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Elder’s descriptions of their genders from Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook, found here.

Don’t let exclusionists, tone policers, gate keepers, queer-is-a-slur, TERFs, and other fascists control the terms you use, tell you that you’re using too many words, convince you that you only need one simplistic and perfect word to sum up the messy human experience, or that your identity is a dirty slur that needs abandoned.

Be as ugly, messy, weird, queer, fucked up, and human as you are. That is your right in existing.

~Mod Pluto

Not rude at all and thanks for sending in! You painted quite the picture and got me chuckling, too. :D

Also, excellent addition! If more people in positions of privilege took a moment to think of how actions, words, and beliefs impacted people different from themselves, the world might be a better place!

Also brought up another thought: HMM, isn’t it interesting how society always makes people with marginalized or people who may have marginalized identities doubt themselves but never the other way around??? You never see:

Cis people having to wonder “what if I’m not really cis, though?”

Questioning people getting to wonder “what if I really AM trans?”

“What if I’m NOT cis? Even though I relate to some cis experiences?”

“What if this doubt about being trans isn’t mine but something society has forced upon me?”

“What if this confidence about being cis isn’t really mine but just that I didn’t know there were other options?”

Notice how it’s always the “what if I’m faking being trans?” doubt that is forced to center stage!!! And never the questions that prompt introspection and exploration!

~Mod Pluto

First, I (mod Zay) would like to say I did not leave womanhood. I was forced to present and act feminine but that doesn’t make me a woman. I was called a woman but that doesn’t make me one.

I never identified as a woman so I couldn’t have “left” but even if I did, gender isn’t set in stone. It can change and gender has different meanings between people. 

I would recommend research. These are some examples to start with.

Is gender a social construct?  More (TW: TERF mention, transphobia)

Q and A about what being transgender means 

What not to say to a trans person (TW: transphobia) 

How to have a conversation with trans and nonbinary people (TW: transphobia) 

What’s deadnaming?

Misgendering (TW: transphobia) 

How can I be more inclusive of everyone’s pronouns?

Is being transgender a mental illness?

Gender, gender roles, stereotypes, how to use the word transgender

Trevor project survey (TW: transphobia, homophobia, abuse, suicide, conversion therapy)

Tips and ideas

If you have a question, there are a ton of resources on the internet. Straight for Equality is an organization created by PFLAG for allies they have a huge list of resources and they have a section for trans allies. Out and Equal is an organization for workplace equality with resources and guides. You can also look at international or local organizations. They may have more resources. Try your library, too. There are books that could be helpful.

If you have a transphobic thought, try to challenge it. 

Follow trans and nonbinary people on social media. You could follow anyone, they don’t have to be famous.

-Mod Zay

(Image ID: A diagram that reads ‘Transgender (Person)’ in a pink rectangle at the top. To the right, it says ‘Note: (Person) can be replaced by any noun that means person: man, by, woman, girl, postworker, teenager, etc’. Two dotted lines start at the ends of the pink rectangle and vertically cut the diagram in quarters. The very left, not underneath the pink rectangle, has a blue rectangle that reads ‘Binary (Person’ underneath it reads ‘Cis Man’ and ‘Cis Woman’ in two light blue rectangles. To the right of the blue rectangle and under the pink rectangle, it reads ‘Transgender Binary (Person)’ in a purple rectangle. Underneath reads ‘Transgender Man’ and ‘Transgender Woman’ in two light purple rectangles. To the right of the purple rectangle and underneath the pink rectangle, it reads, ‘Transgender Nonbinary (Person)’ in an orange rectangle. Underneath reads ‘Transgender Agender (Person)’, ‘Transgender Genderflux (Person)’, ‘Transgender Genderqueer (Person)’, ‘Transgender Bigender (Person), ‘Transgender Nonbinary (Person)’, ‘Transgender Genderfluid (Person), and ‘Transgender (Any Nonbinary Identity) (Person)’ in seven light orange rectangles. To the right of the orange rectangle, not under the pink rectangle, it reads ‘Nonbinary (Person)’ in a yellow rectangle. Underneath reads ‘Agender (Person)’, ‘Genderflux (Person)’, ‘Genderqueer (Person)’, ‘Bigender (Person), ‘Nonbinary (Person)’, ‘Genderfluid (Person), and ‘(Any Nonbinary Identity) (Person)’ in seven light yellow rectangles. End ID.)

I think people identify as trans or don’t due to their own relationship with their gender. This post talks about navigating being nonbinary and trans.

-Mod Zay

If you want something do this Trans Awareness Week, here are some asks you can tackle!

Friday November 13th
Let’s start with identity! What does being trans mean to you? How has your relationship to and understanding of being trans changed over time?

Saturday November 14th
Combating ignorance. What do you want more people to understand about being trans? Are there any pervasive myths or misconceptions that you want to challenge? What trans issues do you think need talked about more?

Sunday November 15th
Share your knowledge of trans history! Or ponder upon some part(s) of trans history that you wish you knew about. Or talk about how to go about learning about trans history.

Monday November 16th
Being trans is often correlated with dysphoria. Let’s spotlight gender euphoria and celebrate trans happiness instead! Have you ever experienced euphoria or otherwise comfort and happiness regarding your identity? What inspires this? What makes you feel safe? What do you do for yourself to affirm who you are and feel good about yourself? What do allies and loved ones do that helps affirm you?

Tuesday November 17th
Let’s talk about trans health: physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, etc. Anything and everything goes. Facts you know about trans health that you wish more people knew, instances of bigotry, how societal and personal reactions to being trans has impacted your healthy in any way, recommendations of trans friend health centers, questions you have, how self-acceptance has impacted your health in any way, etc.

Wednesday November 18th
Community. What issues still need tackled within trans communities themselves? Where do you go to create a sense of connection and support for yourself? What steps can non-trans-specific communities take to purposefully make their spaces more open, accepting, and safe for trans people? How do you protect yourself or act differently in trans-specific and non-trans-specific spaces? Why is community important to you? What does a sense of community provide to you?

Thursday November 19th
As we head into Trans Day of Remembrance (Nov 20), let’s end out TAW on a good note. It’s trans positivity day! Share affirmations, validation, humor, memes, personal achievements, media recs, art, etc. all about celebrating and uplifting trans people. <3

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” -Maya Angelou If you think you are trans, you don’t need to prove it or ask anyone for their opinion. The only person who can tell you if you are trans is you.

That being said, I think the difference is how each individual person labels gender. Nonbinary identities fall under the trans umbrella so it is definitely applicable if that is how you feel. But trans is an adjective that just “narrows down” a person’s gender. (Never forget, the white stripe on the trans flag represents nonbinary people!) Its difficult to explain so I drew up this diagram that shows it better. 

Note: This is how I think of gender, not every person thinks of it this way.

Instead of asking yourself, “Am I trans?” You could ask yourself:

1. “How do I think about my gender right now?”
2. “How do I think about my gender in the past/future?”
3. “What is the reason I think I am not trans?” 
4. “Do I have a gut feeling that tells me I’m trans?”

There are 3 main aspects of gender:

1. Gender Expression- How you express yourself
2. Gender Identity- Your own personal sense of your gender
3. Gender Presentation- How your gender is viewed by the world

5. Ask yourself, “What aspects of my gender am I doubting are trans?” 

You could try filling out a unicorn for yourself

This interactive guide helps you go step by step and asks you deeper questions to help you discover your gender identity

This FAQ 

Support Groups: 13-19 Years Old Support Group      

Black Trans and Nonbinary Support Group    

10-12 Year Old Support Group           TrevorSpace (13-19 Years Old)

Talk to a Trained Professional (For an Immediate Sounding Board): 

TrevorChat, TrevorLifeline, TrevorText     

Trans LIfeline (Answered By a Trans Councilor)

-Mod Zay

Perhaps there’s a middle ground that you can find and agree on with your mom…what if you wore a skirt with a blazer? Or slacks with a floral shirt or a bit of sparkle (jewelry, glitter, etc)? You could wear something more mascuine but have it form fitting (skinny trousers) and wear some flashy, glittery makeup. I will link some articles with ideas for stuff you could wear.

http://www.dapperq.com/2013/10/ask-dapperq-androgynous-not-masculine-wedding-attire/

https://www.pinterest.com/anitadolcevita/agender-androgyny/

- Abby

Here’s some cool resources for you!

 https://janitorqueer.com

 https://neutrois.me/2012/08/27/low-dose-testosterone/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKhO85ONjek

I had trouble finding any official medical resources, so I’m sorry about that. If any followers would like to share, that would be much appreciated!

- Abby

Honestly, that is something for you to decide, not me. There are plenty of cis females who have short hair and who bind…those aren’t necessarily things that make someone trans. It’s somewhat invalidating to trans people to go by the idea that trans people have to “pass” to be considered valid. Gender is basically just about how you feel internally. It has little to do with your external appearance. 

- Abby

It’s extremely difficult to find honestly…but here are a few potential resources to check out. I didn’t have time to read over everything, so I’m not 100% sure if these are what you’re looking for. Good luck! Sounds like a super cool project.

http://gsanetwork.org/sexualhealth

https://transgenderequality.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/9-facts-about-trans-sexual-and-reproductive-health-2/

(This is probably the best thing I found!!) 

http://hrc-assets.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com//files/assets/resources/Trans_Safer_Sex_Guide_FINAL.pdf

Trans feminine: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/pdf/2013-0514_Web_Trans-Women-and-Sexual-Health_ENG.pdf

Trans masculine: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/pdf/2013-0514_Web_Trans-Men-and-Sexual-Health_ENG.pdf

- Abby

You absolutely can identify as nonbinary and trans. It doesn’t appropriate anything at all. Trans just means that you don’t identify 100% with the gender which you were assigned at birth.

- Abby

the truth is, you may never know for sure - if by “for sure” you mean, “forever and always.” we are built to change. we are built to evolve. in a lot of ways, we are built to contradict ourselves. you aren’t the same person you were a year ago or five years ago, and you won’t be the same person in another five years. and that’s scary, especially when you’re trying to make big, sometimes irreversible changes about your life and your body.

try to give yourself permission to change. a lot of people experience this, and have to “re-come out” at a later stage in your life. but that doesn’t mean that their previous identities were lies, or invalid, or necessarily wrong. it just means you’re human, in the best possible sense: you’re growing.

when it comes to questioning your gender for the second (or third, or fourth, or fifth) time, a lot of people get really worried about what other people will say. they worry that their friends would accept them, that their parents won’t understand, that everyone will think they’re indecisive or faking it. and unfortunately, some people may have that kind of reaction to you. but the most important thing is how you feel about yourself, and your body, and your gender. you have to ask yourself, “what do i need?”

@transgenderteensurvivalguide‘s guide to exploring your gender is a useful resource, even if this isn’t your first time questioning your gender, and that can be found here. you are also not at all alone in coming out in one way, and then questioning whether or not you might identify differently. keep reaching out, and keep thinking about what you need, and most importantly, take your time. a lot of times, it can feel like there’s this huge weight to figure everything out, all at once. but sometimes, the best thing you can do is just sit with your uncertainty, and give yourself the space and time you need.

take care.

-kate

I just…. you can’t…how?…*dead*

Okay. Cisgender means you 100% identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. Nonbinary falls under the Transgender umbrella term which means at least some part of you does not 100% identify as the gender you were assigned at birth.

The only way I could see someone identifying as “cisgender nonbinary” is if they are intersex, and I’m not even saying that intersex people do. I am not intersex so I can’t answer that.

But yeah, the two terms don’t go together unless under very specific circumstances. 

- Quill

Eeehhh, this is a hard one.

When they typically fashion a penis (by the way, the plastic surgery for a penis is usually absolutely awful as I’ve seen it), they take a large piece of skin from a sensitive area of your body - armpit or below it, usually - and then roll it and stick it on, using a fallopian tube as an extended urethra. Sometimes small tube-shaped machinery are put into it instead.

Going on testosterone before surgery I don’t know about.

The only thing I can tell you, anon, is a packer. There are ones that can function so you can urinate out of them. My fiance uses one and he did have to adjust, but it works apparently. If you go on T, and wish to have a child, you have to go back OFF of it for about six months to a year before you’ve restored your fertility, and even then it’s iffy.

You’re in a pretty tight spot there anon. I can’t say I don’t feel the same way sometimes, however.

~ Jensen

You can change your gender status. You don’t have to be stuck with the title you went with five, ten, twenty years ago, if you’ve finally found what fits you best. 

Gender changes over time, or sometimes we just find something that fits better. As we grow, we learn, and even when we’re done growing, we learn and find new information that can help us identify ourselves. Our identity grows with us, and sometimes it suddenly flips tables on us. This is normal. It’s okay to identify as one thing one day and then something else the next. (We genderfluid people do it all the time.)

So if you find being a trans male feels more fitting, by all means, go for it! Don’t feel bad for ‘pretending’ if you didn’t know that was what fit best for you back then.

~ Jensen