doesn't drink. Im mindblown. "You don't drink?"

"Heavens no. How would I explain this to my Sunday school students?"

We laugh at one other's jokes and have a nice time, but when I sip from that expensive bottle by myself, I realize this is a disaster.

As I'm driving her home i pass a cheap hotel and figuring i got nothing to lose ask her :"want to get a room and knock boots?"

She says "I thought you'd never ask."

I'm like really?!? "what will you tell your sunday school children?"

She said: the same thing i tell them every week

"You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time "

On a flight, the passengers suddenly hear:
“Here is your pilot. Today is my 10.000th flight. I would like to do something special. Would you like to experience a loop? Then applaud.”
The excited passengers applaud.
The pilot says, “ok, fasten your seatbelts”, and a few moments later he does a perfectly executed loop. Everyone is laughing and applauding.
“Would you like to experience a corkscrew roll?”
More applause and the pilot does the manoeuvre to loud acclaim.
“Ok, this was it, enjoy the rest of your flight.”
At that moment, the toilet opens, and a wet and soiled man shuffles out and shouts, “Do you think that’s funny?!”

"I heard y'all Irishmen really like your Guiness, you know what, I'm gonna give 500 American dollars to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guiness in a go. Does anybody accept?"

The pub falls dead silent and one gentleman even gets up and leaves. Said gentleman returns 10 minutes later and asks the Texan "Hey, is your bet still standing?" "Yes", replies the Texan.

The gentleman then tells the bartender to pour him 10 pints of Guiness and to the bewilderment of everyone including the Texan, finishes it in one go.

The Texan then asks him "Don't mind me asking, but where were you those 10 minutes ?". The man replies, "Well, I went to the pub across the street. I had to know if I could actually do it".