this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
I 24M and my GF 24F, have been dating for four years.
On my girlfriend's 24th birthday two weeks ago, I booked a table at a pretty nice restaurant for me, her, and four of her friends.
I want to clarify beforehand that I earn quite a bit more than my girlfriend. I cover all the rent and utilities for our apartment, while she covers household expenses like groceries and such.
While at the restaurant, I noticed how she and all her friends ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu. At the time, I thought I would only be covering mine and my girlfriend's bill, so I wasn't really concerned.
When the bill arrived and the waiter asked if I would like to split the bill, I said yes. I told the waiter that what my girlfriend and I ordered would be on me, and the rest should be decided between her friends. The bill totaled around 1100 Euros.
I remember the smiles being wiped off their faces as soon as I said that. I ended up paying for my girlfriend's and my food, while her friends paid for theirs.
I remember the car ride home being awfully silent. I kept asking my girlfriend if something was wrong, but she kept insisting that she was just tired. And no she wasnt just "tired".
My girlfriend ended up giving me the silent treatment for the next week. I would keep asking her if something was wrong, but she would always refuse to say what the issue was. The thought of me not paying, being the culprit, kept creeping into my mind, but I would always reassure myself by telling myself that my girlfriend wouldn't be dumb enough to expect me to pay for everyone's food.
I just lost it last Monday and demanded an answer from her. She ended up telling me that I embarrassed her in front of her friends by not paying for everyone. I asked her why it was my responsibility to pay. She told me that since I organized everything and I was "THE MAN," I was obliged to pay for everyone.
We ended up getting into a heated argument, and I ended up staying at my parents' house for the next couple of days to gather my thoughts. I came home last Friday, and her attitude towards me didn't change one bit.
When I confronted her again, she told me to transfer the money her friends paid for the food, and only then would she talk to me. We got into another heated argument, and I broke up with her then and there, telling her to pack her things.
While leaving, she called me a "broke boy" and wished me good luck finding another girlfriend with my "brokey mentality."
I almost immediately regretted dumping her on the spot for something that in the grand scheme of things, is really small.
She sent me an apology yesterday for calling me those names, but she insisted on me paying back her friends if I wanted to make our relationship work.
I have been a mess since. I don't want to throw away four years with someone I considered to be the future mother of my kids.
I could have given her friends a heads up that I wouldn't be covering for them, and I know that's completely my fault. But her behavior over the past two weeks has also been quite concerning to me.
But again, I love her too much for this situation to be the end of our relationship. I just want to swallow my pride and send her friends the money and forget about everything.
Am I the AITA here?
Did I overreact?
Should I apologize/send her friends the money?