Welcome to the wholesome side of the internet! This community is for those searching for a way to capture virtue on the internet.
Describe a situation or scenario, providing all relevant information. Then seek the opinion of the masses. Were you ethically or morally wrong? See what sides the internet takes.
So my wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for 6 years and have three young kids together with no current intent to have more. We live in a chronic dead bedroom and have sex MAYBE 2-3 times a year max (I have the higher libido); otherwise, we have an overall good marriage and make a good team.
Despite our nearly non-existent sex life, my wife takes a birth control pill (not for any reason besides contraception). Recently, after investigating some concerns with her health, her OBGYN advised she come off of that particular BC. The only issue with this, is that my wife has historically had issues with BC, so coming off of this one means that she has to go through a test period with (possibly) multiple different ones to find one that doesn’t have a lot of negative side effects.
So anyways, we were talking after her appt and I recommended that she just come off of BC indefinitely and not have to worry about the trial period of starting a new one. She seemed ecstatic about this suggestion and followed up with asking if I’d be willing to get a vasectomy… Mind you, we’ve talked about this before and I do plan on getting snipped, but I’d always imagined doing it a little later in the future (like when I’m 35), JUST to be sure that we were done having kids for sure. She knew this and never had an issue with it.
So anyways, I responded back with: “Oh yeah, I’m planning on it!” She said “Soon, right?” To which, I (very confused) said “Uh… no….?” And she said “Oh okay. I’ll just go back on BC…” so I said “Wait, what? I said YES! Do you want me to schedule the procedure asap?” And she was like “No, it’s fine. I’ll just test out a bunch of BC’s and fuck around with my hormones for the next few months.” So then I said, “Okay, this is getting dramatic. I will do some research and call a doctor next week, but I don’t understand the rush.” She just said “That’s fine. I don’t ever expect you to understand where I’m coming from as a woman”. I was too puzzled to respond so things just went quiet. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said out of frustration “I’m honestly not sure why either of us need to be worried about contraception. When’s the last time we even had sex?” (petty, I know). As expected, that sparked a pretty big argument (per usual), and the argument ultimately ended in me saying that she doesn’t need BC and I don’t need to get a vasectomy anytime soon.
Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m not proud of my pettiness or how I handled that situation, and I truthfully don’t have an issue with getting the procedure, but I genuinely don’t see the (rational) urgent need given our circumstances.
Am I wrong?
P.S. divorce/separation is not an option nor relevant to what I’m asking. Please don’t suggest it.