btw there’s no hard barriers between any queer identities- where one identity ends and another begins, they meld together, creating a gradient between the two, and every other identity around it. it’s one big gradient, not rigid boxes that can never be touched by one another. queerness involves embracing those gray areas, celebrating them, and the lives of people who occupy them. being unique does not involve casting away those who are similar to you- there are no barriers between different queers, we are all part of the the same beautiful tapestry.
Piggybacking off this post I made last night, but I think two things can be true at once:
Being diagnosed or undiagnosed can both be disadvantages. Neither a state of diagnosis nor undiagnosis can be more “beneficial” because both can be harmful dependent on the situation. We need to be open to the possibility that a diagnosis can be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither, and not having a diagnosis can also be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither.
Basically, disability is complex. We live in an ableist world that simultaneously demands disabled people adhere to strict standards but also just not exist in the first place. It’s hard enough to navigate diagnosis, and making it harder is only going to harm us, not abled people. They don’t care about the intricacies of disability, more often than not.
Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn’t feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.
A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I’d been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel’s back.
I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn’t send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.
And then I thought.
Huh, it’s been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.
And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn’t realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn’t gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.
And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn’t taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it’s been since August.
All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that “you may not think you’re any angrier but you are” was bullshit.
I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I’m not. I’m not mad. I’m just… disappointed, I guess.
It’s okay for you to be trans. I realize you know people can be trans, but you’re not listening. It’s okay for you to be trans.
It’s okay for you, specifically you, to be trans.
I’m not sure how long you’ve been looking for permission to be trans. You don’t need the permission, but you have it.
There’s a whole community of other trans people that want to support you.
![](http://web.archive.org./web/20240317081539im_/https://assets.tumblr.com/images/anonymous_avatar_48.gif)
Everybody always asks what's today's gender but nobody asks how's today's gender :'))
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![](http://web.archive.org./web/20240317081539im_/https://assets.tumblr.com/images/anonymous_avatar_48.gif)
Hey, I was wondering of youd share your guy's stance on kit being outed as well as other celebrity's being pressured to share their sexuality/orientation.
![](http://web.archive.org./web/20240317081539im_/https://64.media.tumblr.com/bf5af3feb67fab0211c4f8974432b9c0/9c256c1dd6593969-50/s48x48u_c1/ccb166ed9ce43947f8310d46933068394c51a606.jpg)
I am not for it and now might be a good time to discuss something more personal since we are on the topic. Since starting this project, I have had my identity as a queer person poked and prodded at, and I have chosen not to discuss that in depth. I am going to continue with that decision, but I do want to say something. I have recently come out as transgender, specifically genderfluid, and there was some bitterness tainting what should have been an easy happy decision. Because people have spent their time and their energy attacking and targeting me based on their misunderstanding of my gender identity.
I have been told I don’t have the authority to speak on transgender issues, despite spending a good portion of my life studying queer and trans history. I have been told my stances are less valid because I was not publicly under a particular set of labels. I have been publicly attacked and dismissed.
This discussion of people’s identities does not only affect celebrities. I am just a regular person, doing a job they are passionate about and I have deserved more compassion than I’ve gotten. I haven’t been hurting people, and the things I was most often attacked based on were minor intercommunity squabbles.
This whole mess is just an example of petty infighting that the queer community should be ashamed has been blasted on such a large stage as to affect these young men. Actors, who were simply doing their job are being bullied for no good reason, and outing people is always a disgraceful decision. All of this is based on a simple misapplication of a political framework that has also been proven to be just as ineffective in other communities.
The idea that you need a certain set of identities to even speak on discrimination, or be a part of the discussion, is so silly. That’s how you lose important valuable insights. In real strong community work, people of all experiences are listened to and their voices are valued because of their unique perspectives. Yes, people facing the lived realities of oppression should have their voices amplified, but that truth was never meant to be used as a weapon or a silencer. It was meant to lift up people, not to tear others down.
![](http://web.archive.org./web/20240317081539im_/https://assets.tumblr.com/images/anonymous_avatar_48.gif)
I’m tempted to go on T, but there’s one thing thats really setting me back. Both my father and his father went bald very early on in life (starting around senior year of high school). I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to start balding if I begin taking testosterone
Finasteride will help mitigate hair loss. You can also bring up your concerns with your doctor, and they can discuss best prevention methods with you. There are lots of options (hair loss is a common dysphoria trigger for many cis men), and you can see some of the different treatments people have chosen from this reddit thread.
You can also go for a low-dose of T. It won’t stop hair loss, but it will let you take a slower journey through your transition to explore if testosterone is right for you. Do know not all effects of T are reversible, though, including hair loss. But a low dose could give you time to see how being on T makes you feel, and if it’s something you feel is worth pursuing even though your fears of hair loss. And if you notice the beginning of hair loss and hate it, you can stop taking T and prevent further loss from occurring.
Finally…it’s hair. Hair is one of the most dynamic/least static things on our bodies. Hair loss happens. Hair thinning happens. Hair color changes happen. If you really hate it, then you might find salvation in wigs. But you might also find being bald empowering. There’s nothing wrong with baldness! Especially if you’re able to just own that and rock it. I think it’s worth exploring…what about balding triggers fear for you? What’s the underlying fear you’re struggling with?
But also - you don’t have to have the answers now. It’s fine to take as much time as you need to consider this, weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. It’s also completely fine to make one decision now and change your mind later. Spend some time on other transition aspects that may feel more approachable right now. Those might be social, fashion, surgery oriented or anything else. See what kind of happiness you can find without T. It might help you make your decision later down the road.
It’s okay. You’re not alone. <3
~Mod Pluto
I’d like to weigh in and I’d put this in the tags but it’s too long. I started T at 26. I didn’t notice hair loss until 2 years on T.
I knew genetically it was inevitable. I started using rogaine foam as soon as I noticed. It definitely slowed the hair loss and even helped me grow some back (this is not the case for everyone it can have serious side effects so inform your doctor)
I did experience some rapid heart rate and switched to applying once a day.
I was in denial about it for a little bit. My one regret in my transition is not starting finasteride sooner. It has helped slow my hair loss immensely!!!
I can’t grow a beard so I may have to stop T because I don’t want to be bald without facial hair- personal opinion on my looks and how I feel.
However the finasteride has given me more time to decide and see how I’d feel about it.
I do unfortunately have a lot of people comment on my hair loss in my family. I’ve talked to cis male friends with hair loss and they’ve given me tips about hairstyles and how to keep my hair looking fuller.
Ultimately it’s your choice of course. And for everyone it happens/progresses differently.
Using rogaine every night and taking finasteride daily for the past 2 years has helped me keep a decent amount of hair and stay comfortable in my body (without the fat redistribution of going off T which I know will make me dysphoric).
Three years ago I was worried about losing all my hair and these medications have legit saved my prospective of my future and how I feel in my body and about my appearance.
Also, tons of cis men start balding by my age (I’m 33) so for some people it can also cause gender euphorias
Sorry for the novels but I felt it important to share.
![](http://web.archive.org./web/20240317081539im_/https://assets.tumblr.com/images/anonymous_avatar_48.gif)
I’m tempted to go on T, but there’s one thing thats really setting me back. Both my father and his father went bald very early on in life (starting around senior year of high school). I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to start balding if I begin taking testosterone
Finasteride will help mitigate hair loss. You can also bring up your concerns with your doctor, and they can discuss best prevention methods with you. There are lots of options (hair loss is a common dysphoria trigger for many cis men), and you can see some of the different treatments people have chosen from this reddit thread.
You can also go for a low-dose of T. It won’t stop hair loss, but it will let you take a slower journey through your transition to explore if testosterone is right for you. Do know not all effects of T are reversible, though, including hair loss. But a low dose could give you time to see how being on T makes you feel, and if it’s something you feel is worth pursuing even though your fears of hair loss. And if you notice the beginning of hair loss and hate it, you can stop taking T and prevent further loss from occurring.
Finally…it’s hair. Hair is one of the most dynamic/least static things on our bodies. Hair loss happens. Hair thinning happens. Hair color changes happen. If you really hate it, then you might find salvation in wigs. But you might also find being bald empowering. There’s nothing wrong with baldness! Especially if you’re able to just own that and rock it. I think it’s worth exploring…what about balding triggers fear for you? What’s the underlying fear you’re struggling with?
But also - you don’t have to have the answers now. It’s fine to take as much time as you need to consider this, weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. It’s also completely fine to make one decision now and change your mind later. Spend some time on other transition aspects that may feel more approachable right now. Those might be social, fashion, surgery oriented or anything else. See what kind of happiness you can find without T. It might help you make your decision later down the road.
It’s okay. You’re not alone. <3
~Mod Pluto
typically i prefer putting commentary in tags however i want to add to this discussion (if only for myself.)
I did not experience hair loss until i was about 2 years on T- my dose started at .25 ml and now I do .4 ml.
I was very happy and amused by the change i did notice- the receding of my hairline around my temples. I was even very comfortable in the reality that I could go bald.
But then my hair started thinning on top to the point where my loved ones noticed and commented frequently on the change (my wife* especially made a point to comment on any changes she saw from my hrt because she loves me so much and knows how happy it makes me to know she wants to acknowledge and celebrate the results of my hrt) and her comments made me realize how imminent the baldification of my head was.
I began to consider how I would look bald, and how I felt about the long journey between having my full head of hair and being mostly or entirely bald. I knew if I didn’t want to sport the thinning look I could shave my head, but that felt like it could be a real chore to keep on top of.
I decided last year that I want to give my beard time to grow to it’s fullest before I consider embracing baldness- I LOVE the bald queer guy with a beard look. I think it’s crazy attractive. (And my beard has made fantastic strides in the past year. I’ve been on T since dec 2019, so a little over 3 years. It took my husband** longer than that to develop his beard on T I know it’s not a guarantee that I’ll ever sport a wildman’s facial hair but I still look forward to seeing what becomes of my beard.)
I think even if my beard never fills out to the amount I dream of, I do have intentions to let myself bald when I am older. What age I’m not sure yet, but I feel I’ll know when I think it’s time.
All of this to say of course that I changed my mind on baldness when it crested the horizon of my hrt journey. And that was fine. What you want from your body is allowed to fluctuate at any point for any reason. You can change your mind, you can waffle, you can be unsure, you can cross that bridge when you get there.
My decision to go on Finasteride was not called into question or celebrated or anything- everyone in my life respected my decision with little to no commentary. AS THEY SHOULD!
I have been taking Finasteride since Oct ‘22, and so far I haven’t really noticed any changes in hair loss or recovery. It definitely stopped the thinning in its tracks, which is a relief! I’ve heard tell that it can take a year or longer to fill out what you’ve lost, and hair growth is not guaranteed, so if you notice hair loss and you don’t like the trend, you shouldn’t waste time seeking out a prescription.
Finasteride can be expensive- my insurance doesn’t really cover it as it’s not considered a necessary aspect of transgender healthcare (baloney!) so anticipate forking over more than you would for insured medications if your insurance is stubborn like mine.
In conclusion, Finasteride is awesome and such a fantastic medicine for anyone who isn’t psyched about their hair loss, and in a perfect world everyone would trans their gender with reckless abandon.
*i love my wife[1] she is my champion she fully embraced my transition from the second I told her I thought I was a man. She wasn’t surprised but never voiced her suspicions and she followed my lead and supported me as I tried new pronouns and names and I can’t overstate how she was exactly what I needed wrt my transition and also as a life partner.
**My husband’s[1] beard is so luscious and thick and looks so good and he is so handsome and I love him with the inextinguishable intensity I had only ever felt with my wife. Our t4t love is special and sacred and so deeply fulfilling in the most fagilicious way.
1. We are all in a relationship with each other
my kingdom for people On Line to understand that yes, it is still sexual harassment if you’re casting yourself as the receiver and not the aggressor in the hypothetical scenario you’ve constructed. in particular it is still sexual harassment to cold approach butches and masc dykes with shit like omg pin me down step on me. yes, even when you mean it as a compliment. yes, even if you’re complimenting them on something else at the same time. i would encourage you in fact to try Not casting people you don’t really know in sexual roles based off of their body type or gender presentation. maybe do some self-work instead. go to therapy. anything
literally it’s fine to be horny about wanting women etc. to boss you around but you cannot do that to actual people who aren’t explicitly inviting it. like hello???. why are you associating body types and personality traits with wanting to be dominant or aggressive—and i say aggressive specifically because there’s always an element to this ime of physical roughness. why are you associating, like, height or build or vocal pitch with a willingness to eroticize power and shows of force without knowing at all what that person actually likes or enjoys. i’m not talking about established dynamics with a partner. i’m not talking about sending horny anons to someone running an nsfw blog who’s putting on a persona or expressing a specific kind of sexuality. i’m talking about, like, why you think it’s appropriate to approach someone you don’t know with Omg Pin Me Down 😩 Step On Me as if that’s any more comfortable for the recipient than catcalling
The whole “breasts shouldn’t be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!” can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.
Like, why’s it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It’s true that breasts aren’t inherently sexual, but they aren’t valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn’t have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn’t always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.
“Today, the fields of queer and trans history are still in the process of finding ways to talk about gender and sexuality diversity among Native people in a way that is neither appropriative nor exotifying. Here I am trying to tell the story of Ozaawindib’s life, not as a way to show the myriad possibilities of gender and sexuality among “primitive” peoples, as some white queer writers have done. Nor am I telling her story so it can be used as a sort of precursor or opening scene which non-Native queer people can inherit after Native people seemingly vanish from the dominant narrative of history. I am sharing her story simply because it is an apt demonstration of how gender diverse Native people were important actors in North American history. Ozaawindib’s story reveals important historical realities of queer, trans, and/or Two-Spirit experiences in North America, especially relating to the process of colonization and the erasure of people who did not conform to the accepted dominant standards of gender and sexuality.[i] Both her story and its subsequent narrative fracturing are symptomatic of larger trends in the history of North American queer, trans, and Two-Spirit peoples.”—
Kai Pyle
Ozaawindib, the Ojibwe Trans Woman the US Declared a Chief(via makingqueerhistory)
Hello!
Do you happen to have any resources or tips or advice for transfeminine voice training that you can share online?
Ive been meaning to start that, especially since for the next few years i still wont be able to take a significant amount of hrt, if at all. But frankly i havent done more than just sing indie girl ukulele songs.
that i do! here’s some content creators that i follow who make quality trans voice content (for all trans people, not just trans femmes 🙂)
happy pride to polyamorous people, non-monogamists, relationship anarchists, swingers, people who follow to multiple models of love, people in kink families/houses, and anyone else who feels their love and the way they conduct their life does not suit the amatonormative “one partner for life” model. i hope you have an amazing time loving and being loved and enjoying life
New Medium publication for erotica and erotic romance, so this Pride Month you can put forward some of your fiction!
If you’ve been looking for somewhere other than Ao3 to branch out with your original work from fanworks, definitely give this a look!
Submission guidelines are outlined here:
if mutuals want help figuring out setting up a Medium account and getting started w it btw, lmk!
I think I might write up a guide specifically aimed at queer ppl coming from writing fanfic who want to transition to writing original fiction
I do NOT make much money from fiction on Medium, usually about $100-$120 a month, do i defo don’t want to tout it as like. a big moneymaker or something
but i would like to build a bigger community of fiction writers and esp trans fiction writers
and esp bc like. the more of us that are able to post there and the more ppl that read there, the more money everyone can make too?
bc medium works by, you get a portion of people’s subscription fee of $5/m, and its based on how much they read
Earlier I talked about people who don’t neatly fit within a cis/nonbinary/trans paradigm. It’s an expensive, sensitive topic a lot of academics and activists are already talking about. Here’s an inconclusive list of people to whom this may apply:
-Lesbians with no particular affinity to womanhood beyond being lesbians
-Same but for gay men
-Same as the first two points but with a big emphasis on butch lesbians and drag queens
-Cis people who have trauma, even dysphoria, with their AGAB, but can’t find another gender or label they’d like any better
-Cis people of color who are excluded from eurocentric norms of what it means to look, act, and be cisgender
-Immigrants who had different gender norms in their country or origin who no longer fit in
-Neurodivedvent people for whom gender is just another set of confusing social cues
-Nonbinary people who refer to themselves as their AGAB as shorthand in day to day interaction (similar to choosing a “Starbucks name”)
-Nonbinary people who partially identify with their AGAB
-People who view their gender, not as something essential to them, but as imperfect language to refer to a complex range of expressions and experiences
-People who change labels over time but have overlying experiences that transcend these changes
-People who grew up before nonbinary identity really proliferated and still use the nomenclature theyre used to (even if they’re not considered cis by contemporary standards)
-People questioning their identity
-People who don’t relate to western philosophical notions of “the self.”
-People for whom their gender is, well, kind of hard to explain.
Cis is still an important term when denoting power dynamics, especially on a broad sociological level. But on a personal level, this category very often falls apart. Language can only do so much. Anyway, there’s a lot I still don’t know but I just listened to an excellent episode of the Gender Reveal podcast with trans historian Jules Gill-Peterson where they discuss they question what it means to be cis (and how it applies to institutions vs individuals), along with so many other topics that I found fascinating. Give them a listen!