r/tifu

This happened last year but having settled into a new job where I’m happy, I feel like I can finally post this. I work for a company that has a large bin specifically for used electronics. Sometimes not even used. They will throw out items that are still not even opened and still in original packaging

After having worked at this company for 3 years, my sister dropped by to grab lunch and I showed her around the office. We get to the recycle dumpster and she asks what it is and I tell her that’s where we put old electronics. There is a computer mouse, still unopened, and she asks if she can take it and I tell her not a problem since it’s there to be disposed of. Employees grab things from there time to time if there is something good. She takes it, we go grab lunch

A week passes by and I get called into a meeting with my boss and HR manager saying they have footage of me stealing company property and I ask them what they are talking about. They play the recording of me and my sister at the bin and her grabbing the computer mouse.

Apparently, it’s against company policy to take things from the electronics bin, but they usually let it slide for employees. But because I let a non employee take stuff from there, it was an issue. What proceeded was a month long HR investigation, during which time I did my job as normal, after which I was informed I was being terminated

Thankfully, after about 2 months of being unemployed, I found another job with better pay and better work environment so it ended up working out

TL;DR I let my sister grab a computer mouse from my company’s recycle bin. Resulted in me being fired

This didn't actually happen today but it might as well have since it gets brought up so often. When me and my boyfriend first started dating i was staying at his apartment a lot. Like staying days at a time and only going home on weekends if that.

Well there was a time period of about 2 months where we started pranking each other. Nothing crazy just some harmless pranks that were so miniscule I can't even remember most of them. (Think changing the tv channel or putting an ice cube down their shirt) but there was one prank that started this whole thing. I was in the shower and he poured ice cold freezing water with ice cubes all over me. The bathroom was set up so that if someone moves sneakily you really wouldn't see them until it was too late so I was caught 100% off guard. A few minutes after when I warmed up again it was hilarious so I thought it was my time to get him back.

So using my logic I thought to myself, what would be the best prank ever, and I came up with the solution, "I'm gonna make him sneeze" and how do you make someone sneeze, according to all the shows I've seen in my childhood, just use blackpepper. So thats the first mistake.

He was sitting at his desktop and I went to the kitchen and poured the entire remaining bottle of blackpepper into my hand and went to go stand by him. Because in my logic, more blackpper= more sneeze. I called his name a few times and when he looked over at me I blew the entire thing into his face. He immediately fell to the ground screaming. At first I thought he was laughing so I was laughing too. But to my absolute horror when I actually looked at him there were tears pouring out and snot and screaming and I realized he was definitely not laughing.

I quickly grabbed some water in a glass and threw it in his face then grabbed some milk and threw it in his face and that calmed him down enough for me to grab him and shove him in the shower and turned on the water and forcefully opened his eyes under the shower.

I spent the next week apologizing and waiting on him hand and foot and he definitely took advantage lol but I'm surprised I had a boyfriend after that. His eyes were swollen, burned and bloodshot for 2 weeks after that. Apparently blackpepper is one of the main ingredients for pepper spray and mace smh. And he didn't even sneeze.

TL;DR Using cartoon logic I tried to make my boyfriend sneeze using blackpepper and broke the blood vessels in his eyes for 2 weeks.

TIFU by allowing my friend to remain stuck between stairs

This happened almost two years ago, at my friend's 18 b day. I'm disappointed to say we were all sober for this one, or at least nowhere near hammered enough for it to be an excuse.

for this story to make sense, you must understand that my friend's house has stairs that are not connected one to another. The steps are slabs of glass parallel to each other, and you can comfortably crawl between them to the other side. My friend said she used to do this as a kid.

Now, one of the girls had a ring she dropped. The ring rolled beyond the stairs and no one but my friend could see it. Everyone but my friend and me went upstairs to do god knows what, i remained because of reasons and my friend decided to be the knight in shining armor and save the ring from the honestly agoraphobic cage it was laying in, considering that no one could see it.

So, my friend crawled through up till the waist and grabbed it in a few seconds. Problem solved, right? no.

Because you see, here's where the reason for my fuckup happens. My friend is.... well endowed, if i'm to be polite. And, for the special occasioin, she was also wearing a push up bra. And this two factors, combined with the relatively small space between the steps, made it so she was

STUCK.

She tried to pull back, but as people who wear bras would know, the cup flattens easily from the top, but not from the bottom, especially with a metal wire on it. So she was pushing and pulling herself, either forward or back, but the bra - which i now assume it was made of titanium from how unforgiving it was - wouldn't let her through. Now, what was i doing? what was this no doubt loyal fella when her own friend was stuck in such a compromising position, with hell on earth going on upsairs when a bunch of not quite sober teens had a house to their own? Well, dear readers, this is my fuckup, because I Was LAUGHING.

it wasn't a mean laugh, if there's any consolation. I am fully and ultimately honest when i say i couldn't get off the floor. Like my friend was stuck between the stairs, that way i was stuck to the floor, quickly developing asthma because my body wouldn't let me STOP LAUGHING.

I am not joking when i say i was stuck to the floor for a few good minutes, just trying to breathe, with my friend yelling at me to get off my ass and help her.

(it must be noted that, before my unplaned fit of laughter, while i still had some modicum of agency over my body, i tried to help her and pull her out.

As you can probably guess, i failed.)

Anyway, once i finally got my bearings a little, i managed to crawl towards her, squeeze my hand between her back and the stais and unclasp the iron maiden that was her pretty push up bra.

TL;DR: my friend was stuck between stairs and i was laughing too hard to help her If you're imagining this is the type of story we'd swear ourselves to secrecy around, you'd be wrong. Most of our common friends have heard it already, as she's very fondly recounting how much or a maniac i was the whole time