da_guy2

So I guess some of you might be wondering why an account that's never posted here, commented or
even liked anything should be using this subreddit to announce their retirement. Well, first this account wasn't entirely inactive here. From the spring to fall of 2021 I did lurk quite a bit however I didn't dare like, comment, or post anything. The reason why? It's because I had a secret. A secret that I had been carrying for a large portion of my life. A secret that I didn't tell anyone, not my family, closest friends, or even my partner to whom I'd been married for 12 years at the time. In fact, I'd gotten so good at lying and hiding it that I even managed to convince myself for many years at a time that it wasn't true. My secret was that I wanted to be a woman, something I thought would be so shameful that no one would accept me and that if I told anyone my life would be ruined. In my eyes, it was so shameful I even hated myself sometimes for thinking it.

In winter 2021 that started changing. I began to learn more about myself and with that, I realized I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did. I quickly learned that the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that I'd been having all my life added up to more than just wanting to be a woman. I was transgender, I was a woman. Unfortunately, anxiety isn't as easy to break as your egg. Even though the realization was there I was still terrified that people might find out. It took several months of reading articles, browsing this and other subreddits, and just contemplating my existence. Eventually in the fall of 2021 I no longer just wanted to read but wanted to take an active part in the Reddit trans community. However, I was still scared of people finding out my secret, plus an unfortunate choice of usernames MANY years ago made me decide to create a new "alternate" account. This account you might be more familiar with, , a name I felt was far more significant given how long I'd had my secret.

I used this account as my "main" account for most things on Reddit, and for anything trans-related. I started slowly at first, but gradually the more confident I felt the more I'd post and share. Thanks in no small part to the people here I began sharing my secret with the world. At first, it was anonymous to strangers on the internet, but eventually, with encouragement, I started sharing with people in my real life. First with my partner, then my parents, kids, in-laws, etc. I began seeking medical transition and starting HRT in March of this year and eventually started socially transitioning in July of this year. I walked in my first pride parade as myself in August, and I'm now out to more or less everyone I care about and regularly present in public as myself. With each step I felt tremendous anxiety but once complete I felt even more relief and euphoria. My secret felt like less of a burden and something I had to hide, and more just something I hadn't told people yet.

The other thing I noticed happening was the more I accepted and presented as my true self the less and less I used this account and the more and more I was using . Eventually, it became clear that my "alternate" account wasn't that alternate anymore. Just a few days ago I got a notification that it was my 9-year anniversary of being on Reddit. I looked back and realized I'd done almost nothing on this account for the last month whereas I'd be posting daily on . I knew that despite the sentimental value, this account wasn't me anymore and it was time to move on.

So here we are. One final post on one of the subreddits that quite literally changed my life. Thank you to everyone who helped me get here, and I'll see you on the other side.