Preaching to the choir, nullandrogyne. There’s a reason the ask box disclaimer shouts at people to not include their agab in their ask. It definitely become a tool used to misgender trans people and for us to psychologically self-harm giving away private information no one else was entitled to. There was a point on this blog where people were including it for EVERY ask no matter what, and while I know it had more to do with people’s own struggles accepting themselves and finding themselves valid, it got to the point where I was struggling to support my own mental health and self-acceptance being inundated with the subliminal idea that I’m not really anything more than my agab.

We’re not our agab. We’re nonbinary. That’s fucking valid. No one is obligated to information like what gender you were coercively assigned at birth.

You are nonbinary, and that’s the full story. Period.

~Mod Pluto

I’m sorry you’re dealing with difficult feelings. I hope today has been better, and that you can find a way to be euphoric about your own hair style!

~Mod Pluto

No, I’m not sick of feminism in general (I am certainly sick of exclusionary/bigoted and ignorant feminism) because I recognize that there is a valid need for feminism.

But I’m also not forcing women-only statements to apply to myself because I’m not a woman and they just don’t.

Maybe you should start exploring what makes you feel connected and what feels enjoyable rather than stewing in what makes you feel disconnected and uncomfortable?

EDIT: Like, if you want your gender to be lesbian, maybe just… let your gender be lesbian?

~Pluto

We got a couple of vent submissions, so I’m going to consolidate them here into this post below the cut. I put an extra period in between each set of asks for screenreaders, since I’m not sure how well they read tabs.

Keep reading

Due to timing of the post we boosted and this ask, I’m guessing this was meant for @trans-ventspace instead of us. ^^

Sorry you’re dealing with all this!

~Pluto

(Cont)  I worry that the community might consider me a liar if my AGAB is ever found, because I will tell people I don’t identify as either.  I get it - it’s a label pushed onto me, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it.  (Done)       

There’s absolutely a pressure for people to identify and share the extremely personal information of their agab and bodies, so much so that the terms really get heavily misused in inappropriate and unnecessary situations. It often seems people feel they have to share it in order to ask any question or in any introduction, and there are times when I’m weary and saddened by the fact that people feel they need to.

You absolutely don’t have to share this information, and you’re not hurting anyone by keeping this information private. Expecting to be told what someone’s agab is boils down to heteronormativity and identity policing, tbh. It’s invasive, and you’re absolutely valid to feel like you’re being pigeon holed.

You also don’t have to be transfeminine or transmasculine. All of these terms can be helpful - in the appropriate situation and used by people who genuinely want to use them. I’m also neither transfeminine nor transmasculine. You would not need to use either of these terms even if you did identify with one or the other.

It’s hard, and I know there’s a lot of pressure to conform in a lot of different ways, but you’re perfectly valid and you’re doing amazing.

~Tera

It’s always a really difficult choice trying to balance opening up to those we love and care about (and who should feel the same!), our mental health, our physical and financial safety, and the desire to get to live as who we are. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really hope that your mom will come around and your dad will be much more accepting, but remember that if your parents haven’t earned your trust, you don’t owe them this part of you. It’s okay to set boundaries and uphold them if you’re not being treated right.

Originally posted by erasethestigma

[gif of Tigger grabbing Eeyore up in a HUGE, smushy hug of love like you deserve]

Best of luck, anon.

~Tera

*shudders* Ah, the “well-meaning” ignorant bigot. If he can’t make pronouns work, he sounds like a pretty poor writer. Block/avoid him and keep writing your own awesome fics!

~Tera

WOW. I hate him, too, he sounds like an absolute tool.

Originally posted by fuwaprince

[pastel pink gif that reads “Daily Reminder” at the top. The messages below cycle through these messages: “you’re valid; you’re loved; you’re cute”]

Originally posted by dailyskyfox

[dailyskyfox, a drawn fox with tiny lil wings, sitting on a building gives a look back at you. “Things will get better” reads the text in the sky]

Originally posted by little-winter-fae

[gif of BB-8, the round droid from Star Wars, giving you a robot thumbs up]

If you have any sort of support system at school or a GSA or any sort of rules on your rights in this matter, I would report him, absolutely. Good luck! I hope he gets what’s coming to him. Karma will catch up to him.

~Tera

Hello! My name is Jamme and I realized that I wasn’t cis at age 17 because of the undertale fanbase. (Side note: that never fails to make me laugh). I have gone through my life with “phases” of being extreme with my femininity and masculinity. For example, when I was quite young I was very “girly” or what most would say is more feminine. Then as I grew older I rejected all of those feminine things because the people I was friends with were all cis boys and I wanted to be like them and fit in. Then I did a complete 180 again and became a lot more feminine (because I thought I needed to be that way to attract guys). Then back to more masculine ish and again to femme…then to now. And one day when I was 17 and perfectly happy with having chest fat and no penis (or so I thought) I had my first dose of hardcore dysphoria. And I thought it was the weirdest thing because from everything I had been through in my life for the first time I wanted something that wouldn’t please others. Then I found all these terms and different genders after playing undertale and my mind was blown. I have been feeling this way forever but I still dont have something I’m happy with. I have tried on terms and I’m not going by my birth name anymore which is “eh” but kind of nice at the same time. Ive been in relationships with people who still treated me like a woman even though I told them I wasnt comfortable with it. I have a job as a hairstylist and I’m under the small town public eye where everyone knows me and if my parents find out about me being trans I could lose my house. I’m working my ass off with two other jobs to get my own place and my dysphoria keeps getting worse every day it feels like. When I would dress femme it would be only to attract others. I knew what to do to make people want to date me and I knew that I needed to be a bit more masc to be friends with people. And I’m so confused because now I want to be more masculine but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable. I also want to be feminine and I can’t find a balance. I have reread this post so many times and I am so confused lol. I’m the only one that can define myself but I have no quacking idea what I am doing. Some days I will feel so dysphoric and want to get surgery and go on testosterone right away and other days I am dysphoric because my hair is short and I have a masc looking frame. Thanks for reading I just really needed to get that out. 

Originally posted by trapstrblog

(Gif unrelated)

Questioning is a very confusing and oft times frustrating and upsetting and hard part of our lives. It can be especially hard when it’s surprising when we think we’ve finally got it all figured out and then suddenly feel we don’t again.

I know you’re just venting, so if you don’t want any advice, please skip this next part!

You seem to be trying to separate out your feelings. You’ve listed all these phases you’ve gone through in your life… but what if all these phases, all these feelings are not separate? What if they all fit together as one gender experience? 

I know you’ll find the balance and happiness that you’re looking for! There’s a world out there where you’re not in danger living under your parent’s thumb. You’ve still got time. You’re doing great. <3

~Tera

P.S. I think that gif is perfect! Thanks for sharing!

D: Unexpected, negative side effects are no good and no fun! I’m so sorry you’re now having to deal with this new facet of your identity/experience!

[here’s where I’d insert a gif of two cute somethings hugging and one getting pat pats on the back if my internet weren’t so shoddy]

~Tera

If you need to secretly get a hold of a binder, do that! Your mental health and safety is as important as your physical health and safety. 

We just shared some advice on how to get a hold of a binder when in your type of situation here: http://nonbinaryresource.tumblr.com/post/175411470495/hi-im-sorry-i-was-wondering-if-there-was-any-way Just do make sure to observe proper binding safety (also described in link)!

I also think it is really important to begin mentally coping with dysphoria, too, though to help ease the need to physically cope when, for whatever reason, we are unable to. So check out the advice under our coping tag.

Good luck! Stay safe! I am thinking of you. You are not doing anything bad by taking care of yourself and your health and safety.

~Tera

Yeah, people can definitely be completely inappropriate. A snappy comeback wouldn’t be out of order when you catch people doing this!

Originally posted by asking-jude

[gif of the wiggling words “Do your thing” in blue on a light blueish background]

~Tera