r/GetMotivated

I'm a shell of the person I once was. I used to be highly motivated, driven, and extremely passionate about my job. I have had 3 jobs all throughout my career, and was left burnt out because of it. I started to hate idea of working under someone, so I decided to develop a skill and offer my services.

I'd always been decent at video editing, and decided to give it a go. The problem is that I am yet to even start. It's been two years and I haven't been able to get myself to do anything towards achieving the goal of becoming an editor. I've been unemployed throughout these two years. I keep procrastinating, keep making excuses over the fact that the laptop I have is extremely low-end to support an editing software, but I also know that it's alright if I just start small at first.

I keep feeling stressed out, but I can't do anything to change it because of the limbo I'm stuck in. I keep swaying between "I can do this" and "I'll never make it" and it's driving me mad. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't do it. The fear of "it's too late now" and "it'll never workout for me" has been destroying the little confidence that I have left in myself. I keep telling myself that I'll fail even before I start. I don't know how to stop myself from doing that.

I have literally no money to my name, so investing in mental health is impossible at the moment. I haven't seen any of my friends in a year because I am too broke to go out.

I don't know how to stop my mind from constantly demotivating me.