My (F27), now ex, boyfriend (M29) of 8 months, broke up with me last week. He was my first boyfriend and my first sexual experience. When we started having sex I asked him to wear a condom, initially he said he didn’t want to as ‘it doesn’t feel as good’ I stood my ground and said nothing would happen unless he wore one and he did. Over time each time we had sex he would say he wanted to do it raw and I would say no. One time he tried to put it in and I had to squirm and push him off as he tried. He sulked and got dressed. Eventually I let him go in a couple of times with the promise of him putting on a condom after. I told him afterwards that while it may have felt good for him, I couldn’t enjoy it and it felt better for me knowing he had a condom on. I am not on birth control because of health reasons, and I haven’t needed until now, he told me once that he didn’t want me to go on it either. The reason he broke up with me was because he didn’t think we were sexually compatible. And he didn’t like that I would make him wear a condom. I’ve been upset this past week as aside from the issues with condoms he was a caring and kind partner. But the more I’ve reflected on our relationship I’ve come to see that he didn’t care about me, not really, not if I couldn’t meet his needs. I asked him to do one thing, wear a condom, and he wouldn’t. I think I need to keep reminding myself of that. He wasn’t willing to forgo a small loss of sensation to get himself off to reassure me that I wouldn’t get pregnant. He thought that needs of sexual gratification was greater than the risk of getting me pregnant.
We met through mutual friends, and I’ve yet to see any of them since he broke up with me. The chances of us seeing each other are slim but I’m unsure what he will have told them about our break up. I know that if I’m asked I’m going to call him out on the condom issues. I felt during our relationship that I couldn’t share with my friends what was happening as when they saw us together he was always very sweet and caring towards me and he made me feel like it wasn’t a big deal after our sexual encounters.
I think I just needed to get this out to help me get over the relationship. I keep focusing on the good times we had together and getting upset but I need to remind myself that he wasn’t a good guy.
